Justaguy30 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) Basically I am just having a hard time getting over everything that happened and how much I cared about this woman and her children. We first started dating when I was living in Colorado, I had a good job that I really enjoyed and a nice house and what not. She came to visit me and we really hit it off. I was some what hesitant to start a relationship as she was separating from her husband but she assured me that the relationship had been over for a few years and they were just together for her children. That was mistake number one. After living together for a while in Colorado she decided she wanted to be with her kids in Kansas so I gave up everything to move back with her and be a part of her children's lives. After relocating to Kansas we were both staying with family until we could get an apartment for the new family. She was staying with her Brother and I at my moms house as I am originally from KS. Jump forward a few months, she started acting really strangely and I was convinced she was cheating on me but I could never catch her sort of. Anyhow we finally broke up and it turned out that she had been cheating on me and not with one person. She was screwing pretty much everyone she worked with and just random people. She had been sneaking men in the house while I was sleeping to have sex, how I didn't wake up is beyond me. Sneaking out in the middle of the night to screw people in their cars, she even ****ed a guy in my car at the bowling alley at an employee party while I sat and ate popcorn with her children. I saw signs of her cheating but really had no idea it was as bad as it was so after breaking up I have just been crushed. How could someone do that to anyone especially in our house while I was sleeping or in my car? She was also a cutter and I would start asking questions about what was going on and accuse her of something and she would cut herself which made me feel like ****. Every time I tried to leave her she would threaten suicide which made it hard to leave plus the kids were so sweet and it was super hard to walk away from them. Anyhow after the breakup I was so depressed I could barely function. The amount of abuse that I put up with was intense and at the time I was just so blinded by how much I loved her that I put up with it for some reason. Looking back I had no idea how badly I would be hurt when it ended. She even got me arrested for domestic after she parked my car in the middle of the road and took off with my keys. I tried to get them back and we wrestled around a bit and a cop saw it and I wound up doing 2 days in jail because she is so evil she had to lie to them about the entire thing. As soon as I got out of jail I saw her driving with the new guy which upset me. Why would anyone do something like that to someone? Sorry if this seems a bit ranting and mixed up just trying to put a lot of info into short form. Edited June 18, 2014 by Justaguy30 Link to post Share on other sites
livingnightmare Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Basically I am just having a hard time getting over everything that happened and how much I cared about this woman and her children. We first started dating when I was living in Colorado, I had a good job that I really enjoyed and a nice house and what not. She came to visit me and we really hit it off. I was some what hesitant to start a relationship as she was separating from her husband but she assured me that the relationship had been over for a few years and they were just together for her children. That was mistake number one. After living together for a while in Colorado she decided she wanted to be with her kids in Kansas so I gave up everything to move back with her and be a part of her children's lives. After relocating to Kansas we were both staying with family until we could get an apartment for the new family. She was staying with her Brother and I at my moms house as I am originally from KS. Jump forward a few months, she started acting really strangely and I was convinced she was cheating on me but I could never catch her sort of. Anyhow we finally broke up and it turned out that she had been cheating on me and not with one person. She was screwing pretty much everyone she worked with and just random people. She had been sneaking men in the house while I was sleeping to have sex, how I didn't wake up is beyond me. Sneaking out in the middle of the night to screw people in their cars, she even ****ed a guy in my car at the bowling alley at an employee party while I sat and ate popcorn with her children. I saw signs of her cheating but really had no idea it was as bad as it was so after breaking up I have just been crushed. How could someone do that to anyone especially in our house while I was sleeping or in my car? She was also a cutter and I would start asking questions about what was going on and accuse her of something and she would cut herself which made me feel like ****. Every time I tried to leave her she would threaten suicide which made it hard to leave plus the kids were so sweet and it was super hard to walk away from them. Anyhow after the breakup I was so depressed I could barely function. The amount of abuse that I put up with was intense and at the time I was just so blinded by how much I loved her that I put up with it for some reason. Looking back I had no idea how badly I would be hurt when it ended. She even got me arrested for domestic after she parked my car in the middle of the road and took off with my keys. I tried to get them back and we wrestled around a bit and a cop saw it and I wound up doing 2 days in jail because she is so evil she had to lie to them about the entire thing. As soon as I got out of jail I saw her driving with the new guy which upset me. Why would anyone do something like that to someone? Sorry if this seems a bit ranting and mixed up just trying to put a lot of info into short form. Sounds like she has a personality disorder. