JJOlay Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I had a friend when I was back high school. We'll call her Nat. She was so beautiful my heart desired to be with her so much. She had a boyfriend at the time and they would be off and on. In one of those off times I called her we talked a for about an hour and a half. Which I took as a pretty good sign considering that was our first real phone conversation, we would only socialize through get togethers amongst mutual friends. I asked her to the movies (I know I know, I was maybe 17) and she politely declined. I heard from a friend she said I was "So cute". But this point in my life I felt like if I was more mature it could've definitely gone different. I was a boy back then. I feel now I have grown an ENORMOUS amount in regards to my maturity, yet I know I have much to go. I've been in a relationship with a different girl for three years, and she was AMAZING but I didn't truly love her. I broke up with her recently for a few reasons... One reason being is that there hasn't been one single day that has gone by where I haven't thought of Nat. Not one. And to be honest I still have a feeling for her and dream of SOME kind of interaction with her. I know she has a facebook but I haven't added her yet. I want to take some time for myself after my past relationship and then eventually add her and initiate contact. I have no idea how her life is or if she's even available. It's been 4 years since we've had an interaction of any kind. Am I a fool to have thrown away a good relationship in the hopes of maybe having a legitimate chance again to win Nat's love? Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Well, if you dumped her specifically for Nat - yes. You should google limerence and probably find a counselor to work on those issues. Specific to the fact that you loved someone more than the girl you were with - absolutely you weren't a fool. Just don't think you're ending up with Nat. Just find someone who steals your heart away just as much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 I did pretty much that.. Dumping her to pursue Nat. I'll look up limerence, im not familiar with the term. And I know ending up with Nat is no guarantee at all. But I felt like I would've been in a better place regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 If she declined you once, it's unlikely she'll be thrilled with you now. She'll remember you how you were then. Cute can be she thinks it's cute someone has a crush on her. I suppose you need to get it out of the way though, but i hope you don't just go in and get one foot wet and then stand in the puddle for the next 5 years before giving up. If you're going in, go in, post current photos of yourself and your interests, drop her a message and ask her out IF she messages back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 I don't believe it is limerence and I'll tell you why. One time I bumped into her on campus in our first year with her bf then. She looked happy and that made me happy. I never met her man before but I was respectful and introduced myself. Also if it wouldn't work out with her, sure I'd be hurt and sad. But I would try to find someone who would make me feel like that, perhaps even more so. And preraph, I think if she remembers how I was back then compared to now it would actually be in my benefit. She'd be a little surprised how much confidence I have now compared to back then. Not only that but my body language is much better and so on. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I had a friend when I was back high school. We'll call her Nat. She was so beautiful my heart desired to be with her so much. She had a boyfriend at the time and they would be off and on. In one of those off times I called her we talked a for about an hour and a half. Which I took as a pretty good sign considering that was our first real phone conversation, we would only socialize through get togethers amongst mutual friends. I asked her to the movies (I know I know, I was maybe 17) and she politely declined. I heard from a friend she said I was "So cute". But this point in my life I felt like if I was more mature it could've definitely gone different. I was a boy back then. I feel now I have grown an ENORMOUS amount in regards to my maturity, yet I know I have much to go. I've been in a relationship with a different girl for three years, and she was AMAZING but I didn't truly love her. I broke up with her recently for a few reasons... One reason being is that there hasn't been one single day that has gone by where I haven't thought of Nat. Not one. And to be honest I still have a feeling for her and dream of SOME kind of interaction with her. I know she has a facebook but I haven't added her yet. I want to take some time for myself after my past relationship and then eventually add her and initiate contact. I have no idea how her life is or if she's even available. It's been 4 years since we've had an interaction of any kind. Am I a fool to have thrown away a good relationship in the hopes of maybe having a legitimate chance again to win Nat's love? 4 years seems to be a long time to still have someone on the brain. Anyway, youre in love with the fantasy of this girl, because you havent gone out with her. You dont know her personally All you've developed is that fantasy I say you try to find her now, since youre free, but I sense that it will be totally different in reality 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Don't waste your time pursuing her, you can try if you still aren't convinced or you believe that you have something new to offer her such as a radical physical transformation. Otherwise I would just keep my options open and search for other women in the real world, not online. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Am I a fool to have thrown away a good relationship in the hopes of maybe having a legitimate chance again to win Nat's love? Yep. But love is foolish. Only way for you to get over your crush is to ask her out again. You'll almost definitely be rejected, because she rejected you previously, and because you haven't changed as much as you think. So do it, cry your tears then move on with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 4 years seems to be a long time to still have someone on the brain. Anyway, youre in love with the fantasy of this girl, because you havent gone out with her. You dont know her personally All you've developed is that fantasy I say you try to find her now, since youre free, but I sense that it will be totally different in reality I know I haven't gone out with her and I know that I really didn't know her personality. I realize it's a bit of a fantasy as well.. I also realize that she may not be the person she was those many years ago. I unfortunately have not been able to let go of her though.. Don't waste your time pursuing her, you can try if you still aren't convinced or you believe that you have something new to offer her such as a radical physical transformation. Otherwise I would just keep my options open and search for other women in the real world, not online. It's not just a physical transformation. I am more mature, responsible, and focused. I'm not claiming to be a brand new person. But I have worked hard to develop myself both inside and out. And she was in the "real world" at one point. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Inner development means practically nothing to women in there real world, that stuff only counts once your in a relationship or already dating them, it will not create initial attraction no matter how nice and confident you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
