Tayla Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Mapper, i noticed a desire by some to give some feedback for the scenerio. Different choices can be made. It starts with a willingness. It probably feels that you are on the defense to some of the remarks. May i ask, what would you consider a positive experience for the circumstances at hand? Be objective and take your personal plight out of the equation. In fairness some civility and respect can garner better results. You seem to be allowing your distain for children to dictate a righteousness that is unbecoming of what an adult can convey. I sincerely hope this is a wakeup call that a change in attitude and acceptance of a younger human can be achieved. Find resolution . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 It starts with a willingness. You are very optimistic, Tayla. Me - not so much. More of a realist. The first problem is with the comment above - there clearly is no 'willingness'. The second problem is that even if there was 'willingness', there is no concept of how to go about relating to a teenager or being any kind of a parent/stepparent on either of their parts, and no desire to learn. Multiple pages of posts later, a long time after the stepdaughter in question has left the scene and venting should be over (the reason OP stated she started the thread) - yet mapper is still replying and it makes me think that she likes the attention. In fact, all of her posts make me think that personal attention is what she craves more than anything. Certainly not help with relating to her step-daughter. This girl is just going to be a statistic that no one can help because she has no one who gives a damn. It's sad. But posting further to this thread in hopes of changing anything is pointless. OP and her husband belong together, and they are who they are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I am literally screaming at my stepdaughter right now. Validate me, please? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 You are very optimistic, Tayla. Me - not so much. More of a realist. The first problem is with the comment above - there clearly is no 'willingness'. The second problem is that even if there was 'willingness', there is no concept of how to go about relating to a teenager or being any kind of a parent/stepparent on either of their parts, and no desire to learn. Multiple pages of posts later, a long time after the stepdaughter in question has left the scene and venting should be over (the reason OP stated she started the thread) - yet mapper is still replying and it makes me think that she likes the attention. In fact, all of her posts make me think that personal attention is what she craves more than anything. Certainly not help with relating to her step-daughter. This girl is just going to be a statistic that no one can help because she has no one who gives a damn. It's sad. But posting further to this thread in hopes of changing anything is pointless. OP and her husband belong together, and they are who they are. Hope , what you speak of is a true observation. Part of this forum is to aide and be resourceful even in the direst of circumstances being conveyed. The OP is free to rant and free to thwart any solid advisal. I am by far not optimistic that change will happen , yet perhaps planting a seed to reconsider down this slippery path is in order. Just as we would not give up on the daughter in this matter, we must consider that the adults have some level of learning and changing their ways... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 What a dysfunctional mess your life is. How can you possibly expect your SD to be happy in your very unhappy home? You can bitch about your husband constantly but his daughter is not allowed to? What a joke... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 It sounds like she feels closer to you than she does to her own father. The girl thinks that you like her, and here you are complaining about her. Did you ever stop to think that you could be the person to help her? That you could be a good influence on her if you make the effort? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I believe the H has to take the high road and not make things worst when the 16y/o SD acts out that way. Remaining calm when she becomes hostile I believe will diffuse the situation a little. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 She's deeply angry at her father and probably all of you and her bio mom all need to be in family therapy. My guess is both sides have legitimate gripes. And yes, she's 16 so going to be very hard to please. But her issues with her dad need to be aired in front of someone who can help mediate them, seriously. Maybe you don't need more than minimum involvement while they work on that and then be brought into the loop. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 It sounds like she feels closer to you than she does to her own father. The girl thinks that you like her, and here you are complaining about her. Did you ever stop to think that you could be the person to help her? That you could be a good influence on her if you make the effort? Mapper is one of those that gets everyone to be on her side while she stabs them in the back. My mother is the same way. "I am so friendly and you all like me and I want you all to get along but don't dare talk to one another about what I said about each of you." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Mapper is one of those that gets everyone to be on her side while she stabs them in the back. My mother is the same way. "I am so friendly and you all like me and I want you all to get along but don't dare talk to one another about what I said about each of you." That reminds me of my dad... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Mapper is one of those that gets everyone to be on her side while she stabs them in the back. My mother is the same way. "I am so friendly and you all like me and I want you all to get along but don't dare talk to one another about what I said about each of you." My mother is a little bit like that too except she doesn't really say bad things, she just blabbers everyone's secrets then asks them to keep it a secret that she blabbed. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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