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 I decided that she has Borderline personality disorder and is defiantly a sex addict and because of both may also have multiple personality disorder to deal with the things she does. I feel sorry for the fellow she is apparently dating now.. I am actually surprised she decided to start an actual relationship with someone. He has no idea what he is in for. In the course of our relationship she probably slept with 50 or more men all while I was watching her children. It was just so disrespectful. How am I ever going to be able to trust someone again or be in love you know. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I am a multiple personality i would never do those things to a guy i was with.not one little bit of me would allow myself to. and i think it really doesn't serve you any purpose to diagnose her.....what is useful is that you know she is not what you need in your life...this i know......there are no excuses for bad bahavior...bad behaviors are not only applicable to mental illness but also are applicable to people who dont care if they hurt another and only care about their own selfish desires....bad behaviors cant be medicated..people with mental illness can be medicated i believe a multiple personality can not be medicated or controlled that has to come from within .... because its not really a mental illness of one person is it............and still not really recognized by most doctors.....i am waiting to find one who listens and trust me not all these types of people are mentally ill, who exhibit horrible atttitudes towards others they just dont care, because they are selfish....thats it.............deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Thank you for your input and sorry for saying that her mental illness is the root of her evil. I agree, someone who doesn't care about anyone else and how they feel probably has little to do with mental illness. A bad person is a bad person and no amount of meds will change that. The things she did just hurt me so badly and she wouldn't even say sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nofeelings22 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Crazy people are the toughest of all because they usually make you feel great while you are with them, but are monsters who are incapable of normal human emotion. It's hard for us, but imagine being her for a second. She was already dealt the ultimate payback for what she did to you and others. She will never feel love in her whole life and will continue to abuse herself. You are actually the lucky one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitnessRN Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 You have a BPD on your hands..I'm a Registered Nurse and those are signs and symptoms of one. I can't diagnose a BPD, but you have a "black widow" as I call it..good looking on the outside, poison on the inside. Look, when girls: 1) Self-Esteem problems and with confidence 2) Mental Issues and is a screwball 3) Only date losers and the people she has dated in the past have nothing going for them..says a lot about her. Wherever I go, I have BPDs and wackos chase me...whether its at bars, my gym, work (2 nurses tried to sleep with me at my previous job), public...they find me. Be on your guard! You are too nice! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Her poor kids. Is their Dad stable, at least? My sister is a Borderline and her son has not had an easy time. I know it must've been hard to leave those kids. Why would someone do that? You are not dealing with a rational or emotionally stable person, so her behavior won't make sense. The best thing to do is keep your distance. She will manipulate to suck you back in. This new guy will realize she has issues, and she'll be back. Be prepared for more drama. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Tell you what you better do and real quick and that is to get tested for STD's. I had a friend that was married to a real pip who made his life a holy hell and it got to the point that he finally said enough and filed for divorce. When his wife got served she went to her parents house and told them and then she called him and told him she was going to kill herself. His response was. let me know where your being laid out and I'll send flowers. He wasn't buying that story any longer. I guess you can only push someone for so long before they just don't care any longer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) Thank you for your input and sorry for saying that her mental illness is the root of her evil. I agree, someone who doesn't care about anyone else and how they feel probably has little to do with mental illness. A bad person is a bad person and no amount of meds will change that. The things she did just hurt me so badly and she wouldn't even say sorry. you dont have to say sorry ..i should say sorry actually because i made you feel like you had to apologize .so that i now do....i am sorry you felt i deserved an apology.......for you in no way, ought to have felt that..it wasnt my intention to make it so i wish that she would say sorry to you, to make you feel the way you are and to not care is an affront to you as a person...thoughtlessness on her behalf towards you who has every right to be thought of, a kind caring human being who deserves to be treated that way ....with compassion...........but unfortunately in life .....people go around hurting others who care....and the more we care for people the more we get hurt......dont give up on women because of what she has put you through..i never give up and i still get hurt but i take it and i move on...dont harden your heart for if you do, love wont find its place in there to call home...and a heart without love is an empty place and very cold...there would never be a fullness of joy without love in your heart......so forgive her for she honestly hasnt forgiven herself or others..........and you will feel love wholeheartedly again she will not until she makes a change to her heart ....like learning to say sorry and mean it..you deserve to feel warmth.....there is someone better and you will be stronger not weaker because of her thoughtlessness you will find that someone better.....you wont put up with ill treatment for as long or will it be as intense before you say yeah see you later alligator......i wish you much happiness and strength in healing may it be yours to have.....good luck...deb Edited June 19, 2014 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Mistercash Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Over 