RoxStar Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 I had a complete mental melt down the other night. As some of you may know or remember from some of my prior posts I have a friend that is more then FWB but not quite a boyfriend but we are happy and this works. Well out of NOWHERE Sunday night I got all upset and told him I was leaving him and that we couldnt do this anymore because its getting too hard. I love him. He loves me but ultimately we want different things. I dont want to get married and neither does he but I do want to have a child. I am 31. I dont need to have kids tomorrow or next month or anything but I guess I should start thinking about it if its what I want. I am pretty sure he doesnt want kids. He makes comments sometimes about having kids because some of his friends are starting to have kids. He is 37 and men have a lot longer to reproduce then women but like I said I am not sure its what he really wants. Further... I dont know if he and I should reproduce... just based on some of our personal issues etc. (depression - family stuff - baggage and all that other fun stuff) I was thinking that maybe I should find someone I want to have a child with or I should seriously look into finding a sperm donor or something like that. I have the full support of my family no matter what I do. I guess part of me is thinking this way because some of my friends are starting to have kids also and I have a neice and nephew and I would love for them to have cousins or even a cousin. I feel really conflicted about this because I love my guy very much and I dont want to lose him or leave him but I know we dont want the same thing. I think that tipped off my mental melt down the other night to be honest. I dont know anymore. Sometimes I feel like he is the one I am supposed to be with and sometimes I am not sure about that. Sometimes I think about the possibility of us having a child together and I love that idea but like I said above - I dont know if he and I having a child would be the best thing. I know its a huge decision in terms of having a child but like I said... in the long run I think he and I want different things. When I told him the other night I was leaving he did everything he could to get me to stay and after crying for hours I did stay and didnt walk out on all of this but its been lingering since then. He asked me Monday if we needed to talk about any of this stuff. I did tell him that its getting harder because we dont want the same things. He didnt really have an answer to that because its fact. I know no one can say STAY ROXSTAR or GO ROXSTAR... I guess I just needed to vent. But the thought of breaking it all off terrifies me. The thought of not having him in my life scares me... I know I am strong and I know I will not die because we arent together anymore. I have never been in this position. I left my last boyfriend because he was cheating. I have been left because the feelings fizzled out but I have never left still loving someone and I dont think I have ever been broken up with on good terms other then in high school... OH BOY... any thoughts??? How do you leave when things are good but you know that you just want different things???? Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 wow that is a tough one. Well if it helps you any, i had a friend recently who broke up with his girlfriend, when things were still really good, because he wanted kids and she didnt. Just because you want to move on to having kids, dosnt mean you cant still be friends with this guy. Its complicated because you both have feelings for each other i know, but if you lose the FWB and still retain the friendship, thats ok. Genetics are tricky things too. Its like random mathmatics almost. There are so many factors. Two really smart people can have a retarded baby. Two ugly people can have a beautiful child. Just because you both have depression, dosnt mean you will have a depressed child. BUT if the environment the child is raised in is a negative or unstable one, you might get a pretty messed up kid. I think you should play the field a bit. 31 is by no means old, im 28 and still act like im 12 So check out whats out there, and ease back with your guy there to give yourself some breathing room. If there can be democrasy in Iraq, you can definitly find a new guy lol. I mean really people, there are problems way worse out there. Link to post Share on other sites
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