glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 [font=century gothic][/font][color=indigo][/color] Hey everyone... just found this site & I'm liking it. I just had a question for all of you out there. I hope I'm not alone in this situation... Background: My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. (I am divorced with a 4 yr old son.) We got together about 6 months after he broke up with his girlfriend. I had no personal relationship with his ex prior to knowing him. He broke it off with her and has not in any way lead her to believe that they could get back together. Situation: His ex has this undying love for him. She tells EVERYONE that he is the love of her life and that she will never love anyone else. She has dated 2 different guys since him and has called both of them his name on accident & told them flat out that she will never love them like she loved him. When we first got together she would get drunk and come on to him or beg him to come back to her and he would just brush her off and tell her No Way! I was being the bigger person and being nice to her, I mean after all she never did anything wrong to me right? Well one night she was drunk and called me and my son a "Ready made family." Which is definetly the WRONG thing to say to a single parent. He didn't even meet my son for 3 months. I WAS NOT out looking for some man to take care of me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and my son which is why I left my cheating ex in the first place. Anyway make a long story semi-short she has no respect for me as a woman and absolutely no respect for my relationship with her ex. Despite the fact that we live together now and are deeply in love, she still hangs out in his favorite bar and buys him drinks. Flirts with him every chance she gets (when I'm not around). I know that my boyfriend would not ever cheat on me or anything like that. She is not of any threat to our relationship but I do want to say something to her about her lack of respect. I don't want to come across as the jealous girlfriend because I am not. I want to come across as the confident girlfriend who deserves to be respected, because that is what I feel I am. Everytime I see her we are out drinking & I don't want a drunken bar-room fight. It's a small place and everyone knows each other & I don't want everyone in my business... I don't want to do it over the phone and seem like a puss either. Arrrgggg... Anyway I have vented way to long about this but is there anyone out there that has some advice or can relate?? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 He lets her buy him drinks???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 It's a small bar and everyone knows eachother there. She sends them already paid for to him via the waitstaff. They don't sit around having friendly chatter or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 IMO, he shouldn't be accepting the drinks. So you say she flirts with him. They do have some conversation then? Obviously she's over the line and I believe he has some responsibility in that. Sounds like he lets it go on. Maybe he likes the admiration. I've been in a similar situation, except my bf avoided his ex like the plague. I think yours should too. Of course you should be classy and respectable about this (do not call the girl directly!) Just talk with your bf about what makes you uncomfortable and have him make the changes. Maybe he won't hang at that bar without you anymore, maybe he needs to change his phone number, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for these things. This other woman has insulted you, in my opinion if your bf loves you he should be happy to get rid of her after she's said nasty things about you. If he's unwilling to make these changes, then at least you know where you stand with him! But make sure to keep no contact between you and this woman, because you don't want her to know she bothers you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 He could quit going to that bar, ya know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 Yeah he probably likes the admiration, what guy wouldn't right? He's not going to stop hanging out in this bar, he's been going there since he was 16. He was avoiding the place like the plauge because of her but he was miserable. I was the one who told him not to let HER of all people run him out of there. He's a an avid pool player and he's on league there too. The only reason his ex keeps hanging out there is because that is the ONE AND ONLY place she gets to see him. He has told her flat out that he is in love with me and there is no way they would ever get back together (with OR without me in the picture). Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I have a low tolerance for B.S. I wouldn't put up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Originally posted by ~glitter*gal~ The only reason his ex keeps hanging out there is because that is the ONE AND ONLY place she gets to see him. He has told her flat out that he is in love with me and there is no way they would ever get back together (with OR without me in the picture). So then whats the problem? How can we help? You don't want him to change anything, but you can't control HER behavior, thats for sure. Unless you just want us to relate and say "man, what a sorry lame beotch." I totally feel your pain girl! She's probably just bitter because she's ugly! Link to post Share on other sites
Author glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 I guess I just really want to have a one on one conversation with her about disrespecting me. I don't want to come of as some jealous girlfriend, when I'm not. I am just a woman who wants to be given the respect I deserve. I want to tell her that I'm not stupid I see her trying to get him back & I don't care about all that, what I care about is that she respect our relationship and keep her distance. Maybe she sees me as weak because I am really quiet, here lately her behavior has gotten bolder maybe because I haven't said anything to her directly?? Then again maybe not. She told my boyfriend a few weeks ago that she really wanted to apologize to me for her behavior and that she wishes that I would be cordial to her like I was in the beginning. But her actions last time we saw her totally contradicts that. Maybe it's just hopeless... i think she needs counceling and after this I'm sure I do to HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Then tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Yeah, the psycho ex in my situation was way beyond leveling with chick-to-chick. I would have loved to- I can be friends with anybody, and I've befriended exes before. I can't help but think of it as personal failure if I can't, but some people just won't allow it. Odds are this woman is beyond too, or else she wouldn't be behaving like this- she'd accept that its over and move on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 She holds on to some sliver of hope that if she just stays in his life they will be together again someday. My biggest fear: that a few years from now we decide to get married & she's the one running down the isle screaming when the pastor says "Speak now or forever hold your peace...." <~~~ I laugh at this but gosh what if it comes true?? Any suggestions on what exactly I could say to her to get her to understand my point w/out coming across like a jealous girlfriend?? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Tell her to lay the f*ck low or you'll bust her knee caps up. That ussually works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 Yeah I'm a 100lb half asian chick with a sunny disposition I'm SURE she'll be scared out of her pants.... LMAO!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Then let her take your man. You gonna stand for that? You'd be surprised how much energy you might have in ya when it comes to saving that man of yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 Yeah I could probably give her a run for her money I felt a little of the violent side of me when she insulted my son and I. I'm not worried about her taking my man. I want her to respect me as a woman and keep her distance. I am seriously doubting that she is even capable of pretending to contribute any good to the world. Everyone has a purpose in life right... why can't she find hers?? Maybe this is payback for something horrible I did and blocked out of my memory??? Or maybe I have something damn good coming to me in the future for putting up with her crapola?? Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 At the end of the day the issue isn't with you and her it is with him and her. He needs to start taking responsibility for going places she is, accepting drinks she buys, and not putting her in her place. HE needs to start respecting you, this has nothing to do with her. She will only do what he allows her to do Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Originally posted by Kat At the end of the day the issue isn't with you and her it is with him and her. He needs to start taking responsibility for going places she is, accepting drinks she buys, and not putting her in her place. HE needs to start respecting you, this has nothing to do with her. She will only do what he allows her to do A-freakin' men. Which is why I say, let him say what needs to be said- I'm afraid you'll regret being involved Link to post Share on other sites
Author glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 Yes thank you guys for talking some sense into my head... I think I will just talk with him about what should be said and then let him tell her tonight if we see her out. He's an awesome guy he'd do just about anything to make me happy. She on the other hand is a silly little chicken head.... I think I'm too old to be using that phrase, HAHA. Link to post Share on other sites
Concern Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 What you just said, it's like a flash back for my last relationship. Is your boyfriend named Mike and the psycho ex named Tiffany? Is she Vietnamese? My ex's ex was a trip, she'd called all times during the night, go through his friends to make sure he knows she's still interested, and calls him just to "chat". I finally made him change his phone number and then we moved, but still, she called at the new number under my name. So I changed the number and made it unlisted. Needless to say, all that has taken a lot out of my relationship with him and we eventually split. Good riddance. No woman, especially one with a child, should put up with that. You never know how far she'll go to get him back. Link to post Share on other sites
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