samg313 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 You wasted some "amazing girls" time that you didn't love for 3 years on some girl that you have never even been on a date with? Did you tell her that you loved her? Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Men, go after her its no big deal 4 years is good time for her to change Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 reckon you need to follow your heart . The grass isnt greener, but you will see soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Am I a fool to have thrown away a good relationship in the hopes of maybe having a legitimate chance again to win Nat's love? You know what they say, "$h!t in one hand, wish in the other and see what you get first. Why you would throw a good thing away for a pipe dream is beyond me. Got a feeling that your going to have a big regret with this one. But I'll wish you good luck anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 4 years seems to be a long time to still have someone on the brain. Anyway, youre in love with the fantasy of this girl, because you havent gone out with her. You dont know her personally All you've developed is that fantasy I say you try to find her now, since youre free, but I sense that it will be totally different in reality I agree that that is a strong possibility. Inner development means practically nothing to women in there real world, that stuff only counts once your in a relationship or already dating them, it will not create initial attraction no matter how nice and confident you are. Yes yes I am aware that's not all it takes. You need "game", or "swag" as kids like to say now. I have a lot more now than I did back then. I'm not too worried about that. You wasted some "amazing girls" time that you didn't love for 3 years on some girl that you have never even been on a date with? Did you tell her that you loved her? Sadly I did. And I stopped about half way through the relationship and it really hurt her. I am very ashamed of this. reckon you need to follow your heart . The grass isnt greener, but you will see soon enough. You know what they say, "$h!t in one hand, wish in the other and see what you get first. Why you would throw a good thing away for a pipe dream is beyond me. Got a feeling that your going to have a big regret with this one. But I'll wish you good luck anyway. You guys may be right... I hope not though :/ Men, go after her its no big deal 4 years is good time for her to change I'm sorry I don't exactly understand your comment. It might be a good thing she changed but it also could be bad. I won't know until I see her.. Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I mean a long time ago she somewhat rejected you, if you still interested find her. It's not a big deal. It's not like if she says no you will die. You don't really have much to lose. She is just one girl. If things don't go the way you planned, you move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I just hope you have no intentions of trying to get your girlfriend back if Nat rejects you. As for breaking up with your girlfriend, I think its a good thing because you didn't love her. As for Nat... I think you have a really unhealthy thing going on with her. You aren't even facebook friends? I am facebook friends with girls I went to kinder garden with. And as for growing up man I don't think you are as mature as you think you are. Breaking up with a girlfriend just for the 1 in a million chance at some girl you don't even know sounds really "young" to me. Did you try facebook friending her yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I just hope you have no intentions of trying to get your girlfriend back if Nat rejects you. As for breaking up with your girlfriend, I think its a good thing because you didn't love her. As for Nat... I think you have a really unhealthy thing going on with her. You aren't even facebook friends? I am facebook friends with girls I went to kinder garden with. And as for growing up man I don't think you are as mature as you think you are. Breaking up with a girlfriend just for the 1 in a million chance at some girl you don't even know sounds really "young" to me. Did you try facebook friending her yet? I let go of my old girlfriend for good. I figured she deserved the same love she gave me. I just made my facebook so I only have my immediate group of friends added. Im going to eventually add Nat. I have found her on there, I just havent added her. I know I didn't truly know her inside and out but its not like we were strangers. If we bumped into eachother again at the store im certain she would remember me. Link to post Share on other sites
EverLastluv Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I dont agree in dumping a relationship for 3 years that was "amazing" for someone you did not see for 4 years! I would have initiate contact first! before letting go of your 3yr gf. You have to first get to know each other and start off at least being friends againg right? then see what happens... If you think its heading for what you desire then you let go of your gf. since you already did so good luck with your plans Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I dont agree in dumping a relationship for 3 years that was "amazing" for someone you did not see for 4 years! I would have initiate contact first! before letting go of your 3yr gf. You have to first get to know each other and start off at least being friends againg right? then see what happens... If you think its heading for what you desire then you let go of your gf. since you already did so good luck with your plans I've considered this too. But don't you think that's kind of worse? If I had my gf there just as a placeholder for possibly someone new? I thought it'd be best if I had just let it go completely that way im not playing that game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Has anyone gone through something similar to this? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 hearts are foolish creatures......child like and dreamy.....keep that heart and follow it.....let it lead you....and its damn scary ....but do it....have no regrets in your life and especially in love.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJOlay Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 hearts are foolish creatures......child like and dreamy.....keep that heart and follow it.....let it lead you....and its damn scary ....but do it....have no regrets in your life and especially in love.....deb I didn't ask for it to be this way you know... Ending the relationship was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. It's like a test put before me that I felt I needed to transcend. I cursed my heart for many months, and now I yield to it.. Thank you for your words. Link to post Share on other sites
supportlove Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) Do it! At your age, you should try anything you want. Even it will make a completely fool of yourself. At least you won't have regrets in future. It's cute of you to do this right now. Would be really pathetic if you broke up a relationship for a crush years back once you grow older. Poor ex girlfriend. You jerk! Lol Edited July 25, 2014 by supportlove Link to post Share on other sites
asellus Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I think you're right, woman feels, that man don't love her/ if love Nat you should try. But remember, she maybe changed during last years. Link to post Share on other sites
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