Have you cheated?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

WHO...ME?

 

Once on my boyfriend of 4 years and on my husgand (different guy) after 7 yrs of marriage (the itch). Then twice after 9 yrs of marriage, separated for a few months, got back together for a few years, then I cheated again after almost 13 years of marriage.

 

This all started after his neglect, then my on-line "emotional" affairs and his online "sexual" affairs.

[iceisles]

Never have and never would. Three of my exes cheated on me and I would never want to put someone though that kind of heartache.

[TylerC]

I was cheated on by my ex, I've never cheated.

 

Even before I got cheated on, I felt cheating was so morally wrong and I could never do it. Now that I've had it done to me and know how it feels, I know someone should never have to go through that and I could never ever bring myself to put someone through that kind of pain.

[Nubianangel]

Not sure if this is considered cheating on my ex BUT we had been broken up for a month but continued to see each other. We both shared in the benefits of a relationship but without the actual title (i.e, sex; dates; exclusivity). One night I took a ride home with an ex and slept with him. I felt guilty almost immediately and confessed to my ex or semi-ex and he dropped me like a hot potato!

 

Funny thing is, there was one thing he asked of me as we entered into our relationship and that was to ALWAYS be honest--never lie to him. Guess he couldn't handle the truth! I feel bad about it but I do believe everything happens for a reason.

[ubermann]

The first time was about 2 yrs before we got married. I had a drunken ons with an "ex". I had dated her previously but it was not what I would've called a relationship.

The second time was about 13-14 months before we got married. I was partying with a friend when she was in England. We went out and picked up a true crack whore. I did not penetrate her, I bought a bj. I still consider that cheating.

Fallout was tremendous, in a variety of ways. I felt incredibly guilty and stupidly thought that telling her would not cut it. I believed it would only be fair if she cheated on me.

She's flirtatious and good looking and I basically encouraged her. This created a false life that has to be partially rebuilt now. Who knows if this was good or not. I am gald to be with her and don't want anyone else, i I love her trmendously. And it hurts me to think of her with someone else. She did admit to me that if I had confessed back in the day she would've left me or would've done more with those damned other men!! Pretty good chance we would'nt be here today but its really hard to say. She felt I never really cared for her and that she was not special to me cause I did not care about what she did at the clubs. I on the other had lost hundreds of hours of sleep and had to deal with unacknowledged jealousy.

 

Pretending to not care took an enormous emotional toll. So last August I confessed finally cause she was really thinking I was open to that sort of thing. Even though she had never acted it out fully what did happen drained me. So when the topic came up again after about 4 yrs of silence I snapped and thougt I should try the confession cause I'm gonna end up committing suicide or something. But ther for a second I almost kept up the lie, I almost said hey you should have sex with other men. Nope couldn't keep up the charade.

On her part she suffered because I was damaged goods the whole thing was all subtle, but over the years quiet small neglects take their toll. I was never able to give myself fully because of my guilt. I had this depression lurking under the surface. I felt I was a true criminal of love. If it were truley a criminal act I would've gladly went to prison. So she basically had someone who was unable to fully give her the energy she needs to survive in this crazy world. I feel so much better after confessing and finally admit I do not like swinging at all. I hopefully can give in new ways never before experienced, she really deserves it.

[ubermann]

I can say this with confidence because I studied communcation skills for therapy and building relationships in my classes. Also ls here has good stuff. Its too easy to detect the signs, I have a complete mental matrix to keep these other women distant, very distant... completely out of sight and out of mind.

 

PS. I would suggest to those in committed relationships to even quit fantasizing about having sex with other people. I find it not hard to do and actually feel more peaceful in my mind

[WithOrWithoutYou]

I have never been married, but I have never cheated on a GF where the relationship was exclusive. I have always believed that ending the relationship (or at least telling her I was going to see other people first) was the honest thing to do. I just wish they had all paid me the same courtesy.

[life loser]

Originally posted by WithOrWithoutYou

I have never been married, but I have never cheated on a GF where the relationship was exclusive. I have always believed that ending the relationship (or at least telling her I was going to see other people first) was the honest thing to do. I just wish they had all paid me the same courtesy.

 

 

I don't know if you are m or f, WOWY, but I ditto your statement to the letter.