50 different sausages plus yours too? I'd be scared of that women. Its time for you to run pal. Either like Forrest Gump or Usain Bolt, doesn't matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 After we had sort of separated she talked me into staying the night and I caught her sending some guy naked pics which I am sure she had done a bunch of times. I told her she ruined our entire relationship and I asked how many men she had slept with and she replied "The entire apartment complex" which really took me a while to figure out. More than 100 people lived in the whole complex but when she got mad like that she usually told the truth. I later found out she would do pretty much anything with almost anyone before she met her ex husband from a close friend of mine who knew her since she was very young so then it all kind of made sense. I am guessing 50 but to be honest it could have been more. She admitted to having sex with 3 guys in one day which was a bit off putting. Yes, I need to get tested for STD's I am actually kind of scared she gave me HIV or HEP. The only saving grace is that she was not on birth control so protected sex was a must most of the time although I am sure there were times it wasn't. It really truly hurts my heart that she is so sick. Somewhere in that pretty little person is a truly caring kind human but alas that person is dead as she would say. She told me I murdered that part of her. Or she would refer to the nice self as her friend. I had murdered her friend. Link to post Share on other sites
FitnessRN Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 After we had sort of separated she talked me into staying the night and I caught her sending some guy naked pics which I am sure she had done a bunch of times. I told her she ruined our entire relationship and I asked how many men she had slept with and she replied "The entire apartment complex" which really took me a while to figure out. More than 100 people lived in the whole complex but when she got mad like that she usually told the truth. I later found out she would do pretty much anything with almost anyone before she met her ex husband from a close friend of mine who knew her since she was very young so then it all kind of made sense. I am guessing 50 but to be honest it could have been more. She admitted to having sex with 3 guys in one day which was a bit off putting. Yes, I need to get tested for STD's I am actually kind of scared she gave me HIV or HEP. The only saving grace is that she was not on birth control so protected sex was a must most of the time although I am sure there were times it wasn't. It really truly hurts my heart that she is so sick. Somewhere in that pretty little person is a truly caring kind human but alas that person is dead as she would say. She told me I murdered that part of her. Or she would refer to the nice self as her friend. I had murdered her friend. Better she is messed up in the head than you...hey, get out and you dodged a bullet. She's trying to manipulate you...one girl accused me of being controlling ha ha..over what??? She was actually the one that was trying to control me and play games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Her poor kids. Is their Dad stable, at least? My sister is a Borderline and her son has not had an easy time. I know it must've been hard to leave those kids. Why would someone do that? You are not dealing with a rational or emotionally stable person, so her behavior won't make sense. The best thing to do is keep your distance. She will manipulate to suck you back in. This new guy will realize she has issues, and she'll be back. Be prepared for more drama. Their father doesn't seem to care too much about his children. I contacted him and gave him the details of who his ex wife actually is and how she cheated on him for many years. I asked him not to tell her I had said anything because I didn't want her manipulating him into thinking none of it was true which she did. He knew she was crazy which is why he moved to the west coast. How he could leave his children so far away knowing how horrible she is just shows that he could really care less. They are however spending the summer with him and I pray that his daughter tells him about her since she tells her daughter about how she has a bunch of friends......... The truly horrible thing is that both of their children are extremely high IQ and way above and beyond most children I have met. The 2 year old could read words and could even search for batman and superman on the ipad on amazon.com by himself with no help which truly impressed me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 You have a BPD on your hands..I'm a Registered Nurse and those are signs and symptoms of one. I can't diagnose a BPD, but you have a "black widow" as I call it..good looking on the outside, poison on the inside. Look, when girls: 1) Self-Esteem problems and with confidence 2) Mental Issues and is a screwball 3) Only date losers and the people she has dated in the past have nothing going for them..says a lot about her. Wherever I go, I have BPDs and wackos chase me...whether its at bars, my gym, work (2 nurses tried to sleep with me at my previous job), public...they find me. Be on your guard! You are too nice! In her words I was her first boyfriend ever which confused me but I don't think she had any real relationships before her husband and they kind of hung out and then he got her pregnant and then he asked her to marry him. Her ex husband was far from a loser and had a good job and is a very book smart guy. I am a hard worker and would not consider myself a loser. I think she is just a master of conquest and chooses to pray on very kind caring people because it allows her to feel she is as well. Also she can only see herself in other people so in the beginning of a relationship she sees the kindness in herself through other people. If she has a problem she sees it in other people like a mirror. I bought a book on BPD and she told me I had BPD and it sounded just like me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Better she is messed up in the head than you...hey, get out and you dodged a bullet. She's trying to manipulate you...one girl accused me of being controlling ha ha..over what??? She was actually the one that was trying to control me and play games. I learned that trick, she would always accuse me of being abusive and controlling well guess what. She was the one controlling me and abusing me and I don't think I came out totally sane but I am far and beyond better off than her. That is a great tip, if a woman accuses you of being controlling... RUN! