Letter from my ex after 10 days of NC [update - Ex is starting to freak out!]

[nousername21]

What was the relationship like before you broke up?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I really need opinions please

 

So my ex broke it off with me 3 weeks ago, when he did I deleted FB and changed my number right away. So he haven't been able to contact me since the break up (22 days)

 

He tried (letter, Skype) I ignored.

 

Today my mother recieves 3 messages, 1 about asking me about my doctorsappointement, and 2 huge messages:

 

Second one was about how we wouldn't be broken up have I been more genuine and yadayada (blaming me for nothing)

 

Third one he was saying how he still thinks a lot about me, is heartbroken, emotinonally drained and hurt.

 

He dumped ME.

 

What does his behaviour tell you?

 

That your ex is dumb.

[me85]

Most people hate being ignored. That's all this is.

 

If you feel like you really want to respond, simply tell him you'll talk to him after he calms down and processes everything.

[BC1980]

Most people hate being ignored. That's all this is.

 

If you feel like you really want to respond, simply tell him you'll talk to him after he calms down and processes everything.

 

I agree. His behavior simply indicates shock at being ignored because the power dynamic has now changed. He probably didn't expect you to completely cut off contact even though it's the most rational thing to do. Are you thinking he might want you back? Trust me, it has nothing to do with wanting you back if he dumped you. Just continue to ignore him, and he will stop eventually.

[LOLITA85]

What was the relationship like before you broke up?

 

Great, then he started getting distant ...

[Zahara]

Lolita, what is the purpose of you analyzing his actions?

 

Do you want to get back with him? Curiosity isn't a good answer because if you are choosing to end, you end it and you move on without staying stuck analyzing his behavior. If you want to move forward, tell your mother to stop forwarding you messages from him. She can also block him if there is a way to do that.

 

If you are analyzing his behavior because you want to get back, then based on your previous posts, do you want to go back to someone that is controlling and insecure? He may be doing this because he is losing control. He could also be doing this because he regrets ending and is now panicking.

 

The thing is, there is no in between. Do you want to move on or do you want to get back?

 

And there is going to be a time when you stop hearing from him because he will move on -- you may feel empowered now but when he stops, you'll spiral down. If you want to move on, then stay steadfast and move on. If not, figure out what you want from this.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Zahara

[LOLITA85]

Hi

 

 

Like some of you may know, it has been 1 month since the break up, I went into total no contact right after, deleting FB and changing my number so my ex couldn't contact me.

 

 

I've been in 28days of NC and in these days my ex made a few attempts to contact me (Skype, letter, via my mom) but I ignored them all.

 

 

Few days ago he called my mom for about an hour talking about the Relationship and how it could've been and how he was still thinking about me a lot and was heartbroken, ect ... he ends up asking for my new number and I say she can give it to him.

 

 

What happens then is he re-adds me on Skype to send me "we can talk here if you want xx"

 

 

I replied "You're not in my list any more, neither am I in yours (before I knew he re-added me), I thought you ask for my number ?

 

 

After that he didn't even come on line on Skype anymore, but he didn't delete me again.

 

 

So now what ? He has been through so many troubles trying getting in reach with me and now it's radio silence ... UGH ...

[Zahara]

Do you want to get back with him?

[LOLITA85]

Do you want to get back with him?

 

Yes, I love him dearly :'(

[Zahara]

Then you both need to stop playing cat and mouse games. Both of you are game playing.

 

You either tell him that communication is open only if he wants to reconcile and to make the effort in fixing the issues that caused the relationship to go bust.

 

If reconciliation is not an option, then you need to block him everywhere and stop analyzing everything he is doing/saying.

 

You can't be one foot in and one foot out. Communicate.

[LOLITA85]

2 days ago my ex decided to break off the relationship after I just gave birth to our 3 week old daughter.

 

 

Of course he has the right to visit her, so NC is not an option this time ...

 

 

I am trying to go very LC.

 

 

When he comes to visit the little one I will go out for a walk and let my mother open the door to see her.

Maybe later I will be able to face him but not yet !

 

 

I am a little bit confused about texting though ...

When do I respond to his texts ? When it's about the baby ?

I am not planning on chit chatting with him via text, the less he sends texts the better but when is it right to respond ?

He can send me a text to ask how she is every day if he wants, I don't feel like going through that !

 

 

All help is appreciated !

[d0nnivain]

I feel so bad for you.

 

I would contact a lawyer about your baby's entitlement to child support.

