Is he fooling around or toying with my emotions?

[Lunatrue]

A few months back my boyfriend met this girl who recently moved down from Texas. The first time I heard about this girl was when my boyfriend jumped in the shower and told me that she had invited him out to dinner with her and her father, and mentioned I was invited. I thought it was a little weird for someone he had just met to invite him to dinner with her and her father. After a week, I was getting ready to go when he told me that there was a change in plans. The first time I met this girl, my boyfriend and I were invited out to a dirt race that one of his friends were attending.

 

she seemed cool and sweet at first, till she started throwing out these date jokes like, "I need to find myself a man! Yeah I'v been lookin! Think I could find a good one here? lol!" I was a little concerned but I kept it to myself. As we sat down and were getting settled she tapped my boyfriend's upper thigh to grab his attention. This didn't bother me, except for the fact that she kept glancing a look at him every time he'd look away. After a few weeks they started texting each other like crazy! His phone he had left on the bathroom counter was blowing up with texts.

 

When I went to check I noticed a text from her laughing about the series Game of Thrones. My first thought was, he never jokes or talks about that show with me, hardly shows any interest or excitement in it. I raised my concern with him and it quickly spiraled into a heated argument. I eventually apologized and came to accept the fact that I needed to trust him. The second time I met this girl was at another race his friend was having. One of his guy friend's invited me to go skydiving with my boyfriend, him and this girl. When I looked at my boyfriend he looked pretty uncomfortable like, he was clenching his teeth and hoping I would say no. I ended up turning down the offer and encouraged my boyfriend to go, since he had been wanting to skydive for a really long time.

 

When the big moment arrived I felt a little off, mainly because there were some personal issues that had came up with my insurance. When he came home he eventually showed me the video he bought of his skydive. He asked me if it would bother me, but I replied no thinking that the plane they went on included him, her and his other friend. It actually ended up being him sitting next to this girl on a plan alone with her and two skydivers. This didn't bother me so much than the flirtatious face that rang a bell in my head, "Oh no, he is flirting with her!" The googly eyes, smirky smile, grin, laughing, talking and excited face." That face that he once showed to me when we first started dating.

 

Why doesn't he do this with me? I thought. I have mentioned for 3 months now that I would like for us to play a video game together, like we use to do for fun. Walk the beach holding hands, (which we never did, only once over a year ago did we go to the beach and he was focused on fishing.) His thought of spending time with me is downloading a movie and sitting on the corner of the couch, curled up away from me and when I glance over to him, he doesn't look like he even wants to be sitting on the same couch as me. I do so much for us that sometimes I feel it goes unnoticed and taken for granted. I do the dishes, sweep, laundry, scrub the bathrooms, cook dinner, clean the computer room, organize even bringing his dinner to him.

 

I also become very upset when he brings up things he once did for me that I recall thanking him for and have showed my absolute appreciation, but how come when he gets home he drops his pants wherever he wants them, throws his socks in random places, tosses his lunch bags on the counter along with his coffee cup, keys, mail and anything else he pulls out of his pockets that built up over the weeks.

 

I have stopped cleaning up after myself so much because the messes I do clean our his! It ends up staying there after I have cleaned and I end up being the one to pick it up. I feel like when he reminds me that he tries and mentioned the things he has done for me, it is a slap in my face when I have done things to contribute that I sometimes feel get taken for granted. During our arguments I always end up feeling cornered, as if I have attempted to destroy his day and take away his happiness. He then gives me a cold shoulder, straight face with little to no care behind it. Stares up at the ceiling or walls and doesn't say a word to me. I end up stuttering over my words, become frightened and doubt what I needed or wanted to say. I just want some answers, any answer really! Does it sound like there is something going on?

[whichwayisup]

Your boyfriend is having a total inappropriate friendship with this other girl. You know this!! Listen to your gut.

 

Yes, he is "into" her and it's very possible they've fooled around, maybe even had sex already.

 

I read your previous threads. You won't like my advice but here it is:

 

DUMP your boyfriend. He is an immature brat, lazy and acts like a teen. He has no respect for you at all - At home and outside of the home. He expects you to do everything and clean up after him like he's a little kid, and then he expects you to sit there and put up with him running off to spend time with this "new" friend and not get mad at him.

 

You deserve better, and this guy isn't "the one" for you, his words and actions show you this.

[I am Bud]

Dear Lunatrue

 

You have done an excellent job in turning your boyfriend into a spoiled brat. I think that you hit the nail right on the head when you said "I do so much for us that sometimes I feel it goes unnoticed and taken for granted. I do the dishes, sweep, laundry, scrub the bathrooms, cook dinner, clean the computer room, organize even bringing his dinner to him."

 

That is the issue right there there relationship is out of balance because, you do TOO MUCH for the both of you. Don't get me wrong, doing these things are essential part of living but these chores have to be shared equally because women also have careers and work to do outside of the home.

 

What your boyfriend has is basically a cushy existence whereby he doesn't have to lift a finger when he gets home. Devoid of responsibility he gets bored quite easily. Living with you now is like when he was living with his parents. Since he doesn't have to work at impressing you or has to clean up after himself has caused the relationship to become stagnant in his eyes.

 

It's like because he has nothing to do, his mind has become idle to such an extent that he doesn't go for the fun and happiness in your relationship anymore. Because living together has become such a routine for him that he knows it inside and out and he can get away with doing nothing.

 

Due to the fact that you work for so much for the both of you, you no longer smile or have fun with him, because you get tired and frustrated at his lack of help and participation. When he looks at you, he no longer see the independent girl that he had to work so hard to get but the woman who waits on him hand and foot and who has to be a clean freak. Whilst he has too much leisurely time to get into mischief and you have no time with your daily chores, when you do get to together there is no quality time spend together because he already had his fill/fun and you are just starting to relax. What has now become the easiest or laziest way to spend time together is putting on a movie and sitting on the couch with minimal conversation.

 

Now enter this other girl into the picture. She doesn't have to do the housework or cook dinner for him so can afford to smile at him and just talk about random exciting things like game of thrones and other interests. That gets his juices flowing because she is new, she is fresh, she is fun, she doesn't have to do his dirty laundry and has a lot of energy to burn.

 

Although he communicates with her in an excitable fashion, she knows that he is spoken for and it's not certain if he really wants to break it off with you to pursue her because he has got such a comfortable lifestyle. It's all exciting now but could very well settle down after a while. I think that your main focus now should be on yourself. To reclaim back the strong, independent woman who has lot's of energy and fun to burn. Look after yourself first and make a decision only to do half of the housework. You need to assign him chores to do like clean the computer room and house.

 

Start making plans with your other friends and going out with them. Establish a life for yourself outside of this relationship. He will soon get the hint that he is not the most important thing in your life and that he better get his act together if he wants to keep you. If he is too lazy to do anything then, the relationship is not really worth having because it burdens you too much, leeches all your energy and will make you grow older and sad before your time. In fact if you come across one of his socks you should just throw it somewhere random or just throw it away. When he realizes that it's not fun to have no matching pairs of socks it might actually help to clean up his act...Literally!

 

All the best - Bud.

[No Limit]

Kick him to the curb and get a real guy.