Anyone who likes the relationship?

[erika2610]

I was just wondering.. is there anyone out there who likes being the OW? Anyone who doesn't WANNA get out of the relationship?

[LittleMiss]

Right now I'm the OW, and we are doing really good. Well, in my case he left his wife and moved in with me. We have been together for 6 months and living together for 4. I love him very much and I know he feels the same. I wouldn't change anything. I mean yeah it sucks that his marriage wasn't going well and all and I do feel bad for his wife. I don't feel responsible for the break up though. Their marriage was over before I ever came into the picture. They have had seperate bedrooms for years now.

[MsMree]

I'm sure there are women out there who, for purely sexual reasons, do not mind being the OW. However, I am in love w/my MM, therefore, do not like the relationship as it is -

 

What i don't like is simple. There is no future beyond Fantasy Island - the fantasy that they aren't married, that they will be yours, etc.

 

What i've come to find out is that i see OM/OW relationships very differently than i did before i was in one. I may have judged the OM/OW even if it wasn't out loud - but now i can honestly say that when i'm w/MM we aren't think'g about W - not intentionally, it's just that it really is about US. And that is why I call it "Fantasy Island".

 

Besides the fact that he is married, our relationship is just like any other - we have our circle of friends, we run our errands together, we take care of one another when we're sick - that is the part that I like - the part that separates him from his marriage.

[Love2share]

It's only been a few days and I feel comfortable with this man. I like him a lot. We are both physically attracted to each other. And we are both in need of a little extra attention. His wife is pregnant and they don't have sex much. She's also a very busy career woman who doesn't spend a lot of time at home. They are happy and he loves her. He was honest and told me that he just wants some attention outside of his marriage rather it be sexual or friendly.

 

I have been getting over my XBF for the past eight months. It's been very hard because although I've been getting attention from other men, I haven't been attracted to or comfortable with any of them. Being involved with this married man just may be the extra nodge I need to finally get over my XBF. The married man understands my needs and I understand his. We haven't been intimate yet, we just laid everything on the table. We are both a little scared that feelings may get too deep. So right now, we are just talking about it and trying to cover all the points that could make it a bad situation.

 

I don't know what to say!! I was really hating men before I met this married man. I've always been cheated on in past relationships, despite how open minded and understanding I've been. This married man is the first man who has ever really been honest with me about why he wants to cheat on his wife. Other married men I've known usually didn't tell me about their wives. And when I found out and got angry, they dumped me and treated me like I was the bad person. This married man, so far, has given me hope to trust men again, and be more understanding, and not be intimidated by men.

 

Who knows! Hopefully I won't be posting again one day about how this situation turned ungly. I've read all the other post OW/OM. I don't want to end up like that.

[MsMree]

then why even tempt it?

 

Have you really read the other posts? Have you learned anything?

 

Of course he is honest, HE BELIEVES HE HAS EVERYTHING TO GAIN.

 

Let me just speak for me... If I'm sleep'g w/someone and the sex is good - you can bet your ass that feel'gs will develop - that's how women are wired. So let's just skip all the crap and get right to where you'll most likely be in a few mos.

 

You: "I love you" Him: "I told you what this is about when we started" You: "BUT" Him: "I love my wife"

 

Get the picture? And if that's not enough to deter you it's in my humble opinion that you should consider his pregnant W. Too f'g bad for him if she doesn't want to have sex at the moment - HE CAN'T WAIT?

 

I think he is scum.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by Love2share

This married man is the first man who has ever really been honest with me about why he wants to cheat on his wife.

 

You may want to reevaluate the reasoning behind that statement.

 

 

Originally posted by Love2share

This married man, so far, has given me hope to trust men again, and be more understanding, and not be intimidated by men.

 

So your beacon of hope in the dark abyss of untrustworthy men is a man who cheats on his pregnant wife? Good luck with that.

[whichwayisup]

Who knows! Hopefully I won't be posting again one day about how this situation turned ungly. I've read all the other post OW/OM. I don't want to end up like that.

 

Well, if you don't wanna end up posting here, stay away from the married guy. You're about to play with fire and will get burned.

