SuperFantastico Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Well if you let him do it, theres definitly no wrong on his part. So what exactly do you want then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 what i want is for him to stop keeping a permanent distance of x number of miles between us. simple huh? Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Waiting for people to change is a bad idea. People are how they are. If hes been like this for as long as you've known him, then he wont change. UNLESS you change the situation. So far you've done nothing to do this. I think your best plan was what you said last in the origial post. Walk away if he follows great if not, it wasnt ment to be.(well it was close to what you said) If you walk away from him it might be just the kick in the pants he needs. Right now he can keep up this little psudo relationship indefinitly without you doing anything about it. Sure you have a break down every once in a while, but then its right back to same old same old. You are the one that the burden to change this falls on. Whether you lose him or not, you have to look out for your own happyness. And if you want kids and to have a normal happy life, it dosnt seem you will get it with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 i already have kids and a normal life.........thanks. and it hasnt always been this way with him either, its only been this way for the past couple of months. but ya right, i do need to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Oops sorry saffey, wrong post . Thats what i get for reading so many. Ok back to your guy. So its been a couple of months(that you have felt this strongly about him), you both like each other(although he thinks of you as a close friend). Same interests, same everything. Have you asked him why he dosnt want to take it further yet? Seems everything should work, but maybe hes afraid of losing what the both of you have right now. How have both your love lifes been like? Any bad breakups recently. Good records? Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 nah, i have had these feelings for years, we were very close for a while, then drifted, for one reason or another, after a year or so i got involved with someone else, which didnt work out, and then he came back stronger than ever. so all the old feelings resurfaced. he has admitted that he doesnt wanna hurt me, and yeah that maybe a factor in why he doesnt wanna change anything. yes we do have all the same interests, he can be away climbing, and i can be mountain biking in the same area, and we still dont make any arrangements to meet up. hes been single since we were together two years ago, and i have only had this one relationship. i think the fact that i got involved with someone else may have made him stop and think......but it seems now he has me *here* he doesnt wanna take it any further. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Well then i think maybe dating a bit at least to test the waters both for your dating life in general and with him, might be in order. Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 nah, im not interested in dating anyone at the moment, i have a few friends that i hang with that are male.....they are bikers tho, and well he knows them too, or knows someone that knows them....and he will know that im not dating any of them. but other than hanging with these....im not interested. thats why things would be so good with him, we hang with all the same people, and have exactly the same interests. if i was to date anyone it would either be someone he knows, or would mean bringing someone into our circle, or dating someone that has no common interests in the things that i do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 well, i kinda figured that if i gotta walk away from my best friend, i may as well give it another go and ask if he wants to hang out next weekend........ he said "i would love to".......... woooohooooo!! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ he said "i would love to".......... woooohooooo!! Woooohooooo! Go Saffy! Tell us how it works out... Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 lol its a long time til next weekend........i mean the weekend after this one btw.......but hey its a start right? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Yes, it's a start. And a bloody good one, at that. Here's hoping the rest of your journey is as good Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 now i just gotta think about where to go, what to do, what am i gonna wear...........hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Maybe something sporty since you're both into this? A good date for me includes something bondy to do, lots of chat, opportunities for casual physical contact, and a nice dinner with wine. Aieee, now I'm torturing myself by thinking of this Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 yeah, maybe something sporty.....then movie dinner later........hehehe am all excited now Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ hehehe am all excited now I'm really pleased for you, Saff... this is gonna be good. Just don't be too keen and frighten his commitmentphobic a** away on the first date Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 ahhhhhhh yeah, i dont wanna do that, i think hes forcing himself to meet me because he probably suspects that im gonna walk if he doesnt so how do i play it cool without scaring him?? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ so how do i play it cool without scaring him?? Keep it light and fun. Be friendly and humourous, rather than deep and needy. No long term talk or anything beyond "it might be nice to do this again sometime" and it should be him that initiates this, not you. No sex or kissing, only casual touching. In your mind, the date should be as much about whether you want him as whether he wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 no kissing?? are you mad?? what am i meant to do if he tries?? sheeeeesh romeo !!! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ no kissing?? are you mad?? what am i meant to do if he tries?? sheeeeesh romeo !!! Sorry Saffy. You asked my advice and this is it. If you don't kiss him, after the date he'll remember wanting it. And will start to plan on how to get it next time. If you do kiss him - and especially if you go further - he'll have second thoughts about it the next morning. If he tries to kiss you, refuse, but in a mysterious, sensual and "you never know what you might get another time" way. You have to trust me on this. Let me be your guide through the maze of commitmentphobic man Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 but the thing is.......this isnt just my best friend......its my EX......i have erm actually been erm involved with him before.......and i agree, nothing sexual........but kissing?? come on Romeo.......dont be mean !! lol Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 It's up to you Saffy... just my advice. I know how this would play out if I were in his shoes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 how would it play out?? i trust you D, you know that, i will take your advice <hugs> Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ how would it play out?? Whatever happens, he will have second thoughts about it the next morning. This is what commitmentphobia is all about. And he seems to be *way* worse than me on this. Whether you kiss or not, he will have mixed feelings for and against. If you don't kiss, next day he will remember the feelings for, if you do, he will remember the feelings against. i trust you D, you know that, i will take your advice <hugs> Ty Please just try the no kissing thing this once. It won't stop you kissing him next time if you still want to. And I promise you that in his shoes this would sooooo work with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author _Saffy_ Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 ok, as i said, i trust you, and you clearly can see better into his head than i can......yesterdays emails proved this.....so how do i react if he tries to kiss me?? the last thing i want is for him to think that i dont want to.....believe me, this guy is hot!! think eminem and you got him! Link to post Share on other sites
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