So a husband created a spreadsheet documenting a lack of sex

[hotpotato]

He wasn't, as a cursory glance at the spreadsheet will confirm.

 

He can still ask less.

[Keenly]

He can still ask less.

 

This is going to make the problem go away?

[hotpotato]

This is going to make the problem go away?

 

Is excel going to make the problem go away?

[NyTransplant]

I'm not an expert, nor am I judging the man or woman, but with the low frequency of intimacy, I'd say the sign for "cheating" by the female is there. On the other hand, the cheezy and weak excuses by her are showing that possibly he doesn't do his fair share around the house. I don't believe he's on the way to cheating, but just suffering from the World's biggest case of sexual frustration and "blue balls". An Excel spreadsheet detailing the rejection for this guy is something else, and to tell you the truth, maybe a more subtle approach should have been utilized? Now, if he crossed the line with his wife, it's probably made everything 100's times worse in their relationship... Just my opinion, and feel for the wife if he has to ask or beg for intimacy, and feel for the man for his sexual frustration...

 

1. Is she cheating?

2. Are they just beginning the downhill slide to the end of their relationship?

3. Are her excuses not to get intimate truly valid in our eyes?

4. Is his appearance unsettling to her, so that she rejects him?

5. Will the husband or wife tell the full story so that we will know the truth?

6. Will a therapist or expert jump in and analyze the situation?

[sillyanswer]

He can still ask less.

 

He could, but how would that solve the problem?

[Candy_Pants]

There is no ONE move either can do to solve this problem. It'll take effort on both sides. And not an effort to "be right" either.

[Keenly]

Is excel going to make the problem go away?

 

 

Excel was never intended to make the problem go away, but rather as a way to bring to her attention that he felt his needs were not important to her, with numerical evidence.

[joystickd]

if she's aware of it, he wasted his time. Why would he think she hadn't noticed sex had declined?

 

I'm sure he was frustrated, by that doesn't mean act immaturely.

 

Putting it in her face is only going to push her away and further the power struggle. Maybe if he would give her a little distance and time to sort thing out within herself, she'd come around. He's being codependent and controlling which is making things worse.

 

Is her not even trying to work on the problem acting maturely? Let's be honest both are wrong as I will agree. If she is not cheating then she has got too comfortable with their situation and that is an even bigger problem

[joystickd]

There is no ONE move either can do to solve this problem. It'll take effort on both sides. And not an effort to "be right" either.

 

I think he figured it may be a tool to get some discussion started to work on a compromise. When it comes to a lot of women these days compromise is a dirty word

[hotpotato]

Excel was never intended to make the problem go away, but rather as a way to bring to her attention that he felt his needs were not important to her, with numerical evidence.

Honesty, it was never intended to make the problem go away.

I promise, she know they are having less sex. This man is trying to win.

[Thruster]

I promise, she know they are having less sex. This man is trying to win.

 

 

come on now Hot -- maybe he was just trying to keep the score up to date

 

You really can't get away from this thread ( )

 

So I still want to know if he is keeping track now

 

or was the backspace -- or maybe -- Ctrl+Alt+Del was used on him

[hotpotato]

Is her not even trying to work on the problem acting maturely? Let's be honest both are wrong as I will agree. If she is not cheating then she has got too comfortable with their situation and that is an even bigger problem

 

Maybe she isn't acting maturely, but he can't control her and make her have sex.

[hotpotato]

come on now Hot -- maybe he was just trying to keep the score up to date

You really can't get away from this thread ( )

 

So I still want to know if he is keeping track now

 

or was the backspace -- or maybe -- Ctrl+Alt+Del was used on him

 

Oh no, he couldn't possibly be keeping score.

 

I guess he can add "airing our dirty laundry" to his list!

[sillyanswer]

Maybe she isn't acting maturely, but he can't control her and make her have sex.

 

I don't think anyone is suggesting that he's trying to.