 

I feel bad for the poor innocient child who is about to be born into this upcoming mess...Just remember that when your MM goes home to his wife and child...

[erika2610]

Exactly.. how can you trust a man that's cheating on his pregnant wife? Trust me.. get out before the feelings get deeper. I was with my MM for a year, and when we broke up, my world shattered. Don't you want somebody for just yourself? Somebody who'll be there when you need him? Who you can call when you just wanna talk? And you don't have to wait for him to call when his wife's out? And once you're out of the relationship, you'll feel like a much better person for getting out. Read the posts on this forum and see what we go and have went through. The infedility forum is good too..

[Love2share]

Don't you want somebody for just yourself? Somebody who'll be there when you need him? Who you can call when you just wanna talk? And you don't have to wait for him to call when his wife's out?

 

Yes I would like to have my own relationship. But remember, I always had my own relationship with men and I was the one they cheated on. At least now, the tables are turned and I am the one who is desired rather than the one who is deceived.

 

Honestly, I'm afraid to get into another relationship that is supposed to be monogamous. And even if I decide to be in one again, I still haven't had any hope finding men who are truly single or available for me. I'm also dating another man who claims to be single. Our schedules are basically the same. I still can't call him when I want to. He still isn't available when I need him. When I think about it, I am casually dating 5 different men. I never call any of them because it's a waste of time. Instead, I wait for them call me. Either way, it sucks.

 

With this one particualar married man with whom I'm planning to become involved, we will have an arrangement. I WILL know what to expect. His marriage is a good reason why he would have to cancel or can't be here when I want him.

 

On the other hand, those single men who do the same thing, they don't have good excuses for why they're not available when I need them. I end up thinking it's something I did or maybe I'm not good enough for them. I hate that. The married man gives me hope that there are some honest men left in the world. He has given me a choice up front if I think I can handle the situation. I'm sure if I ever decide to walk away, he's not going to try to make me stay by lying to me and giving me false hope. Sure, he will probably say, "I told you so." But he won't do anything stupid to ruin his marriage.

 

Cheating on his wife doesn't make him dishonest. It makes him a horny and greedy man who wants to have his cake and eat it too. A dishonest man cheats on his wife, and he will lie and hurt other women in the process, just to get what he wants without caring who gets hurt or what he has to risk.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by Love2share

Cheating on his wife doesn't make him dishonest. It makes him a horny and greedy man who wants to have his cake and eat it too. A dishonest man cheats on his wife, and he will lie and hurt other women in the process, just to get what he wants without caring who gets hurt or what he has to risk.

 

I nominate this as the most ridiculous paragraph ever written. My money says both you and his wife will be women who get hurt by this.

[whichwayisup]

Yes I would like to have my own relationship. But remember, I always had my own relationship with men and I was the one they cheated on. At least now, the tables are turned and I am the one who is desired rather than the one who is deceived.

 

So it is OK now since you're on the otherside of the fence, being desired by a MM? He's now doing to his wife (CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) what was done to you by other people. HMMMM...That makes alot of sense. How do you think his wife might feel? You've been there, you know that pain. Now you're gonna be part of the reason and inflict it on her? Yes, it's HIS choice, but you're going in on this with your eyes open.

 

Again, I just feel so sorry for that innocient baby...

 

With this one particualar married man with whom I'm planning to become involved, we will have an arrangement. I WILL know what to expect. His marriage is a good reason why he would have to cancel or can't be here when I want him.

 

Until you totally fall inlove with him, then those 'rules and reasonings' won't matter anymore.

 

You're about to change your life....Yes I'm sure it feels wonderful and you feel so happy but I can pretty much guarantee you - SOON enough you're gonna look back and really WISH that you walked away from this all right from the start.

 

Can't change your mind, you're gonna DO what you're gonna do, but I can try and make you see what a HUGE mistake you're about to make and ruin lives...Including your own.

[Love2share]

I nominate this as the most ridiculous paragraph ever written. My money says both you and his wife will be women who get hurt by this.

