whichwayisup Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Ugh, I know, I know. I always cringe when I see that you have responded to my thread, whichwayisup, because I always know that what you say is going to be absolutely true and correct...and not what I want to hear. (I say that in the kindest way of course! ) I really thought I had knocked ExMM off the pedestal. My last time seeing him was AWFUL and I have not had one single desire to see, talk to or hear from him until this. I am trying my hardest to be alone but it is so incredibly difficult. I feel so lonely. All of my friends are in the just married, just having babies time of their lives and cannot relate to me at all. So I go home, watch tv, do one of my various hobbies. Every day. Alone. I also don't enjoy my job so I even feel lonely at work! It's really tough. I'm glad to help, and sorry that some of my reply is harsh. Though you're right, it's stuff you need to hear. GET MAD, not sad. Change your life up so you can be happy again. Reconnect with your women friends. Start looking for another job. It's good you're keeping busy and doing hobbies that bring out your passion. It's okay to be alone, it'll help you grow and become more independent and realize that you don't need a man to make you complete. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Clearly I have issues. Yes, I know I should be seeking single men. I feel like any advice or comments won't help you much until you address the opening line of your post above. I think its good it was your opening line as that means you do understand what the driving issue in your unhappiness is- Best of luck- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 It's never anything bad at all. Which is what has me so confused. I'm used to hearing why a MM doesn't love his wife anymore, why she makes him so upset, what he doesn't like about her, etc. But not this one. He will just say stuff about what they've done in the past, what they'll be doing this weekend, random conversations they had. Anyone else have a MM like this? Why does he fell the need to share this stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Because he's a numbskull? If nothing else, he's pretty insensitive. I think it's a CYA thing. In case it ever comes up, he can say that he never talked badly about his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I think he is downplaying his guilt by being more transparent. Also showing you he is not unhappy with her and dialing down your expectations by letting you see he is very much happily interacting with her and you need to keep realistic that she comes first. Kinda like the last poster said its covering his arse...like "hey, you knew I loved my wife..." I don't know how long you've been together but I wouldn't get attached. Obviously better to let go but I hate the preaching. Just carry on with your eyes wide open. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 He's assuming that you're ok with him carrying on with two women because you're one of them. I also agree that it's a subtle way to make sure you understand that he's all good with his wife and that he won't be leaving her for you. You're basically on notice that you're a side piece. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 He's very comfortable with you in that you know the real score. You accept the situation and can't really do anything about it. You need to tell him you don't need to know what's going on with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Perhaps because He is married, and most married folks share about their life plans. Maybe this Gent is okay with the Open Marriage concept? Have you both sat and discussed that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 I think he is downplaying his guilt by being more transparent. Also showing you he is not unhappy with her and dialing down your expectations by letting you see he is very much happily interacting with her and you need to keep realistic that she comes first. Kinda like the last poster said its covering his arse...like "hey, you knew I loved my wife..." I don't know how long you've been together but I wouldn't get attached. Obviously better to let go but I hate the preaching. Just carry on with your eyes wide open. Yes, I was thinking it was a way to say, "hey, I love my wife. You're just for fun." He was very conflicted about having an affair in the first place, so I'm just trying to read how he is feeling now. I keep waiting for him top day he can't do it any more. Definitely doing my best to stay unattached! I don't feel the emotions that I felt in the past with previous MM, so here's to hoping it stays that way! Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Why are you waiting for him to dump you? Why give yet another a MM your power? Why sit on the side lines waiting for someone else to control you? Isn't this your 2nd affair in the last year or so? Why in the world would you willingly again get involved with someone already committed to someone else?!? You know how it's going to end up - him staying married and you hurting again. Why do you keep choosing to involve yourself with married man? I cannot understand why you do this. Maybe you should stop seeking men out - married or single - until you can address why you keep makng these unsuitable choices? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 Why are you waiting for him to dump you? Why give yet another a MM your power? Why sit on the side lines waiting for someone else to control you? Isn't this your 2nd affair in the last year or so? Why in the world would you willingly again get involved with someone already committed to someone else?!? You know how it's going to end up - him staying married and you hurting again. Why do you keep choosing to involve yourself with married man? I cannot understand why you do this. Maybe you should stop seeking men out - married or single - until you can address why you keep makng these unsuitable choices? Because I don't feel like I'm letting this one have the power over me. I'm having fun, it's convenient.... for now. When it's no longer enjoyable, I'll end it. I was asking opinions on why he feels the need to talk about his wife, not asking for judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 So, you get involved with married men not because you are "too weak" or affairs are "too strong" (as you said earlier in the thread) but because they are convenient and fun for you? Just curious, but I'll give you your props for at least being honest about it. Not trying to judge. As for your recent question, I agree with what they all say. He tells you good/normal things about his wife so that you get the hint--- that he isn't unhappy, that he isn't leaving (or at least it seems that way) and that way you don't start expecting too much of him in the way of the relationship. It's just a way to keep you in your place, keep your expectations low for the relationship, etc. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 It's hard to believe someone would go down this road again after having been with another MM before. Well, to each his own, I suppose. For me, there's not enough money in this world to convince me to get involved with another MM. I don't know how you do it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Yes, I was thinking it was a way to say, "hey, I love my wife. You're just for fun." He was very conflicted about having an affair in the first place, so I'm just trying to read how he is feeling now. I keep waiting for him top day he can't do it any more. Definitely doing my best to stay unattached! I don't feel the emotions that I felt in the past with previous MM, so here's to hoping it stays that way! Because I don't feel like I'm letting this one have the power over me. I'm having fun, it's convenient.... for now. When it's no longer enjoyable, I'll end it. I was asking opinions on why he feels the need to talk about his wife, not asking for judgement. But you are already obsessing about him. How is that staying unattached? How is this "fun"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 But you are already obsessing about him. How is that staying unattached? How is this "fun"? How am I obsessing over him? Wondering why he is always talking about his wife? How is that obsessing? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Because I don't feel like I'm letting this one have the power over me. I'm having fun, it's convenient.... for now. When it's no longer enjoyable, I'll end it. I was asking opinions on why he feels the need to talk about his wife, not asking for judgement. It's his way of letting you know that it is casual between you two and not to fall for him as he isn't falling for you. Many women can't hold back their feelings for too long. Eventually they creep up and get in the way and they become very emotionally attached. He doesn't want a deep connection with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 How am I obsessing over him? Wondering why he is always talking about his wife? How is that obsessing? You started off this thread by saying: ...but I cannot for the love of god get him out of my mind. Maybe you should start a separate, more specific, thread about him talking about his W. You seem to be more at odds with yourself on this one than anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I'm sorry you feel compelled to participate in an A again. I cannot imagine doing so after knowing the utter pain that it's caused my heart once already. I hope you will find the strength to refrain and be better to yourself than allowing it to happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 You started off this thread by saying: Maybe you should start a separate, more specific, thread about him talking about his W. You seem to be more at odds with yourself on this one than anything. THANK YOU!! I DID!!! I am so frustrated. I started a thread just about him talking about his wife and the damn admin has now merged 3 of my posts into this one. I'm about to be done with this forum because it is pissing me off so much. What can I do about it?!? I even did a second post saying, "QUIT MERGING MY POSTS" and it got deleted. Anyone know how I can contact the admin without being ignored? Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 THANK YOU!! I DID!!! I am so frustrated. I started a thread just about him talking about his wife and the damn admin has now merged 3 of my posts into this one. I'm about to be done with this forum because it is pissing me off so much. What can I do about it?!? I even did a second post saying, "QUIT MERGING MY POSTS" and it got deleted. Anyone know how I can contact the admin without being ignored? I was being somewhat facetious. Even though you were addressing a more specific issue, the fact of the matter is you're contradicting yourself in regards to the larger one. You went from zero-to-"it's fun and convenient" pretty quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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