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So a husband created a spreadsheet documenting a lack of sex

kaylan

By kaylan,
in General Relationship Discussion

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hasaquestion

hasaquestion

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Come on man. Begging for sex makes the other party want it less. You know this. If you want to have sex with her, you have to get her panties wet.

 

And if you can't do that dump her, but I bet this guy could be making a faaaaar more effective effort to do so.

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sweetjasmine

sweetjasmine

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You miss the larger point. If this wife was very sexually attracted to her husband, they would be having more sex, and more passionate sex.

 

No, YOU miss the point. Just because someone might still be very sexually attracted to their spouse doesn't necessarily mean they will be having frequent, passionate sex for the rest of their lives.

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Candy_Pants

Candy_Pants

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No, YOU miss the point. Just because someone might still be very sexually attracted to their spouse doesn't necessarily mean they will be having frequent, passionate sex for the rest of their lives.

 

Exactly. I'm usually the one begging, and now that I'm pregnant I physically CANNOT have sex. So there are many many unexpected things that can rob you of your desire and ability to have sex.

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hasaquestion

hasaquestion

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How do we know she doesnt want him? She can still love and cherish him as her husband even though they dont have as much sex as he wants. They are having sex twice a month. Its not his ideal, but its fairly regular.

 

Shes the bad guy? That man made a spreadsheet and kept record of their sex life. Thats weird. :eek:

 

In reality they probably have a dance going on that we cant see. It takes two to tango.

 

I knew your other post was sarcastic. Figured it was a reference to "You girls should never be single". Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

 

Honestly, I don't agree about sex twice a month being fairly regular at all. They're 26! If you're 52, sure. If she just wants to be friends with this guy and talk about feelings they can be roommates. I don't think its fair to marry someone, and thus prevent them from having sex with anyone but you, and then force them to resign themselves to the sex life of a Korean war vet. If you're not willing to commit to someone don't marry them.

 

It sounds like this guy is doing a lot of things wrong, and in this particular situation assigning blame to one party seems like a futile exercise. But to me, the principle of marrying someone at 26 then having sex twice a MONTH with them is rather off-putting.

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kaylan

kaylan

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No, YOU miss the point. Just because someone might still be very sexually attracted to their spouse doesn't necessarily mean they will be having frequent, passionate sex for the rest of their lives.
Again, I say...lets be real here.

 

A 26 yr old woman, thats attracted to her mate...wont only be sleeping with him 3 times in 6 weeks.

 

We have all seen this movie before. The sex wont be getting better, and its likely he will get news from her that shes not attracted to him much anymore.

How do we know she doesnt want him? She can still love and cherish him as her husband even though they dont have as much sex as he wants. They are having sex twice a month. Its not his ideal, but its fairly regular.

 

Shes the bad guy? That man made a spreadsheet and kept record of their sex life. Thats weird. :eek:

 

In reality they probably have a dance going on that we cant see. It takes two to tango.

How is the wife any better? She blasted their personal life on reddit of all places and it went viral. Its all over the web right now. Huffington Post, Yahoo, Gawker, DailyMail, etc. And thats just news sites. Numerous blogs and forums have picked up the story too.

 

And btw, from what I read and counted...it was 3 times in a span or 6 weeks or so (and not passionate or anything either). And this woman was leaving for 10 days as well. So thatll turn into 3 times in nearly 2 months by the time she returns.

 

If this whole thing is real, I dont see the marriage lasting.

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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listen to yourself. You think women do this on purpose? 'Damn I must get this guy into a sexless marriage.':laugh:

 

"Then we can stay up late and watch Friends together while I eat chocolate! Win-win.":lmao:

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carrie_o

carrie_o

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But to me, the principle of marrying someone at 26 then having sex twice a MONTH with them is rather off-putting.

 

What if she has a good reason? You can't just focus on the age without knowing what is really going on in their lives. We DON'T know why she isn't sleeping with him.

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hasaquestion

hasaquestion

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What if she has a good reason? You can't just focus on the age without knowing what is really going on in their lives. We DON'T know why she isn't sleeping with him.

 

True. Maybe she does. And this guy being a huge vagina would be a legitimate reason and is and worth suspecting.

 

But as someone in that age range I find it hard to believe that a 26 year old would be that asexual by choice. I'd argue a 26 year old is much more likely to have sex with a S/O twice in one day than twice in one month.

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jay1983

jay1983

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What if she has a good reason? You can't just focus on the age without knowing what is really going on in their lives. We DON'T know why she isn't sleeping with him.

 

Come on dude, we all know why she isn't sleeping with him.

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sweetjasmine

sweetjasmine

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Again, I say...lets be real here.

 

A 26 yr old woman, thats attracted to her mate...wont only be sleeping with him 3 times in 6 weeks.

 

I'm being perfectly real. I'm pretty sure I was real when I was a 26-27 year old woman who was attracted to her mate but had little libido thanks to medication, a heavy work schedule, and a ton of stress.

 

Please tell me more about what it's like to be a woman in her late 20s in a long-term relationship with a man.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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I knew your other post was sarcastic. Figured it was a reference to "You girls should never be single". Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

 

Honestly, I don't agree about sex twice a month being fairly regular at all. They're 26! If you're 52, sure. If she just wants to be friends with this guy and talk about feelings they can be roommates. I don't think its fair to marry someone, and thus prevent them from having sex with anyone but you, and then force them to resign themselves to the sex life of a Korean war vet. If you're not willing to commit to someone don't marry them.

