My friend lied about being married or is a jerk?

[samantha0111]

My guy friend who has been pretending to be single all this time suddenly said he is married for 2 years!

 

He has no pics with his wife. He does have pics with female friends and his other friends or pictures of himself but no pics with his wife.

 

Also his wife never came or visited him on job like other colleagues wives did. He also went to NY alone and met his female friend with whom he sat with and took pics with.

 

It was his birthday 2 days ago and once again he celebrated it with his friends. Again his wife was not around.

 

Many colleagues who were married had their families and wives with them but on his bday his wife wasn't there.

 

Even recently he said he likes to go out with his close friends. No mention of wife again.

 

He gave this lame excuse that nobody was interestes to know about his personal life so he never spoke but when he was asked, he skipped the question & later suddenly said he is married.

 

He also refused to tell anyone anything and wrote a rather weird reply to his fans those saying he will only talk about work bc people were asking him why he hid his wife.

 

However his profile no longer has 'married or unmarried'. Earlier it was unmarried but now its removed. Its not married either.

 

Nobody is so private to pretend to be single and not show his wife if he has 1.

He had been annoyed by some dirty girls

 

So he lied? I mean how can a wife be so absent on bday

[d0nnivain]

I knew this guy -- a friend of a friend -- for over 10 years. I never met his wife. I knew she existed. He wore a wedding ring. He wasn't flirty but she never came around or participated when the group did things, including weekend trips away that he attended.

 

 

You can't understand somebody else's marriage from the outside.

 

 

Unless you point blank asked him if he was married & he told you he was single, he didn't lie. He may have intentionally given people the wrong impression but that was his choice & possibly yours for not asking the right Qs.

[carhill]

If it's important, there are ways of determining his legal marital status, notwithstanding that such status may be irrelevant to how he feels or acts.

 

Sure, people lie all the time, in general. Part of life. Trust but verify.

 

For myself, it was pretty easy to tell I was married. Either my wife (now exW) was with me at social occasions or my marital status could easily be determined by the wedding band on my finger. Once we split up (separated domiciles) I stopped wearing my wedding band even though the divorce wouldn't be final for some time. Additionally, anyone who was interested simply had to search my last name, or that of my exW, at the courthouse and they could view our divorce case summary, providing more verifiable information. We got married in Hawaii, so the license was there and not local so wouldn't show up locally.

 

I don't know your circumstances with this friend but it appears he has a private life which doesn't include you, hence such surprises. If the friendship doesn't involve those kinds of interactions and/or intimacies, then it might be healthy at its own level. People have friendships for many reasons and at many levels. Some are intimate; some are casual, and everything in between.

 

If you think he's a jerk, then he's a jerk to you. Another friend, or person, would have a unique opinion. I don't know him so have no opinion. Along the way, you did mention 'fans' so, if someone of wide public interest, perhaps there is valid reason to keep one's private life private in such circumstances, IDK.

[samantha0111]

See this isnt called "privacy". Pretending to be unmarried isnt privacy.

His friends also never said anything about being married.

There are many peope who like privacy but do they go around like hey I am single?

 

Nobody keeps their marriage or wife/husband invisible and pretend to be single

 

Its not possible that a wife never visits him not even on his birthday

 

He also didnt want to say he was married. He said a long time after. And the person he told that was also laying lot if stress on the word Married.

 

There were many girls who werre annoying him so.

Edited July 26, 2014 by samantha0111

[d0nnivain]

Its not possible that a wife never visits him not even on his birthday

 

 

Sure it is. She may have been out of town. For all you know she was jail. It's absolutely possible.

 

 

You're angry at this guy & feel deceived. OK fine.

 

 

But unless he slept with you after telling you he was single, how have you been actually harmed by his failure to disclose his marital status to you?

[SoleMate]

Nobody keeps their marriage or wife/husband invisible and pretend to be single...

Except for the individual in question (we think). And many, many others. May I ask exactly what the nature of your concern is? Have you relied on his appearance of singleness to your detriment?

 

Taking this a bit further, are you interested in more effective ways of gaining information on someone's marital status?

[samantha0111]

Sure it is. She may have been out of town. For all you know she was jail. It's absolutely possible.

 

 

You're angry at this guy & feel deceived. OK fine.

 

 

But unless he slept with you after telling you he was single, how have you been actually harmed by his failure to disclose his marital status to you?

 

 

No. She is the only person who is soo busy always out of town that cant visit him?

 

And this is an Indian guy. But even Indian guys are not so "private"

[Diezel]

I don't get what the big deal is. Some people just don't want to disclose details about themselves. Maybe she doesn't want to go out in public with him. Who knows?

