I cheated and it's driving me crazy because I want to be honest.

[martaldn]

i was actually wondering the same.

she is not even bothered to read 2 pages of advises?

[KaliLove]

So you're saying it's perfectly alright to cheat under the above circumstances?..

 

Instead of being honest to your bf/gf that you feel they don't make enough time for you as they're busy and try to communicate, just cheat on them, and comfort yourself with the thoughts that they're just not all that into you, or maybe they're cheating on you anyway... Yeah....

 

I'm sorry, but cheating is cheating, and no matter how you look at it, cheating is an act of dishonesty and unfaithfulness to your significant other. It's NEVER alright to cheat, no matter what, and should not be excused. It's all up to the other person to decide if he wants to stay together with a cheater, but in all honesty, no one deserves such person next to them.

 

Where on EARTH did I say it was ok to cheat??? You completely misread my post.

 

It's absolutely never ok to cheat. I wasn't condoning what she did, I was saying that it sounded like he wasn't interested in her so she might as well just tell him and get it over with.

[KaliLove]

Based on WHAT?

 

On what the cheater is saying? Are you seriously trying to shift this back onto the guy? For all you know, he is out there working hard to give THEM a future together.

 

You've got to be kidding me right now.

 

He could be cheating on you already? WOW.

 

Let's stop projecting here, KaliLove... this advice is RIDICULOUS.

 

Woah, calm down..the last line was a throwaway.

 

I'm just saying that if someone is really into someone else, they make time for them.

 

So..advising her to come clean is ridiculous? You're saying she should just keep it to herself, thus making her entire relationship a lie, and showing her that she can get away with cheating on someone and possibly setting her up to do it again in the future? Because I can't get behind that.

 

We don't know what she meant when she said she hadn't seen him for 'a while', but I took it as a long while. Him being 'busy' is not an excuse. When you love someone, you see them. End of story. Yes, she's the one who did something horribly wrong, but we don't know any details besides what she's shared with us. It sounds like he is neglecting her (which does NOT make it ok for her to cheat, but it does mean she should have dumped him a long time ago).

 

Once again, I was in no way, shape, or form condoning cheating. She should have dumped him before she slept with another guy. And as for her saying 'it just happened'..it never just happens. She made a bad decision and she's trying to get out of owning up to it by saying that.

Edited July 23, 2014 by KaliLove

[William]

Since this new member posted this, logged out and never returned, we can presume this discussion is concluded and thank members for their participation.

[Ashlynn]

I didn't get a chance to reply to any of comment on my previous thread so this goes back my previous thread, I decided to tell my boyfriend about what happened and I guess you can imagine what the outcome was he broke up with me. It was eating at me an I couldn't take I thought to be selfish and just let him stay knowing what I did, but he doesn't deserve it. I know I messed up and he had every right to leave and and be upset. He said eventually we could work through it because he still loves me but right now it over. I was his first everything. I just don't like the fact that I'm getting **** for from his friends rubbing it in my face. I'm already beating myself up about the situation. I have NEVER been a cheater EVER! This all happened because the guy didn't understand that no means no and if I'm pulling and pushing away it means stop. So now I have lost a very special man in my life.

[music_and_poetry]

All I can say is give him respect, space, and time to heal now. If he is able to forgive you, he will come back. If he can't, don't prolong his pain, let him go, and let him move on.

 

Don't let yourself forget how you feel right now. You don't want to feel like this in the future do you? Learn from it. All you can do is give it time and hope for the best possible outcome.

[Ashlynn]

I understand, it just hurts a lot.. But I just have to respect his decision.

[Ashlynn]

All I can say is give him respect, space, and time to heal now. If he is able to forgive you, he will come back. If he can't, don't prolong his pain, let him go, and let him move on.

 

Don't let yourself forget how you feel right now. You don't want to feel like this in the future do you? Learn from it. All you can do is give it time and hope for the best possible outcome.

 

I just miss him and want him back, but I understand he needs his space and I have to respect that because I'm the one who messed up but I also care about him.

[Griesfootball]

Can I ask why were you hanging out with another guy when you had a boyfriend?

[music_and_poetry]

I just miss him and want him back, but I understand he needs his space and I have to respect that because I'm the one who messed up but I also care about him.

 

If you care about him you have to let him heal and move on from this. Let him process what has happened.

[Ashlynn]

Can I ask why were you hanging out with another guy when you had a boyfriend?

