britlev1020 Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 (edited) There are so many details to this story, so I'll attempt to keep this simple as possible. We started as friends, he was married but seperating from his wife getting a divorce. . There was no love or understanding. He had 2 children and she was pregnant with a third from a drunken night. She found out about us fairly quickly, which he never hid it in the first place to my knowledge. He moved out and continued seeing me. After a while, he came to me and told me that he missed his children and had to go back for their sake. Though it hurt, I supported him. He slept in a seperated room and had no physical contact with her. There was another bitter fall out and he left again. He did not hide me. We went out, and he attended functions with me in public. I seen the notorized divorce papers. He met my family and I met some of his. He always told me he loved me and was always supportive in everything I did. She ended up costing him his job and a large portion of money in a rage. He took the blow and stayed by my side. She snatched the kids from him time and time again and said if he was with me he would not be allowed in the delivery room. He was also stressed due to other things going on his life. He still made time for me, still stayed with me. I spent weekends and week nights at a time with him at his house and mine. And then one night he told me that somewhere in the past weeks he let go that he was a father first. He told me that he loved me very much but had to end all contact with me to have his kids. He said he was still divorcing her but contact with me was causing her to snatch the kids even more and he wanted to be at the hospital when the baby was born (due less than two weeks) I told him that he was only doin what she wanted and was makin a mistake and he said I know but I have to try. He told me that it may be the worse mistake of his life but he had to do it. I told him that I never came between him and his kids and I knew how we could get thru this and he could still have his kids. I did become very emotional and he cried to me on the phone. The call abruptly ended with him telling me he would call in the morning. I called twice and then once more and sent two texts. I didnt mean to keep calling, but I was confused and hurt. He never replied. He never answered. Then his number was busy. I eventually got in touch with his dad who is physically disabled and always been sweet. He said he also keeps trying to make contact but the line stays busy. He said he nor his mom have been able to reach him. I have no reason to think his dad lied for the story adds up too perfectly and he obviously did not know what was going on. Also mm was known to disappear, nothing uncommon for his parents to experience. I know for a fact.Then I was told his and her vehicle were at their home together. The ache tore at me. Is it wishful thinkin that he is only doin what he has to do to be in the delivery room? If he was ending it to fix his marriage, why would he insist he is still getting a divorce? I honestly think he cut abrupt ties because she made him because she didnt believe him and he is only doin what he has to do in order to be at the hospital like he said.but what if it isn't? If he wanted to work it out with her, I've always said I would gracefully step back and give him that because I loved him that much. But he insisted he still wants the divorce. If he doesnt why give me that false hope? It doesn't make sense. None of this adds up to me. I'm completely lost. Edited July 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 The biggest problem for you here is you are believing this man. He is clearly a liar. He is probably lying to you about his wife. She got pregnant after 1 drunken night? HA They sleep in separate beds? HA It seems like he was fine to have a good time with you but when the time came he ran home to his wife. Never start a relationship with a guy who is "married but soon to be separated" it's still an affair and you are the OW. He has 3 kids and one is a new baby? RUN and don't look back! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author britlev1020 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 If he did lie about the one night it was before me. But since we started talking and became romantically involved, she knew it about it. And he hadn't been living at home for months. She hadn't stayed there either, until now. But the fact remains is why tell me there will still be a divorce if there isnt? Why lead me on when we both agreed to be honest if he wants to go back to her. I always said i would support him but he still swore he wasn't. Why lie in the end? Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 He told you what you needed to hear to continue the affair with him. That is why! I'm sorry you are hurting. Read this forum. Married men do and say this stuff all the time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Let him go. He has pulled away from you, left you hurt and confused and tangled in his mess. Do you deserve to be hurt this way? Link to post Share on other sites
ichbinmich Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Even if he is doing it for the kids, he's still doing it. He might eventually get a backbone and stand up to her but so far he hasn't. I've been where you are already. My MM left again after a few weeks. BUT he still isn't legally separated/divorced. He has gotten a little bit of backbone though. He can tell that most of what she does now is manipulation and bluffing. If she likes support payments she will let him see the kids. I would like to say take this opportunity as a break and move on. I will honestly tell you, he'll be back. Sooner rather than later as soon as they start fighting again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author britlev1020 Posted July 19, 2014 Author Share Posted July 19, 2014 I just want closure. If he is back with her, tell me so I wont be always wondering. Not knowing is what's killin me. If he doesn't want me, I want him to tell me so I can grieve for what we had and move on. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo cause he said one thing and now I want to wait until the baby is here and for him to go with the divorce like he said. And it's all based on the depth of my feelings for him and he said the divorce was still going thru. That's why I'm so confused. Devastated. I have a feeling he will call. I just have no patience. Never been in this position before. It hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2014 Share Posted July 19, 2014 There's no excuse as to why he can't send a quick text. It takes less than 5 seconds to do. He hasn't and that says a lot. He knows you're trying to get a hold of him and by ignoring you, he's hoping you'll back off and leave him alone. The guy is a coward, doesn't have the courage to tell you the truth - That he led you on, that you were there for an affair, that's it. if he wanted to leave, he would. I think he's fed you a lot of bullcrap and you ate it up. NO MAN has 3 children with someone he can't stand and is ready to divorce. You chose to believe him, all the meanwhile he's still living life with his wife. Please, for your own sanity, decide for yourself it's over. That you hate and are sickened by how he's treated you. if he truly cared about you he wouldn't treat you this way. He only cares about himself. don't call him again, let go and grieve. Really cry and try to give up your hopes of having him... He's not worth fighting for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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