He hit me once, should I report it to police?

[mikethemechanic]

We'll it sounds like he's quite a catch... Let's see slaps your face, throws you out of the house, talks killing, daughters head is held under water. What kind of intelligent person would allow their daughters head to be held under water after all death is likely? The good news is that zombies eat brains. So you're safe.

[newmoon]

The most puzzling thing about your post is that AFTER he hit you & told you to leave his house, you still wanted to stay to talk.

 

What part of that interaction made you think talking was still on the table.

 

You should have walked about & never looked back.

 

 

she was being a woman... it's what we do. we're programmed to talk and want to work it out regardless of the circumstances. sadly, it's a natural response for the majority of us. and when you're in love you can't believe a partner is doing x, saying x, etc. but she did the right thing by going to the police.

[ChamomileWind]

she was being a woman... it's what we do. we're programmed to talk and want to work it out regardless of the circumstances. sadly, it's a natural response for the majority of us. and when you're in love you can't believe a partner is doing x, saying x, etc. but she did the right thing by going to the police.

I wouldn't want to talk nor even look him in the face if a bf ever hits me. I would be walking away and reporting him. That's the biggest dealbreaker for me, that the person that I'm suppose to trust and be safe with is actually the very same person hurting me physically. Edited July 29, 2014 by ChamomileWind

[pureinheart]

My bf and I broke up last Tuesday night. We've been together for a total of 12 months. We live in separate homes. We do not have children together. We do not share any assets together. But we work together.

 

Couple months before the break up, i suspected he was having an affair (emotional or physical) with a woman. He denied anything is going on and said she is just a friend. Tuesday night when he was in the shower, I looked at text messages between him and the woman on his cellphone, which he left unlocked in his bedroom. The texts made it clear he was having an emotional affair with her. I decided I was done with him and the relationship. When he came from the shower, he asked what was going on. When I told him, and showed him the texts, he denied he was physically involved with her and that's just how they talk to each other. I then began to look at other text conversations between him and other people. He asked for his phone back. I wouldn't give it back to him. He said he'd take it then, and wrestled me to the bed. I wouldn't give it back. he then threatened me, "Give it back, or I'll hit you." I wouldn't give it back and he hit me in the face. He then got off of me and said the relationship is over for him and its my fault. We talked about some things. He then asked me to leave his house. But I didn't want to leave. I still wanted to talk. He asked me to leave repeatedly and I wouldn't. He then threatened to call the police, and I wouldn't leave. So he called the police. I left when he was on the phone with 911. Went home and never seen or spoken to him or any police. I had a small red area on my face the next day but no damage.

 

As far as I know my exbf has never had any charges against him for assault.

 

He has threatened to harm my child, "If she doesn't stop splashing me with water at the beach after I ask, I will push and hold her head underwater for a bit to teach her a lesson."

 

He has said he feels he is capable of killing someone.

 

Given the circumstances and context, should I report his assault on me to the police?

 

Or just forget about it, move on, and make better choices in men?

 

This would have been it for me...

 

With all due respect, I'd stay away from men for a time and gain understanding as to what is healthy and what isn't.

[Zahara]

she was being a woman... it's what we do. we're programmed to talk and want to work it out regardless of the circumstances. sadly, it's a natural response for the majority of us. and when you're in love you can't believe a partner is doing x, saying x, etc. but she did the right thing by going to the police.

 

I hope being a woman doesn't mean tolerating physical abuse and I shudder to think that the majority would accept it. It's one thing to want to talk and work things out, but another to sit through being hit. That's just a woman with low self-esteem and zero boundaries.

[me85]

Forget about it, move on and make better choices in men.

 

If he starts harassing you or stalking you and won't leave you alone THEN you should press charges.

Edited July 29, 2014 by me85

[ChamomileWind]

I hope being a woman doesn't mean tolerating physical abuse and I shudder to think that the majority would accept it. It's one thing to want to talk and work things out, but another to sit through being hit. That's just a woman with low self-esteem and zero boundaries.

Pretty much all this. He hits me and that's it for me. No But why did he do it, there must be a reason nor any type of negotiating the matter. Actually the negotiation is over once someone takes it at a physical level.

[bathtub-row]

When this man threatened violence to your child, that's when you should've made a mad dash for the door and never looked back. Believe what men tell you about themselves. If he says, "I'm no good for you," believe him. If he's really out there and says he'll hold your child's head underwater or he's capable of killing, believe him. These are not the words of a sane person.

 

One of the biggest games that abusive people play is blaming the failed relationship on you. It keeps you guessing, it keeps you unhinged, it keeps you HOOKED. As long as you stay hooked, he always has a chance to wedge himself back into your life.