 

It sounds like this guy is doing a lot of things wrong, and in this particular situation assigning blame to one party seems like a futile exercise. But to me, the principle of marrying someone at 26 then having sex twice a MONTH with them is rather off-putting.

 

More specifically, it was in reference to women being told to settle. Yes, it is damned if you do, damned if you dont.

 

 

Twice a month isnt a hot and heavy sex life, but its still regular. I could get once maybe twice a month from my ex. That wasnt in and of itself that bad. I was in my early 20s.

 

They are married. They do have a commitment.

I

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kaylan

kaylan

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I'm being perfectly real. I'm pretty sure I was real when I was a 26-27 year old woman who was attracted to her mate but had little libido thanks to medication, a heavy work schedule, and a ton of stress.

 

Please tell me more about what it's like to be a woman in her late 20s in a long-term relationship with a man.

Did you read the excel file?

 

Where does it say that women is on meds.

 

She would rather eat and watch tv than make love to her man. Your situation is FAR different from that. Based on all the excuses the wife made, she sounds like the typical wife thats no longer attracted to her husband and thus avoids sex.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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Did you read the excel file?

 

Where does it say that women is on meds.

 

She would rather eat and watch tv than make love to her man. Your situation is FAR different from that. Based on all the excuses the wife made, she sounds like the typical wife thats no longer attracted to her husband and thus avoids sex.

 

Imo those arent the real reasons. Maybe there is a power struggle.

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kaylan

kaylan

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More specifically, it was in reference to women being told to settle. Yes, it is damned if you do, damned if you dont.

 

 

Twice a month isnt a hot and heavy sex life, but its still regular. I could get once maybe twice a month from my ex. That wasnt in and of itself that bad. I was in my early 20s.

 

They are married. They do have a commitment.

I

And you were happy with that? In my early 20s I needed at least once a week in order to be happy. Luckily me and my girlfriend at the time were all over each other a lot of times we hung out.

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Candy_Pants

Candy_Pants

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I'm 27. Married. And attracted to my husband. And YES, stuff comes up that isn't on the stupid excel spreadsheet. Including whatever the husband is or isn't doing to contribute to the situation.

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carrie_o

carrie_o

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Imo those arent the real reasons. Maybe there is a power struggle.

 

I'm surprised she didn't go with the cliched "headache." :laugh:

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sweetjasmine

sweetjasmine

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Did you read the excel file?

 

Where does it say that women is on meds.

 

Why would it say that or anything else?

 

This is basically a Rorschach blot, and you're all insisting that what you see must be absolutely true and dead obvious.

 

She would rather eat and watch tv than make love to her man. Your situation is FAR different from that. Based on all the excuses the wife made, she sounds like the typical wife thats no longer attracted to her husband and thus avoids sex.

 

You don't have nearly enough information to come to any of those conclusions. When the shoe was on the other foot with my H rarely wanting sex, his issues manifested themselves in him withdrawing into his hobbies. The root causes were more serious than that, but if the genders were swapped, you would've come to the same inaccurate conclusion because lol broads stop putting out lolol.

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kaylan

kaylan

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Good thing about our technology age, is that Ive been able to research a lot more about relationships than I would have 20 years ago. Because I see how a lot of relationships turn out, I know its important to make my intimacy needs known upfront before going into a relationship.

 

I really wonder how many people talk about various expectations prior to commitment.

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jay1983

jay1983

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I'm 27. Married. And attracted to my husband. And YES, stuff comes up that isn't on the stupid excel spreadsheet. Including whatever the husband is or isn't doing to contribute to the situation.

 

Dude! All you talk about is sex and how much you wanna please your husband even though you're unable to have vaginal sex due to your pregnancy. Now you're flipping the scrip? I think you might be just a little biased.

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kaylan

kaylan

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Why would it say that or anything else?

 

This is basically a Rorschach blot, and you're all insisting that what you see must be absolutely true and dead obvious.

 

 

 

You don't have nearly enough information to come to any of those conclusions. When the shoe was on the other foot with my H rarely wanting sex, his issues manifested themselves in him withdrawing into his hobbies. The root causes were more serious than that, but if the genders were swapped, you would've come to the same inaccurate conclusion because lol broads stop putting out lolol.

Actually, gender doesnt matter to me when a spouse isnt being satisfied. If the genders were swapped, and a husband started leaving his wife high and dry for weeks at a time, Id call him out too.

 

Fact of the matter is though, that the vast majority of the these "deadbedroom" relationships we all read about involve a man being cut off by his wife.

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hasaquestion

hasaquestion

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More specifically, it was in reference to women being told to settle. Yes, it is damned if you do, damned if you dont.

 

 

Twice a month isnt a hot and heavy sex life, but its still regular. I could get once maybe twice a month from my ex. That wasnt in and of itself that bad. I was in my early 20s.

 

They are married. They do have a commitment.

 

Yeah that would never fly with me. I guess I'm just vulgar or something.

 

I just think that sex is a part of marriage. One of the fundamental principles of marrying someone, is that you don't have sex with anyone else.

 

Why is it that not having sex with people who aren't your S/O is a hard and fast responsibility, yet the other side of that - having sex with your S/O - is something you can take or leave?

 

Obviously its complicated. And its a man's responsibility to make his wife want sex, not just expect to come home, kick back on the couch and drop his pants. But to me, sex is part of commitment, just like the absence of sex is.

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kaylan

kaylan

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Im wondering what people consider a good sex life here. Maybe give your age and state a number.

 

Within a normal work week, I think once a week is a good minimum. Im 27

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