 

He's now doing to his wife (CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) what was done to you by other people. HMMMM...That makes alot of sense. How do you think his wife might feel? You've been there, you know that pain. Now you're gonna be part of the reason and inflict it on her?

 

I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will. Every man I've ever known has cheated. Every man I've ever dated has cheated. Now, I'm not saying that everyone in the world cheats. I'm only saying that until I come across a man who doesn't cheat and who will love me and be faitful to me, I'd rather enjoy this side of the fence.

 

I can't worry about the wife. At this point, I know that I NEVER want to be in her position. I NEVER want to marry her husband. Why the hell would I marry a man who will not commit to me? I'm in love with my XBF right now, and he's F**kng another woman. My XBF isn't married to that woman. But I am not interfering with their relationship. Clearly, I would not have a problem stepping away from this married man, regardless of how much it hurts, if that should ever be the case.

 

Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.

[whichwayisup]

I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will. Every man I've ever known has cheated. Every man I've ever dated has cheated. Now, I'm not saying that everyone in the world cheats. I'm only saying that until I come across a man who doesn't cheat and who will love me and be faitful to me, I'd rather enjoy this side of the fence.

 

I can't worry about the wife. At this point, I know that I NEVER want to be in her position. I NEVER want to marry her husband. Why the hell would I marry a man who will not commit to me? I'm in love with my XBF right now, and he's F**kng another woman. My XBF isn't married to that woman. But I am not interfering with their relationship. Clearly, I would not have a problem stepping away from this married man, regardless of how much it hurts, if that should ever be the case.

 

Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.

 

OK well it seems you have talked yourself into a pretty big f**k'n mess that is around the corner. I'm done trying to help you or atleast open your eyes.

 

You have a HUGE chip on your shoulder and have blinders on.

 

Good luck cuz you're gonna need it!

[jade_nc]

I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will.

 

now, that's the best reason i've heard yet to have an affair with a mm. Give me a break!!

 

go back and read some of your old posts......you know - the ones where you're so hurt that your bf is cheating on you. remember that pain the next time mm is so honest with you. just because you've been hurt doesn't give you the right to knowingly hurt someone else.

[Love2share]

go back and read some of your old posts......you know - the ones where you're so hurt that your bf is cheating on you

 

I don't have to read my old post. I KNOW them. I WROTE them. I FELT them. That's the reason I'm considering this situation with the married man. Why don't you re-read my old post and try to understand that the underlying factor for all the pain was my EXPECTATIONS.

 

I expected my XBF to be honest with me. I expected my XBF to commit to me. I expected my XBF to eventually marry me. For the past eight months, I've expected my XBF to come back to me. Finally, I've come to grips with the fact that that isn't going to happen.

 

I don't expect this married man to be the man of my dreams. I don't expect him to commit to me. I don't expect him to ever leave his wife and marry me.

 

I expect this married man to F**ck me when we are both in the mood. I expect this married man to respect my time and attention. I expect the whole situation with this married man to soothe the pain that I feel from those other post that I've written. AGAIN, if there was a single man who could do all this, I would be with them instead of the married man.

 

RE-READ what I said when I told you that the single men I know treat me worse than this married man. The single men lie and have dumb excuses for the times they are not available for me. The single men put me through the same BS that caused me to break up with my XBF. I don't want that sh*t anymore.

[Something Blue]

Originally posted by Love2share

I expect the whole situation with this married man to soothe the pain that I feel from those other post that I've written. AGAIN, if there was a single man who could do all this, I would be with them instead of the married man.

 

Or how about you try and soothe your own pain and unhappiness using your own resources, rather than attempt to band-aid it by becoming involved with another man. A married man nonetheless.

 

TIME heals wounds. YOU can heal your own wounds. Men can't. Another dysfunctional relationship can't.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by Love2share

I expected my XBF to be honest with me. I expected my XBF to commit to me. I expected my XBF to eventually marry me. For the past eight months, I've expected my XBF to come back to me. Finally, I've come to grips with the fact that that isn't going to happen.

