How do you know if you're good (or bad) looking?

[soho]

I'm not a native speaker so please excuse my language.

 

I'm a 30 year old man. Most people in my age seems to know how psychically attractive they are, at least to a certain extent. I don't. I know that I'm not very good looking but I have no idea if I look good, average or ugly. If I look at myself in the mirror I often (but not always) like what I see, but I do not like seeing myself on pictures or video. I have had a couple of girlfriends but nobody of those were good looking in the conventional sense (although I liked their looks anyway). I have asked my parents and a couple of friends and they all said I am good looking. But this is precisely what one could expect, one simply can't expect friends and family to be honest when it comes to questions like this. It bothers my that I do now know how others perceive my looks.

 

I have a fairly good idea of my level of intelligence, what kind of personality I have and my strengths and weakness in general, but I do not have any idea if I look good or bad. Since psychical appearance is quite important, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, it would be good have some self knowledge in this area.

 

Does anybody experience the same problem? Any solution in sight?

[No Limit]

From time to time, I did compare myself to the people glued to walls in form of advertisements etc. Not just the anorexic, buxom skeletons with perfect hair and skin, and I didn't attentively look at them like most others do I guess. In the end I've noticed that it's all about what facial structures you have, and how you present them. The body isn't that important, you can be overweight - not obese though for this technique, in my opinion - and cover it up with clothing.

 

Take a good look at yourself and you'll find that there are many other human beings with a very similarly formed face. Look how they presented it, and try to do it a little bit like they did. Even better if you experiment and see what works with you.

[Scales]

Guys don't need to focus so much on their looks. Dressing well matters more honestly. The thing is in order for a guy to be considered "good looking" by women, you'd need to be in the top 10% of guys. Are you ripped? Do you have a perfect jaw line with great hair? Are you 6ft tall? If you answered no, then you aren't up there. Don't worry about it though. What you say and how you act mean much more.

[Candy_Pants]

Stricly speaking being facially attractive is just about having the golden ratio. But no one is perfectly symetrical so the closer as you are to the ratio, the better.

 

Me personally I love bigger noses and East Asian eyes. My H has freckles and imperfect teeth. To me he's gorgeous.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[KaliLove]

Looks are objective. Everyone is attractive to someone. I don't like conventionally good looking guys personally.

[El Brujo]

People seem to focus a lot more on my being a giant than on whether my face looks handsome or ugly... though IMO I look like Benito-freakin'-Mussolini.

[Leigh 87]

I don't consider myself good looking but I think many average looking people who you wouldn't look twice at are still stunning to some people.

 

I think if you have ONE nice feature and you do not have any hideous other features, you can pull off being attractive to a fair few people albeit will still not be winning any beauty contests!

 

I think it is about how you showcase yourself. I like some of my features, such as my smile and mouth, and dislike my long and slightly crooked nose. I would also like a smaller waste and larger hips rather than my half apple shape I have....So I wear close that showcase my strong points, I have great style because I love how my clothes reflect my personality, and I wear bright lipstick or lip colour to show off my nice set of teeth.

 

I am confident so I always find people who ARE attracted to me, even though I know VERY WELL I am NOT a model look alike by any stretch of the imagination!

 

I literally have people around me constantly who will comment that they find me very attractive. Likely, they know I am NO stunner, but they can see my good features and they enjoy my dress sense and personality.

 

And you are right with your family and friends not being a good indicator. My family all tell me I am stunning. As do my friends, they all say I am a pretty girl. Plus I have always had new people around me tell me that I am attractive. Always. Are they all telling the truth, or are they just doing what good friends and family do by default?

 

For girls, it is even harder to tell if we are attractive or not. Many men around us tell us what we want to hear so they can get sex. I have always had people around me tell me I am attractive, yet I know that many of them could have been lying to get sex. Or, perhaps they were just lovely people who were trying to be nice.

 

Many men will shag just about anything so... plenty of plain girls think they are beautiful simply because hot guys will bang them.

 

 

 

 

I can understand your frustration. To curb my ambiguity surrounding my own level of attractiveness, I just thought " well, at least SOME people around me seem to genuinely find be attractive... I am lucky to have SOME people who feel that way, and hence I am lucky to have options in dating"

 

Which is more fortunate than people who have genuine physical deformities, for instance, and actually have genuine hardships....

[Keenly]

I look at the mirror and I look at certain angles and I personally believe I am very attractive.

 

 

But most of the time, 99% maybe, women wont share my opinion.

 

 

That's okay with me, because I'm still pretty damn sexy

[tuxedo cat]

I used to think/hope I was attractive but that caused a lot of anguish for me because I couldn't make sense of the variety of responses I got from other people.

