Author irc333 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 There are some people who truly do enjoy being single, but that is the exception, not the rule. It's obvious that many of them try and pretend they're fine being single when they aren't. I was once one of those people. I used to date around a lot, hooked up with some random girls, did what I wanted, ect. I used to say that I liked being single. Looking back, I didn't. I wasn't really happy, I was just telling myself I was so that I didn't feel bad about the fact that I was alone. A date with a hot stranger that leads to me getting laid doesn't compare to me spending a night at home with my girlfriend just watching a movie. Yeah, good points, I mean in theory it may seem great that you're single because you don't have to "answer to anyone" and bring home any woman you want. I don't relish the idea of sleeping alone all the time only so that I could have the ENTIRE bed to myself. I actually find that unappealing at times. Maybe it's because I've been unattached for so long. For those who are TRULY happy being single, chances are they've had traumatic relationships in their past that they are avoiding...like a cheating boyfriend or spouse, abusiveness, drug use, etc. But being happy being single only because you can sit in your underwear watching TV? How is this even a benefit, it seems people are really grasping at straws for finding "reasons that I like being single" category. LOL What, you're sig. other didn't want you sitting around in your underwear? I thought the idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend WAS to still continue to sit around in your underwear. ROFL Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Not everyone is like you. Just because you are unhappy being single, doesn't mean everyone that IS happy being single comes from some traumatic relationship background or is making up excuses. How do you fail to see that? This continuous judgement of people that don't share your misery is insulting. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I drive a 2011 BMW 535i and if I couldn't afford it, I'd get a Toyota Camry. I like Camrys, they look nice, drive smooth and they're really good cars. Best of all, maintenance on a Toyota is waaaaay lower. No complaints Got only 1 like from enigma. On a side note, since when did the Toyota become a the car analogue of mediocre? It's not a luxury car, but it's well built and long-lasting. If I had a million dollars, I'd probably still just get a Toyota. Almost the same thing I said, but blueiris and smiley didn't like it when I said it. If I made a thread and said I was looking for a model (also being honest about it) you women would on here would eat my as* alive! lol So why is it when a girl does it, it's fine, but when it's the other way around...... Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Got only 1 like from enigma. Almost the same thing I said, but blueiris and smiley didn't like it when I said it. Awww, feeling left out? Some bunny likes you. :bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Herein lies the confusion about this whole topic. The thread, as I understand it, is NOT about people who are staying single specifically so that they can later be in a relationship with somebody better than all their current options, and who are counting/betting on finding that Prince/model some day. That is a different topic. This topic is: choosing to be single indefinitely, perhaps for good, as a lifestyle preference. (People's lifestyle preferences are diverse, and some personalities are more suited for a single life.) No there's isn't a whole lot of confusion. I'll try and explain. The woman wrote the blog, won't settle for anything less than perfect, I just put into layman's. I didn't mean I was holding out for something better, I simply meant that I'm not happy with anything less than a model so I'm more comfortable single. If I made that thread the women probably wouldn't like it much. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Awww, feeling left out? Some bunny likes you. :bunny: You date younger guys? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 You date younger guys? I married one! But you can take my forgiving of your avatar choices as a positive sign. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 No there's isn't a whole lot of confusion. I'll try and explain. The woman wrote the blog, won't settle for anything less than perfect, I just put into layman's. I didn't mean I was holding out for something better, I simply meant that I'm not happy with anything less than a model so I'm more comfortable single. If I made that thread the women probably wouldn't like it much. I'm not sure that's true. If you were grousing that models weren't complying, then yes. There was a similar social reaction in the 1950’s and early 1960’s to Playboy magazine and the “Playboy lifestyle” (staying single for too long), as undermining marriage, commitment and family-centered living, and taking a segment of the potential mates out of play. Now people don’t have as much of a problem with men staying single for as long as possible, or not prioritizing marriage and children any more. Now, they're more likely to be viewed as holding onto their freedom, sowing their oats, playing the field, avoiding the "trap" of marriage- even being lucky. You often hear the fertility period argument in regard to women, but that presumes that all women want or should want children. That is one very strong social presumption, and the blogger, at 35 is testing that presumption. But the shifting began long ago. Urbanization, World War II, Playboy Magazine and The Pill have really put a heck of a lot of social norms into question. