tarzan get jealous

[UrOnMyMind]

bare (bear?) with me here please I think there could be a question behind my rant

 

I'm 21 girlfriend is 20. We've been together for 7 months

 

The relationship is great except her having many male friends

 

I know fully that nothing will happen between these male friends and her and etc.

 

but I can't take it sometimes.. She made a friend a few weeks ago in school. The guy asked her to have coffee with him and paid (doesn't even matter who paid) and she told me about it being happy that she made a friend in school. I told her I guarantee you he wants to ask you out. How can you be so naive to think that he just wants to be friends. The guy asked her out and she told him she has a boyfriend. So he backed off. Just now she called me saying she is going to dinner with him. He asked to go to some Italian restaurant she said that would be inappropriate so they are going to some smaller place. She called me and told me she will call me when she gets back.. uh huh.. then she asked me is it ok to go if I think it is not right for her to go.. I told her whatever it's fine do what you think is right. If she knows it upsets me and I/ she? knows the guy is still trying to get in then why do you call me and ask is it bad rather than just not go?

 

Guy knows she has a boyfriend.. the guy still tries.. guys thinking is if she is going to dinner with me then maybe the boyfriend isn't doing something right.. she needs something more.. i could get in there.

 

****ing ass

 

ok I will answer my own rant... if I trust her than let her do what she wants because even if she does have dinner with male friends she will not do anything. Fine but can you explain these thoughts? I choose not to go with any other girls and when I picked up 3 girls at a lounge (yes thank you) and told her you were not picking up my phone calls so I invited some girls to our table.. her thinking was fine thats ok.. but why is it a double standard.. why do I not get angry when you do that but you get upset when I go somewhere? The ****! lol. I guess it is just a matter of different views on relationships. Yet maybe I am just being too sensitive.

 

It feels like I am getting stabbed every time she says I'm gonna go out with him or him k?

 

I'm not done yet

 

Another friend of ours.. he used to work with her, thus he brought her out to hang out with us that is how I met her. (I'm not proof reading this!) Anyway to her he was just a friend.. but to him I guarantee you he thought there was something there.. Because the first time he saw us together he was quite upset. I asked him about it and he told me I did not ask him if it was ok for me to ask her out.. yet I asked him a few times if it was ok to talk to her on the phone..to me that was like asking if I could go ahead (and honestly I did not ask him more directly was because I thought he would say no and I could not have that..I was overcome. lol) Anyway for weeks I had it in the back of my mind that I took her away from him.. then I realized..if you were hanging out with the girl for 2 months and nothing happened then I figure nothing would. Ok.. once again the same issue I observed.. he stopped acting like she was his friend then later on when we started hanging out again and she was all close to him he warmed up to her again etc. Started asking her to hang out with him alone. Fine.. their families are close and they worked together.. but it is still not right.

One instance.. I needed to get a book to her and I needed to be in class so she asked him to drive her to me. Then I called him to tell him come here so you pick up the book then give it to her b/c I would be late. When I call him he answers the phone like yeah what. Problem.. when you are going to dinner or whatever with my ****ing girlfriend you need to show me some respect. Do not act like your friendship with her is bigger than my relationship with her. Later that night I was kind of upset at that and she brought it up...asking if I'm upset about today and then she told me she is going with him to the movies the next day. I blew up. What the **** you are gonna start going everywhere with him he will not ****ing take my girlfriend away from me. first its gonna be dinner then movies then movies at your house then movies at his house. and she was calm... he is my friend..nothing will ever happen between us and you know that.. he is your friend! I told her I can never tell you what to do..I can't ever ask you to stop hanging out with anyone or stop doing something but if it is hurting me every time then wtf! She said i will try to understand you. next day told me that she can not stop seeing her friends because it goes against what she stands for but asked if it will be ok she stopped seeing him as much.. (they see each other I guess once in a few weeks or so and he has a gf now but still I can't I can't have that.. every time they see each other once it will start to be hmm im gonna go to the movies with him together). So basically all that was leading up to tonight when she asked me if it was ok or rather did i think it was inapropriate for her to go with the school friend. so i guess my outburst/constant upset gay moods work but damn it what the ****.

 

to make it easier..

 

is it ok for her to be going with these guy friends "like that" ? i dont know I forgot already.. crap.

 

is it a cause to get upset when she is around friends (not that often) or just like today she was with the school friend and she said she could not talk to me because it was rude ..yet when friends call her when we are together she can talk to them for a bit. not a big issue but im gay (not literally man!)

 

so yes i apologize for this long gay thread i know it is very annoying but damn it i needed to do it.

thank you

[Podna]

Wow, after reading that I don’t have the strength left to type much, so I will keep it simple.

No.

And.

No.

It’s uncool.

The End.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

Let me see if I get this right. Your girlfriend is asked out to dinner by another guy at a large resturant but says no it is too large so she goes with him to a smaller place?