 

If the text is about the baby, respond about the baby. Delete anything else.

[HereNorThere]

I'd tell him that if he wants to speak with you, he can do so through a lawyer and gain proper visitation rights. I'm sure he'll just love child services coming to his home proper inspection and child support payments.

 

Block his number and stop responding. This guy deserves absolutely zero contact from you.

[thejabberwocky]

You actually can't do NC when you have a child involved. It could result in bad legal complications of you seen as taking your child away from her father. I would only respond if it's directly about the baby and coparenting. Anything else gets no response.

[BC1980]

You can talk to him without engaging with him. You don't have to chit chat about the weather, ect. As difficult as I can imagine this will be, try to keep it about the baby and as unemotional as possible.

[LOLITA85]

So last year my now ex dumped me without giving me a real reason. His reasons that he tried to give made no sense, and today I know it was a case of GIGS. I went into NC right away and 1 month later he came back crying for me back. I know he was seeing a girl (he probably left me for her) at that time, but he realized pretty soon that it was nothing for him and came back. Sometimes the grass is not greener !!!

 

 

Anyways I still loved him and took him back. He proposed to me and I became pregnant. He was so happy to have a baby on the way, he bought everything for the baby and was so excited ...

 

baby is born, he left me and the baby right after the hospital at my mothers place. I was supposed to stay there 1 week to rest and so that my mom could help out. After 2 weeks he said he did not want a relationship any longer, that he still wanted to see the baby once in a while but that was it. You can imagine how heartbroke I was and still am. He basically dumped me and the baby. Now I heard through the grapevine he is seeing another woman (who has a child of her own !!!) and I am pretty sure he already was involved with this woman before me giving birth (!!!!) since his attitude changed a lot even then ... That woman is older then me, she is a divorcee, has a child with another man ... All the things that are not compatible with him and he never wanted before, it makes no sense !

 

 

My question is could this again be the GIGS ? Will he realize what he has done once the grass becomes less green ? Leaving me and his newborn baby for another woman that he barely knows ... !!!

I added the story about last year because he did come back after seeing another woman, only took 1 month. But now there is a baby involved, it's not just about me !!! How can a relation last after leaving your child for this person ... It makes me so sad. Is that woman a rebound .. ? Not that I would ever take him back, but I hope he realizes what he did and comes back so I can kick him to the curve. I am in NC now, he has to contact my mother to see the baby, I just can not face him at this time, don't know if I'll ever be able to do so again at this point, I just want to know how serious this new relationship is and if he will regret his actions. He lost his family because of this woman he barely knows ...

Edited October 4, 2015 by LOLITA85

[Mrlovahlovah]

frankly, it doesn't matter if he ever feels guilty or realises what he'd done.

this guy is a terrible, terrible person and leaving the mother of your child and your newborn at birth is something that simply can never be excused in my opinion. i'm not sure of his age, but if it's anywhere near 30 i'm having hard time believing he is gonna change and become a decent person.

 

why would you want to be involved and bring a child to this world with this person is what you should really be asking yourself, as i'm pretty sure there were signs beyond him leaving you in the past of his dodgy behaviour.

 

anyway hun, i think your main concern now is properly raising your child.

i'm not an expert on the law in matters like this, but maybe there are things you can do to restrict him from visiting. unless this guy really shows motivation to be a part of his child's life i think you'd be better off raising him alone or with a new spouse, somewhere down the line (better option imo, no matter what people will tell you about a "fatherly" figure).

[Stage5Clinger]

My question is could this again be the GIGS ?

 

Maybe. But how many times are you going to let him get away with this? Infinite? Are you just going to accept that he comes in and out of your family as he pleases? He is probably going to keep doing this as long as he knows you will just forgive him and let him back in. He isn't acting like the father of your child.

[LOLITA85]

So I know that if the dumper starts dating shortly after the relationship it is considerd a rebound, but what about if they left you for someone else ?

 

 

Can I also consider it a rebound since he did jumped into anoher relationship right after ending ours ? How could he get over 3 years of relationship right after the break up ? Even if he was planing the break up ahead ...

Not to mention he left me right after I gave birth to his daughter !!!

 

 

Just curious ...

 

 

Thank u

Edited October 11, 2015 by LOLITA85

[ByMyself01]

So I know that if the dumper starts dating shortly after the relationship it is considerd a rebound, but what about if they left you for someone else ?

 

 

Can I also consider it a rebound since he did jumped into anoher relationship right after ending ours ? How could he get over 3 years of relationship right after the break up ? Even if he was planing the break up ahead ...