 

I don't expect this married man to be the man of my dreams. I don't expect him to commit to me. I don't expect him to ever leave his wife and marry me.

 

 

Oh, but you will, you will. And if you don't "expect" it, you will hope, pray, wait, etc. for it...and it will NEVER COME.

 

RE-READ what I said when I told you that the single men I know treat me worse than this married man. The single men lie and have dumb excuses for the times they are not available for me. The single men put me through the same BS that caused me to break up with my XBF. I don't want that sh*t anymore.

 

The MM will lie to you too, darling. While yes, he is having his cake and eating it too, he doesn't tell you the absolute truth about everything for fear of losing the frosting on said cake: you. The single men lie? Your MM is lying. Single men are not available to you at times? MM will be unavailable more times than not...why? Because he will be with the WIFE, and soon, his CHILD. NOT YOU.

 

Being with a MM ONLY involves sh*t. Even when it's good, and trust me, I know how good it can get, your love nest will still smell like a porterpotty.

 

Dear God, please, end it now. Trust me on this.

[d'Arthez]

I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will. Every man I've ever known has cheated. Every man I've ever dated has cheated. Now, I'm not saying that everyone in the world cheats. I'm only saying that until I come across a man who doesn't cheat and who will love me and be faitful to me, I'd rather enjoy this side of the fence.

 

Sh*t happens to the best of us. And it is true that a lot of men and women cheat. But not every man has cheated. However your comment is telling us a lot; probably that you have met your dates at the wrong places. And "enjoying this", could cause you to lose out on the man who does not cheat, will love you and be faithful to you. He will be expecting the same of his future wife. And your credentials are stained.

 

I can't worry about the wife. At this point, I know that I NEVER want to be in her position. I NEVER want to marry her husband. Why the hell would I marry a man who will not commit to me? I'm in love with my XBF right now, and he's F**kng another woman. My XBF isn't married to that woman. But I am not interfering with their relationship. Clearly, I would not have a problem stepping away from this married man, regardless of how much it hurts, if that should ever be the case.

 

You say you never want to be in her position. Let's generalize, and it would mean you would never want to be pregnant yourself? Or would your future faithful husband be allowed to be having sex with a girl he deems worthy, because your sexual desire is not just there? I think that is highly unlikely, and you feel that the world owes you a thing or two. That is not true, and as harsh as it may sound, if everybody screwed you over in the past, it is because you let them.

 

Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.

 

However cynic you sound, there is more truth in this statement than you probably realize. But read my response in another thread about your situation. Your actions now also shape your future.

[KissMyTiara]

Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else.

 

You left out MARRIED AND F-ing someone else.

 

This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.

 

Let me add this... What's going to hurt more is when you realize you tricked yourself into falling in love with a lying, cheating, A-hole, and knew what he was the entire time you were with him. Trust me - THAT is worse.

[whichwayisup]

Gotta jump in again...Boy, you've got everybody now telling you to get out!!

 

Seems you don't respect yourself, you don't feel YOU deserve somebody trustworthy. You DO...You just have to find somebody. I know you're just looking for some fun and non committal banging, but you've picked the wrong guy.

 

How can you not care about his WIFE and CHILD?? IF that is really the case, you're sick and need some serious help.

 

I agree with everyword everybody else has said here and I could say even more but I'm not going to..I know afew others will jump in, feel as disguisted by what you are WILLING about to do and TELL you what they think.

 

Seek a therapist and fast. NO man, relationship or anybody is going to make you happy unless you learn to be happy and content alone. You obviously don't regard yourself in any positive light, and you disrecpect yourself 100%.

 

You play with the bull, you get the horns...And those horns WILL really hurt you!! I don't understand WHY you would want to willing do this.

 

Again, therapy could be a HUGE help to you and your self image. You need it bad.

[SadAndLonely]

Originally posted by Love2share Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.

 

Actually, there's a way to not get hurt. Of course, it would involve not dating anyone. But then, why do you NEED a guy to make you happy? So anyway, you stay single, focus on your life, get to know any man you meet really carefully, and then slowly pursue something. Not all men cheat, and I'm not saying you're doing anything to make them cheat, but I think you need to look inside yourself for what's wrong instead of blaming other people.

