Am I out of order here? Or is it her over reacting ?

[python23]

Hello all I'm abit confused about a certain situation I'm in. I personally don't think it's a massive deal but my girlfriend seems to think it is.

 

We've been together 4 months. We've not had a single argument and we get on so well. She is on holiday at the moment and she's back next Thursday morning.

 

But I play for a darts team every Thursday and we are very low on numbers, the captain travels from a different town to play for the same team and he stays at my house nearly ever Thursday

 

My girlfriend asked me about 4 weeks ago if I'm cancelling darts to spend the night with her as she is back from her holiday, I said I'd try to but told her the reasons why I will have to go. She wasn't impressed and said she would be very upset if I choose darts night over her. I would love to spend it with her but it means my team not playing at all if I don't turn up,

 

We have already agreed to meet up Thursday afternoon on my lunch break and we've made plans for the weekend but tonight she's going mad at me by text saying she's upset that I don't want to see her and that I've had to time to cancel.

 

 

Am I in the wrong here? Should I cancel? Which would mean I've ruined a few other peoples night. What should I say and do? I've explained without having a go that i can't cancel but il arrange something for the weekend.

 

Please help.

[d0nnivain]

Especially since you are already having lunch, you are not wrong. She went away. Was she supposed to cancel that for you? Of course not. Similarly you should not be expected to forsake your commitment to your team members. Can she come watch you play darts?

[salparadise]

No, it's not you. She is being self-centered in thinking that you should cancel. It would be different if there were alternates ready to stand in, but you have an ongoing obligation to the team even if this is not of monumental importance in her eyes. She is the one who has been gone and you had to spend all of that time without her around, yet she expects you to cancel obligations just because she happens to be returning on a certain day? Why don't you suggest that she either return a day earlier or a day later instead of expecting you to cancel on your teammates. Otherwise, just tell her that she can attend and have a beer while she watches the match.

 

Has this degree of self-centeredness and entitlement shown up before? Personally, I think it could be seen as an opportunity to establish some boundaries bring her expectations in line with reality, although, it might not be pretty.

[TXGuy]

I don't think you are out of line. It is your regular league at the regular time. Your team would have to forfeit if you cancelled.

 

You need to nip this guilt trip in the bud. Make your decision and stick with it. No waffling. Being indecisive is worse than choosing darts over her.

 

If you want you can tell her you will meet up with hrr after darts.

[python23]

Thanks for your advice.

 

Salparadice, this type of thing had never happened before. She's been brilliant with other things in the past. As long as we both have plans on a certain night she doesn't bother about what other plans I have. She's very good when it comes to leaving me to enjoy my own free time.

 

But because it will be 15 days without seeing me she expects me to cancel this night. Something that I've done every Thursday for the past 2 years. I don't want to come across as a complete dick but like I said. There's not really a lot I can do about cancelling. It's not like she will be waiting another week to see me she will be seeing me that day for half hour anyway, and then all weekend. This behaviour is not like her at all.

[d0nnivain]

On one level it's a good sign that after being away she is anxious to spend time with you again. Be polite, understanding & firm. You will get past this.

[pteromom]

You are not in the wrong. She is being unreasonable by putting guilt on you for owning up to your responsibility to your team.

 

As someone else mentioned, why doesn't she come hang out and watch you play, then go home with you?

[python23]

I could ask her to come along but I know what the answer will be, "of course not, I want it to be just me and you, it's only darts"

 

I'm going to put my foot down and tell her that all though I wish I could cancel, I can't due to numerous reasons. And that il see her on the Friday.

[hasaquestion]

Look at this as an opportunity, to make a statement about boundaries.

[travelbug1996]

draw a line with her. she is trippin and acting like a spoiled princess. you get to keep your balls here or put them in her purse. choose wisely