Anyone who likes the relationship?

[d'Arthez]

One day, I might get married. If my husband cheats on me, I will have a little understanding of how and why he's doing it. I won't take it so personal that I hate him and go off the deep end with my anger the way that I have done in the past. If my husband is faithful to me, I will thank my lucky stars and KNOW that I have something that is as rare as a flawless diamond. I will appreciate him and all that he has to offer.

 

Yes, but how will banging a married man improve your chances of finding a man with good morals? You are damaging your chances big time with these actions. Or if the man, who you deem suitable, do not frown upon it, you are giving whomever you pick a free chance to start an affair during any pregnancy. I don't think you like that. Especially if he wants a big family, so he will be having 2 women to have some action with.

 

The sad truth is that you could have been the flawless diamond yourself. But now you are chipped. And chipped diamonds beget chipped diamonds. With everything going for her, and had been hurt by her previous boyfriends. That thing would not get you bad grades, and even more compassion than you would think possible. By the right, flawless man that is.

 

I am sorry for you. You are deluding yourself that this affair is healing you. It will slowly consume you, and you will be in for a rollercoaster ride.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Love2share

I understand what you're saying. But this **** happens to the best of us for no reason. If I don't get involved with this man, some other woman will. Every man I've ever known has cheated. Every man I've ever dated has cheated. Now, I'm not saying that everyone in the world cheats. I'm only saying that until I come across a man who doesn't cheat and who will love me and be faitful to me, I'd rather enjoy this side of the fence.

 

I can't worry about the wife. At this point, I know that I NEVER want to be in her position. I NEVER want to marry her husband. Why the hell would I marry a man who will not commit to me? I'm in love with my XBF right now, and he's F**kng another woman. My XBF isn't married to that woman. But I am not interfering with their relationship. Clearly, I would not have a problem stepping away from this married man, regardless of how much it hurts, if that should ever be the case.

 

Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.

 

But what about the baby?

 

 

At least if you don't involve yourself with him you can feel good about not being the one that ruined an innocent child's life.

[Love2share]

Of course this is the option I've chosen. Re-read my comment:

 

The only other option is to stop dating completely and risk being alone for the rest of my life. I can't change the people I meet. But I can change the way I feel and think about things.

 

I never said that this relationship will enhance my chances of finding a man with good morals. But it will keep me from locking myself away from all relationships for fear of being hurt.

 

The sad truth is that you could have been the flawed diamond yourself. But now you are chipped. And chipped diamonds beget chipped diamonds. With everything going for her, and had been hurt by her previous boyfriends.

 

You're right. It really is a sad shame. But unfortunately, it is what it is. The important thing you should remember is that you can't correct a flawless diamond. It's worth is deminished forever. Never the less, you can't change the fact that it is still a diamond.

 

What good is a diamond that doesn't shine? I've been hiding in pain and grief for too long, afraid to expose my flaws. A relationship with this MM may very well be one of those flaws. I've always known my worth. But this MM is the only person who appreciates my value, right now. At least I can shine now, flaws an all.

[blind_otter]

Love2share, I hope you find what you are looking for. Your story made me sad. I feel bad for everyone in your situation. At least in my situation, my ex cheated on me right after I got pregnant and his new girl didn't even know. So I don't feel bad for her...but you know what you are doing. That's the worst part of all.

[lynnered]

[. Clearly, I would not have a problem stepping away from this married man, regardless of how much it hurts, if that should ever be the case.

 

Either way, I will get hurt. Doesn't matter if my man is married, single and f**kng someone else, or single and lying to me about f**kng someone else. This time, I'm making my own choice rather than being deceived into loving someone.

hey love2share,

just my thoughts 1st of all in most situations the ow becomes attached, I don't see why it would be so tough to take some me time ,get it together then look for a single man,we don't always need to have someone else in our life to be fulfilled ,i would have rather spent 2years alone then the 4 with my xmm ,i still love him don't get me wrong ,

hind site is 20/20&had i had a site like this to make me more aware.

WOW i wish!! listen to others on this forum they know ,id rather learn from the mistakes of others .