 

Because I wasn't with him alone I was with him and other people in public, but he was taking me home. Every time I hang out with him there are other ppl around. That night he just didn't want to take me home.

[Ashlynn]

If you care about him you have to let him heal and move on from this. Let him process what has happened.

 

That's all I can do and just hope for the best.

[Griesfootball]

All I can say is learn from it and if he comes back don't put yourself in the same position and if he doesn't come back you get to explore new people

[Ashlynn]

All I can say is learn from it and if he comes back don't put yourself in the same position and if he doesn't come back you get to explore new people

 

I just don't want anybody else but him.

[Zahara]

I just don't want anybody else but him.

 

The thing is you already lost your boyfriend's trust when he knew this guy kissed you. If your boyfriend and his trust meant that much to you, anyone would have taken the repercussions of that kiss as a sign to stay away from the guy and to prioritize regaining trust and securing your relationship with your boyfriend.

 

Instead, under the guise of "friends" as you keep saying, you then kept hanging out with him even when it has caused issues in your relationship and then you have sex. If you knew he tried something once, why would you be friends with him and why would you put yourself in a position of being alone with him?

 

It seems like you just focused on what your needs were without ever considering his or the relationship's.

 

Let him heal from this. It's good that you came clean and you can now move forward as well.

[marcjb]

Men and women cannot be just friends. There are still some people that argue against this saying they can be, and I wouldn't be surprised if you were one of them before. Now you know. Someone always gets feelings.

 

If you want a friend of the opposite sex, get a new boyfriend. They will be your male friend. Besides that, there are family and your female friends. If you want more male "friends" don't commit to a relationship with someone.

Edited July 23, 2014 by marcjb

[Chi townD]

Sorry, but when you play with fire, you tend to get burned.

 

 

And I'm sorry, but I'm not buying into the victim card you through out there saying that the guy didn't understand that no means no. YOU had the power to stop all of that. You stated that, that night he didn't want to take you home. Then you should have gotten out of the car and call to have someone pick you up. Father, brother, boyfriend or girlfriend would have gotten you. When he started to put the moves on you and if you didn't want it. YOU had the power to pick up the phone go into the bathroom and call the cops, "Hi, this is Ashlynn and I'm at this address and I'm with this douche rocket. I want to leave and he won't let me. I'm being held against my will. Can you send someone over?" You didn't do that.

 

 

So, you slept with someone that you had and on and off sexual relationship with in the past. You got burned. But, I do commend you for telling the truth and being honest with your boyfriend. He deserved the truth.

 

 

And you might hear from him again. He may have some questions that need to be answered (because he probably didn't get a chance to ask them because he was in shock).If he does contact you again to ask questions; then, the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do is be completely open and honest with him if you're ever going to have a chance with him again. Even if the questions are hard and painful and shameful to discuss, he needs complete transparency. It may or may not help, but he will respect your honesty.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry, but when you play with fire, you tend to get burned.

 

 

And I'm sorry, but I'm not buying into the victim card you through out there saying that the guy didn't understand that no means no. YOU had the power to stop all of that. You stated that, that night he didn't want to take you home. Then you should have gotten out of the car and call to have someone pick you up. Father, brother, boyfriend or girlfriend would have gotten you. When he started to put the moves on you and if you didn't want it. YOU had the power to pick up the phone go into the bathroom and call the cops, "Hi, this is Ashlynn and I'm at this address and I'm with this douche rocket. I want to leave and he won't let me. I'm being held against my will. Can you send someone over?" You didn't do that.

 

 

So, you slept with someone that you had and on and off sexual relationship with in the past. You got burned. But, I do commend you for telling the truth and being honest with your boyfriend. He deserved the truth.

 

 

And you might hear from him again. He may have some questions that need to be answered (because he probably didn't get a chance to ask them because he was in shock).If he does contact you again to ask questions; then, the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do is be completely open and honest with him if you're ever going to have a chance with him again. Even if the questions are hard and painful and shameful to discuss, he needs complete transparency. It may or may not help, but he will respect your honesty.

 

Agree with this. And if he does ask those questions, do not try to spin the answers in a way that makes you look good. Do not try to make it the other guy's fault to make yourself look better. Be transparent, honest, and admit to the deserved blame without justifications, qualifications, spin, or anything else. If you have a chance of him forgiving you, you have to be willing to keep it real and accept all the blame.