How do you know if you're good (or bad) looking?

[Noproblem]

Many people are not photogenic, that doesn't mean they look bad in reality ...

[D.Mc.]

The reason for my worries about my looks are mostly related to my face. When I look at my face in the mirror I think that I am fairly good looking but when I see photos of my self and especially video, I feel that I have ugly face. So one thing which is nagging in my head is this contrast. I can feel like an 8 when I see myself in the mirror but as an 4 or 5 when I see myself on a video (or some photos).

 

OMG! I thought I was the only who felt the disconnect with how I see myself in person & how I see myself in photos. I don't ever do "selfies" w/my cell phone camera b/c I never think I look good. My LinkedIn doesn't even have a photo b/c of this feeling! Yet I leave the house every day feeling just fine w/how I look. I hate taking photos but love dressing up to go out!! Is there a name for this?

[soho]

OMG! I thought I was the only who felt the disconnect with how I see myself in person & how I see myself in photos. I don't ever do "selfies" w/my cell phone camera b/c I never think I look good. My LinkedIn doesn't even have a photo b/c of this feeling! Yet I leave the house every day feeling just fine w/how I look. I hate taking photos but love dressing up to go out!! Is there a name for this?

 

Do other people treat you as you were good lookning?

[D.Mc.]

I think people treat me as if I was normal looking, they don't see the flaws I see when I look at a picture of myself.

 

A few men from OLD have told me I was very pretty, but those are also the guys I don't find attractive so...

 

No one's come out & told me I was ugly, thus far in my life.

[soho]

I think people treat me as if I was normal looking, they don't see the flaws I see when I look at a picture of myself.

 

A few men from OLD have told me I was very pretty, but those are also the guys I don't find attractive so...

 

No one's come out & told me I was ugly, thus far in my life.

No one has ever told me I was ugly either. But I guess people seldom say this, it is such an insult. I just wish that it existed a way of knowing how others perceive your looks in general. For instance on a scale from 1 to 10. I would surely help if I knew that I was a 4 rather than a 7 and vice versa.

[Lonelyyou]

I think you should be able to tell roughly if you are pleasant to look at or not from your interactions with others. Like if girls genuinely seem more interested in you from just talking to them, then you can start diciphering that they possibly like what they see.

 

I am short (5' 6") but I am confident my build and face are good looking. Ive noticed i get a warmer reception from girls that are 5' 4" or under and asian girls in general.

[pteromom]

It is not very important for me to be "good looking" it is more important to "not be ugly" so to speak. But the feeling that you do not know if other people perceive you as ugly or not is almost worse than knowing that you are ugly. I think it is important to have a fairly stable (and accurate) self concept.

 

You can't do anything about your face (Well unless you want to have plastic surgery but that is scary.) So you may as well rock what you have.

 

Instead, work on what you can control... your style, your haircut, the way you interact with people, your confidence, your success...

 

There is always going to be someone who thinks you are good looking, and someone who thinks you are ugly.

 

And I don't agree that it is important to know if you are ugly. Just accept yourself and don't worry about comparing yourself with others.

[Smilecharmer]

Ugly people get laid, get gfs and bfs and have children. Someone will find you adorable. Someone will grow even more enamored with you the longer you are together and the more they feel for you. Just date and put yourself out there. Fear stops people from getting what they want more than any other thing in the world. Rejection isn't the end, but the beginning of you finding someone compatible and who gets you.

[soho]

I think you should be able to tell roughly if you are pleasant to look at or not from your interactions with others. Like if girls genuinely seem more interested in you from just talking to them, then you can start diciphering that they possibly like what they see.

 

I am short (5' 6") but I am confident my build and face are good looking. Ive noticed i get a warmer reception from girls that are 5' 4" or under and asian girls in general.

 

I feel that most girls are not that intrested when I talk to them. It happens sometimes but not often. I watched myself on video today and it was a terrible experience. My face looks much worse (asymmetrical) compared to the mirror.

[Art_Critic]

Everyone should be able to tell themselves they are good looking.

 

It's all perspective and perception.

[soho]

Everyone should be able to tell themselves they are good looking.

 

It's all perspective and perception.

