60% of married women cheat, 90% feel zero guilt, 45% stay in marriage

[SmartDude]

Marriage is indeed about property rights historically.

 

Back before we had all the modern conveniences of life it was quite practical and logical to have children, and stay with one person your whole damn life. Our ancestors also were not as emotionally complex. Their focus was on day to day survival. Ancient people had poor impulse control! That is why you have the type of writings that are in the bible for example. They were just trying to lay down some basic rules: Don't get to wasted. Don't go kill people cause your mad. Don't go cheat with another man because the man will be overwhelmed with debt and poverty from children that are not his.

 

Now that life is not total drudgery, our minds are expanding on a collective level. We are forming new types of relationships. If the old ways do not work they will be discarded, simple as that.

 

In the future I predict we will have something closer to "social monogamy". You pair up with your partner for about 5 years to have children. Then after that you go your separate ways to experience love from others. Kids will think it is "totally weird" if their birth parents live in the same house together.

 

Now how does this fit into evolution? Well its real simple. If EVERYONE has the idea that they are not successful in life unless they have children, we will deplete the natural resources neccecary for life. People dying later and living healthier compounds the "problem".

 

These are not the days of "go out and multiply"!

[Robert Z]

So its the mans fault when the woman cheats? Hang on, let me write that down.

 

Could be..... Depends on why she is cheating.

[Robert Z]

Let's face it: Marriage doesn't work well for most people. We get tired of each other. And familiarity breeds contempt. What in fact might be a 5 year romance ends up being nothing but a lifetime long, personally unfulfilling, financial arrangement, where people feel stuck. The idea of unwinding one's entire life is too daunting so they find the next best solution and cheat.

 

 

If we all quit saying "...until death do us part", a lot of this could be avoided. Marriage needs to be redefined to be finite unless otherwise desired.

[Robert Z]

We have been brainwashed by religion and the resulting social norms to think there is something noble about being miserable for most of our lives.

[Imported]

Could be..... Depends on why she is cheating.

 

 

That would assume women are weak and far from being an equal partner.

[dichotomy]

Speaking from personal experiences - I have known more women then men to cheat, and they in general seem to have less guilt and accountability for it. I make no basis for how this translates to the general population.

 

The article brings up some good theories and points of why.

Edited July 17, 2014 by dichotomy

[Bruce Leigh]

If the old ways do not work they will be discarded, simple as that.

 

I think this hit the nail on the head.

Marriage used to be about committing to one person for the rest of your life.

If so many of both genders cheat, what's the point of it?

[serial muse]

Speaking from personal experiences - I have known more women then men to cheat, and they in general seem to have less guilt and accountability for it. I make no basis for how this translates to the general population.

 

The article brings up some good theories and points of why.

 

Huh. Well, I think the article is kind of full of it - she asked 120 women, but who knows who these people are, how they were selected, what they really said about themselves, etc. etc. - I have no doubt that many of them cheated and many had excuses as to why, but what does that really say about society in general? Nothing much, except that we'll eagerly eat up stories about people -- especially women -- cheating right now because we like DRAAAAAMA. This thing is hardly scientific.

 

I could counter and say that from my personal experiences, I've known more men than women to cheat, including from my own very personal experience. (And yes, my exH blamed me for his cheating.) So I read all the hysteria about this and the downfall of marriage and the overturning of life as we know it and just shrug. Because I agree - this doesn't translate one way or the other to the general population, it just exists to sell papers. I also think that the earlier poster who suggested that men are to blame when women cheat is full of it too, FYI.

 

(Of course, I certainly got my fair share of "well, were you fat?" posts on here a decade or so ago when I first posted my heartbreak about my ex. So, gents, don't think that this blame-shifting is a one-way street. Ohhhh no.)

 

tl;dr: The article is a crock and the numbers are meaningless.

[nightmare01]

statistics on infidelity in the world dont really matter. the only statistic that does matter is that your wife or husband betrayed you.

[Owl]

Let's face it: Marriage doesn't work well for most people. We get tired of each other. And familiarity breeds contempt. What in fact might be a 5 year romance ends up being nothing but a lifetime long, personally unfulfilling, financial arrangement, where people feel stuck. The idea of unwinding one's entire life is too daunting so they find the next best solution and cheat.

 

 

If we all quit saying "...until death do us part", a lot of this could be avoided. Marriage needs to be redefined to be finite unless otherwise desired.

 

It already has been...look at the divorce rate.

 

Very,very few people nowadays look at marriage as permanent.

 

Nothing needs to be redefined, or changed. The only change I personally would suggest is that if folks feel this way...they either ensure that they don't get married, or very clearly set the expectation with their prospective partner that it's not "til death do us part" but rather "til I get tired of you and find someone else'.

 

Make that clear up front...or not get married in the first place...and it's all good.

 

Again, I never understand folks who don't like the concept of marriage choosing to get married.

