Hman Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 My girfriend and I are having some problems. Here is the story. We were best friends for years since high school, and I guess fate had its way. We had always talked about how we'd never work out, yet other people saw us together, and countless people told us we'd end up together, including her parents. I graduated high school early and joined the Marine Corps. She and I wrote letters back and forth in boot camp, and I looked forward to them every day. I graduated boot camp and finished my first 2 schools a few months later. During that time we had hung out and been ourselves, I went home every weekend and was at her graduation, but I could tell something was different. We were long distance friends at this time. We were talking one night and she admitted to have had feelings for me since boot camp. We talked about it for some time, and ended up together. We have had an amazing relationship that has lasted for going on 9 months. We talked every night for hours, always laughing and smiling and loving each other. When we were together, we spent every minute with each other, never getting tired of the other. It was the perfect relationship in my eyes, I couldnt have asked for more. We were on top of the world and we loved each other so much. It has been a Long distance relationship but we have seen each other at least once a month, and everytime we're together it is just amazing and so worth it. We are always intimate and loving. She had never had sex and was insisting on waiting, but we finally had sex at 6 months, and she always tells me she has no regrets. We were talking on the phone recently and she told me she was feeling different and that she was confused. She had thought of breaking up because of these feelings and that she doesnt know why she's having them. She says she still loves me but doesnt feel "in love" with me anywhere. She came out to see me this weekend, after valentines day. Things started out kinda wierd. The first night, We slept in the same bed and everything, but there was no love at all. We talked it over and we both cried that night. The next morning we woke up and all of a sudden things got bed playful, we were kissing, intimately at times, and even took a shower together. We went to hollywood to sight see and things changed again. there was no holding hands, kissing in the elevator, no i love yous, and later that night she told me she was uncomfortable getting intimate right now because she's confused. I'd tell her I loved her and she'd reply with nothing, except once saying i never said i dont love you. We talked again that night, cried, and woke up the next morning. the next morning things didnt get better. We hung out in san diego, same things happened, no intimacy. We talked at a beach in san diego that night, for a long long time. She says she is confused and just wants space right now, wants to take a step back, possibly date other people, be open..... so we agree to stay together but openly until she comes out in another month for spring break. We go to the airport, kiss several times, and she goes off.... She went on the plane with the roses I got her. Now I know this is a very long post, but I want some opinions. is she just having college stress? feels lonely in the lDR? Will she most likely realize what she's done and want me back? I need help. I love her so much and I don't want it to end. We talked about getting married so many times, where we'd live, kids names, etc. But not till I get out and she finishes school. She is not a party girl, not one to hurt anyone, she is so smart, but I feel her emotions are blinding her. She said the feelings have nothing to do with how I've been or anything I've done. Thak you so much for all the help. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 I'd tell her I loved her and she'd reply with nothing, except once saying i never said i dont love you. Then why won't she say it? Looks to me like she doesn't love you, but she's afraid of hurting you and feels guilty because of it. Yes, it's messed up, but that's how some women act when they're not into you. I know because it happened to me, too. I once had a long-term relationship and it was great until we finally met. We did get intimate the first night, but after that things went to s*h*i*t. She withdrew from me, even though she wanted me to spend every waking minute with her that weekend. It was over by Saturday night, and only because I'd had enough of her antics. So I took her to a quiet park to talk things over (I surprised her with flowers and a card and observed her reaction, or lack of... worked like a charm, unfortunately). It hurt, believe me. It really hurt. But I was relieved that I was able to call her bluff , and when I broke it off with her, she suddenly became apprehensive, making excuses like she needed more time and what have you. I was sick of her by that point, and it devastated her to know that I wasn't afraid to walk away from everything I thought we were about to become. Apparently, she told the whole world about me and was forced to eat her words when I ended it. It pays to be sincere... some people never learn. Your best bet is to end things now, either by phone or mail. Doesn't matter how nice she is if she doesn't reciprocate your efforts to spark a romance. She's afraid you won't be strong enough to take the bad news, that's all. Don't you think it's time to give her a little suprise of your own? I do. Remember, if she loves you she won't make excuses. It's not complicated at all, but it seems that way because she's not being honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Looks to me like she doesn't love you, but she's afraid of hurting you and feels guilty because of it. Yes, it's messed up, but that's how some women (AND MEN!!!! - <----- Israfil added that) act when they're not into you. I know because it happened to me, too. Yeah, i agree. It happened to me too. Unfortunately, people change, grow emotionally away from you, want different things in their lives, or just plain fall out of love with you. It sucks - I know - I've been there. I'm sorry to say that there is nothing more you can do. You might want to try No Contact for a trial period and see how it goes. During this time, she will probably be able to sort through her issues and decide if she wants a relationship with you, or not. I would advise giving her some space, and then re-evaluating things in a month or so. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 (AND MEN!!!!) Hey, are you revising my statements behind my back? Just wait till my lawyer gets his hands on you. Actually, I'm cool with it. I do admit to being partial, given that I'm A GUY!!! I never considered the NC option, but maybe it'll work for the Hman. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Hey, are you revising my statements behind my back? Just wait till my lawyer gets his hands on you. My apologies. sorry there, chief. i amended. Link to post Share on other sites
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