[joystickd]

Maybe she isn't acting maturely, but he can't control her and make her have sex.

 

It was his way of getting the discussion going. It may not have been a good one but it was what he thought would work considering the options he had. Honestly I think the whole low self esteem thing is BS. If it was like that she would have said something about it.

[sillyanswer]

Honestly I think the whole low self esteem thing is BS. If it was like that she would have said something about it.

 

Fair enough, but I don't think it's always easy for someone to admit that they have low self esteem (or even to realize that that it what is happening) or to say that they aren't happy.

[joystickd]

Fair enough, but I don't think it's always easy for someone to admit that they have low self esteem (or even to realize that that it what is happening) or to say that they aren't happy.

 

To tell a person you love and are committed to it should be that hard to do. You communicate and what I see here us that he as been trying and she is not receptive and that's a very big problem

[Thruster]

Oh no, he couldn't possibly be keeping score.

 

I guess he can add "airing our dirty laundry" to his list!

 

 

where would that even go

 

is it under Auto Sum

 

And no way would he keep count of what goes against him

 

te chart is all for him

 

 

mine is Thruster 4 to your 1 hot ( but who is counting )

[Candy_Pants]

I think he figured it may be a tool to get some discussion started to work on a compromise. When it comes to a lot of women these days compromise is a dirty word

 

Marriage is built on compromise.

[sillyanswer]

To tell a person you love and are committed to it should be that hard to do. You communicate and what I see here us that he as been trying and she is not receptive and that's a very big problem

 

(I'm assuming you meant that it "shouldn't" be that hard.) I agree that it it shouldn't be hard in an ideal relationship... but I still think that lots of people have difficulty with this and in the case of this couple they are clearly having problems already so I can easily imagine that it's hard for her to talk to him about this. We may have to agree to disagree if you're still unconvinced.

[Woggle]

....and I bet if you had any kind of trouble with your wife, you would do your best to resolve it with her. Rather come down on her like a ton of bricks and blaming her entirely for lack of sex life imagining that she must have done it on purpose.

 

Of course but I am married to a woman who is into me and a more adult who wants a happy and healthy marriage. Not many people have that luxury. In my first marriage after being rejected for so long and told to play with myself that is what I did and she get mad at me for rejecting her. After that I just stopped trying.

[BikerAccnt]

listen to yourself. You think women do this on purpose? 'Damn I must get this guy into a sexless marriage.'

 

 

I swear to god that's what my ex thought!

[BikerAccnt]

How many ladies her would be sexually aroused by a spreadsheet documenting lack of sex?

 

Not me.

 

 

At the point of being frustrated enough to send that spreadsheet, I'm sure he no longer cared what she thought. I'm pretty sure the relationship is over.

 

 

When I left my relationship after 6 years of NO sex, she was honestly surprised as hell. She even said "but you never ask for it anymore!"

 

 

Well duh.....

[joystickd]

Marriage is built on compromise.

It may be but this woman isn't acting like she is married. Like I said she is cheating and the spreadsheet became ammo to use as her way of being the victim. I say that and in reality only a small amount of women do that. In this case I think this is what's happening. She is probably telling OM all this too. Trust me I have heard it before. The woman that hasn't given her man sex in months and he gets on his knees and begs, buys her a new car, etc in the hope of it happening and the sad thing is these women laugh about it. It becomes a joke to them.

[joystickd]

(I'm assuming you meant that it "shouldn't" be that hard.) I agree that it it shouldn't be hard in an ideal relationship... but I still think that lots of people have difficulty with this and in the case of this couple they are clearly having problems already so I can easily imagine that it's hard for her to talk to him about this. We may have to agree to disagree if you're still unconvinced.

It wouldn't be a problem unless you are doing something you are not supposed to do. Something like low self esteem would have been discussed or red flags would have been shown to prove that is the issue and it would have never got to this point. That is why I think its BS. I probably would agree with you if I had never been experienced in being the OM