 

While I don't quite understand why you continued to provoke the situation (not saying you deserved to be hit, but I'm wondering why you would provoke a man who's already prone to violence), I'd say walk away from this clean. Just be prepared for him to come crawling back in about 3 mos after this new girl dumps him for being such an ass. Play this scenario over and over in your head with you telling him to get lost, because you're going to be tempted to take him back and believe all the crap that comes out of his mouth.

 

He's a liar, a manipulator and he's dangerous. Go find some nice, stable man and never look back. Or be alone, because that beats being with a person like him. If you need to hear it from someone, then I'll say it -- he's the reason for the failed relationship and he will be the reason for all his failed relationships from this point on. Do not EVER let this man back into your life. If you do, you'll either end up dead, or your daughter will, or both of you. No kidding.

[beyondcrushed]

Thanks for your post. I want nothing to do with him. Ever. I'm not hooked like I was before. This time around I have seen what kind of a person he really is. He is not well. And for that, the door to any future with me is closed and locked. I will never let him in again. But I believe he has moved on too. He has avoided me like the plague at work. And if he were to walk into my office space for non-business items, I would immediately ask him to leave. He makes me sick. When I have seen him at work in the halls, I can't even look at him he disgusts me so much. One of the things he said that night was he doesn't want me or people like me in his life that provoke his aggression and cause drama in his life. If we continued, the next time he's angry he said he would likely bloody me. Wow. So he controls his anger by not being with people who make him angry or call him on his bulls#@t. Yah, I don't have to worry. He won't be coming back to me if his next relationship fails. Cause he wants a quiet woman who will put up with his **** and won't push his buttons. Loser. Good luck buddy. And good luck to the next woman.

[ChamomileWind]

You go girl, that's the level of disgust men like him deserve to be seen as. They are disgusting if they think harmining people is how to solve things when someone disagrees with you.

He ain't never going to find a quiet woman that doesn't have opinions of her own. If he wants that, he would must likely have to seek her at a facility for deaf and hearing impaired people.

Edited July 30, 2014 by ChamomileWind

[beyondcrushed]

Yes, deaf and hearing impaired, lol.

 

I remember one time last year he got sooooooooooooooo upset when I wouldn't let him wash my car with dish soap because I feared it would take off the shine of my paint. He kept pushing to wash my car - "give me the soap", "no, I prefer to wash with just water", "give me the soap", "no, please I prefer not to" -- he finally relented to my wishes, but from that day on, he said he pulled back from me and questioned a relationship with me. He said he didn't understand why it made him so upset. Well, news flash, its cause you didn't get your way and I voiced my opinion and preference. Then he punishes me and is emotionally abusive by pulling away. He should of just talked to me about it. But this was a sign of things to come. Don't attack him, accuse him of bad behaviour, assert your opinion, or do your own thing....cause watch out! There'll be hell to pay. LOSER!!!!

Edited July 30, 2014 by beyondcrushed

[whichwayisup]

I would document what happened and talk to your family, let them know what has happened, your friends and neighbours too, this way IF he comes to your house they know to call 911 if they see him.

 

What a douche! You're better off without him and be thankful it's over before you hit you again or tried to do something to your daughter.

 

Do report this to the police , just to have on record and paper work to say what happened....

 

And, please, start looking for another job!! Don't be alone with him, always keep your cell phone handy and record him too if he threatens you while at work.

[bathtub-row]

One of the things he said that night was he doesn't want me or people like me in his life that provoke his aggression and cause drama in his life. If we continued, the next time he's angry he said he would likely bloody me. Wow. So he controls his anger by not being with people who make him angry or call him on his bulls#@t. Yah, I don't have to worry. He won't be coming back to me if his next relationship fails. Cause he wants a quiet woman who will put up with his **** and won't push his buttons. Loser. Good luck buddy. And good luck to the next woman.

 

Just in case you haven't already worked it out for yourself, such a woman doesn't exist. As long as any living, breathing thing shares the same space with him, he will have an excuse to demonstrate his anger and violence on them. Again, it's all about him blaming the other person.

 

Please do not underestimate this guy. He is extremely capable of trying to get back into your life. Don't make the mistake of believing a single word that comes out of his mouth because every syllable is about manipulating those around him.

[beyondcrushed]

Thank you, yes, its true, he is a manipulator and I know this now. I will remain strong and never let him in my life again.