 

But my perception will not have any impact on how other people perceive me. When I was 20 I really thought that I was good looking (I liked how I looked in the mirror). When I discovered how hard it was to get attention from girls I started to doubt that I was good looking. So I then became ambivalent, but this change of perception did not affect my interaction with other people.

[Keenly]

But my perception will not have any impact on how other people perceive me. When I was 20 I really thought that I was good looking (I liked how I looked in the mirror). When I discovered how hard it was to get attention from girls I started to doubt that I was good looking. So I then became ambivalent, but this change of perception did not affect my interaction with other people.

 

I disagree that your perception of yourself does not affect some one else's perception of you.

[Lonelyyou]

I feel that most girls are not that intrested when I talk to them. It happens sometimes but not often. I watched myself on video today and it was a terrible experience. My face looks much worse (asymmetrical) compared to the mirror.

 

To be fair, everyone with a bit of a confidence issue will think they look ugly when they see themselves on video or in a photo. Thats the nature of being insecure, you will always find something you dont like about yourself regardless of evidence to the contrary.

[soho]

Generally, by the time you're 30, if you were good-looking, you'd know it. Does anyone ever compliment your looks? If not, then that's a bad sign.

 

For me, personally, I've gotten quite a few compliments in real life over the years. However, I've found that I'm not very photogenic and I'm not attractive in pictures. I discovered this all through trial and error and basically just taking hints (both subtle and overt).

 

And, if you are in the US, then, yes, looks matter A LOT in dating. For some reason, people on this forum don't admit this. Maybe it just isn't politically correct enough.

 

I live in Europe but looks matter alot here as well. Since I do not receive positive comments about my looks I could infer that I look average or ugly. I guess average looking people get compliments as well so I might be ugly. It is tempting to upload some pictures and let other people judge just to be sure. But I want to stay anynomous.

[Imajerk17]

I must say that it still surprises me how much guys today are preoccupied with their "looks". The thing is though, it hardly matters when it comes to attracting women. It is far far more about personality. "Handsome is as handsome does."

 

If I were given a choice between being 6' tall handsome face and an average personality, or having a lot of charisma but being stuck with a face that got whacked by the Devil's Own Ugly Stick, I'd take the latter any day.

 

As long as you use good hygiene, make an effort to look good (i.e., grooming, clothes, and haircut), and work out, you should be fine "looks"-wise.

Edited July 26, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Candy_Pants]

I feel that most girls are not that intrested when I talk to them. It happens sometimes but not often. I watched myself on video today and it was a terrible experience. My face looks much worse (asymmetrical) compared to the mirror.

 

I don't like how I look in most pictures. One of my eyes is smaller when I smile. I have an odd chin. And an eternal pimple next to my nose. Also, some hyperpigmentation on my cheeks from too many sunburns. Oh well. Life goes on and no one is perfect. I still find myself attractive and resist picking myself apart because it would just make me feel bad.

 

My advice is not to focus on the things you don't like (that you can't change). Focus on what you do like and what you can fix.

[soho]

You're 6'4. You have absolutely no excuse to not date above average looking women. With a height like that, your looks really don't matter that much.

I disagree. I think a nice face is far more important than height. I cant remember a single girl that has made comments about my height besides one of my ex-girlfriends. I have got compliments for my height from other men but not from women.

[Thegreatestthing]

It is subjective I don't find conventional looking guys attractive,I have a very specific attraction to Eurasian or Russian looking guys with wide /round faces but yon noses etc like a guy with a long face or long features is not attractive to me,I also font like dark hair on guys ,it's all very subjective.

[Thegreatestthing]

This extremely tall guy messaged me yesterday I was put off by it,I don't really think of height when I think of guys but ever since doing OLD and seeing how important it is for women I've begone more aware of guys height.

I disagree. I think a nice face is far more important than height. I cant remember a single girl that has made comments about my height besides one of my ex-girlfriends. I have got compliments for my height from other men but not from women.

[FitChick]

Bruce Willis, Jason Statham. They're not pretty boys (well they are, but they're actors, you get my point)

Er, no, not pretty boys. They are plain. This is a pretty boy . I recently saw him in person and literally stopped in my tracks to stare. He was wearing a perfectly fitted suit and had his hair slicked back like one of those models in an Armani ad. Very suave and European looking. I figured he was a model. Later someone told me he is Jamie Dornan, the Irish actor who plays Christian Grey in the infamous Fifty Shades of Grey film with Dakota Johnson. If that smoldering sexuality I saw and felt translates to the big screen, this guy will be a bigger star than George Clooney.

