I had an epiphany last night

[music_and_poetry]

So I had an epiphany last night. It's a little crazy because my epiphany is kind of like the advice I've been hearing all along from everyone, but this is the first time something has "clicked" and knowing it brings a great sense of comfort and peace.

 

I didn't think I was doing as well with my healing as I should have been. I was focused on self-improvement, getting over it, and becoming a better person. I'd have really good days, and then days where I'd feel totally low, sad, and angry. This has been a vicious cycle where I wanted to find an "out" more than anything.

 

The one thing I realized I hadn't been thinking about, was who I was BEFORE I met him. And I realized, at the beginning of this year, I having the best year of my life and focused on becoming the most amazing person I could be. I wasn't looking for a guy, but when I met him, I just couldn't believe the amazing direction my life was turning. I was so happy. Fast-forward three months, when things weren't working out, I not only resented him, I regretted ever letting him into my life.

 

I think this was mainly because it was the first setback in an otherwise amazing year.

 

I think this is why I feel more angry than depressed when I think about it.

 

Even as I think about this, I am realizing that I can move forward. I was in a great place before and I can get there again. I become confident and happy with my life and none of this will matter any more. In some ways, my experience with this guy may have been a blessing in disguise because I am having new experiences that I would not have done beforehand.

 

In short, this whole journey is showing me that it's not about becoming someone new, it's about becoming who I was only 100x stronger. That's a powerful thought. I now really believe I can heal from this and only emerge better. I think forgiving him and myself and accepting it is the final step I need to focus on.

 

If anyone reads this, I hope it may give you some sense of peace. Knowing you were "ok" or even "amazing" before really gives you hope that you will have a happy ending! Somehow!

[chardayze]

Thank you for sharing this. I've just been broken up with by my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and 6 years of history. He told me he is still in love with me and hopes we will together in the future, however he needs time on his own for awhile. The breakup has been very tough on me as i never pictured us breaking up and it feels so odd losing your bestfriend and lover at once. I feel like I don't know myself at the moment and I feel a little lost. However what you have just posted has made me remember myself before I dated him and I was happy on my own then and I'm sure I will be able to find that happiness on my own again and be a stronger person.

[artsygirl78]

I can really relate to this post - this time last year, I was on six (SIX!!) years of having not dated anyone, and was in such an amazing, exciting place of awakening, feeling truly grateful and emotionally fulfilled and excited about life, starting to feel beautiful and attractive again - and then of course my ex came along, courted me for the summer, we officially started dating in October, and I just broke up with him this May. And find myself a shadow of that vibrant, excited, positive thinking woman I was last summer, it is like all of my personal growth completely unraveled.

 

I have to remember that the REASON I drew my ex to me was because I was in a good place for the first time in a long time. And yes, I loved him very much, yes, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be with him, but there were good reasons for breaking up with him. I am 40 years old, and my relationship with him was only 8 months or so of my life. He will always mean so much to me because he was the first man to come along in a very long time that I really, really liked, who liked me back. I am continuing to take care of myself and keep moving and growing, get back on the bandwagon of that sense of excitement and fullfillment in my own life, and be the best person I can be to attract the right life partner, the one that is going to be the perfect match for my mature, grown up self. I was a whole person and on my way on an amazing trajectory before I met my ex, I have to remind myself that I can still be on that path, life does not fall apart because I couldn't make this relationship work out!

[music_and_poetry]

I can really relate to this post - this time last year, I was on six (SIX!!) years of having not dated anyone, and was in such an amazing, exciting place of awakening, feeling truly grateful and emotionally fulfilled and excited about life, starting to feel beautiful and attractive again - and then of course my ex came along, courted me for the summer, we officially started dating in October, and I just broke up with him this May. And find myself a shadow of that vibrant, excited, positive thinking woman I was last summer, it is like all of my personal growth completely unraveled.

 

I have to remember that the REASON I drew my ex to me was because I was in a good place for the first time in a long time. And yes, I loved him very much, yes, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be with him, but there were good reasons for breaking up with him. I am 40 years old, and my relationship with him was only 8 months or so of my life. He will always mean so much to me because he was the first man to come along in a very long time that I really, really liked, who liked me back. I am continuing to take care of myself and keep moving and growing, get back on the bandwagon of that sense of excitement and fullfillment in my own life, and be the best person I can be to attract the right life partner, the one that is going to be the perfect match for my mature, grown up self. I was a whole person and on my way on an amazing trajectory before I met my ex, I have to remind myself that I can still be on that path, life does not fall apart because I couldn't make this relationship work out!

 

I agree wholeheartedly with you! Just because things didn't work out doesn't mean we are failures, it means we cared enough to share our lives with someone. We may be hurting right now but we can and WILL be happy again. We were amazing before and we can be even more incredible after. We just have to believe that. And maybe we will meet someone wonderful along the way, but either way, there is nothing better or rewarding than being kind and loving to yourself! Forgive yourself, and move on to something wonderful