Why is the guy sometimes blamed for a woman's first relationship?

[ChamomileWind]

In my experience and also somewhere else, I've encountered and heard this:

 

When it's a girl's first relationship, sometimes her parents blamed the guy if either sex happened or the relationship is heading towards a break-up. If the girl is closed to her parents, they (esp the father) still want to believe she's an angel and it was really the guy's who pressure her into it, who supposely corrupted her. That's basically putting him as a pig, like a criminal.

 

I was 19/20 then, which that's already an adult anyways (now late 20's) and I wasn't exactly the innocent virgin getting pressured into sex. Actually when I was ready, I jumped on top of him in bed; I started it. There were times I would switched to girl-on-top position. How can that even classify as being pressured when I was also the initiator sometimes? I also would invite him in sometimes. The one who broke up was really me, not him.

 

Even when I was a virgin, I was already masturbating sometimes and had my own sexual fantasies (still do). I still can't believe back then they had this unrealistic idea that I believed in waiting till marriage, how my mind was innocent and only lost it because of him.

 

I never understood the idea of spending such a long time with a guy and going years without anything happening nor wanting to marry him just because he took my virginity. I don't even want kids and still not thinking about marriage anytime soon. I plan on having a couple long-term relationships and if it comes to marriage where both of us feel it, it will.

[ChamomileWind]

It was such a horrible episode back then. Basically it's like he was labelled as practically worse than a criminal while I was seen as the innocent girl that can do no wrong, that was taken advantage of and was the victim.

 

One of my female friend from HS used to date an older guy (she was 17 and he was 28) and it was her calling him most of the times. She would pursused him and no, she wasn't one bit innocent at all. Also had another friend that more than likely wasn't a virgin and was already on her 3rd bf during our freshman year of HS while her parents were clueless. Not every case is about the innocent girl that got taken advantage of.

From what I've seen, the girls were just as aggressive as the guys (sometimes even more).

Edited July 22, 2014 by ChamomileWind

[kelly001]

Anyone that cares about you doesn't want to see you get hurt or disappointed. In other cases it's just human nature to blame the guy.

[ChamomileWind]

Anyone that cares about you doesn't want to see you get hurt or disappointed.

True even though the irony is in the end he got hurt when I broke it off.

In other cases it's just human nature to blame the guy.

I agree. It must suck for the guy to get the blame when it really takes two to tango.

[TXGuy]

Women are always portrayed as pure and the victim. Men are always portrayed as dirty and the predator. It is total BS, but women (50% or the population) love taking a victim and white knights (50% of men which is 50% of 50% = 25%) love pretending women cant think for themselves. So, 75% of the population think women are helpless victims and most people are happy with this arrangement (even though most people know it is BS).

[Got it]

Yeah not so in my case. My parents were/are well aware of mine and my siblings' foibles so tended to be even on the "blame" and usually just stayed out of it. Shoot, my first boyfriend (whom I married years later) and I broke up almost every day in college. My parents' most attention to it would be an eye roll.

 

I think my parents were more sympathetic to him and worried about him than me. I am a pretty strong individual with a fiery temper. They knew, and I knew, I was a pain in the butt.

 

Now my sister has tended to be my mom's sympathies but she has historically dated losers. I have to keep reminding my mom that she is attracting and engaging them so is no more a victim than they are.