[Owl]

I think this hit the nail on the head.

Marriage used to be about committing to one person for the rest of your life.

If so many of both genders cheat, what's the point of it?

 

Agreed.

 

If folks don't think that marriage is a good thing...or if they don't think they're capable of monogamy, or don't desire a monogamous relationship...they simply should choose not to get married.

 

Live together, keep a friends with benefits lifestyle...whatever.

 

The REAL crime in my opinion are those who CHOOSE to marry, but then change their mind later.

 

Hey...if at some point during the marriage you no longer want to be there...end that stuff and walk away.

[pteromom]

The statistics are ridiculous. Never cheated. Never would. And of all my female friends, I only know a couple who cheated. I do, however, know quite a few whose husbands cheated on them.

[Bruce Leigh]

And of all my female friends, I only know a couple who cheated. I do, however, know quite a few whose husbands cheated on them.

 

Who cheats More: Married Men Or Women? »

 

Women put in more effort than men not to be caught. You see, women don’t talk if they have an affair, even with their friends; because even with the equality of men and women these days, women are still being judged harshly if they cheat

 

Thoughts??

[No Limit]

Ew. I just hope this won't have the effect that men who do marry have a similar mentality, shrug every concern about family off with "Ah well, she's cheating on me too!" and then hop into bed with their coworkers.

 

Then again, at this point I see where the rising numbers of single men are coming from...

[thefooloftheyear]

The statistics are ridiculous. Never cheated. Never would. And of all my female friends, I only know a couple who cheated. I do, however, know quite a few whose husbands cheated on them.

 

 

Sure, they'll be quick to point out that their husbands are cheating, because they look like the victim and will get your symapthy/hugs.. but do you really believe they(your friends) are going to denigrate and embarrass themselves by telling you that they are banging someone elses guy behind their husbands back?

 

Not on your life...

 

TFY

[Priv]

Who cheats More: Married Men Or Women? »

 

 

 

Thoughts??

 

This article is even further out there than the last one. 70% of men cheat, 60% of women. All without a reference. But since women are catching up, those 3 out of 10 men who don't cheat are finally coming out for it without being flagged for not being adulterers.

 

 

I must admit the 2 most significant relationships I had I have been cheated on in the end, but even so. I am just going to refuse to belief the (unsubstantiated) numbers. Maybe I am just sticking my head in the sand for wanting to live lalaland, but so be it.

[Bruce Leigh]

This article is even further out there than the last one. 70% of men cheat, 60% of women. All without a reference.

 

Married-Dating-Guide.com provides advanced married dating and affair tactics through it's guide on how to have an affair and online website reviews of married dating websites to help married users avoid online scams.

 

The fact that there are so many sites that get cheaters together that you need another site to see which ones are scams is sad indictment in itself.

[pteromom]

Sure, they'll be quick to point out that their husbands are cheating, because they look like the victim and will get your symapthy/hugs.. but do you really believe they(your friends) are going to denigrate and embarrass themselves by telling you that they are banging someone elses guy behind their husbands back?

 

Not on your life...

 

TFY

 

Possibly. But it is a moot discussion. Any statistics on cheating aren't going to be accurate in the first place. Because a lot of cheating men AND women aren't going to tell researchers about the dudes or women they are banging behind their partners' backs.

 

I hate these kinds of threads because they just propagate the old men-vs-women gender wars. There are unscrupulous people of both genders. The real question is can you trust YOUR partner? If the answer to that is yes, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world does.

[pteromom]

Women put in more effort than men not to be caught. You see, women don’t talk if they have an affair, even with their friends; because even with the equality of men and women these days, women are still being judged harshly if they cheat

 

Thoughts??

 

I think EVERYONE is judged harshly if they cheat, and I don't believe that women put in more effort not to be caught. MOST cheaters don't want to be caught. They like to keep the illusion of control over everything, as if they are a chess master moving pieces around.

[thefooloftheyear]

Possibly. But it is a moot discussion. Any statistics on cheating aren't going to be accurate in the first place. Because a lot of cheating men AND women aren't going to tell researchers about the dudes or women they are banging behind their partners' backs.

 

I hate these kinds of threads because they just propagate the old men-vs-women gender wars. There are unscrupulous people of both genders. The real question is can you trust YOUR partner? If the answer to that is yes, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world does.

 

Fair enough....

 

 

TFY

[littleblackheart]

I have recently discovered that my husband cheated on me repeatedly and consistently during at least 12 months of our relationship.

He also cheated on most (if not all ) of his previous girlfriends.

 

I didn't see a glimpse of remorse or guilt when he confessed - if anything, some sort of twisted pride that he could still pull so many women aged 39, regardless of the fact that he had a faithful partner.

 

Most of his friends are either cheating and / or have cheated on their wives / partners at least once, and they seem quiet okay talking about it with each other - the general consensus, from what I can gather, is that it's fair play if you don't get it at home, and that they would only walk out if caught (something to do with the comfort of family life apparently).