 

You sound pretty bitter to me, and like you're deluding yourself. I hope you find what you're TRULY looking for.

[Michael86]

But he won't do anything stupid to ruin his marriage.

 

So cheating on his pregnant wife who he claims to love won't ruin his marriage. It's incredible how delusional you are.

 

Think of how the wife will feel when she finds out (and she will). Or even more so, think about that child. Take it from someone who knows first hand - growing up knowing that a parent is cheating is about as destructive as it gets. I was smart enough to figure it out when I was 10. That child who's father is betraying his mother will also when he grows up.

 

MsMree was right, he is scum. BTW, I've NEVER cheated.

 

Michael

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by Michael86

Or even more so, think about that child. Take it from someone who knows first hand - growing up knowing that a parent is cheating is about as destructive as it gets. I was smart enough to figure it out when I was 10. That child who's father is betraying his mother will also when he grows up.

 

MsMree was right, he is scum. BTW, I've NEVER cheated.

 

 

Ok, that makes no sense. If you think the child is doomed to follow in his father's footsteps, then aren't you too?

 

But I do agree that in cheating alone, whether or not W ever finds out, whether or not he ever knocks OW up, whether or not he passes along an STD, whatever...that what he is doing NOW in cheating IS ruining his marriage. Without trust and fidelity, there just is no marriage.

[Love2share]

TIME heals wounds. YOU can heal your own wounds. Men can't. Another dysfunctional relationship can't.

 

How much time does it take?

 

Seems you don't respect yourself, you don't feel YOU deserve somebody trustworthy. You DO...You just have to find somebody. I know you're just looking for some fun and non committal banging, but you've picked the wrong guy.

why do you NEED a guy to make you happy? So anyway, you stay single, focus on your life, get to know any man you meet really carefully, and then slowly pursue something.....I think you need to look inside yourself for what's wrong instead of blaming other people.

 

I refuse to live in complete solitude for the rest of my life just because I haven't met the man that I deserve. I've been away from my XBF for eight months. Before I met him, it had been three years since I'd been in a serious relationship. During that three years, I spent time dating and screeing men, slowly until I found my XBF whom I thought was the man I deserved.

 

I never cheated on anyone before. I've never deceived anyone about anything before. I know that I'm not perfect. But I also know that I'm open minded. When I look inside myself, I see all these wonderful things that I would love to share with someone else. I see how much of myself I've given to every man I've ever known, and none of them have appreciated it enough to reciprocate that love to me. They've never trusted me enough to communicate with me and help me understand the reasons they have been so unfaithful to me.

 

Having and intimate relationship with this MM doesn't mean that I will be giving up on the hope that I will ever find the RIGHT man. The only other option is to stop dating completely and risk being alone for the rest of my life. I can't change the people I meet. But I can change the way I feel and think about things.

 

I have meet men in great places: church, charity events, school, work, and blind dates arranged by friends and relatives. I've even tried online dating but almost every person I found only wanted sex, or were unattractive. The last thing I ever wanted to do was be involved with a married man. I almost gave up on dating, but as soon as I changed my way if thinking, this MM is helping me view love and relationships from a different light. He is the therapy I need right now. I KNOW that I can't have him. And he's not giving me any reason to believe that I ever will.

 

One day, I might get married. If my husband cheats on me, I will have a little understanding of how and why he's doing it. I won't take it so personal that I hate him and go off the deep end with my anger the way that I have done in the past. If my husband is faithful to me, I will thank my lucky stars and KNOW that I have something that is as rare as a flawless diamond. I will appreciate him and all that he has to offer.

 

In the meantime, all I can do is play with the hand that I've been dealt without holding a grudge, or feeling guilty for demanding control of my own joy and happiness.

[jade_nc]

are you playing the hand you've been dealt.....or demanding control over your own happiness??

 

if you view life as a series of events in which you have no control, then you're playing a hand. but from my experience - we all make choices everyday. this isn't the only answer to your problems. it's just the one your choosing.