 

"What good is a diamond that doesn't shine. I've been hiding in pain and grief for too long, afraid to expose my flaws. A relationship with this MM may very well be one of those flaws. I've always known my worth. But this MM is the only person who appreciates my value, right now. At least I can shine now, flaws an all."

if you appreciate you, then you would walk away ,walk away before you getin too deep.

and i highly recommend reading all these posts ,

good luck in whatever you choose to do .

[Love2share]

Don't feel sad. You've been cheated on, so you know the pain I've experienced. I'm sure you've found a way to cope with your pain in your own way. Whatever works for you is fine. I totally wish things were different for me. I wish I could live in fantasy world where everything is perfect and a little positive thinking would make everything okay.

 

For the first time in my life, I actaully feel hopeful that the world is not filled with discraceful creatures. Some people are great. But most people are misunderstood, or lacking understanding.

 

"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free." Yes I know exactly what I'm doing. And that makes me happy.

 

I also see your point Lynnerd. But don't think this situation is one that last forever. Everyone keeps telling me to walk away without hearing me when I say that walking away means that I will either continue to be jerked around by the single men that I know, or be completely alone.

 

You said that you would rather have been alone for 2 years than spend 4 years with you XMM. The only difference in me being completely alone to myself and being with this MM is that at least I have someone who helps me remember why I'm alone. I DO deserve better than being deceived and abused.

[d'Arthez]

What good is a diamond that doesn't shine? I've been hiding in pain and grief for too long, afraid to expose my flaws. A relationship with this MM may very well be one of those flaws. I've always known my worth. But this MM is the only person who appreciates my value, right now. At least I can shine now, flaws an all.

 

You know that not everybody can assess the value of a diamond accurately. Of all the people you have dated none could. They threw you away, for a diamond with a ring attached, but with low quality. It only proves they were stupid. You did not shine, because they could not even be bothered to polish you .

 

Of course you want to meet someone and have a meaningful relationship with that person, who knows the value of you. Your flaws and good qualities. You have every right for that desire. But this MM is a gemcutter, and not an experienced one at his profession. Don't risk being cut in two.

 

You are selling yourself terribly short. Probably you have a lot going for yourself. The fact that you have been betrayed would never be held against you.

 

The fact is there are loyal, willing to commit, non-cheating, highly intelligent, highly driven men out there, who can't even find a girlfriend with good morals, and a lot going for her.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by d'Arthez

The fact is there are loyal, willing to commit, non-cheating, highly intelligent, highly driven men out there, who can't even find a girlfriend with good morals, and a lot going for her.

 

Where?!

 

 

Low self-esteem is a bitch, especially when it stems, more often than not, from a string of bad relationships with a**h***s. I have almost sworn off men so many times. And I think this direclty results in women who are attracted to (a) unavailable good men or (b) available, throbbing, swollen a**h*** men.

 

Sniffle.

[Love2share]

You sound exactly like the MM by saying no one else has ever been able to assess my true value. He has seen this value and encourages me not to settle for anything less than what I deserve. He's not telling me that he is the man of my dreams. He's not trying to keep me from being with anyone else. He's just a charming friend who just happens to be married, who is thinking about cheating on his wife, but he is horny and imperfect, just like me and everyone else. I feel safe with him because of his honesty about everything.

 

Who knows, he and I may not ever have sex. But if we do, I won't think he's the most despicable man in the world. I won't hate his wife, because I know she has an imperfect man. And I won't feel deprived if I ever meet a perfect man who deems me insuitable just because I had sex with a married man.

 

The first step to being perfect is knowing that no one is perfect. Accept things that can't be changed. And know the difference between the two.

 

Walking away from this situation with this MM does not mean that I will never be faced with the challenge again. For the past eight months, I've walked away from similar situations. I'd like to allow my traveling to rest for a while and enjoy whatever this reaccurring scene has to offer.

[d'Arthez]

Love2share: Why do I sound like your MM?

 

I am just a single guy, who has never cheated, never condoned cheating, and never has been interested to be in a relationship for the sexual benefits. They do exist.

 

It's good to see that you realize MM is not perfect and has his flaws. He has been feeding you the words you needed to hear. He wants to f*ck you. He has his reasons, and he has been honest about his reasons.