 

Now I just assume that I am average, and I feel more at peace. Honestly, I think this is the most healthy assumption for anybody to make, no matter how they look. If you think that you are attractive or beautiful you will have certain expectations about how others treat you. If you assume that you are ugly you will walk around with a feeling of otherness.

[Mysterio]

Looks are subjective. I don't need to have a bunch of women tell me that I am good looking or not. I see myself as good looking at I have had my teeth fixed. I try to keep my face clean cut.

 

Other than loosing some weight. I think that I am good looking to myself. I think that sometimes we put too much emphasis the looks things.

 

There are two women I run into at work. Both were heavy set. One has lost weight. The other is still heavy. For some reason. I still think that the heavier one is more attractive to me. I don't know why and they are both nice women.

 

Sometimes we have to look beyond the physical. The personality is what we really have to deal with. Looks will always change. Personality not so much.

[Haydn]

I`m stunning. (After a few beers)

[Tbisb74]

Oh me too, very good-looking. Nothing like my Avatar (there's a new moustache, for one) and after a pint of pale-ale with Crème de Menthe, I'm very desirable....

[Tbisb74]

Stricly speaking being facially attractive is just about having the golden ratio. But no one is perfectly symetrical so the closer as you are to the ratio, the better.

 

Me personally I love bigger noses and East Asian eyes. My H has freckles and imperfect teeth. To me he's gorgeous.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I have the aluminium ratio.... not quite as precious, but cheaper, more useful and versatile, and not deserving of the damaging mythical reputation I have garnered....

[Haydn]

Beer goggles are wonderful.

 

Oh me too, very good-looking. Nothing like my Avatar (there's a new moustache, for one) and after a pint of pale-ale with Crème de Menthe, I'm very desirable....

[todreaminblue]

I'm not a native speaker so please excuse my language.

 

I'm a 30 year old man. Most people in my age seems to know how psychically attractive they are, at least to a certain extent. I don't. I know that I'm not very good looking but I have no idea if I look good, average or ugly. If I look at myself in the mirror I often (but not always) like what I see, but I do not like seeing myself on pictures or video. I have had a couple of girlfriends but nobody of those were good looking in the conventional sense (although I liked their looks anyway). I have asked my parents and a couple of friends and they all said I am good looking. But this is precisely what one could expect, one simply can't expect friends and family to be honest when it comes to questions like this. It bothers my that I do now know how others perceive my looks.

 

I have a fairly good idea of my level of intelligence, what kind of personality I have and my strengths and weakness in general, but I do not have any idea if I look good or bad. Since psychical appearance is quite important, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, it would be good have some self knowledge in this area.

 

Does anybody experience the same problem? Any solution in sight?

 

 

 

I have had a couple of girlfriends but nobody of those were good looking in the conventional sense (although I liked their looks anyway)

 

this

 

 

i always think the guy i am attracted to looks good......as do most people....so what is conventional classic beauty or handsomeness what is that .... because i have no idea i just know what and who i am attracted to and it may not be the same as anyone elses opinion on who i find beautiful and i dont care......

 

i am not beautiful or good looking, i hav ebeen called striking.....todl i stand out but i dotn think that is for good reasons... yet guys are attracted to me ....i feel it is my ways that attract them ...maybe the kermit like eyes that are expressive.......and i feel they become more attracted the more they know me..i do draw guys though... i am a challenge ......not so easy to win over.......so it could be ....regardless ...i have a beautiful heart and the guy that gets that heart......i will find attractive......by my heart knowing him as is.....his heart knowing my heart and my heart knowing him will always hold attraction......magnetic.....

 

 

i feel you should nto worry abotu your good looking status in a conventional manner(i dotn even know what conventional is or should be) and look deeper into who you are everythign that makes you whole....that is what attracts the right female to stay....and not walk away...regardless of your looks......good luck and best wishes....deb

[soho]

Thanks for all of your answers.

 

I'm tall, actually 6,4, a bit overweight but not by much (not obese, 5 kg overweight). The reason for my worries about my looks are mostly related to my face. When I look at my face in the mirror I think that I am fairly good looking but when I see photos of my self and especially video, I feel that I have ugly face. So one thing which is nagging in my head is this contrast. I can feel like an 8 when I see myself in the mirror but as an 4 or 5 when I see myself on a video (or some photos). So are the mirror or the camera more reliable?

[Tbisb74]

Seriously, now: There's a difference between being good looking and photogenic.

My neighbour's H is a photographer, and he has on occasions, remarked that 'beautiful people' don't always photograph beautiful.

