Ntanae Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I have a question for everyone to see how much information you guys might know about: How cell phone records to the opposite sex hold up in a divorce case? I am in the mist of a divorce case and I have always had male friends that I talked to on the cell phone for a number of years that my husband didnt know about. They werent all to the same person. Will these records possibly prove adultry if they are collected by the court? I'm scared it will scarr my custody eligibility of my two children. He doesnt have any hard proof of adultry -just the phone records. If anyone has had any dealings with this please respond and let me know how it affected you or another person. I live in Texas - I know that states have different laws. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 HI there- I'm experiencing this myself. Same situation. Mine are male friends as well but my STBXH thinks I was sleeping with all of them. He busted through my private cell phone password to obtain the bills so I'm not sure they would be admissible anyway. Every state is different but to me, adultery is very hard to prove. What do phone calls prove? I've been told you just about have to have pictures or proof that someone slept over for it to be "adultery". Also, very few states today make adultery grounds to lose your children. Unless they can prove you endangered your children to commit adultery- had the men sleep over etc. It's scary I know- pm me if you want to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Uh.. for real? Most states are no fault divorce.. they don't really give a sh*t who did what to who (regarding adultery) I'm suprised that there are still states that are like this.. hmm.. Anyway.. being that it isn't a crime to have friends of the opposite sex.. unless your soon to be ex has some other evidence of wrong doing (adultery) I can't see how phone records ALONE would do much of anything.. Bottomline.. (just my own little rant) the 2 of you have little people together.. so do the right thing for them even when you have to suck it up, even when you hate the crap out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Yeah, I've heard that adultery won't hold up in court in most states. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ntanae Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 Yea, Texas is a "no fault" state, which is where I live..... He is being a real a--hole right now. He doesnt have anything on me as far as pictures or anything are concerned. Mz. Pixie I have talked to you before and our situations are alot alike.....it s amazing how we keep finding all of these things in common. At this point his sole concern is to NOT HAVE TO PAY ME ANY CHILDSUPPORT!!!! He wants to get the children to have his residence as the primary residence.....because I left the house and moved into an apartment. He feels that its trashy to raise kids in an apartment. A primary status for him would involve possibly me having to pay him child support. Which he makes approximately $40,000 more than me. This whole thing is truly amazing.....I never thought that he would be so devious..... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Originally posted by Ntanae Yea, Texas is a "no fault" state, which is where I live..... He is being a real a--hole right now. He doesnt have anything on me as far as pictures or anything are concerned. Mz. Pixie I have talked to you before and our situations are alot alike.....it s amazing how we keep finding all of these things in common. At this point his sole concern is to NOT HAVE TO PAY ME ANY CHILDSUPPORT!!!! He wants to get the children to have his residence as the primary residence.....because I left the house and moved into an apartment. He feels that its trashy to raise kids in an apartment. A primary status for him would involve possibly me having to pay him child support. Which he makes approximately $40,000 more than me. This whole thing is truly amazing.....I never thought that he would be so devious..... Okay.. No Fault means this.. they don't give a crap. Doesn't matter if he has photos of you swinging naked off light fixtures.. if you weren't putting your little people into a dangerous situation, the court doesn't really give a sh*t who you've been sleeping with. When you say you left the marital home and moved into an apartment.. did you leave your kids with him? That is something that the courts may look at and ask you why.. Keep in mind that just because it's his OPINION that living in an apartment is *trashy* (is he for real?) it really doesn't make any difference to the courts.. as long as you can provide a good stable home for your kids.. well the Judge won't care if your EXH thinks it's wrong to eat cheerios on sunday.. see what I'm saying here? Most courts now are giving *Joint custody* where both parents share child raising responsibility 50/50 and there is a formula that is followed for how much child support will be given to either party.. again, this isn't going to be up to your EXH.. it's up to the courts. Last thing.. you never know someone until you divorce them.. amazing uh.