You have got to be kidding me. How would she feel if you met a nice female friend and took her out to dinner. Apparently your girlfriend has no boundaries. She may say you are her boyfriend but her actions say different. How insulting to you. Why would you put up with this crap?

[UrOnMyMind]

without me having to ask her how she would feel if I met a friend and took her out I know her answer would be ...fine... that's great I know you wouldnt do anything

 

well you just got be all excited b/c I was about to call her relaxed and now I'm..uhh..peeved

[HotCaliGirl]

Wow, that is SO messed up! I would not put up with that for one minute...she goes OUT with OTHER guys - that's bad enough, but then she knows it bothers you and she still does it, instead of choosing to do what would make you feel more comfortable and ok with your relationship. Obviously, your feelings are not a priority for her.

 

And the fact that she wouldn't care or mind if you were to take other women out tells me that she just doesn't like you much and you have placed yourself in a situation that will continually get you hurt until what you should do - which is to dump her little booty and leave it for all the other men in her life who are spending time with it. I'd go out with a girl who would not date other guys, which is something it sounds like you, along with many others, want.

 

Even if she's not having sex with these other guys, who may or may not be sexually interested in her, the fact that she makes herself emotionally and physically available to them means that she doesn't care if it hurts you. Where are you going to draw the line? What if she says (or doesn't tell you) that they just held hands, or ?... Just the fact that she's opening up to them, and they are opening up to her over coffee and/or dinner, with the possibility of one or both being interested in the other as more than just friends, is also a bad situation. Bottom line - not good.

[glitter-gal]

Yes I totally agree with HotCaliGirl.... your girlfriend is getting something from these guys, it may not be sex but it could be an ego boost. I'm pretty sure that most women would be flattered to be asked out by guys even if they KNOW she is taken...

 

Maybe she gets off on the fact that she chooses to be with you but other guys want her still & that elevates her position in the food chain.... It gives her power (lots of women let power go to thier heads)~ or at least the FEELING of power.

 

Stand up for yourself and your relationship tell her NO!! If she can't respect your relationship and your feelings then maybe you should look elsewhere. No need for you to sit around while she lets OTHER guys pump up her ego right??

 

Go out for someone that has the same morals you do and the same level of respect for relationships you do! All that hot air going to her head... it's gonna bust open and splatter all over anyway....

[Cecelius]

What HotCaliGirl said.

 

At this point, I don't know who she's dating, you or him?

 

It's not a question of trust 'cause she's not hiding anything from you. Really, it's an issue of who she'd rather go out with.

 

Politely walk away -- she doesn't want you or she's too young to date.

 

Any girl who does not have a rational grasp on the fact that generally, most of her male friends probably would hook up with her if they could, is too young to date.

[young&idealistic]

Hmm... I more or less agree with the other posters, but I have a slightly different slant on things, partly because I remember a few years ago being just like your girlfriend.

 

First of all, if she's anything like the way I was, she has absolutely NO bad intentions, and I think that you would agree with that too. Because she's young and naive, she really thinks these guys want to be her friends. They pay her more attention than some of her other friends because (as we know) they want to get in her pants. Unfortunately, she thinks they really like her for who she is, and it's going to be a bitter disappointment for her when she realizes what the guys are really after.

 

It's up to you who you're going to handle the situation. You have a few options. You can keep getting pissed off at her and telling her not to hang out with these guys. However, I guarantee you this is just going to make her more headstrong about not sacrificing her "friends" because her "mean" boyfriend says she's not allowed to have friends.

 

Second, you could show her how it makes you feel by actually following through on your threat to invite another girl to dinner. However, this is pretty immature, a huge pain in the a$$, and there are a ton of things that could go wrong. The reason I suggest it is because often people think they'd be fine with their SO doing something until it happens (and then they freak out), but in this case, she might really be too naive to get jealous about you "dating" someone else.

 

Honestly, if you want to stay with her, I think your best bet in this situation is to stay as calm as possible at all times. Any outburst from you is going to make her think you're trying to be controlling, and it's going to encourage her behavior.

 

Sit her down and tell her that you would never want her to stop being friends or stop making friends with anyone, male or female. Tell her the last thing you want is to be controlling, and one of the reasons you love her is that she's so independent. Tell her that you trust her, but that you also worry about her and you don't want her to get in a bad situation. And tell her that you really do know more about how guys think, even though she won't believe you. (Hint: flattery works here. Make sure to mention that no guy could resist falling for a girl as beautiful, smart, cool, whatever as she is.)

 

Finally, and most importantly, tell her that there are just some activities that are acceptable to you and some that aren't when it comes to opposite sex friends. Going to dinner or a movie where the two are alone is more like a date and almost always unacceptable, depending on the situation. Usually opposite sex friends hang out along with groups of friends, and SOs are ALWAYS invited.

 

Even if she seems peeved, stay calm, and end the conversation agreeing to disagree for the time being. If you don't force her to defend herself, it will linger in her mind and the next time she hangs out with her "friends" she'll be thinking about what you said.

 

Sorry for the long post!