how to respect friend's recent breakup while making my intentions clear?

[j.carsey]

some background.. I'm in my 20s, Ive been very fond of one of my female friends ever since I met her 3 years ago. We do spend alot of time together and get along well. we share common interests and have fun, have long talks on the phone and all that but never anything romantic or sexual other than some mild flirting. she has been dating her boyfriend for this period, and I have been respectful of their relationship. i don't really know her boyfriend at all, but she certainly is/was happy with him and he sounds like an OK guy. during this time i've had a couple of flings with other girls, not her. I am single right now.

 

while I admit I've been hitting on this female friend of mine she made a point often mentioning her boyfriend when we talked. So then I made it pretty clear that if she was available I would be all over her. This didn't seem to upset her at all. In fact she sounded interested in getting closer, were there a chance. what I mean by that is sometimes we have some pretty, er, explicit/intimate conversations. As in stuff I would not talk about with my guy friends, and stuff I wouldn't talk about with my other platonic girl friends either.

 

Recently, she broke up with her long term boyfriend and is really sad these days. shes been dating him for years, knows his family well and I suspect they considered getting engaged. things didn't work out because work took him away elsewhere and she was spending all her time alone. She is understandably sad about all this and I feel bad for her too. She has also told me that in the past, her breakups have really shaken her up.

 

So here's my question, what kinds of things should I be doing to comfort her without going overboard? i'm not trying to take advantage of her. I feel mildly guilty that i might have played a role in her breakup. But I'll be honest, if this is the case i'm not terribly embarassed by it. I would like to take our relationship further when she's ready to do that but I don't want to jeapordize our strong friendship (which is already "a bit more") by upsetting her or stressing her out when she's already in a really tough time.

 

any advice appreciated, i've really never run into a situation quite this delicate before

[greeneyedgirl23]

[color=green][/color]

Hi there!

 

I think that you should continue to be a good friend to her for the time being. Remember that she did just get out of a long term relationship. Being a supportive friend to her will make her appreciate your kindness and sincerity!

 

As for being "more than friends" already, just take things slow. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship that may definitley develop into something more. Just give her some time and let her get to know herself as single again. Be there for her, but dont rush anything!

 

Good Luck, I hope it works out for you!

[ChonChon]

Dude, I'm going through pretty much the exact same thing. My best female friend recently broke up with her bf of 5 years. She already knows how I feel for her but I plan to give her plenty of space. I don't know what else to do.

[SuperFantastico]

Give her space. No need to become a rebound. Dont get too close or you will be stuck as the just friend guy. Chat with her once a week. Maybe take her out for a coffee or something. a movie is good. But try not to have contact much more than that. I'm sure she has other friends too, so the burden isnt on you.

 

If in a couple months things get a bit closer between the both of you, then maybe make your intentions a bit more clear. But for now, just chill and be a friend.