Friend or trying for something more?

[barbwire911]

Just a question. My friends all think something is off as does my spouse (maybe soon to be ex as I am moving out and need space given our marriage has been in trouble for a while.)

 

Anyways to make a long story short, I was having some personal issues at work and so my former boss and i talked and I was really emotional. He was very helpful to me even cancelling his meetings so I could remain in his office. I requested a transfer to another branch and went on my way (transfer request was due to these problems I was having). So he facilitated that. I should note this man keeps his wedding ring on all the time and when he does speak of his spouse it is positive stuff. He also tells me if and when (for example) she wants to see a movie and he is taking her to see it.

 

Then 6 weeks later he sees me and says for me to come see him in his office so I go. He starts saying how he was thinking of me that morning wondering how I was so I told him I was much better. So he told me how great I looked and then how I must have tons of guys looking at me and how if he was my deskmate, he would not even be looking at anyone else. Then he tells me to book us in for lunch on his calender.

 

So I book a date and he takes me to a pretty swanky lunch restaurant for 2 hours and pays the bill. So he asks for my BBM. So I give it to him. I go on vacation and he begins texting me and telling me I am so attractive i could be a lingerie model and I am so pretty and when am I returning. So I return and he goes on vacay. His wife works with us but on a different floor. So everyday on his vacay he is texting me and being all flirty saying (he hates seafood) and if he ate it he would expect me to give him mouth to mouth in my car after and odd things like that. He even brought me back hawaiian teas as a present and sent me good morning texts and good night texts. he even said he wanted to take me shopping when he got back and out to drink wine.

 

So this has continued and he continues to take me alone to nice restaurants out of the way where reservations are needed and now has even planned half a day off work for us to go to lunch this Tuesday coming and then have wine on a patio. But he told me he cannot be too late as he must return home at a dinner hour as it is his sons birthday and he has to take "the family" out to eat for that.

 

He is 12 years older and has 2 older kids and has been married for 24 years. But I find myself questionning whether he is out of line as he is known as the nicest guy and a family man. Yet he tells me that given all our similarities we are soulmates but then when I got mad at him and asked him what his motivation with me was, he stated he had no motivation and just wanted to be friends and loved his wife dearly and they had crazy passionate fireworks between them so I had nothing to worry about. I asked him about boundaries (the shopping and wine offers and all that) and he said he keeps work and play separate and "that is why he dislikes texting as he miscommunicates things....but a whole huge paragraph about how he can carry my shopping bags and help pick colors, etc???" (he brushed that off and laughed so I just left it)yet while on vacation, he told me marriage changes over the years and he sees his wife more as a companion than anything and she is not interested in sex with him.

 

There are constant contradictions and he always tells me we need to keep our friendship discreet and he states he is not a cheater but his wife "does not need to know all he does." Yet he says his wife laughs at all the secret women friends he apparently has. Now I am not sure what the truth is but I have caught him in so many contradictions. But he told me she has no idea we have lunches together or text. The texting has lessened now since he sees me for lunches and coffee regularly but when his kids are not around, and he is either alone or alone with his wife, he seems to engage in it more.

 

So does anyone have any experience with this? he touches my arm when talking and flirts alot and told me if he was single he would ask me out and then proceeded to tell me how he would have asked me and when it would have been. he did admit he felt chemistry but then said he was able not to cheat because he keeps me compartamentalized from other components of his life and he believes me and women can be friends without complications.

 

I just find the secrecy (he says he does not lie to his wife but just does not tell her everything and he does not keep secrets but is not an open book either) and even when we return to work from lunches, we have to enter the building separately. He just says he has to go to his car for a minute and he will see me later but I know it is because he wants to enter alone to avoid being seen together.

 

My friends think I was in a vulnerable state and he latched onto that and "poached" me. Keep in mind nothing physical has happened at all. He has hugged me though but that is it. And he reminds me to just be discreet.

 

IS this all weird or just he is very friendly? I am confused as this man has the best reputation. Sorry for how long this is. There are way more details but it would be too long.

 

he actually has a single brother I like and he keeps talking of setting us up but then says I deserve better and his brother would be lucky to have someone like me but he thinks we would actually get along well. I said I like his brother does charity work and the Exec says "I actually do alot of that...." and then reels off his accomplishments. I told him I like how he describes his brother as being a free spirit. And he replies. This makes me jealous (maybe a joke?) and why do you always think he is the fun one and I am reserved? He is actually more reserved than me you know." (yet the week before he told me that his brother was the more non conservative one of them and free spirited.) It is all very confusing to me.

Edited July 18, 2014 by barbwire911
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[preraph]

Well, he's one of those guys who likes to take advantage of comforting a woman during a breakup and that's not great. If he's talking lingerie to you, he's definitely hoping for an affair. You got all emotional on him. This is the result. You're going to have to tell him it has to stop.

[Zippy2000]

Your boss is what everyone calls "mixing business with pleasure".

 

Keeping things discreet and not being seeing together? Obviousily has something to hide.

 

I d keep well away from his personal life. Any further you may find a lot of people talking about you in the office and becoming real unpopular.

 

Tread carefully, and do a fade out on the texting.

 

What a creep!

[preraph]

She crossed the line first, though, by crying on his shoulder. That has no place in business. It's up to her to clean this up and it may not end well. I had a boss once who used to favor women who cried to him about their problems and then would give them preferential treatment, and I can tell you it makes everyone else in the workplaces livid.