 

Yes, I know there is no woman out there who keeps her opinion to herself. According to him, his exw n him never fought. If they were upset with the other they kept it to themselves, stayed apart, they did their own thing until it blew over and were fine again. But then at the end he claimed they did talk everything out. idk what's the truth, he's a liar. I think she realized she wasn't gonna get anywhere with this guy so that's why she didn't bother fighting over it. Kept it in. But took it out in other ways. Same with him. Cause he hates conflict. So they must of been big time passive aggressive. Eventually, he said she grew cold and unloving.. I"m sure because she resented you for so long. He said she thought he was controlling. I'm sure he was through his passive aggressive ****. Anyway, that's not a relationship and he'll never have a healthy one. He said the last woman he fell in love with was quiet and that's what attracted him to her. lol!!! No kidding. good luck douchebag.

 

Thanks all. Yes I'm glad to be rid of him. But it makes me upset I didn't see it before I got together with him. Ugh.

[dreamingoftigers]

Thank you, yes, its true, he is a manipulator and I know this now. I will remain strong and never let him in my life again.

 

Yes, I know there is no woman out there who keeps her opinion to herself. According to him, his exw n him never fought. If they were upset with the other they kept it to themselves, stayed apart, they did their own thing until it blew over and were fine again. But then at the end he claimed they did talk everything out. idk what's the truth, he's a liar. I think she realized she wasn't gonna get anywhere with this guy so that's why she didn't bother fighting over it. Kept it in. But took it out in other ways. Same with him. Cause he hates conflict. So they must of been big time passive aggressive. Eventually, he said she grew cold and unloving.. I"m sure because she resented you for so long. He said she thought he was controlling. I'm sure he was through his passive aggressive ****. Anyway, that's not a relationship and he'll never have a healthy one. He said the last woman he fell in love with was quiet and that's what attracted him to her. lol!!! No kidding. good luck douchebag.

 

Thanks all. Yes I'm glad to be rid of him. But it makes me upset I didn't see it before I got together with him. Ugh.

 

Yeah clearly the ex-w was "perfect" either.

 

She probably withered in that relationship.

 

What a douche.

[bathtub-row]

Thank you, yes, its true, he is a manipulator and I know this now. I will remain strong and never let him in my life again.

 

Yes, I know there is no woman out there who keeps her opinion to herself. According to him, his exw n him never fought. If they were upset with the other they kept it to themselves, stayed apart, they did their own thing until it blew over and were fine again. But then at the end he claimed they did talk everything out. idk what's the truth, he's a liar. I think she realized she wasn't gonna get anywhere with this guy so that's why she didn't bother fighting over it. Kept it in. But took it out in other ways. Same with him. Cause he hates conflict. So they must of been big time passive aggressive. Eventually, he said she grew cold and unloving.. I"m sure because she resented you for so long. He said she thought he was controlling. I'm sure he was through his passive aggressive ****. Anyway, that's not a relationship and he'll never have a healthy one. He said the last woman he fell in love with was quiet and that's what attracted him to her. lol!!! No kidding. good luck douchebag.

 

Thanks all. Yes I'm glad to be rid of him. But it makes me upset I didn't see it before I got together with him. Ugh.

 

The more I hear about this guy, the dumber he gets. He doesn't want a human, he wants a blow-up doll. I'd direct him to the nearest website for that...

 

Something I've learned over the years is that the woman from a man's past who whispers to us (i.e., "she said I was controlling", "my ex says I used her", etc) is often very telling. I say pay attention. Those voices don't always mean that the relationship is doomed, but they're worth listening to. If I hear the showstopper words -- things like 'abusive', 'controlling', etc -- red flags pop up all over the place and I don't ignore them.

 

Maybe you didn't see what he was like before but you see it now, and you'll be able to spot a guy like this from 10 miles away now. Great lesson!

[newmoon]

Pretty much all this. He hits me and that's it for me. No But why did he do it, there must be a reason nor any type of negotiating the matter. Actually the negotiation is over once someone takes it at a physical level.

 

have you ever been hit? it's like saying you'll go get your gun if an intruder comes in but you freeze and don't go get it, or you think you'd be able to help someone if they fall and need CPR, but you stand there frozen. until such time this thing actually happens to you you really don't know how you might react. i am sure women who are doctors and lawyers and otherwise extraordinarily intelligent get beat upon by their men, and why would they take it? they are smart. you hope you'll react a certain way, but love does crazy things to people. perhaps what it comes down to for these women and the OP is to be very selective about the men you pick for yourself so you never encounter this type of behavior to begin with

[ChamomileWind]

have you ever been hit? it's like saying you'll go get your gun if an intruder comes in but you freeze and don't go get it, or you think you'd be able to help someone if they fall and need CPR, but you stand there frozen. until such time this thing actually happens to you you really don't know how you might react. i am sure women who are doctors and lawyers and otherwise extraordinarily intelligent get beat upon by their men, and why would they take it? they are smart. you hope you'll react a certain way, but love does crazy things to people. perhaps what it comes down to for these women and the OP is to be very selective about the men you pick for yourself so you never encounter this type of behavior to begin with

No, my then bf never hit me (broke it off for different reasons unrelated to the topic) and I recalled making it clear to him how men that hit their gfs disgusts me greatly from the beginning. I do know my paternal grandmother used to get hit at some point in her marriage and that's enough for me not to want that type of man.