 

The three women I know of who cheated on their partners ended up leaving them after a while, and all kept it quiet from friends and family, presumably because it's none of anyone's business and nothing to be proud of (I'm only extrapolating here).

 

Based on this, I feel confident I have enough data to write an article in which I will neatly summarise my findings, add a couple of percentages and present it all as a sound, reliable reflection of the current trends in our society

Edited December 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RonaldS]

I don't get it.

 

We're at that point now.

 

No one in most western cultures at least is ever 'forced' to get married.

 

Live the way you want...if marriage isn't for you...don't marry.

 

Even 'rational' people can want to marry...as amazing as that sounds.

 

Why do you seem to take the tact that marriage was somehow required for anyone?

 

There is IMMENSE societal and familial pressure to get married. Do you live in a society? In most of the US, part of the life track that people are expected to follow involves getting married. Parents expect their kids to get married, women grow up fantasizing endlessly about their wedding. If you are part of a church, you better damn well be married to that guy or girl you're with, and God forbid...oh the horror!...that a child be born out of wedlock. They even have a term for them: bastards.

 

So, are you seriously trying to convince me that there isn't pressure to get married? Huh?!? Sure, nobody is having a gun put to their head, and marriages here are not arranged, but there is pressure all over the place.

 

Don't believe me? Perform this observation: watch when a woman, say 25-27 years old, who is part of a group of female friends gets engaged. All of a sudden, all of the other women go into scramble mode to find husbands. It's hilarious. Why do you think that people who are between 24-30 spend virtually every weekend in the summer going to weddings?

 

Look, if there were no pressure to get married, most people wouldn't get married. Especially most guys.

[Eggplant]

Ah, journalism. If you can't thing of anything novel to publish, just rewrite the same thing about women or men cheating or being promiscuous. You can redo this every 6 months to a year. People will read it and get worked up.

[Owl]

There is IMMENSE societal and familial pressure to get married. Do you live in a society? In most of the US, part of the life track that people are expected to follow involves getting married. Parents expect their kids to get married, women grow up fantasizing endlessly about their wedding. If you are part of a church, you better damn well be married to that guy or girl you're with, and God forbid...oh the horror!...that a child be born out of wedlock. They even have a term for them: bastards.

 

So, are you seriously trying to convince me that there isn't pressure to get married? Huh?!? Sure, nobody is having a gun put to their head, and marriages here are not arranged, but there is pressure all over the place.

 

Don't believe me? Perform this observation: watch when a woman, say 25-27 years old, who is part of a group of female friends gets engaged. All of a sudden, all of the other women go into scramble mode to find husbands. It's hilarious. Why do you think that people who are between 24-30 spend virtually every weekend in the summer going to weddings?

 

Look, if there were no pressure to get married, most people wouldn't get married. Especially most guys.

 

I've got 4 adult children...1 is married, the other 3 are single, and not feeling the slightest bit of pressure to run out and find someone to marry ASAP.

 

Who is supposed to be supplying the pressure? Their parents? Not in our case. Their friends? Don't see it there either.

 

My kids all learned how to be self-sufficient first.

 

I never felt pressured to get married. I CHOSE to get married when I found the woman I loved. That was 27 years ago. Granted, all relationships go through ups and downs...hence why I came here 10 years ago...but the more you learn about how relationships work, the more you understand that's normal.

 

So...who, specifically, supplies the pressure on people to get married? Friends? Siblings? Parents?

 

Cause it didn't happen in my family growing up, and it's not happened in my kid's lives either.

[RonaldS]

I've got 4 adult children...1 is married, the other 3 are single, and not feeling the slightest bit of pressure to run out and find someone to marry ASAP.

 

Who is supposed to be supplying the pressure? Their parents? Not in our case. Their friends? Don't see it there either.

 

My kids all learned how to be self-sufficient first.

 

I never felt pressured to get married. I CHOSE to get married when I found the woman I loved. That was 27 years ago. Granted, all relationships go through ups and downs...hence why I came here 10 years ago...but the more you learn about how relationships work, the more you understand that's normal.

 

So...who, specifically, supplies the pressure on people to get married? Friends? Siblings? Parents?

 

Cause it didn't happen in my family growing up, and it's not happened in my kid's lives either.

 

Ahhhh, 1 example. Guess I was wrong.

 

You do know that there are 314 million other people in this country, right? Many parts of the US are very conservative, such as the South, much of the Midwest, many parts of the West. I grew up in the Bible Belt of Michigan. The expectation by society is that you will get married and settle down. It is what it is.

 

It's great that your family bucked the norm. But for a LOT of people, marriage is more of an expectation than a goal or desire. To quote my ex after about 5 years of being together without being married, 'We either need to get married or move on'. That's not pressure?! Do you know how many people are faced with the same ultimatum? Wow.