 

But think about yourself: Would you heal? I don't think so. A f*ck is not a cleansing. It cannot restore your almost broken faith in men.

 

Walk away, or at least make certain that the two of you can keep it platonic (by meeting his wife).

Don't risk yourself to be cut in two, there will be a man who'd rather have you perfect. Who does not mind to polish you. Who will feel the luckiest man alive, because he has found a flawless diamond. You know how rare these flawless diamonds are?

[Love2share]

But the only men I know who think like you are the ones who don't have an opportunity to cheat, in other words, they are not attractive enough to be faced with the challenge of temptations like infidelity.

 

Sex is just sex. If the MM and I do it, it will only be sex. I know he has his reasons and may very well be telling me the TRUTH, just so that he can f*ck me. But at least he's not telling me LIES, just so that he can f*ck me. Regardless of the situation, I always respect the truth over lies.

 

I want sex just as much as the MM wants sex. I'd rather just have sex with this MM, than with any other man I know right now. I don't want to keep waiting for a man like you, who is also attractive along with all the other great aspects. I'd rather waste my time with the MM whom I trust, rather than waste my time with men I don't trust, until I find the RIGHT man.

[MsMree]

It is soooo obvious that no matter what anyone says your mind is made up. So why post it? Are you look'g for someone to co-sign this destructive behavior?

 

There has got to be a forum for people who only post questions in order to receive the answers they want to hear - i don't believe this is it.

[d'Arthez]

I know you don't mean it in an offensive way love2share.

 

But the only men I know who think like you are the ones who don't have an opportunity to cheat, in other words, they are not attractive enough to be faced with the challenge of temptations like infidelity.

 

Which proves only that you are looking for a relationship in the wrong places.

 

I may not be Mr. Pitt. True. I will not be putting my credentials on here, but rest assured that statistically out of 1 million females, only a few would match me intellectually. See why it for some people can be hard to find a partner?

 

But the thing is, by engaging sex with a married man, you will miss out on the great man. That is the problem.

If sex is just sex, please participate in sex with a non-committed party. He has a wife, and one unborn child. If she does find out, hell will break loose.

Even if she does not find out, your relationship credentials will be stained. The rest of the men you know may be lying sc*mbags. But if they are not attached you cannot mess up the life of innocent people.

 

The thing is, a great man who has high moral standards, will not be interested in a cheater, or someone who has been the OW in an affair. You know that. You profess yourself you are not interested in a man who has cheated. Please, live up to your standards.

[whichwayisup]

I've even tried online dating but almost every person I found only wanted sex

 

Hmmm well somewhere in your thread you said ....

 

I expect this married man to F**ck me when we are both in the mood.

 

Isn't that what you're after?? HMMM...

 

I expect this married man to respect my time and attention. I expect the whole situation with this married man to soothe the pain that I feel from those other post that I've written. AGAIN, if there was a single man who could do all this, I would be with them instead of the married man.

 

Nope. This is something more because if you just wanted sex, there are TONS of men who would jump on that chance. No committment, just pure sex.

 

This seems (and I've gone back and re read your posts...) YOU ARE falling inlove with this married man and soon enough you're gonna have your heart broken SO bad. Know why? Because of this...

 

I expect this married man to respect my time and attention.

 

Putting conditions on it when it hasn't even happened yet...Just think what other conditions and expectations you will put on him soon enough. AND, one thing YOU haven't thought of...What if he falls hard for YOU?? Then there's the mess right there. Think ahead lady and get with the program.

[izzybelle]

the problem with most any relationship is that we never ever know what will happen. people make promises, they make vows, and then in an instant, life changes. although for some of us, myself included, our "expectations" of what would happen in our relationship with our MMs are that someday we will be together. while my relationship was happening, yes, i was extremely happy, i had never been happier before because i believed that his marriage was over and i believed him when he said that it was me that he wanted to be with. for some, going into relationships with MM, it is one of the few relationships where you know what will happen. please don't misunderstand, i'm not saying that this is a "good" reason for dating an MM. but if they make you no promises, you know where you stand. so some, if not most of you will say that "that person must have low self-esteem" "that person doesn't care enough about themselves" he!! in my time spent here on these boards i think i've heard every description psychological, emotional and sometimes physical that is possible to describe an OW. and for those who don't know us, we're no different psychologically or emotionally than many other women. you'd never know us if you saw us on the street.