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Okay, are we married to the same STBXH? All he cares about is that he might have to pay child support and I might mis-spend it. Ummm lets see how much did I ever spend on myself while we were married? YOU were the one who spent money when the kids needed things, like shoes and clothes you jerk. I had to move to an apartment because he refused to go to his parents for the separation and I have NO family to go to. I left the kids with him for a couple of days but I made him sign a notorized document that stated I did this at his request and it couldn't be used against me as abandonment in a court of law. He signed it. He makes more money than you- that is usually how support is figured. Don't go for him having custodial parent. I offered my ex 50/50 visitation- I felt that was only fair because he does love his kids, mostly. Adultery has no bearing on who pays child support- it is a formula by the court period. He is trying to scare you, just like my H tried to scare me- get you a good attorney hon. Link to post Share on other sites
glitter-gal Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Facts I Know from being divorced w/children.... Child support in TX is 21% of his base income... (i.e. before commission etc.) Courts in TX tend to lean to the mother's side unless you have a well documented drug abuse or child abuse history... In order for him to prove that those phone records are adultery (short of having a video porn starring you & random guy) He has to summon those guys you talk to to the witness stand and get them to testify that they slept with you... You will get child support no matter how much $$ you make a year because it is ultimately for the children not you... If you choose to file for alimony (a wise decision if he makes quite a bit more $$ a year than you do) the court will award you extra $$ a month (on top of your child support) to help you support yourself and your kids. He usually has to pay this until you get enough raises to compete with his salary, or if you get remarried the court will stop his alimony payments. I went through a very vicious court battle with my ex but I came out of it a stronger person & better mother. Oh yeah and I WON over that lying, cheating, rat b*st*rd!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ntanae Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 Glitter gal, Well he wants Joint Custody with the children having his residence as the Primary residence. Im not sure what that has to do with child support but he is screaming for it. And noone will tesitfy that they EVER slept with me..... It is so frustrating though. He acts now to every one that he is this nice guy and everything.....I hate it. He is calling me everyday to see if we can settle this out of court - well he wants to "make it comfortable for everyone he says" He says that we can choose what we want to do and not let the lawyers choose it for us..... wellllllll.......I know that he is trying to cut me out of something.......and I wont let him..... He wants me to let him continue to stay in the house that we built and let him give me the acrued equity later ----- NNOOOOOOO MAM! Just yesterday he was telling me that he would never give me a dime - just let him take care of the kids..... But now he wants to compromise so it doesnt go to court......... I have asked my lawyer a little bit about the alimony but not gotten a very good response yet.... we are in the first stages. So I will get to that..... Tell me what you know about it.... Link to post Share on other sites
glitter-gal Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Well whatever you do, DO NOT settle out of court. This man is trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Child support is paid by the parent who does not live with the children. Chances are if you let him have custody of your kids you will be paying him child support, not the other way around. Alimony however is an option to you weather or not the kiddos live with you. If he makes a lot more $$ than you a year a judge may make him pay you every month to help you support yourself. He then has to pay alimony until 1) you tell the judge you dont need it, 2) you get so many promotions at your job that you make almost the same as he does, or 3) if you marry another person. Chances are in the state of Texas if he keeps the primary residence as his own, the judge will award you custody, child support, and alimony. Plus if your income helped pay the mortgage you are entitled to part of the $$ should he sell the house. (Sometimes courts make people sell the house and split the $$ if the parties can't come to an agreement as to who should live there.) However if you leave your kids with him at your primary residence he could accuse you of abandonment, so if they still live with him make sure you contact them as often as you can so you can disprove this in court. You also must prove without a doubt you can provide a stable and nurturing home enviornment for your kids this is very very very important in they eyes of the court. Pay your bills on time, go to work on time, keep everything clean and organized, be a model citizen! And also keep in mind that possesion is 9/10 of the law!! If the kids are living with him now and you moved out, the judge could order for them to live with your husband until the divorce is final and the court gives it's final ruling as to who gets custody of the kids. I hope this makes some sense... & let me know if you have more questions... Link to post Share on other sites
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