 

I'm just wondering why YOU are so upset about this?

[samantha0111]

I don't get what the big deal is. Some people just don't want to disclose details about themselves. Maybe she doesn't want to go out in public with him. Who knows?

 

I'm just wondering why YOU are so upset about this?

 

 

I am.really curious. Even yyesterday he said he likes to go out with his close friends not wife. What is this?!

[SoleMate]

Sometimes, to get YOUR questions answered, you have to reply to ours.

 

May I ask exactly what the nature of your concern is? Have you relied on his appearance of singleness to your detriment?

[samantha0111]

Sometimes, to get YOUR questions answered, you have to reply to ours.

 

May I ask exactly what the nature of your concern is? Have you relied on his appearance of singleness to your detriment?

 

 

No. He claimed he was alone. He was even in the list of unmarried guys which he didnt contradict.

And he never ever mentioned being married. Until a fiasco regarding his social accounts happened. A couple of porn girls had created fuss asking for his number including hacking his social accs. Even before lot of girls had become smitten by him.

 

And just after that he claimed he was married

[anika99]

Samantha, are you really friends with this guy or are you acquaintances? Like what is the nature of your friendship with him?

 

 

If you are one of his fans or you are just acquaintances or even have just a very light casual friendship with him then there is no reason why you would have a right to know about his personal life.

 

 

On the other hand, if you and he have been good personal friends with each other for a couple of years, then I have to agree that it's very weird that he never said he was married. Don't know if that makes him a jerk but it definitely means he wasn't being as much of a friend as you thought he was. I'm surprised by the people on this thread who appear to be saying that there is nothing unusual about a guy pretending to be single to his friends. I mean how many people here actually don't know if their friends are married or single? I certainly know the marital status of all of my friends. Not because I demanded to know but just because that's a rather normal bit of information to share with a friend. If my friends didn't feel close enough or comfortable enough with me to even let me know their marital status, then they aren't friends, they're acquaintances.

[samantha0111]

Samantha, are you really friends with this guy or are you acquaintances? Like what is the nature of your friendship with him?

 

 

If you are one of his fans or you are just acquaintances or even have just a very light casual friendship with him then there is no reason why you would have a right to know about his personal life.

 

 

On the other hand, if you and he have been good personal friends with each other for a couple of years, then I have to agree that it's very weird that he never said he was married. Don't know if that makes him a jerk but it definitely means he wasn't being as much of a friend as you thought he was. I'm surprised by the people on this thread who appear to be saying that there is nothing unusual about a guy pretending to be single to his friends. I mean how many people here actually don't know if their friends are married or single? I certainly know the marital status of all of my friends. Not because I demanded to know but just because that's a rather normal bit of information to share with a friend. If my friends didn't feel close enough or comfortable enough with me to even let me know their marital status, then they aren't friends, they're acquaintances.

 

 

We are just friends but he told me that his mother died and how it hurts him. This kind of info is very private yet he told me so why not marriage? He claimed he was married for 2 years but is telling people that he got married is breach if privacy? If he got married 2 years ago why didnt he tell tha 2 years go itself?!

 

He claimed nobody asked bc nobody was interested. lame excuse bc if no one asks people post 1 pic and reveal they are married or taken.

 

He also skipped the question when he was asked abt his status. later he said suddenly.

He later said he will only talk abt work with the girls who were asking him to show 1 pic of his family.

 

He was even openly flirting with an interviewer who was going crazy after him. the ones who were married were not doing what he was dong.

[ExpatInItaly]

We are just friends but he told me that his mother died and how it hurts him. This kind of info is very private yet he told me so why not marriage? He claimed he was married for 2 years but is telling people that he got married is breach if privacy? If he got married 2 years ago why didnt he tell tha 2 years go itself?!

 

He claimed nobody asked bc nobody was interested. lame excuse bc if no one asks people post 1 pic and reveal they are married or taken.

 

He also skipped the question when he was asked abt his status. later he said suddenly.

He later said he will only talk abt work with the girls who were asking him to show 1 pic of his family.

 

He was even openly flirting with an interviewer who was going crazy after him. the ones who were married were not doing what he was dong.

 

That's not really so private. I think you're interpreting his sharing that as indicating some deeper connection between the two of you, when it doesn't mean a heck of a lot.

 

Do you like him as more than a friend? And what do you mean he's in the list of unmarried guys - what list is this? I don't really get the nature of your relationship to him. Do you hang out a lot, spend a lot of time together? You've mentioned colleagues a few times. Do you work together?