At times I might go to the extreme of avoiding certain types that I assume might be the hitter types (for example: Mexicans... yes there are exceptions but I don't want to risk it).

 

For all I know is love doesn't include being afraid your bf is going to hit you because you're disagreeing with him nor having to be careful all the time.

 

Off course I would want a relationship at some point again but will seek him myself, obviously a mild-tempered one.

Edited August 1, 2014 by ChamomileWind

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I'm not sure how much weight your accusation will hold months after the incident.

 

More importantly though, you need to take time to do some serious self-reflecting moving forward. The fact that you didn't leave your bf after he threatened your child is concerning. You allowed someone with that type of impatience and negativity around your child? Why?

 

It looks like you ignored some serious red flags during your relationship and it would be wise to try and understand why.

 

This man is now out of your life. Focus your energy into healing and building up your self-worth so that you will never find yourself in this type of situation ever again. Good luck.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Wow, did she really just write that? (bold part) Yikes.

 

No, my then bf never hit me (broke it off for different reasons unrelated to the topic) and I recalled making it clear to him how men that hit their gfs disgusts me greatly from the beginning. I do know my paternal grandmother used to get hit at some point in her marriage and that's enough for me not to want that type of man.

At times I might go to the extreme of avoiding certain types that I assume might be the hitter types (for example: Mexicans... yes there are exceptions but I don't want to risk it).

 

For all I know is love doesn't include being afraid your bf is going to hit you because you're disagreeing with him nor having to be careful all the time.

 

Off course I would want a relationship at some point again but will seek him myself, obviously a mild-tempered one.

[beyondcrushed]

You allowed someone with that type of impatience and negativity around your child? Why?

 

I never let him near my kids after he said that, and wasn't going to. We broke up the next day.

 

He is sick. He makes me sick. I hate his guts.

[ChamomileWind]

Wow, did she really just write that? (bold part) Yikes.

I know but I don't trust easily. It's really my way of creating my own shield. There are certain types that are known to have a bad reputation for being abusers and unfortunately some men that follow into that group do those behaviors.

If you read carefully what you bolded, I did said there are exceptions. There are the good ones in those groups that aren't abusers. The problem is you don't know who you're going to run into.

 

There is after all a reason why I've been single for years now. Once again, never had first hand experience on this but I'll be very careful about the man I'm choosing as a potential bf or husband material.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Good for you. Stay strong and use that anger to fuel you forward.

 

I never let him near my kids after he said that, and wasn't going to. We broke up the next day.

 

He is sick. He makes me sick. I hate his guts.

[dreamingoftigers]

No, my then bf never hit me (broke it off for different reasons unrelated to the topic) and I recalled making it clear to him how men that hit their gfs disgusts me greatly from the beginning. I do know my paternal grandmother used to get hit at some point in her marriage and that's enough for me not to want that type of man.

At times I might go to the extreme of avoiding certain types that I assume might be the hitter types (for example: Mexicans... yes there are exceptions but I don't want to risk it).

 

For all I know is love doesn't include being afraid your bf is going to hit you because you're disagreeing with him nor having to be careful all the time.

 

Off course I would want a relationship at some point again but will seek him myself, obviously a mild-tempered one.

 

We had the same discussions, we had the same boundaries.

 

It still happened.

 

The older you get the more you realize that you can only control your reactions in life, and sometimes not even that.

[dreamingoftigers]

I know but I don't trust easily. It's really my way of creating my own shield. There are certain types that are known to have a bad reputation for being abusers and unfortunately some men that follow into that group do those behaviors.

If you read carefully what you bolded, I did said there are exceptions. There are the good ones in those groups that aren't abusers. The problem is you don't know who you're going to run into.

 

There is after all a reason why I've been single for years now. Once again, never had first hand experience on this but I'll be very careful about the man I'm choosing as a potential bf or husband material.

 

We all think we are selective.

 

And the being wary of trusting to a point more than average generally attracts the type of man that finds it a "challenge" and seeks to master it.

 

Seriously.