Withdrawing from the world as you 'self improve'?

[Wisecrack]

After my last rejection and a close call regarding my study, I made a promise to myself to overhaul my life. I started a regular gym program, started focussing on my study, hobbies and ate well and got medication for my skin (I believe my biggest downfall).

 

The thing is slowly I feel less inclined to be social. I'm regularly invited to parties etc and I still go but I'm not having fun at the moment. I feel like I am not ready for it at all and want to sort myself out til I am happy with myself before I get back into the world. The problem with this is if I withdraw, I may lose my friends yet at this moment, I'm not enjoying going out with them.

 

Anyone else experience this? How has everyone gone about their ways to self improve?

[I am Bud]

Dear Wisecrack

 

Well done on approaching your setbacks with positivity instead of negativity. To try to re-organize yourself into a better well rounded person is a noble pursuit. If you find that going to parties is no longer enjoyable because you are over that scene than that is alright. However if you don't want to be social because you have no love for yourself then that is the wrong attitude to have.

 

You don't become a well rounded human being in the absence of others, you only become one by engaging with them in meaningful ways. By cutting yourself off socially you become more isolated which can lead to too much focus introspectively. Life is to short to think in terms off only being happy once something has been achieved or accomplished. It's enjoying and experiencing the journey along the way that will make you into a better human being.

 

You do not need to isolate yourself from your friends entirely. If going out drinking is no longer your thing then you can just catch up with them over dinner. Then afterwards they can do there thing and you can do yours. Also have you thought to invite some of them along to the gym? This way you can spend time with them as well as achieve a better body together. If none of this is a posibility because they don't do that sort of thing then it's not unheard of for you to acquire new friends in the realms of your new interests. Whatever you decide to do or not do, do not isolate yourself from others on this journey of change.

 

Happiness is not achieved through having a good body or a well paid job and if it is, it is only fleeting because things change constantly. We change as well as the world around us. If you want to find true happiness, then learn to cultivate a giving attitude, learn to develop compassion and love for others. Because just as you give love so shall you receive it. You are definitely on the right track to change your life around, but remember to do it in a balanced way. One that engages with the world and is not absent from it.

 

Good luck with it - Bud.

[SpiralOut]

That's a good idea that I Am Bud gave you, as far as inviting them to go to the gym with you. I don't know what your hobbies are, but if any of your friends are interested, you could ask them to join you, or offer to teach them.

 

I went through a self-improvement period. I'm still going through it. All I can say is that it feels great to follow through with a goal. It feels even better to have friends you can call and talk to about it, and to have them be happy for you because they have been there with you all the way. It doesn't feel so great to accomplish something and realize you have nobody to talk to.

 

Good friends will support your goals. Make an effort to see them once a week or once a month or whatever works best for you.

Edited July 20, 2014 by SpiralOut

[Wisecrack]

Thanks guys, I understand what you guys mean. Yeah it is hard as the things I do probably don't follow the social norm of my friends. It ends up being I catch up with everyone mainly outside of work/ study via parties and night events. I guess I can blame this on my more introverted tendencies at times. Thank you again though as you guys have opened my eyes to a part of things I did not think about.

[PogoStick]

You should make a point to keep some social activities as they are healthy for you too. However, I wouldn't do things that interfere with your higher mission of self-improvement.