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Jay1983, If you're not happy with anything except models, sounds like you need to develop some different interests besides sex. Also, feeling you have to have someone better looking than you or better in other ways as well can be a reflection of bad self-esteem, looking for someone else that's yours that can make you look like more of a man to others. Here's a small way you can kind of tell whether or not that's what you're doing. Say you were going out somewhere like where you'd meet women, a bar or concert, and you have a very unattractive badly dressed male friend or relative who wants to go with you that you've known forever. Would you be embarrassed to take him with you, thinking it would be a reflection on you? If so, you're using others to prop you up. A truly confident person doesn't worry that someone will judge them like that. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 (edited) I simply meant that I'm not happy with anything less than a model so I'm more comfortable single. If I made that thread the women probably wouldn't like it much. No, I'd be cool with that. Now, if you said "I'm not happy with anything less than a model, and am pissed off and miserable because no models will date me because they are b*tches", I would find that irritating. But saying you have standards and that if you can't find someone up to your standards that you'll be happily single? I actually think that's the right attitude. Edited July 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed quote Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 What, you're sig. other didn't want you sitting around in your underwear? I thought the idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend WAS to still continue to sit around in your underwear. ROFL ...sit around in your underwear without being ogled or grabbed at, letting your belly out and eating Cheetos and licking your fingers, while watching a show that nobody of the opposite sex likes. How's that? But seriously, there are benefits to being single. There are benefits to being with someone. It's best to focus on those benefits, no matter which situation you find yourself in, vs. looking at the green grass on the other side of the fence. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 That is a good point, though this is sometimes easily overlooked, and more easy to try to talk or relentlessly get a woman to change her mind with a "Hey, I'm a nice guy, give the guy a coffee date, you might wind up overlooking the missing hair if you get to know his personality" But, I think there's less stress with what you just mentioned, probably easier to focus those that are interested in you. Right - why would you want to have to TALK someone into being attracted to you? Find someone who is already attracted to you. There are plenty of women who love rubbing bald heads, so why be stuck with one who you always catch looking at your head with disappointment while Googling pictures of Jared Leto? I recall some women's dating profiles that have updated their write-ups with, "If you can think you can change my mind, forget it!" Yeah, and there are reasons a woman may write something like that - some reasonable and some not so reasonable. But it is in your best interest to just roll your eyes and move on to the next profile, rather than letting her into your head. The energy you waste on being angry that someone wouldn't accept you is better spent looking for someone who will. I recall a woman on POF that had in her Headliner, "Under 6 feet tall do not email me!" OK... well good luck to her in finding her tall dream man, and again, don't let her into your head. The fact that you remember this means she got to you, and why let someone who wouldn't accept you even register? She's nothing to you, and should be treated inside your mind as such. Though she was only 5'3", but flaunting her cleavage left and right. lol And? She could be 500 pounds with the face of Danny DeVito, and if she wants to hold out for a 6'5" soccer player from Cuba whose name is Juan and has a gold tooth, she can do so. And good luck to her in finding him. There's some Juan for everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Jay1983, If you're not happy with anything except models, sounds like you need to develop some different interests besides sex. Also, feeling you have to have someone better looking than you or better in other ways as well can be a reflection of bad self-esteem, looking for someone else that's yours that can make you look like more of a man to others. Here's a small way you can kind of tell whether or not that's what you're doing. Say you were going out somewhere like where you'd meet women, a bar or concert, and you have a very unattractive badly dressed male friend or relative who wants to go with you that you've known forever. Would you be embarrassed to take him with you, thinking it would be a reflection on you? If so, you're using others to prop you up. A truly confident person doesn't worry that someone will judge them like that. No, I'd be cool with that. Now, if you said "I'm not happy with anything less than a model, and am pissed off and miserable because no models will date me because they are b*tches", I would find that irritating. But saying you have standards and that if you can't find someone up to your standards that you'll be happily single? I actually think that's the right attitude. OMG both of you lol I was just using that as an example to reflect the situation of the women this thread is about. That's her point of view, not mine. She just has a different way of explaining it. Preraph please read this below and thank you for confirming the part in bold. I try to find good qualities in women, I don't write women off unless they're just really not working for me. Are women generally like that? (Don't worry about answering it's a rhetorical question). If I made a thread and said I was looking for a model (also being honest about it) you women would on here would eat my as* alive! lol So why is it when a girl does it, it's fine, but when it's the other way around...... Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 OMG both of you lol I was just using that as an example to reflect the situation of the women this thread is about. That's her point of view, not mine. She just has a different way of explaining it. . I get that. And my response was an example of how I would respond to the hypothetical man who said it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I think there is an important point that people aren't considering in this situation, and that is the fact that the blogger, whose life we are discussing here, is actively seeking a partner. I have a friend who is happy to stay single, and do you know why I believe him? He doesn't go out and try to meet women. If someone out there keeps talking about how happy they are being single, yet you see them always trying to meet someone, I think they are full of crap. If I was happy about the way things were, I wouldn't always be looking to change my situation. That's a good point and nobody likes a hypocrite. I can also see that hypocrisy/defensiveness stemming from outsiders thinking they know a person better than that person does. It's obnoxious and disrespectful to be intruding into someone else's personal life and making assumptions about levels of happiness or what's best for them. One's personal business is their personal business and I see no reason to intrude on that unless invited. There are people that are happy single but would prefer to be in a relationship, there are people that are happy single and prefer to stay single, and there are even people that are unhappy single and would remain unhappy in a relationship, etc, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Got only 1 like from enigma. Almost the same thing I said, but blueiris and smiley didn't like it when I said it. Because you were not talking about cars. You were talking about women, using cars as an analogy.. I dont feel the same in that respect so didnt " like" your comment. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 One's personal business is their personal business and I see no reason to intrude on that unless invited. There can be unfair judgements made. But a public blog post makes personal business a little less personal.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Very good point, otherwise this person's blog would likely not even exist. As you can see from her introductory paragraph she talks about how she's on a date of a rather undesirable fellow that had asked her for the umpteenth time "You're how old and still single?". Of course, some say, "It never hurts to ask." But this poor guy was likely labeled a deal breaker for having the nerve to ask and she lumped him into the other undesirables as a result of her finding a reason to dump someone. People on these forums wouldn't be participants if they were actually HAPPY being single. I have to laugh at Meetup events where people are "looking" at these events, then say, "I'm happy being single". lol Or TECHNICALLY they are HAPPY, but would rather be HAPPIER with someone in their lives. That's a good point and nobody likes a hypocrite. I can also see that hypocrisy/defensiveness stemming from outsiders thinking they know a person better than that person does. It's obnoxious and disrespectful to be intruding into someone else's personal life and making assumptions about levels of happiness or what's best for them. One's personal business is their personal business and I see no reason to intrude on that unless invited. There are people that are happy single but would prefer to be in a relationship, there are people that are happy single and prefer to stay single, and there are even people that are unhappy single and would remain unhappy in a relationship, etc, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Very good point, otherwise this person's blog would likely not even exist. As you can see from her introductory paragraph she talks about how she's on a date of a rather undesirable fellow that had asked her for the umpteenth time "You're how old and still single?". Of course, some say, "It never hurts to ask." But this poor guy was likely labeled a deal breaker for having the nerve to ask and she lumped him into the other undesirables as a result of her finding a reason to dump someone. People on these forums wouldn't be participants if they were actually HAPPY being single. I have to laugh at Meetup events where people are "looking" at these events, then say, "I'm happy being single". lol Or TECHNICALLY they are HAPPY, but would rather be HAPPIER with someone in their lives. That is a whole lot of assumptions you make... I'm quite happy being single. I have not looked for a boyfriend, ever, I don't think. The ones that I've had happened by chance and not because I was looking. And I'm not here because I'm not happy being single. I found this forum after a breakup, and just decided to stick around. In fact, I was a lot more unhappy in that relationship than I had ever been in all my single years!! I can guarantee