Too materialistic??

[Jaylene]

Hi everyone. I have been with my boyfriend for the past five months. We have had some ups and downs in the process of getting to know one another, and have even broken up two times because of disagreements. He had broken up with me basically because he felt that I was unappreciative of the things that he has done for me. Then the last time we mutually brike up beecause we just felt like we were not getting along due to personality differences.

 

I was really upset when we were apart because I realized that he had menat much more to me than I thought. I felt even worse that he seemed to be moving on and getting over me. Then he called me and told me that he missed me and wanted to try the relationship once more. Its been a week and everything has been great so far as we have been communicating a lot more.

 

He has all of the qualities that I want in a boyfriend: smart, sweet, caring, sensitive, good in bed, educated. BUT, although I know that this sounds petty or materialistic on my part, he doesn't really have a lot of money to spend because of law school paymenst that he has to make. Not that we don't go out at all, but I really get irritared by the fact that he is always stressing the fact that he has a budget; he is the most practical, economical person I have ever met. My ex was a loser that chated on me, but the one thing that I liked was that money was never an issue with him. Maybe I was just spoiled.

 

Point is that this is something that is effecting out relationship. I really wont' say anything about it but I keep it inside and act like it doesnt' bother me and then just have an attitude. Then it will cause a conflict between us. We have addressed this issue before though and eh asked me if I thought that he could make me happy even thouigh he is teh richest guy and I said yea. I just feel as though overall, he si a little cheap, not just eceonomical. I can respect that he had loans,etc. But he does have money to spedn if he wanted to on things towards our relationship adn romancimg more. Its not that I want him to sacrifice all his money on me.

 

For example, he just called me and told me that he is gonna have to have surgery on his pinky on Valentines Day because he fractured it while playing football. First thing that he said was that "Our Valentines Day was gonna suck" or something because..he explained. . I swear that I detected a sense of happiness and relief because now he doesn't have to spend money on Valentines Day. I tried not to sound disapppointed, but I really am. I was looking forward to spending our first Valentines Day together. He had already been dropping hints about trying to be economical this past weekend so that he coudl haev money on Valentines Day.

 

I don't make much money because i am a college student. But I am willing to make a scrifice on a big occasion like Valentines Day to get him soemthing special becuase it is memorabel adn once a year. He on the other hand was willing to order a playstaion that cot over $300 a few days ago, but it was unavailible. So, why cant he be spontaneuos and generous adn get me something extra special such for that oen day, all girls want that. He is generous to an extent, but overall, is always thinking about being practical adn economical, I find that to be overall cheap, and it drives me crazy because I think, he has every other perfect quailuty, perhaps I am being materilaistic. But, maybe I can't be happy with him because of his situation right. I know that this is just temporary. I am not saying that I want him to spend all his money on me, but I would like it fi we went out to dinner more and not just haev him cook for me. I just want him to be more romantic with me. I know that romance is not alwasy equated with teh amonut fo momey spent, but some romantixc things do require money.

 

I am scared to lose him ebcause in every other aspect he makes me happy, but I am not content with the level of his generosity. Soemtimes I am really happy, and other days when he mentions stuf about economical and practical, I feel ike h eis just cheap in a way and it irrirated me so much. Its like when he talks like that it irritaes me.

 

I don't want to end this relationship because of being materialisitic, but I am honestly not as happy as I think I could eb right now. I feel confused and don't want to waste my time or his.

 

Please shed some light for me..... Thanks so much.

[Tony T]

I think you would be happier with a man who was much more generous in spirit. If he has $300 to spend on some play station toy but no money for Valentine's Day for you, he is selfish, not cheap, and much too much so for most ladies.

 

I don't think this is something you can talk out with him. Selfish people are just that way and you can't change them much. But give it a try. Let him know just how unhappy you are with this aspect of the relationship.

 

If he doesn't have enough money to take you to dinner once in a while or give you a nice Valentine's Day, yet he has enough to buy himself a toy he doesn't need, I think the guy's a selfish and worthless bum you will never be happy with.

 

This may be something that you're just a little frustrated with now...but I promise in times to come, you will grow to resent this aspect of his personality very harshly.

 

Make your decision soon and stick by it. It would say the majority of men are very happy to spend money on their ladies at the appropriate times.