[Leigh 87]

Also, there are classic good looks and more unconventional good looks.

 

I am definately not universally attactive yet during my adult life, I regularly have people come up and tell me that they find me attractive. So although I know I am not going to be winning ANY beauty contests, I have figured out that wherever I am, at least SOME people think I'm good looking. Because people go out of their way to tell me often. Both men and women, of all ages. They also tell my parents or my friends their views.

 

Unconventional good looks are fun. You learn that you are the average person who always has some admirers who find you very attractive.

 

 

Lastly, depending on your sex, height for men and a curvy, voluptuous figure for women, will always be highly sought after by a good deal of people.

 

I have a very curvy body type and straight teeth. This automatically means I have a lot of options dating wise simply because of those two things. Oh and I am not loud, unpleasant or vulgar which helps of course.

 

I like a range of men..... however, I do notice when a man is tall and I do appreciate that attribute (even thought I have also been very attracted to short and chubby body types, too).

 

 

 

I would say that by your early to late 20's, you would know by now whether or not you are widely good looking to a lot of people. Or, if like me, you are unconventionally good looking; this is very apparent if you have many woman AND men, of all ages, regularly tell you that they think your stunning but you can still tell that you are not one of the " universally " beautiful folks who are winning beauty contests.

Edited July 27, 2014 by Leigh 87

[suladas]

I have a very curvy body type and straight teeth. This automatically means I have a lot of options dating wise simply because of those two things. Oh and I am not loud, unpleasant or vulgar which helps of course.

 

I have never myself, or ever heard anyone comment on a womens teeth in terms of her attractiveness (unless it was a negative). They are only teeth, and unless something is odd about them, they will pretty much go unnoticed by most people....

[soho]

I think you'd look great without the hair.

 

You've got tough guy features - 6'4", hard eyes, prominent brow ridge, square head shape, angular jaw. IMO being bald would play to your strengths by bringing out that "tough guy" look in you.

 

Some guys look better without hair. Bruce Willis, Jason Statham. They're not pretty boys (well they are, but they're actors, you get my point) they're tough guy action heroes. I think you've got a little tough guy action hero in you, and the hair is in the way! Hair is only a must if you're going for the pretty type of appeal which imo is not your niche.

 

My .02

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I shaved off my hair a couple of years ago but I did not feel that this move got me in the right direction. However, I usually have shorter hair compared to that picture.

 

I think the main problem is the look of my face and it is hard to do anything about it. I just have to accept it as it is. I feel that I look much better in the mirror compared to photos and video but this is probably a familiarity effect, (I have seen my mirror image so many times that I started to like it). From the comments (and lack of comments)I got here it seems like other people perceive my looks in the same way as I perceive it on photos and video.

 

A strange thing is the mismatch between my personality and my looks. Even tough I may look hard I am a soft as butter.

Edited July 27, 2014 by soho

[Leigh 87]

I have never myself, or ever heard anyone comment on a womens teeth in terms of her attractiveness (unless it was a negative). They are only teeth, and unless something is odd about them, they will pretty much go unnoticed by most people....

 

 

 

 

As a woman I mean, having full lips and nice teeth can significantly enhance your level of attraction.

 

It is the only nice physical attribute I have going for me so I guess I personally notice a nice smile on others. Plus countless people have complimented me on my nice smile, male and female/young and old alike.

 

I doubt I would have gotten compliments for having nice.... "other" body parts? It is normally the eyes and smile people comment on... both of which I have received numerous compliments for regularly, even though I am just he average girl.

 

I hear loads of people commenting about others "having a nice smile". It is something myself, and many others notice.

 

Why do you think so many people get braces? Crooked teeth are off putting as are big and/or crooked noses, yet some people don't mind a big nose, but you will see minimal drop dead " conventionally" stunning people with off noses or bad teeth.

[Bruce Leigh]

My own personal experience, my father has always been considered good looking, my mother even more so, especially given that she is 5"10.

So i always considered myself blessed in the looks department, not good looking but good enough looking, if you get my meaning