 

where the problem occurs for many entering into these relationships is when the "expectations" change. when the knowledge and comfort from knowing where you stand with this MM begins to be replaced by love, that's when things go wrong. we may begin to feel that we want more, we deserve more. whether we push MM to leave or work tirelessly to end things on our own, or in my case, are forced to see the situation for what it really was, the pain from losing that love is unbearable.

 

i've had my share of bad situations with single men over the years. i've been used, i've been hurt and i've been dumped on, so i can relate to the comfort in knowing what i'd be getting out of a relationship with an MM. I'm not going there again anytime soon, but i do see the point. it's just that now, i know first hand, how painful the end result is for many. and the interesting thing that i've discovered lately is that it would be SIGNIFICANTLY easier for me to find another MM than to become involved with than a single guy.

 

i will not pass judgement on someone who is entering a relationship for just the physical. i've been around the block enough to know that my glass house is somewhat shattered and i will not be the one to cast the first stone at someone else. the problem with these relationship is that more people end up getting hurt in the end than there may be in the more typical relationship. i honestly don't think my exMMs wife was hurt by this. pis$ed as he!! but i'd be very surprised if she was actually even remotely surprised that he chose to look to someone else for love and support. nope, still wrong, i know that.

 

all i will say is to please think this through carefully. like many of us, we come here for advice or as a sounding board, but when we sign off, we take with us what we want and erase or ignore the rest. if only the rest of life was so easy....

[whichwayisup]

I will not pass judgement on someone who is entering a relationship for just the physical. i've been around the block enough to know that my glass house is somewhat shattered and i will not be the one to cast the first stone at someone else.

'

 

I think that is what most feel here...I just am trying my best to open her eyes so she atleast can "hear" what everybody has been saying. It's obvious that she's not willing to see that ALL of her future pain is totally preventable right NOW by not getting involved with this MM. Nobody is perfect, we all make choices, good and bad. I think in this case she's about to make a HUGE one and I really wish she'd see that.

 

Good post btw Izzy.

[lynnered]

Originally posted by Love2share

 

 

I also see your point Lynnerd. But don't think this situation is one that last forever. Everyone keeps telling me to walk away without hearing me when I say that walking away means that I will either continue to be jerked around by the single men that I know, or be completely alone.

You said that you would rather have been alone for 2 years than spend 4 years with you XMM. The only difference in me being completely alone to myself and being with this MM is that at least I have someone who helps me remember why I'm alone. I DO deserve better than being deceived and abused.

again what is so bad about being alone?

if your using him as a temporary crutch eventually you will become Dependant &attached to that person.

and what about when his kid is born?you don't think his focus is going to change ?

having been through this situation, I'm just trying to prevent you heartache the beginning is usually carefree then feelings get involved .

you know what's best for you but i just don't want to see you posting in a couple of months how you wish he would leave his wife .

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by Love2share

Everyone keeps telling me to walk away without hearing me when I say that walking away means that I will either continue to be jerked around by the single men that I know, or be completely alone.

 

If you're in it just for sex, you ARE ALONE RIGHT NOW. If it really is JUST sex, you might as well hire a ridiculously hot male escort...

 

So, seeing as you don't want the escort, you want THIS MM, that proves our point. You want this MM because you like him, you are falling for him, you will soon be IN LOVE with him...and guess what? When that happens, you will be lonlier than you ever could have imagined.

[Michael86]

Love2share - why is it that you completely avoid what this will do to his pregnant wife when she finds out? Or the fact the marriage will be destroyed. You act like at last you've found the man of your dreams. What kind of man cheats on his pregnant wife? A few people here have hit the nail on the head - you're in danger of seriously falling for this guy if you haven't already.

 

KissMyTiara - I didn't mean that the child is doomed to follow in his father's footsteps. A child who finds out about a cheating parent can develop issues such as insecurity, trust issues, anger. Like I mentioned, I'm speaking from experience. In my case I promised myself one thing. That I would NEVER cheat. I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I could never do that to another person.

 

Good luck Love2share - you'll need it.

