what does he want from me?

[lesmiserable2168]

I met a guy through a mutual friend under a strange circumstance last year (we did not meet each other in person). Since he and i share a common friend, I decided to keep him as a friend. We would message each other and talk online about our interests, problems and gossip a bit. I knew he had a gf but it didn't bother me cause i decided to just be friends with him.

 

One day, his gf found out about me and did something that made me feel really uncomfortable. After that, I decided to keep my distance myself from him cause i didn't want to end up in drama. Somehow, he sensed that i was distancing and asked me if i was. I honestly told him how i felt. He told me that he understands and has already told his gf about it. Btw, he keeps on telling me that he will break up as he doesn't have anymore feelings for her.

 

He lives in a different state than me so we never had the opportunity to meet up. We both traveled to back to our homeland and yesterday we met up for the first time. He complimented on my outfit when he saw me. I didn't think much about it and said thanks. We went for lunch and he paid for it. He then told me he will be single after the weekend. After the lunch, he started to get touchy: holding me on the waist when directing me which way to go to, touching my hand and holding my arm (which i needed cause i was dizzy). We went for drinks at night where he told me his friends are there. He introduced me to his friends and we had a great time. I felt dizzy so he kept holding onto my arm when he walked me home. He told me to keep a weekday free where we can see each other again.

 

I'm confused about his intention...tbh if i didn't care i wouldn't ask you guys about him. I'm sorta torn apart...i think i like him but i don't think i do. Can anybody give me advice on what to do? I do enjoy having him as company but i feel like i'm doing a bad thing...(he paid for everything: lunch, dinner and drinks and i paid for coffee cause i felt bad)

[preraph]

Well, he waited until he got an in-person look at you before he decided to break up with his girlfriend. This, of course, means that if he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't have broken up with her even though he said he has no more feelings for her. Doesn't sound like a very nice guy who has actual feelings, does it?

 

Maybe your mutual friend knows more about him and his character that you need to find out.

 

Also, if you're in different places, how can you hope to actually date? If he isn't living in your area, then you wouldn't even know whether or not he actually broke up with the girlfriend or if he is just trying to have a side affair with you. I would say proceed with caution -- or not at all if there is no way you will ever be in the same area anyway.

[mrs rubble]

You should see a doctor about the dizziness.

You shouldn't get involved with this guy trust your gut instinct.

[I am Bud]

Dear lesmiserable2168

 

The manner in which a person ends their relationship is just as important as how they start one and it says a lot about them as an individual. The reason that you are feeling bad about spending time with him is because he did not end his other relationship properly before starting to show interest in you. To say that his other relationship is all but over and then get touchy and feely with you is wrong on many levels.

 

Your moral compass recognized that his actions where not right and your instincts are warning you not to get involved with him. If he is willing to dump his girlfriend over another girl what is to say that the same won't happen to you? The reason that your are confused is because of his attention but don't get suckered into becoming the other girl. His girlfriend already has her suspicions on you, she was wrong about you wanting anything more than friendship with him so don't let his amorous advances make her right.

 

You are better than both of them combined so don't get involved into a potentially messy affair. You want someone who is at least in your own state that you can see on a regular basis and not someone who has another life in another state and who has yet to break up with his jealous girlfriend. There is a great guy out there for you but this guy is definitely not it. Don't be settling for someone whose moral compass is not reflective to your own.

 

All the best - Bud.

[Kamila]

Above posters are right to mention that if he isn't living in your area, it can be harder to date. Proceed with caution. Don't let him touch you that much.