Female blogger is "single by choice"

[Emilia]

Only reason I can think of why this bothers some guys SO much is a high number of rejections and inability to accept them. Better to say that women are just being picky and unrealistic

It's how men compete with each other, male hierarchy is based on success with women and financial success. Therefore 'forever single' is in a lower social status.

[irc333]

Funny thing, I recall someone that I know that is more of plain, but cute looking woman. She was the designated driver while in college and all of her friends, she admits, were a lot pretty/hotter than her.

 

All the men in the night club would either gravitate towards her friends or attempt to use the "I'll talk to the not-so-great looking woman as a gateway into getting to know the "women-hotter-than her" game.

 

Of course, night clubs are a venue for the shallow, so perhaps its a moot point.

 

Usually the outcome is anyhow that those that are so overly focused on physical appearances usually wind up in bed with someone that will never call them back again

[irc333]

I recall BOTH friends and family dealing with the only "last of their kind" in their family that's single.

 

People are telling her, "Hey, listen, you need to bring yourself down to reality and try to date that's been asking you out or crushin' on you, sure he's under 6 feet tall, but listen....he'll treat you right."

 

Of course, she refuses constantly to go under the 6 feet tall parameter, not compromising one iota. Thus she acquires more cats to live with her as she ages.

[ASG]

I recall BOTH friends and family dealing with the only "last of their kind" in their family that's single.

 

People are telling her, "Hey, listen, you need to bring yourself down to reality and try to date that's been asking you out or crushin' on you, sure he's under 6 feet tall, but listen....he'll treat you right."

 

Of course, she refuses constantly to go under the 6 feet tall parameter, not compromising one iota. Thus she acquires more cats to live with her as she ages.

 

But the question is... Is she bothered? Or is the family bothered for her, because they think she NEEDS a man?

 

I've been single for a big part of my adult life and I love it. Sure, I'd like to have someone to share stuff with, but if that doesn't happen, I don't really care. I would also like to have a partner because I want kids and it's easier to do as a couple (financially at least!!), but I can do it on my own as well, without a problem.

So I have no problems being picky. And rejecting "nice guys". If I don't "feel" it, then I don't. And I move on.

What's the problem with THAT?!

[ASG]

Common. problem is that he just like me can't get any woman to date us and we resent it.

 

Yes, but that's not MY problem. Or the problem of any woman. We don't owe guys anything. If we want to be picky, it's well within our rights.

 

And if we're happy to be single while we're picky, then, well... more power to us. It's not delusional or unrealistic. I don't need to settle for anything I don't want to.

[BlueIris]

Hell, I have a budget car, but currently dream of owning a Bentley, lol. But see, I'm grounded in reality....this is not uncommon. But, I'm realistic in that owning a Bentley will never happen and a overly picky single woman should realize this.

 

Settling isn't necessarily a bad thing.

 

If you really want or need a car. That's the key assumption. But the longer you live without a car, the more your life and perspective shift and having a car isn't a top priority any more. Having a car has it benefits and detriments. It isn't even about whether its a fancy car or a budget car.

 

Being in a relationship at all, with anyone, fancy or plain, has to be a net benefit to me and my life, or I'm not going to do it. And I just can't believe that either men or women view it any other way. Furthermore, I think that people who want a relationship very much, DO enter relationships, and bend and compromise to have that in their lives, and "settle" (as evil as that word now seems to be to some- not you, OP).

 

If a guy thinks I’m too picky because I’m not going to commit to a relationship unless it makes my life better- he’s just decided he won’t make my life better.

Edited July 21, 2014 by BlueIris

[organizedchaos]

 

Settling isn't necessarily a bad thing.

 

Good luck with that. Love should never be half-assed.

[rester]

I recall BOTH friends and family dealing with the only "last of their kind" in their family that's single.

 

People are telling her, "Hey, listen, you need to bring yourself down to reality and try to date that's been asking you out or crushin' on you, sure he's under 6 feet tall, but listen....he'll treat you right."

 

Of course, she refuses constantly to go under the 6 feet tall parameter, not compromising one iota. Thus she acquires more cats to live with her as she ages.

 

So what? Those are her choices. Who are you or anybody to judge her choices?

 

Not everyone wants what you might want. I'm a guy in my late 30s, but I know many women that have had similar life experiences to mine. I lived a very carefree, single life up until about 34/35, and was completely happy with it. I could never have made some of the choices I made while in a relationship, and I wouldn't be the person I am today if I had let my choices be compromised by a significant other.

 

If you want a relationship with someone, do the work to get what you want and stop wasting time trying to figure out the motives behind the choices these people you know and read about make.

[GemmaUK]

I don't care if a man has vouchers for somewhere and uses them.

 

Heck! I have a house and a mortgage plus bills to look after!

Voucher are great!

