Has anyone ever gotten back together with an ex after years apart?

[JBlackstone]

I'm curious if there are any couples that have rekindled things after much time apart. I don't mean 6 months where there has likely been little change. My ex and I recently broke up and I know I definitely do not want to be with him now. We are both at different stages of life BUT I feel like if he makes some changes down the road we could possible have another shot. Maybe I'm just in the denial stage of the breakup and want a little glimmer of hope.

[NopeNah]

Nope. Once I end it I'm gone. Now I have gotten back with exes who ended it with me in the past. BUT...it was always in the 3-12mo timeframe.. Those were all mistakes, by the way.

[sly_fly1]

yup. i got my gf back, it was terrible worst 6 months of my life. i litterly let her walk all over me, n treat me like crap. she left me for someone else after 3 years of a good relationship her reason for leaving was because i annoyed her, but the real truth after was that this guy was different and she started liking that there was no responsibilty with the new guy. no more ruteen of pickin up the kids, cooking supper.so on, the guy she left me for beat her up several times. right when i finally gave up and stopped texting, a month after that she called me begging and crying. i prayed and wished that something bad would happen, i wished that she would get into a car accident, then she did and thats when she was called me, we sat down for an hour n she told me everything n she was crying, i gave her another chance. weve been seeing eachother for 5 months now after that. i still am on the edge, i love her alot. i find it had to be intimate with her, i often find my self avoiding sex i think just because the hurt still lingers and the love isnt all there. but it was my decision to take her back.

 

she played games,. i let her play games. there was alot of push n pull with her in those 6 months, enouph to make someone want to kill them selves. it was like mental abuse towards me. but i stood there and took it. i got her back the hard way.

 

what you need to do. number 1, get rid of everything that reminds you of her. number 2, get rid of your cellphone. you dont need it anymore. 3 social media good bye. 4 have your alone time. cry it out. let it all out, take time off work. do what you gotta do.5 leave one line of communication open. she doesnt need to know where you are, who your with , what your doing. but when she comes looking for you, she will need away tofind you. getting back together is almost as hard as the break up. i thought it was impossible and that i would never get my true love back, i wanted to scream n i felt lost, like my life just fell apart out of no where.

 

she left a big scar on my heart. but sometimes you just gotta bight the bullet and let it go. weather its what they did to you, if your going to take them back, or if your going to let the relationship go.

 

the one thing i know forsure. if you 2 were truly inlove, and it was a good relationship. then there is always a chance you will be together. but when people say no contact. listen, they always come back, always. its just a matter of time

[Ordinaryday]

even if you do get back together I think it will be shortlived because the trust is gone.

 

if any of the girls who dumped me came back now and told me that dumping me was a mistake could I please take them back, all I would think is "so their new boyfriend dumped them and they just want to use me for an ego-boost and to fill some time til they meet a new guy huh?" and I would never be able to trust, them, all I would think is "they walked out on me once, whats stopping them doing it again?"

 

thats not to say I wouldnt love them to come crawling back, but only for the ego-boost~!

 

once the trust is gone it never comes back.

[H245]

even if you do get back together I think it will be shortlived because the trust is gone.

 

if any of the girls who dumped me came back now and told me that dumping me was a mistake could I please take them back, all I would think is "so their new boyfriend dumped them and they just want to use me for an ego-boost and to fill some time til they meet a new guy huh?" and I would never be able to trust, them, all I would think is "they walked out on me once, whats stopping them doing it again?"

 

thats not to say I wouldnt love them to come crawling back, but only for the ego-boost~!

 

once the trust is gone it never comes back.

 

This is very true. It happened to me and I had to learn the hard way. My ex completely betrayed my trust and yet I still took her back to try a 4th time. The end result? She left me again. She is a terrible person that I never want back in my life regardless of how much time has passed.

[xxmusical]

This isn't my personal experience, but a friend of a friend's:

 

The girl and the guy dated in high school for several years, but eventually broke up because the guy cheated. They were young. They went their separate ways, going to college, and dating other people although none of the relationships last. Several years later, after graduating college and are both working with full-time jobs, they bumped into each other at a party. The spark was still there. The guy had always loved the girl the most out of all his exes, even though he broke her trust. But the girl forgave him this time. They're now together, as sweet as ever, most likely going to get married.

 

I'm not sure how or what caused the girl to forgive him. Maybe she saw the change and the growth in the guy.

 

This doesn't happen to everyone though.

[Standard-Fare]

JBlackstone, I'd just caution that keeping up that mentality of "Maybe down the line we'll work things out" will hold you back big time on your healing.

 

I admit that I had that attitude toward one of my exes and it certainly didn't help me. I really think it was just a cushion of denial to prevent myself from dealing with the full pain of the loss.

 

But it ensured that I didn't properly move on. I failed to treat other relationship prospects seriously. Meanwhile, my ex treated the breakup as a final closure, and he DID move on completely.

 

I'd encourage you to treat the breakup as the goodbye it is. It's so hard, but it's necessary.

[Griesfootball]

This isn't my personal experience, but a friend of a friend's:

 

The girl and the guy dated in high school for several years, but eventually broke up because the guy cheated. They were young. They went their separate ways, going to college, and dating other people although none of the relationships last. Several years later, after graduating college and are both working with full-time jobs, they bumped into each other at a party. The spark was still there. The guy had always loved the girl the most out of all his exes, even though he broke her trust. But the girl forgave him this time. They're now together, as sweet as ever, most likely going to get married.

 

I'm not sure how or what caused the girl to forgive him. Maybe she saw the change and the growth in the guy.

 

 

This doesn't happen to everyone though.

 

That is a fine story. The guy probably learned a lot from his past experiences. Some people never take someone back who cheated but this girl must have still had feelings for the guy.

[mightycpa]

I've read about this. It is being studied. Google "Dr. Nancy Kalish"

 

Her findings, in summary:

 

1) 46% of lost loves want to reconnect. 54% don't.

2) Usually, decades must pass. The people involved lead separate lives.

3) Age during relationship usually < 18

4) Separation is caused by circumstances beyond control:

-- Parents

-- Go away to school

-- Job

-- Moved

5) Separation does not involve:

-- not getting along

-- control issues

-- abuse

-- other negative stuff

6) 9x% of time, dumpee reaches out first. Odds are against them.

7) For those that rekindle, the attraction is extremely strong. "Soulmate" type stuff.

 

but in the end, only 5% get married. 80% of them stay married, because they were truly lost loves. Everybody else washes out at one stage or another, like when they meet again, when an overture is made, after they've dated again for a while, when they decides to stay with their family rather than pursue to old love.

 

This is exactly why we have to move on.

[gj13]

My ex and I got back together a year and half after breaking up, lasted almost 2 years and here we are... broken up again...

[FortunateSon]

My ex and I were together 3.5 years, broke up for 8 months, got back together for another 1.5 years and broke up again. We were engaged the last 6 months we were together. As much as I wanted it to be, things were never the same the second time around. I am very skeptical about second chances now...