[beach]

He's not private - he's deceitful.

 

Why do you care? Are you trying to date him? He's married.

 

They may have an agreement that you don't need to know about. Not everyone is social or likes to go out to gatherings.

 

But he must like going home to her others wouldn't have married her.

 

Bottom line is ---> he is crappy for pretending that he is single while being married.

[samantha0111]

He's not private - he's deceitful.

 

Why do you care? Are you trying to date him? He's married.

 

They may have an agreement that you don't need to know about. Not everyone is social or likes to go out to gatherings.

 

But he must like going home to her others wouldn't have married her.

 

Bottom line is ---> he is crappy for pretending that he is single while being married.

 

I cannot say he is married. Fact is nobody has EVER seen his wife.

Even on his bday he celebrated it with friends.

 

Its not possible that 1 has a wife and in 2 years she has never be seen

[stillafool]

It doesn't matter if no one has ever seen his wife or the fact that she doesn't come around. That is their private business. He told the truth when he told you he is married. It doesn't matter his reasons for not bringing her around and it really is none of your business just respect him as a married man.

[ja123]

The dude could be gay and his wife is a beard to his family back home in India.

 

 

Or she's in India ...

 

 

Or it was an arranged marriage, so as he's not in love it's no biggy for him. He may not "feel" married, thus doesn't bother to mention her or fully incorporate her into his life...

 

 

Only he could tell...

[samantha0111]

The dude could be gay and his wife is a beard to his family back home in India.

 

 

Or she's in India ...

 

 

Or it was an arranged marriage, so as he's not in love it's no biggy for him. He may not "feel" married, thus doesn't bother to mention her or fully incorporate her into his life...

 

 

Only he could tell...

 

 

He also lives in India. I noticed that he just does not want to talk about her or his marriage AT ALL. He had skipped this question.

 

And when people asked him to show pics even his close friends after hearing him say he was married, he refused.

 

I swear there is sonething wrong. He goes to many cities including his hometown and his wife was nowhere. He took pics with his female friend he met on flight and shared it on social network.

 

He was awarded a prize at our job party and even then his wife wasnt around. On his bday his wife wsnt there.

 

How is it possible that he has an invisible wife?

 

Either he is lying to ward of girls.

[Diezel]

I love how at least 5 different people have asked why you are emotionally invested into the WHY he is lying about his marriage and you've dodged it every single time.

 

There is something you are definitely NOT telling us.

 

Apparently this bothers you WAY more than it should, for a reason.

[ascendotum]

I love how at least 5 different people have asked why you are emotionally invested into the WHY he is lying about his marriage and you've dodged it every single time.

 

There is something you are definitely NOT telling us.

 

Apparently this bothers you WAY more than it should, for a reason.

 

I guess she might have slept with him.

If this guy has fans, then I guess he is a bit of a celebrity. Some celebrities do very much like to keep their private life private. Others do like to pretend they are not married or have a gf, to helps maintain the 'desirable sex symbol celebrity' image...sometimes strictly for marketing image purposes, but also often to allow him to sleep with fan/groupies and have them think more highly of him than if he was cheating on his wife/gf when taking them back to his hotel room.

[ExpatInItaly]

He also lives in India. I noticed that he just does not want to talk about her or his marriage AT ALL. He had skipped this question.

 

And when people asked him to show pics even his close friends after hearing him say he was married, he refused.

 

I swear there is sonething wrong. He goes to many cities including his hometown and his wife was nowhere. He took pics with his female friend he met on flight and shared it on social network.

 

He was awarded a prize at our job party and even then his wife wasnt around. On his bday his wife wsnt there.

 

How is it possible that he has an invisible wife?

 

Either he is lying to ward of girls.

 

OP, once and for all, why do you care so much? Did you hook up with him? Arr you in love with him?

[samantha0111]

OP, once and for all, why do you care so much? Did you hook up with him? Arr you in love with him?

 

 

I am.not in love. I am just very curious.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am.not in love. I am just very curious.

 

Ok. Then you have to understand that you might never get the answers you want. We can't tell you why he hid the fact that he's married. We can only speculate. But your posts come across as upset enough to indicate more than a curiosity in a friend. Methinks you have a crush and are upset by this news. Nothing wrong with that, by the way.

[samantha0111]

Ok. Then you have to understand that you might never get the answers you want. We can't tell you why he hid the fact that he's married. We can only speculate. But your posts come across as upset enough to indicate more than a curiosity in a friend. Methinks you have a crush and are upset by this news. Nothing wrong with that, by the way.

 

I wont be upset because I am not in love or crush & there is really no proof that he has a wife.