sad

[Relationship is over.....]

Yesterday my boyfriend and I called it quits after two and a half years. I still love him very much, but we both wanted different things, so in some sort of way it was for the best. How do I move on, how do I go on without him. I feel like picking up the phone and calling him, I want him to hold me so badly right now. But I know if I call him it will just start everything over again and make it more painful. I know he would come by and talk to me. How do I not call him even though I want to so so so much.

 

I am such a mess.....please help....

[Jaylene]

Well, I am not clear on the reason that you and your boyfriend broke up. But if the both of you spoke honestly and came to the conclusion that your separtaion would be best, then stick with that decision. Regardless of why you broke up, it is hard because of the long time that you spent together.

 

I was devastated when my ex of three years broke up with me. He cheated on me, didn't even bother to break up with me face to face, and just brushed me off like I was nothing to him. That really, really hurt me. I was depressed, angry, hurt, and sad for months, but I survived and feel stronger than ever.

 

You are gonna feel like you cannot go on adn are gonna want to call him and miss him. It will take a while to get over all of you conflicting emotions, but TRUST ME, ypu will get over it. Don't make any contact with him for a while until you feel strong again, that time varies from person to person. But, its virtually impossible to be friends with an ex when emotions are still fresh. KEEP BUSY, excercise, go out with your friends, read, party, do things for youdelf that you never did while you were with him, take down any memorabilia of you adn him and put it away so taht ist not in your face. And, just let time run its course and taek things day by day.

 

Dont' drink your sorrows away, that was I amde for a while that was unhealthy. Talk to your close friends about it, but don't let it consuem every topic of conversation. Whenever you haev the urge to call him, call a friend or do something else. I cannot stress this enough, don't call him, its will just make things harder. Also, dont'; jump into another relationship right away, you can date but you dont' want to go through the rebound boyfriend thing; I tried that too and it can get complicated and sticky for you and the other guy.

 

Breathe, smile, and rest assure that you will get over this. Heartache sucks, but you will grow stronger and be a better person afetr some soul searching.

 

I hope that you feel better dnd that I helped you with my experiences.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I called it quits after two and a half years. I still love him very much, but we both wanted different things, so in some sort of way it was for the best. How do I move on, how do I go on without him. I feel like picking up the phone and calling him, I want him to hold me so badly right now. But I know if I call him it will just start everything over again and make it more painful. I know he would come by and talk to me. How do I not call him even though I want to so so so much. I am such a mess.....please help....

[ashesmum]

You need to be secure with yourself. You will get over it in due time, meanwhile, have friends there to help support you. Hang out with them. But feel confident staying alone by yourself. Just sitting around sulking isn't going to get you anywhere but in a rut. You never know who you might meet going out??? Good luck.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I called it quits after two and a half years. I still love him very much, but we both wanted different things, so in some sort of way it was for the best. How do I move on, how do I go on without him. I feel like picking up the phone and calling him, I want him to hold me so badly right now. But I know if I call him it will just start everything over again and make it more painful. I know he would come by and talk to me. How do I not call him even though I want to so so so much. I am such a mess.....please help....

[girl's view]

boy, do i know how you're feeling right now. and i bet nearly everyone here on loveshack has felt it at some time in their life. love can feel so wonderful, yet it can be so painful.

 

like you, i still love my ex very, very much, but us splitting up was for the best - and the fact that you can admit it is for the best is really good on your behalf. to be able to acknowledge that you had a deep love, but sometimes it doesn't always work out, is the first step in moving on. so whether you're aware of it or not, you've taken that first step in the process of getting over him.

 

when my ex and i broke up i was a devestated, miserable, mess. i will make a few suggestions that have helped me somewhat in dealing with a broken heart:

 

1. cry, cry, cry - crying promotes the release of tension and sorrow; it is one of nature's ways of cleansing and healing. emotions that are suppressed can lead to discomfort, stress, or even a nervous breakdown. sadness, aloneness, and longing, are powerful emotions that knows no best release other than tears. a good cry lets us accept the situation, allows us to come to terms with our feelings, and helps us through the tough times and onto a better perspective of the new scheme of things. through crying, we quickly regain strength to wipe our tears away, open our eyes, lift our heads, and move on.

 

2. remove reminders - for the moment, take all the reminders of your boyfriend such as photos, gifts, books, letters etc and put them in a box somewhere (under your bed or in a cupboard), so you don't have to constantly see reminders of him everywhere. sure, you will not be able to remove reminders such as restaurants or streets or certain rooms in your house, but whatever you can do to not have avoid more pain, then do it.

 

3. talk - talk to people you trust. don't earbash them too much. just confide in them as much as you feel comfortable. sometimes an objective point of view can be the best medicine. get a hug from someone close to you.

 

4. keep a diary - writing down your feelings can be just as therapeutic as crying. it is a great way to release all the pain and confusion you might be feeling. keep it somewhere private, and whenever you find yourself feeling down, or at the end of the day, write down how you have been feeling. this is a great way to keep track of your progress and a great release for all the things you feel you may not be able to talk to people about.

 

5. don't rebound - it can be so easy to drown your pain in the arms of someone else. but if you were to be with someone else, it would be for all the wrong reasons and you'll only end up causing more pain for yourself and someone else. take this time to work through it on your own. you will come out so much stronger.

 

6. have faith - you will have your moments where you will think, "i'm never going to get over him" - *but you will*. there is no time limit on these things, so don't get upset with yourself and think "i should be getting over it by now". my ex and i have been apart for almost 4 months now, and i'm still not over it. but everyone is different and everyone feels things at different levels.

 

7. don't contact him - the urge to contact your ex and say, "i desperately need to hug you and talk to you", can be very overwhelming. do not succumb to it. this will stall the healing process in a BIG, BIIIIIIG way and will only make things 10 times harder than they already feel. i can completely understand the overwhelming urge to be near them, to hear their voice, to hold them, but it is a very bad idea indeed. you will only create false hope for yourself, especially if your boyfriend is a very caring person. calling him could also make things worse. be strong - you can do it. if i can not have any contact with my ex, then anyone can do the same. it's been the hardest thing i have ever done in my life, because he was also my best friend. but i've stuck with it.

 

i hope i have helped you in some way. i TOTALLY understand what you are going through right now. just remember, you are not alone even if you feel at times you are. and always come back here if you're having a hard time

[deepassion]

Yesterday my boyfriend and I called it quits after two and a half years. I still love him very much, but we both wanted different things, so in some sort of way it was for the best. How do I move on, how do I go on without him. I feel like picking up the phone and calling him, I want him to hold me so badly right now. But I know if I call him it will just start everything over again and make it more painful. I know he would come by and talk to me. How do I not call him even though I want to so so so much. I am such a mess.....please help....

I'm sorry for being a little to late at responding but I'm new.

 

It's sad to hear that you both called it quits after 2 years but you have to look on the bright side that what happened between you both happened for a reason. It's going to be difficult going back out to thing single life after being in a relationship for so long but in order for you to stay calm and relaxed you need to keep yourself busy the majority of your time. You may also want to try some quiet time for yourself without any interruptions but clear your mind and then analyze the relationship including all the good and bad stuff. Hopefully this little bit of advice will put your mind at ease and make you strong to cope with this loss, Sorry.

 

Deepassion!