 

I would love to meet some guy at some point on the level I am on though. In his forties like me who has his own place..rented or owned.

This is apparently too picky though.

[pteromom]

So either these women have a sense of entitlement ("what we deserve") or are treating other human beings, in this case men, like they're shopping for a product ("what we want").

 

The phrase "sense of entitlement" is always used negatively, but it isn't.

 

I'm entitled to be treated respectfully.

I'm entitled to be who I am.

I'm entitled to live my life the way I want to live it.

 

Honestly, that article on settling just makes me want to hurl.

 

But people think of "not settling' in the wrong way. They think they shouldn't settle for someone who isn't what they want physically. When in reality, what you shouldn't settle for is how the person treats you, how you gel with them, making sure you have mutual goals and a similar timeline for the goals, making sure you have similar values, making sure you understand each other and can communicate effectively, and making sure the person is honest and capable of a mature relationship.

 

I admire the blogger for holding out for the right guy. And she's got the right attitude about it too - that if the right guy doesn't come along, she will spend her days enjoying life and being thankful for what she has.

[irc333]

The phrase "sense of entitlement" is always used negatively, but it isn't.

 

I'm entitled to be treated respectfully.

I'm entitled to be who I am.

I'm entitled to live my life the way I want to live it.

 

Honestly, that article on settling just makes me want to hurl.

 

But people think of "not settling' in the wrong way. They think they shouldn't settle for someone who isn't what they want physically. When in reality, what you shouldn't settle for is how the person treats you, how you gel with them, making sure you have mutual goals and a similar timeline for the goals, making sure you have similar values, making sure you understand each other and can communicate effectively, and making sure the person is honest and capable of a mature relationship.

 

I admire the blogger for holding out for the right guy. And she's got the right attitude about it too - that if the right guy doesn't come along, she will spend her days enjoying life and being thankful for what she has.

 

Exactly, Petromom, and the TODAY show article/video where Gottlieb expresses that very thing. That women fixated on what doesn't matter when it comes to their criteria as to what actually DOES matter.

 

So what if the guys bald, he treats well...that's all that matters.

[pteromom]

Exactly, Petromom, and the TODAY show article/video where Gottlieb expresses that very thing. That women fixated on what doesn't matter when it comes to their criteria as to what actually DOES matter.

 

So what if the guys bald, he treats well...that's all that matters.

 

I agree with you. But there are some people who are just highly fixated on physical attributes, and it is better to pass those people by than to try to get them to change their minds about you. Sometimes those fixations are outward signs of underlying issues.

 

For example, if a woman refuses to date a man who is bald, why? It MIGHT just be that she is very attracted to men with lots of hair, but it could be that she is so insecure that she is afraid what her friends will think (very common with men and "fat chicks") or has some strange twisted thinking about dating ("I deserve a guy who is at least an 8"; "if I can get a guy who is good looking, it proves that I am worthy.")

 

Bottom line - it is best to just pass right on by those who aren't interested in you and focus on those who might be.

[irc333]

Bottom line - it is best to just pass right on by those who aren't interested in you and focus on those who might be.

 

That is a good point, though this is sometimes easily overlooked, and more easy to try to talk or relentlessly get a woman to change her mind with a "Hey, I'm a nice guy, give the guy a coffee date, you might wind up overlooking the missing hair if you get to know his personality"

 

But, I think there's less stress with what you just mentioned, probably easier to focus those that are interested in you.

 

I recall some women's dating profiles that have updated their write-ups with, "If you can think you can change my mind, forget it!"

 

I recall a woman on POF that had in her Headliner, "Under 6 feet tall do not email me!"

 

Of course, she's mentioned IN her profile she's gotten some pretty nasty emails from guys for making such a BOLD statement in her profile which probably has even lead to frustration for her.

 

Though she was only 5'3", but flaunting her cleavage left and right. lol

[preraph]

I

 

People are telling her, "Hey, listen, you need to bring yourself down to reality and try to date that's been asking you out or crushin' on you, sure he's under 6 feet tall, but listen....he'll treat you right."

 

 

I know their hearts are in the right places, but there's no truth in a less attractive man being nicer and treating you right. That is a hard-wired personality trait they grew up with and they either are or they're not -- nice to women, that is. They may be less likely to attract tons of women to cheat with, though. Sometimes the hard-bitten ones are the meanest, in fact, from years of developed resentment toward women.

[jay1983]

I drive a 2011 BMW 535i and if I couldn't afford it, I'd get a Toyota Camry. I like Camrys, they look nice, drive smooth and they're really good cars. Best of all, maintenance on a Toyota is waaaaay lower. No complaints

Edited July 22, 2014 by jay1983

[guest569]

You could probably have that, but he will most likely be a Toyota. Since we were comparing dating to cars and all.