Besides, believe it or not, how you project yourself, how confident you are, and how much you smile at people, will make for a better good looking person, than one who does none of those things.

[soho]

In addition: It is not very important for me to be "good looking" it is more important to "not be ugly" so to speak. But the feeling that you do not know if other people perceive you as ugly or not is almost worse than knowing that you are ugly. I think it is important to have a fairly stable (and accurate) self concept.

[soho]

Seriously, now: There's a difference between being good looking and photogenic.

My neighbour's H is a photographer, and he has on occasions, remarked that 'beautiful people' don't always photograph beautiful.

Besides, believe it or not, how you project yourself, how confident you are, and how much you smile at people, will make for a better good looking person, than one who does none of those things.

 

Yes, that can be true, but how do you know if look better in person compared to photos/video?

[soho]

I used to think/hope I was attractive but that caused a lot of anguish for me because I couldn't make sense of the variety of responses I got from other people.

 

Now I just assume that I am average, and I feel more at peace. Honestly, I think this is the most healthy assumption for anybody to make, no matter how they look. If you think that you are attractive or beautiful you will have certain expectations about how others treat you. If you assume that you are ugly you will walk around with a feeling of otherness.

I agree to some extent, but it would feel like a castle in the air if the beleive of average looks are only in your head (if others perceive you as ugly).

[sillyanswer]

Thanks for all of your answers.

 

I'm tall, actually 6,4,

 

Some days I read this forum and am convinced that height is all it takes. Based on that, you're very handsome.

[Kamila]

You know you're good looking when girls (or boys) start giggling stupidly around you. But, looks aren't everything. Really, it's superficial.

 

The more you mature, the more you look for content, connection, something more than looks. You can be so bored with a very handsome guy.

 

It's about a 'je ne sais quoi' that someone has. I remember a guy, small, a bit tubby, no hair, really weird guy.

I learnt to know him on a project, and he was just great, it clicked immensely.

If he was single and more of my age, we would have so hit it off. Even if he didn't meet the so-called beauty standards.

He had it all, i could talk for hours with him, he was kind, smart, a bit goofy. I felt at ease with him

Edited July 24, 2014 by Kamila
typo

[soho]

Some days I read this forum and am convinced that height is all it takes. Based on that, you're very handsome.

Many guys have made positive comments about my height but not any women as far as I can remember. I believe that the value of height is severely overrated, at least when it comes to attracting people of the opposite sex.

 

As a person I am fairly introverted and some people think that I am a bit stiff. I do not feel relaxed when I socialize with new people (especially girls). I am however quite emphatic and many people have said that I am a nice guy. Many people also see me as competent (People frequently overestimate my competence). Sometimes I tell my self that my personality is the problem rather than my looks, but I have seen introverted and agreeable guys who are fairly popular among girls. So perhaps this is just wishful thinking.

 

I feel like a child wondering about these questions. I feel that most other people do know how they look and feel fairly comfortable about their looks. I would also like to reach that level of maturity.

Edited July 24, 2014 by soho

[MissBee]

In addition: It is not very important for me to be "good looking" it is more important to "not be ugly" so to speak. But the feeling that you do not know if other people perceive you as ugly or not is almost worse than knowing that you are ugly. I think it is important to have a fairly stable (and accurate) self concept.

 

How do other people react to you?

 

Do people compliment your looks?

 

I think I'm attractive, but I have my days. Some days I think I look better than others lol. But in terms of how other people react to me and what other people say, I know other people perceive me as attractive because they tell me, women and men...it's happened enough times that people I do not know compliment me that I figure they can't all be blind or lying lol. So I suppose I have a good idea of if people perceive me as attractive because I have overtime received enough "evidence" for it. I know I'm not ugly for sure and I know to some I'm beautiful and then maybe others just average but definitely not ugly.

[soho]

How do other people react to you?

 

Do people compliment your looks?

 

I think I'm attractive, but I have my days. Some days I think I look better than others lol. But in terms of how other people react to me and what other people say, I know other people perceive me as attractive because they tell me, women and men...it's happened enough times that people I do not know compliment me that I figure they can't all be blind or lying lol. So I suppose I have a good idea of if people perceive me as attractive because I have overtime received enough "evidence" for it. I know I'm not ugly for sure and I know to some I'm beautiful and then maybe others just average but definitely not ugly.

You are right. People very seldom compliment my looks. Thats probobly a good indicator of not being attractive. As I said before I know that Im ,not very good looking. But still do not know if my looks are good, average or ugly. Perhaps this indicates (seldom get compliments) that I am average or ugly.