you, right now, that I will never put myself through that, ever again! But I haven't sworn off men or anything like that and if a suitable candidate comes along, I will see how things go. The other day, a friend of mine posted on twitter something to the effect of "the worst part about being single is having to go solo to social events". She is clearly not happy being single. Some other people replied that they too hated being single because they wanted to hate dates to go to the movies or the theatre. I was honestly baffled. I love going solo to things. Does not bother me one bit. Even yesterday, I went to the theatre on my own. I could have asked my friends if anyone wanted to join me, since I have access to cheap tickets, but didn't even bother with that and just decided to go on my own. I don't need a date to do anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Movies, though I love them, I don't go to the theater alone, nor do I eat alone in a public place, unless I'm really hungry...I'll just order out and pick up the food and take it home. It doesn't have to be a sig. other though, if I go to the movies or out to eat, I like doing it with friends or at least have SOMEONE with me. That's just how I roll, doesn't make ME unhappy though. That is a whole lot of assumptions you make... I'm quite happy being single. I have not looked for a boyfriend, ever, I don't think. The ones that I've had happened by chance and not because I was looking. And I'm not here because I'm not happy being single. I found this forum after a breakup, and just decided to stick around. In fact, I was a lot more unhappy in that relationship than I had ever been in all my single years!! I can guarantee you, right now, that I will never put myself through that, ever again! But I haven't sworn off men or anything like that and if a suitable candidate comes along, I will see how things go. The other day, a friend of mine posted on twitter something to the effect of "the worst part about being single is having to go solo to social events". She is clearly not happy being single. Some other people replied that they too hated being single because they wanted to hate dates to go to the movies or the theatre. I was honestly baffled. I love going solo to things. Does not bother me one bit. Even yesterday, I went to the theatre on my own. I could have asked my friends if anyone wanted to join me, since I have access to cheap tickets, but didn't even bother with that and just decided to go on my own. I don't need a date to do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I recall seeing someone saying in a FB post (Happened along her OK Cupid profile, too) That even though you can occupy your time with many things to keep your busy and your mind off of being single...when your head hits the bed that night, you get that sudden realization that no one is there next to you. So there will at least MOMENTS in your life you're not happy about being single (such as the above mentioned). Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Also, there's nothing wrong with "hating" going to certain functions alone. I dislike it just as much as other people. It's actually human nature as we are social creatures. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Also, there's nothing wrong with "hating" going to certain functions alone. I dislike it just as much as other people. It's actually human nature as we are social creatures. Yes, but there will be people at said function. So you stop being alone! And yes, I agree that it doesn't have to be a date. you can go to a restaurant or the movies, etc, with friends. But no. When my head hits the pillow, I don't think about how I wish I had someone next to me. I sleep terribly with people and it's a slow process to get used to having someone sleep next to me. But you're going to extremes here. I never said I want to be single forever. Just that I'm happy being single. I could be happy in a relationship too, I'm sure. Being happy while single doesn't mean you don't want to ever be in a relationship at all. Just that, if that relationship doesn't happen, you'll still be happy! Some people in relationships also sometimes think about how much easier it all is when you are single. Are you saying they're not happy being in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'm unhappy being single but only because I miss my ex. I have tried replacing him but it doesn't work. I think a lot of people found these forums post break ups. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Also, there's nothing wrong with "hating" going to certain functions alone. I dislike it just as much as other people. It's actually human nature as we are social creatures. Why is there nothing with hating going places alone, but you think there's something with being fine alone. Your threads remind me of someone who knows a gay person from work and a gay person from the gym, and thinks they would be perfect for each other ... because they're both gay. What more do you need right. Single people don't all need to be coupled up. Who says? Why can she ( or anyone else) not be single by their own choice and being happy. You get "puzzled" when people don't see your point of view but you never see theirs. There are some men in this world I would never date, no matter how single I was and how single they were. If the guy is an idiot but single, I should give him a chance? No thanks. If this forum is a representation of what's out there, then yes I'd be single forever. And be perfectly happy 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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