 

Michael

[erika2610]

Love2Share.. but he's not gonna respect YOU. And how does this give you hope for honest men?? That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard..

[erika2610]

But he is not gonna realize the value of you.. he tells you what you wanna hear. You don't expect to have feelings right now, but you will. None of expect to.. but it happened. We're all here because we've been through it and know what it's like. We're just trying to save you alot of hurt. Put yourself in her shoes. You'd be pretty pissed.. And when it's all over, your self esteem will just sink. I know mine did.. when I realized I had been played for a fool. If all you wnat is sex.. go find a single man.

[Love2share]

I posted this because the question was (you might want to actually read titles before you post anything else yourself) "Does anyone like this relationship?"

 

I expressed my reasons why I liked it, and so far, the only people who responded are the people who DON'T like the relationship. So perhaps, all of you may want to stop posting this particular thread to express your disatisfaction.

 

Of course I haven't changed my mind. I didn't start posting to have my mind changed. Why did you respond?

 

D'arthez,

I never said that the right man for me would be a man who has never cheated or made any mistakes. Come on now!! Read what I posted. I made it very clear that I know, nobody's perfect. The right man for me will not be looking for a perfect woman. Anyone with standards that high is sure to be alone for the rest of their lives.

 

Whichwayisup,

Please evaluate the entire thread of points I've made rather than disecting the comments that prove your own perspective.

 

Izzy,

You are right on point!

[MsMree]

that when you ask a question, you get an answer - most of the time not the one you want - as you so poignantly display.

 

I was just wondering.. is there anyone out there who likes being the OW? Anyone who doesn't WANNA get out of the relationship?

 

 

I believe i am an "anyone" and i believe my first post said "No". Then, as usually happens here, the forum just took off - i followed where it was leading -

 

When i am uncomfortable with the answers i get to my posts, that's when i know someone has hit a nerve - it is time for ME to sit-up and take notice -

 

Perhaps this lesson can apply to you as well.

 

One last thing - there are alot of men/women on here that come for support, that truly struggle with being in love w/a MM/MW - you come in whistling dixie w/a question like "Anyone who likes the relationship"???

 

I'm really surprised i showed any restraint at all.

 

Now, I am not going to get into a pi**ing match with you - if you'd like to reply pls. know that i will not do the same.

 

Believe it or not, i really do wish you well in whatever you decide to do.

[whichwayisup]

Of course I haven't changed my mind. I didn't start posting to have my mind changed. Why did you respond?

 

Then WHY did you TELL your whole story if you didn't want ANYBODY to comment and respond. Why not just say yes or no the question. You didn't actually have to reply back to anyone one this thread. Think of that before you start pointing fingers at the rest of us who are just trying to get you to open your eyes abit and prevent you from making probably the most self inflicted painful mistake one will ever make. It's YOUR life, live it as you choose, you're going to anyway. Just remember Karma...What goes around comes around eventually...x2.

[newby]

The thing is, a great man who has high moral standards, will not be interested in a cheater, or someone who has been the OW in an affair. You know that. You profess yourself you are not interested in a man who has cheated. Please, live up to your standards.

 

QUOTE originally by d'Arthez

 

I have been the OW in an affair and i refuse to believe that I can never in my life expect to be good enough for a great man, why with that kinda thinking i may aswell walk right out and find myself another married man....

 

 

LOve2share

 

I did reply to you on another post but it seems to have never got there (again)

I agree with everyone else who has said you have already fallen for this man,

I'm not going to repeat anything anyone else has said but I'll just say one thing

If you want to be selfish and get the best out of this situation for you then do this

take this guys flattery, take the ego boost, use him for what you really want

dont give anything to this guy, why should you, once you do that he will no longer feel the need to give you the flattery believe me, having sex with this guy isnt going to end up a mutual give and take thing

you say you know the situation and you do, you know THIS situation and you like it, you dont KNOW the situation where you are actually having sex because you havent actually been there yet

alot of people who have been there are doing you the honour of letting you know what that situation is

some of us walked in with our eyes closed and some of us walked in with our eyes open, it makes no difference

THE SITUATION WHEN YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH A MARRIED MAN IS THE SAME WHICHEVER ROUTE YOU TOOK