Female blogger is "single by choice"

[Eggplant]

No there's isn't a whole lot of confusion. I'll try and explain. The woman wrote the blog, won't settle for anything less than perfect, I just put into layman's. I didn't mean I was holding out for something better, I simply meant that I'm not happy with anything less than a model so I'm more comfortable single. If I made that thread the women probably wouldn't like it much.

Single men and women searching for a relationship are happier to hear that other singles are eager for a relationship too. When women/men are single by choice unless a perfect person comes along, the other single people who hope for a relationship feel unwanted and get depressed. But it's their own insecurities at the heart of the issue.

[SJC2008]

People range from can't be alone to healthy to perma single, most fall between the first two. Perma single people are super shy (mrn in this case as women can usualy get away with shymess) or have an underlying issue keeping them single like fear of getting hurt. I happen to fit into both categories. Anyway, the women in the picture is obviously a wounded duck, if you can't see the pain/hurt in her face I don't know what to tell you. The ironic thing is that she's single by choice but doesn't know it. She wants to meet someone but runs from good men (I'm not sterotyping women, I've run too) and gets her "needs" met with FWB's while hoping to meet Mr. Right and uses the excuse that she's single by choice. Well deep down inside she is single by choice and doesn't know it. She's so afraid to get hurt she runs from men who may be good for her. See the irony? I know this because this is me with the genders reversed minus the fwb but now I'm actually conscious of my issues which will hopefully help me work on them.

[serial muse]

Very good point, otherwise this person's blog would likely not even exist. As you can see from her introductory paragraph she talks about how she's on a date of a rather undesirable fellow that had asked her for the umpteenth time "You're how old and still single?".

 

Of course, some say, "It never hurts to ask." But this poor guy was likely labeled a deal breaker for having the nerve to ask and she lumped him into the other undesirables as a result of her finding a reason to dump someone.

 

People on these forums wouldn't be participants if they were actually HAPPY being single.

 

I have to laugh at Meetup events where people are "looking" at these events, then say, "I'm happy being single". lol Or TECHNICALLY they are HAPPY, but would rather be HAPPIER with someone in their lives.

 

I have to laugh at "poor guy".

 

I'd say a spot of negging on a first date is an excellent reason to say sayonara. He wasn't asking anything. Asking implies wanting to learn something and having an open mind. He was being an ass. I'd have written him off too. As would anyone I suspect.

 

I mean, come on.

Edited July 27, 2014 by serial muse

[PinkInTheLimo]

In my case, me being single is not a statement nor a conviction. It's just my status for the moment. I would prefer to be in a relationship with a man but right now I don't meet any available ones and I don't have the energy to start another round of online dating. For me this was asking a lot of my energy and my time, with few real life encounters which were most of the time unpleasant. I don't mind doing an effort to find something but here the input-output ratio was just not worth it.

 

It's not like I am constantly rejecting guys either, the only ones I meet are the ones at work and they are all married or gay (and even the latter are married these days :-)).

 

Am I single by choice? Not at all. It's just the situation I am in for the moment and I try to make the best of it. I feel rather content most of the time, even though I work so hard that I don't have enough free time. It probably helps that I am introverted and like my own company. A lot of people are too loud and stressed out and create too much turbulence so sometimes I find it better on my own. Do I miss a significant other? Absolutely but I try not to let it hinder me to do the things I like. For example, I love to go on holiday and would prefer to do that with my partner but if there is no partner, I still go on the same holiday.

 

What are we supposed to do as a single woman? Just pick up a drunk homeless guy from the street because we owe manhood a relationship?

 

A relationship is about love, it's not an act of charity.

[Betta Franka]

Can anyone elaborate as to why some single women tend to rationalize or mask their reasons with "I'm single by choice"?

 

I think it's a self defense mechanism. All of us have some kind of baggage -and not just in our romantic lives- that we don't want to deal with so we try to forget about it or make excuses for our "choices".

 

I do believe that there are people who are happy about being single, don't get me wrong, but this is not the case with most of this bloggers. The fact that you need to give explanations about your love life (or lack of it) to complete strangers, shows you're not happy about it and you need to expose the answers just to convince yourself about them.

[Betta Franka]

She is single by choice because she doesn't want the hassle of a bad relationship.

Who would?

It's much easier to be happy and single than in a relationship and unhappy.

 

Someone that doesn't have a relationship to avoid bad relationships isn't single by choice, people who are single by choice don't want a relationship at all, good or bad.

[Betta Franka]

First, I understand if she is scared to death about marrying the wrong person. Doing it once was probably a traumatic experience to her. Marrying the wrong person at midlife will probably ruin her chances of finding someone special at 40.

 

This is not being single by choice, you're being single because of your fears, not because you truly want to stay alone.

 

The thing is that many men are intimidated by successful women specially if they make more money than them or have a very powerful position at a job.

 

This is just another excuse. Successful women are surrounded by successful men, just like druggies are surrounded by other druggies. Successful men are hardly intimidated by successful women.

[Betta Franka]

The truth is, a less attractive man may very well treat you better, because he will appreciate you more. When you date a guy who can easily score with women better looking than you, he may not appreciate you as much.

 

Just because he's not that attractive that doesn't mean he cannot score a better looking woman. A woman doesn't have to be gorgeous to be better looking than another one.

 

Also, if you are actually attractive, chances are you're in the league of attractive guys as well.

 

Settling down when you can actually do better is not a good choice, problem is that many people mask their insecurities by being picky.

[Eggplant]

The particular single woman by choice started a thread, so she personally is up for debate and discussion, I suppose. But what really irks me is that everybody's personal life always seems to be up for scrutiny whether they make a blog or not. In general, people's relationships or lack thereof are a personal, private issue. And people really have no right to criticize or pity somebody else who may be very happy.

 

 

Leave people the **** alone.

[No Limit]

I do believe that there are people who are happy about being single, don't get me wrong, but this is not the case with most of this bloggers. The fact that you need to give explanations about your love life (or lack of it) to complete strangers, shows you're not happy about it and you need to expose the answers just to convince yourself about them.

 

This is what makes me wary as well.