 

That doesn't make sense. But I presume it is your obsession with "leagues" which don't exist where I am from. Why would he most likely be a Toyota?

 

For the record. Awesome car.

[preraph]

I don't mind a man who's a Toyota, even though in spirit I'm more of a 69 Dodge Daytona. Unfortunately, where I live most of them are enormous SUVs. I find that overcompensating. I worked for an auto dealer for awhile, and they had a saying: The bigger the wheels, the smaller the penis." I never did field research to find out if it was true. Seemed like too much trouble.

[jay1983]

That doesn't make sense. But I presume it is your obsession with "leagues" which don't exist where I am from. Why would he most likely be a Toyota?

 

For the record. Awesome car.

 

I don't mind a man who's a Toyota,

 

If more women had this mentality while dating, more people would be getting together. Take me, I don't think I'm bad looking, personality, social skills are pretty good, but average women pass and flake on me all day and that's why I'm single.

 

Enigma is being real with y'all. I try to find good qualities in women, I don't write women off unless they're just really not working for me. Are women generally like that? (Don't worry about answering it's a rhetorical question). If I made a thread and said I was looking for a model (also being honest about it) you women would on here would eat my as* alive! lol So why is it when a girl does it, it's fine, but when it's the other way around......

Edited July 22, 2014 by jay1983

[Eggplant]

On a side note, since when did the Toyota become a the car analogue of mediocre? It's not a luxury car, but it's well built and long-lasting. If I had a million dollars, I'd probably still just get a Toyota.

[guest569]

On a side note, since when did the Toyota become a the car analogue of mediocre? It's not a luxury car, but it's well built and long-lasting. If I had a million dollars, I'd probably still just get a Toyota.

 

True, I would too, i think it was from Jay comparing Toyota with Bentley.

[Eggplant]

If I made a thread and said I was looking for a model (also being honest about it) you women would on here would eat my as* alive! lol So why is it when a girl does it, it's fine, but when it's the other way around......

 

 

Herein lies the confusion about this whole topic. The thread, as I understand it, is NOT about people who are staying single specifically so that they can later be in a relationship with somebody better than all their current options, and who are counting/betting on finding that Prince/model some day. That is a different topic. This topic is: choosing to be single indefinitely, perhaps for good, as a lifestyle preference. (People's lifestyle preferences are diverse, and some personalities are more suited for a single life.)

Edited July 22, 2014 by Eggplant

[daisydook]

I am not single currently. I have chosen to be single a few times in my life. I say by choice because if men had the choice, they would date me. Lol.

 

When I wanted to find something and someone meaningful, I set out to do that. I found a really special guy. Completely and utterly intentional.

 

I chose to be single because it worked for me for a while. Every dish in the sink was my own, my laundry was cut in half, I could sit in my underwear on the couch all night not being bothered by anyone. I can sleep in the middle of my bed like a starfish. I could jam to whatever music I wanted to every morning and sing horribly at the top of my lungs. Hehe. I didn't have to make phone calls when I was out to check in. No texts and calls throughout the day. I paid/pay my bills and didn't have to rely on anyone else, which also meant no one else relied on me. I wanted to be selfish and play with my single friends until 2 am on Friday nights, not be a girlfriend again.

 

There have also simply been times where I have acknowledged, as a grown woman, I have not always been ready to be dating. I found it would be unfair to any partner I involved in my life, had I started dating too soon. There is that as well. Once I got over that, it really became all the fun stuff I listed in the above paragraph.

[irc333]

I chose to be single because it worked for me for a while. Every dish in the sink was my own, my laundry was cut in half, I could sit in my underwear on the couch all night not being bothered by anyone. I can sleep in the middle of my bed like a starfish. I could jam to whatever music I wanted to every morning and sing horribly at the top of my lungs.

 

You see, I see people constantly posting some kind of benefit of being single are the above mentioned quote as if it was a big deal.

 

Me, being single, I wouldn't mind giving up that stuff....at all to be quite honest.

 

Seriously, how was the amount of laundry you washed was actually a big deal for you? And sitting in your underwear on the couch, you mean you actually never did that around your mate? Kinda sad really. lol. I mean, I wouldn't mind my cutie running around in her underwear in the house. LOL

 

So I fail to see the true benefits of being single.

 

Now if you said something in regards to him coming home late drunk at night or sniffing coke off the coffee table at 3 am, then I could see the benefit of not having that person in your life. lol

[Bruce Leigh]

True, I would too, i think it was from Jay comparing Toyota with Bentley.

 

Toyota Celica GT Four, now that is a sexy car for me. Much rather that than a Bentley.

[Emilia]

I think being single is pretty cool until the novelty wears off. Being in a serious relationship is cool too until the novelty wears off. I suppose it depends on what you enjoy more as neither is 100% fulfilling.