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Better she is messed up in the head than you...hey, get out and you dodged a bullet. She's trying to manipulate you...one girl accused me of being controlling ha ha..over what??? She was actually the one that was trying to control me and play games. We are done and she manipulated the **** out of me. The things she was doing were so unbelievable I believed her. Who goes out and screws someone at 6am before work or sneaks people into the house or sneaks out in the middle of the night to have sex. Those things are totally insane so at the time I thought I was just going crazy and being paranoid. Turns out I was right the entire time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 We are done and she manipulated the **** out of me. The things she was doing were so unbelievable I believed her. Who goes out and screws someone at 6am before work or sneaks people into the house or sneaks out in the middle of the night to have sex. Those things are totally insane so at the time I thought I was just going crazy and being paranoid. Turns out I was right the entire time From what you said, it seems like she is a crazy sex addict. She is in need of a theory. Sex is good but there is a line no one should cross. when you are in a relationship, you...have...sex...with.... your... partner only. Not just screw everyone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 From what you said, it seems like she is a crazy sex addict. She is in need of a theory. Sex is good but there is a line no one should cross. when you are in a relationship, you...have...sex...with.... your... partner only. Not just screw everyone I agree, she tried to convince me at the breakup that I was only missing one thing and the commitment wasn't that big of a deal because I got everything else. Her mother is the same way, wonder where she learned it from. One night we drove to her parents house 3 hours away and she made a joke about being pregnant to her mom at dinner and I said don't worry she isn't pregnant and her mother replied in front of the kids and everyone else at the table to me. How would you know, you were not there! with this mean look on her face. I almost got in my car and drove home without anyone. That is the last time I spoke to her mother. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I agree, she tried to convince me at the breakup that I was only missing one thing and the commitment wasn't that big of a deal because I got everything else. Her mother is the same way, wonder where she learned it from. One night we drove to her parents house 3 hours away and she made a joke about being pregnant to her mom at dinner and I said don't worry she isn't pregnant and her mother replied in front of the kids and everyone else at the table to me. How would you know, you were not there! with this mean look on her face. I almost got in my car and drove home without anyone. That is the last time I spoke to her mother. Woah, Telling her mother that she is pregnant when shes not, Thats nuts, I would excuse myself and drove home alone or better yet I would drove to a bar. I just feel like after reading a lot of experience here on LS, I am glad I am single and hope I will just find a women who is good otherwise I would happily die single Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I agree, she tried to convince me at the breakup that I was only missing one thing and the commitment wasn't that big of a deal because I got everything else. . What!!, Commitment and respect etc is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. If you have affairs or just screw anyone then you might as well be single. I feel for you buddy, I am so sorry for you having such a bad experience with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Woah, Telling her mother that she is pregnant when shes not, Thats nuts, I would excuse myself and drove home alone or better yet I would drove to a bar. I just feel like after reading a lot of experience here on LS, I am glad I am single and hope I will just find a women who is good otherwise I would happily die single Bad things happen to good people but I refuse to let this ruin my hopes of finding a good person that I can at least spend a good amount of time with if not the rest of my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Bad things happen to good people but I refuse to let this ruin my hopes of finding a good person that I can at least spend a good amount of time with if not the rest of my life. True, but for me, I just dont want to settle for any women. For me, personally, as long as she never used tobacco and sober or drink socially and nice,caring,respectful etc then I can date her otherwise I can be single forever which is good for me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 I should add that I had known this woman for 13 years and actually grew up with her ex husband. I seriously thought she was a good person who would never do such a thing which made it even more confusing as to if she was doing those things or not. The other tough thing is I always felt like she was kind of the one who got away so I had feelings for her for a long time. Not serious until we started hanging out but always thought she was a really cool chick. I should also add that she is VERY attractive and for a 30 year old looks young... I would say 22 or so. I thought I had found the golden egg that came with two wonderful children. This has made everything very hard to let go of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 This may be sick thinking but I feel like the only way I am going to get over the pain is to go sleep with some people. The bulk of my pain lies in her denying me sex and affection. It made me feel worthless. IDK Link to post Share on other sites
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