Not to mention he left me right after I gave birth to his daughter !!!

 

 

Just curious ...

 

 

Thank u

He'll be back, I know from experience. In fact, I predicted it before it happened. Around the holidays when he's feeling empty inside missing that empty feeling of what's most important (his daughter). As soon as the honeymoon phase of the relationship wears down, he'll be crawling back just like my ex crawled back to his ex, well he tried but she's the smart one out of the group (kind of). She found a decent guy and is now expecting baby #2. She won, not only does she has his daughter, she has a new man that treats her right and she could have my ex anytime she chooses and I ended up with NOTHING.

[ExpatInItaly]

If they leave you for someone else or get into a new relationship immediately after, I don't believe it can always be considered a rebound exactly. I say this because I once ended a 5-year-relationship and met a new guy very soon after. I stayed with that "new" guy for almost 8 years. In my case, I was able to do so because I had well and truly checked out before I had the courage to actually end the relationship. In other words, I wasn't in love anymore and it was much easier for me to move on.

 

I don't know if that's the case for you, and I'm sorry you have had to endure this along with the birth of a baby. I don't know that attaching a "rebound" label to it serves any benefit; it doesn't really make a difference if it's a rebound or not, does it? Focus your attention instead on providing a happy home for your little one and a healing environment for yourself.

[LOLITA85]

He'll be back, I know from experience. In fact, I predicted it before it happened. Around the holidays when he's feeling empty inside missing that empty feeling of what's most important (his daughter). As soon as the honeymoon phase of the relationship wears down, he'll be crawling back just like my ex crawled back to his ex, well he tried but she's the smart one out of the group (kind of). She found a decent guy and is now expecting baby #2. She won, not only does she has his daughter, she has a new man that treats her right and she could have my ex anytime she chooses and I ended up with NOTHING.

 

Sorry to hear that, some men really can be pigs ...

I hope he'll come crawling back though, he left for this new woman who has a 2 year old son. I wonder how he feels raising another baby while he barely sees his ... It's disgusting. I don't know if he'll get that empty feeling inside though, they seem so happy right now ...

Did your ex leave the mother of his daughter for you to leave you for her again ?

[LOLITA85]

If they leave you for someone else or get into a new relationship immediately after, I don't believe it can always be considered a rebound exactly. I say this because I once ended a 5-year-relationship and met a new guy very soon after. I stayed with that "new" guy for almost 8 years. In my case, I was able to do so because I had well and truly checked out before I had the courage to actually end the relationship. In other words, I wasn't in love anymore and it was much easier for me to move on.

 

I don't know if that's the case for you, and I'm sorry you have had to endure this along with the birth of a baby. I don't know that attaching a "rebound" label to it serves any benefit; it doesn't really make a difference if it's a rebound or not, does it? Focus your attention instead on providing a happy home for your little one and a healing environment for yourself.

 

 

It's just that it's a torture not knowing why he did what he did ...

If it were only me I wouldn't be acting this way, but leaving your fiancé and babygirl ? It's like this new women blinded him ... What man wouldn't want to see their baby grow up every day ? instead he is seeing that woman's son grow up but not his own, it's horrible, how can someone be like that ...

[ExpatInItaly]

It's just that it's a torture not knowing why he did what he did ...

If it were only me I wouldn't be acting this way, but leaving your fiancé and babygirl ? It's like this new women blinded him ... What man wouldn't want to see their baby grow up every day ? instead he is seeing that woman's son grow up but not his own, it's horrible, how can someone be like that ...

 

A man who is immature and thinks only about himself. A man who doesn't love you and apparently has no paternal sense of responsibility or love. It's a sad fact that there are a lot of people out there who are the same.

 

You should consult a lawyer about your child's right to support from her father.

[dyna85]

So I know that if the dumper starts dating shortly after the relationship it is considerd a rebound, but what about if they left you for someone else ?

 

 

Can I also consider it a rebound since he did jumped into anoher relationship right after ending ours ? How could he get over 3 years of relationship right after the break up ? Even if he was planing the break up ahead ...

Not to mention he left me right after I gave birth to his daughter !!!

 

 

Just curious ...

 

 

Thank u

 

It could be a rebound, or it might not be. Some guys though do end up with the rebound. Look at Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo. Other guys do run back to their ex. There is no set formula for determining in which category your ex will fall. Only time will tell.

 

What is meant to be, will be.