vhshowdown Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 I will try and make long story short. I need advice on what is going on here, and what is she thinking, maybe some of you have been here before. My EX and I split up last year. After which, we both started seeing other people, and each other, which didnt work. So we split completely, no contact for good. Well, she calls me about month later, we talk, see each other, she acts like she wants me back, then I find her new bf is still in picture, so I stay away. A week or two later, she contacts me again, same thing, invites me to dinner, which I wanted to go, but I had plans. So, she thinks I am blowing her off, so she tells me she is getting back with her new bf.... OK, so we talk once or twice in the 6 months after that. I dont return her calls. Now, 1 month ago, she contacts me out of the blue. I talk with her this time. We see each other, and had good time. We see each other quite a bit, and eventually have sex, but no kissing, she tells me that is for intimate relationships. WOW But we dont see each other for a few days, she would leave short messages, but she doesnt have a phone, so I cant call her back. Finally, she calls and leaves a message like just wondering where the hell you have been? So, we talk an hour later finally, and we plan to watch a movie together at her place when she gets off work. 30 minutes later she calls me back with a different attitude, that she cant get off work, and we need to talk. We talk but nothing was said as to we dont see each other anymore, etc... So, then I go over to her house a few days later unannounced, and she is cooking dinner for someone else she works with. Now, I dont kow if it is a new relationship, or they been together before she contacted me in January. I dont know. But we hang out the next nite, had a great time together, and then tells me her bf is coming over in 15 minutes. HUH!! Well I dont care to meet him, so I bail. I am pissed, but just leave without saying too much. On Vday, she calls me to wish me Happy Vday. We have a nice conversation and what not. Then she says I just wanted to make sure you got home ok the other nite. We had a great time together.... and we did. 2 days later she calls me up, real happy, and i am upbeat with her to, but I ask her can you call me back, my boss is right here. Well she gets pissed, I guess she thought I was blowing her off, but she doesnt call me back... She thinks I dont care about anything between us. (No, I just dont want to get hurt again.) I finally had enough, I called her Monday at work, and she is like hey, i am busy, i gotta go. She was still pissed. So, I said will you call me back this time. She does, and has an attitude. I just tell her I wanted to know what she wanted, I just called to see if you got home ok the other nite, I was like no, you asked me that on Vday. So she really didnt answer, still had the attitude. I get fed up, so I say I just called to say "hey" talk to you later, then she changed her whole attitude, and we talk for 30 minutes. I dont know when we will talk again. I dont know if I wait till she calls me again, after all she is seeing someone else she works with. Do I pursue her, I do want her back, I am sure of it, but i have never said we need to get back together, I miss you, etc.... I have just been showing her this is us, we have a great time, get her thinkng, etc... I need some help on this, anyone........... Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Suprised you have not caught anything from this Busy Bee! i would stay away, unless you want to be used. she already said you were not a serious relationship....Basically you are the guy attached to the dick she is sleeping with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vhshowdown Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe Suprised you have not caught anything from this Busy Bee! i would stay away, unless you want to be used. she already said you were not a serious relationship....Basically you are the guy attached to the dick she is sleeping with. No, Havent caught anything, pretty safe there. I know I should stay away, but we do have good time together even without sex. I think she is confused, and she has already told me she is afraid of me hurting her again. Thus pushes me away. Well, I learned from my mistakes.... only i know she hasnt... I am not sure what to do.... but i have realized I am attracted to LOSERS..... LOL Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by vhshowdown but i have realized I am attracted to LOSERS..... LOL i guess they attract each other. not to be harsh, but you certainly are acting as if you are. why are you letting her control you and your emotions this way? You said you think she is confused....... i think she knows exactly what she is doing, why didn't she think of this before is what she is likely think! all the benefits of you, with out the relationship and the abilty to see other men as she pleases!! Good Lawd! She is smart! Leave her to rot in her web. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vhshowdown Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe i guess they attract each other. not to be harsh, but you certainly are acting as if you are. why are you letting her control you and your emotions this way? You said you think she is confused....... i think she knows exactly what she is doing, why didn't she think of this before is what she is likely think! all the benefits of you, with out the relationship and the abilty to see other men as she pleases!! Good Lawd! She is smart! Leave her to rot in her web. No that isnt harsh at all. Actually, its probably what I need to hear right now. I can see other women too, just right now, I dont choose to for whatever reason. She has control of me, that is for sure. I have never let anyone control me like this. She is in my thoughts all the time it seems like, which sucks.... Well basically, this is the relationship we had when we broke up, I started seeing someone else, she came to me saying she wants me back, and I said fine, we are going to see other people as well. So, she goes out and gets her another guy (to piss me off?? i dont know)... Well, it didnt work, so I blew her off.... And that left hard feelings on her side, and it wasnt exactly what I wanted either..... But then she comes running back... Well, I guess the table has turned, and she has ahold of the strings.... and im wanting to go running back.... hhmmm, i really appreciate your post, its got me thinking now!!! What comes around, goes around.... Link to post Share on other sites
my_manda Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER!!!!! Refer back to the beginning of your story where you two broke up! This girl does not know what she wants, and I have been in both yours and her shoes. She does not know what she wants, you represent comfort, stability, and someone she knows. Possibly dating you and a couple of others helps her feel complete, but you all have history, and that means this is too hard on you. Take care of yourself, and do what is right for both......I know it is hard, but you sound like a good man who wants what is best for both of you, so the next time she calls REMEMBER THAT~! Good Luck. If it did not work out the first time there was a reason. Whatever the reason it means she may be wrong for you. You cannot find the right one for you, or find yourself, when you are losing time and worrying over the wrong person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vhshowdown Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by my_manda She does not know what she wants, you represent comfort, stability, and someone she knows. Possibly dating you and a couple of others helps her feel complete, but you all have history, and that means this is too hard on you. Take care of yourself, and do what is right for both...... Well this totally makes sense to me a little more now. That is why she gets so mad when I pull away from her and try to move on. Like last week, when she called me, I was busy at the time, she thought I was blowing her off..... But she is seeing someone else, so I was like why is she mad if she has someone else? Same as last year, when I blew her off cause it wasnt working seeing her and someone else, she got totally irate then too. She wants me in her life... but i dont know if I can do it anymore right now. I guess I have grown in the last year, I know I want to be with her, but now it is on her terms, I dont want THOSE terms anymore for who I am.... Thank you for your post manda, it is starting to be more clear now. Right now, I just have to work on myself, this has taken alot out of me lately. We are in the NC mode, so that should help... I truly love her, I guess that is why I am so confused, and I just dont want to hurt anymore.... Link to post Share on other sites
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