[chryssy]

Never cheated on anyone, but i just found out my ex boyfriend of 1yr, 9months, has been engaged to another girl for 11 months, and was dating that girl for 3yrs, 2 months. His ex-fiancee and I both got emails sent to us (written by e/o) from his email account, and we have no idea who got in his email account and sent them...probably another girl who found out about the 2 of us. He then sent me an email 5 days later saying he couldn't live like this anymore and he had to end our relationship. I'm not really into telling people what to do, or judging people, but before you cheat on someone...no matter how smart, strong or independent that person is...just know that you will break them down to nothing and ruin their life.

[ecco]

I cheated on my diet

[kj]

Yep I cheated with a boss in my company. He started flirting with me after hearing by way of the office grapevine that I was having martial difficulties. It seems that he too was not satisfied in his current relationship, of many years. We only know each other casually for about 2 years and when he cornered me in a private office and said he has feelings for me, I was dumbfounded and replied that I am in a relationship. I began avoding him as much as possible then re-thought his offer. He has the power to help me advance in the company when another secretary retires this year, so I figured why not!

 

I have to admit, truthfully I really am not attracted to him, only what he can do for me. Since agreeing to a relationship, he bought a new car for us to cruise around in. See the perks are already starting!

[Sal Paradise]

Never have and never will because I'm not a coward.

 

Some say you don't know for sure until the situation presents itself and I agree, the situation presented itself a few times when things in my relationship weren't going so well, and I passed each test. So I can say beyond a reasonable doubt that I would never cheat. I would leave the person before it came to that or we'd be in therapy.

 

I also have zero tolerance of someone who cheats on me, my girlfriend and I have discussed this before, she knows if she cheats even once (even a kiss) I'm gone with no second chances.

 

Cheating is not just betrayl its putting your partner who trusts you at risk for STD's. To me thats unforgiveable, for me anyways.

[Sue22]

I too had the situation present itself several times, and turned them all down. And I recently have, and never thought I would. Maybe it's because of distance, or maybe it's because I'm not supposed to be with my bf. Congrats to you for not failing. I have, and I am a coward because I don't have the guts to do anything about it.

 

You truly never know what you will do until the situation arises, and you either rise to the situation, or fall down to it.

[paidraich]

yes, and no regrets. Will never let on to the fact, it wasn't about trying to hurt my SO, it was more about me and for me.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by paidraich

yes, and no regrets. Will never let on to the fact, it wasn't about trying to hurt my SO, it was more about me and for me.

 

It will eventually bite you in the rear end. One way or another. Horrible people who treat those around them (that friend who's wife you slept with, if he was a real friend you wouldn't of done it, a real man wouldn't do that to a friend) with no respect and with malice eventually get paid back. Perhaps one day that cold heart of yours will fall for someone, and then they will cheat on you. It would serve you right. Or perhaps you will never know true love and will die alone. One way or a other; what comes around goes around. I'd hate to be in your shoes when it comes back around.

[That_girl]

I cheated on my boyfriend this weekend. It was at a party with an old friend (who I'm not interested in at all) and I don't even know why I did it. I guess it's because I'm so scared that he'll cheat on me one day that I felt I needed to do it first. Stupid I know, and let me tell anyone who is thinking about cheating on their significant other: DON'T DO IT...it's going to destroy you inside if you don't tell them about it, and if you do, it'll destroy them and yourself once you see how badly you've hurt them.

[justahottie]

Yes I have cheated with a co-worker. What was I thinking! It all started out innocently enough, making it a point to be in the same place at the same time, casual flirting, planting a seed that my husband is having an online romance so he would feel sorry for me and try to 'fix' it, eating lunch @ one of my favorite restaurants with other people from the office at first ..of course I chose to sit across from him so I would have the opportunity to 'drop my napkin' and have to lean over to pick it up! Had a lot of fun teasing him. Then it naturally progressed to a physical relationship lasting a short time... now he's working on his marriage and ignores me completely.

[Cookie Puss]

never cheated personally. don't have the heart to do it. i've been cheated on. also on several occasions i've been the person the girl was cheating with. for some reason that doesn't bother me unless it was someone i knew. out of sight, out of mind i guess.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by alphamale

ended up hooking up with this woman in my class from across the country and on last nite there we go drunk and f***ed, basically a ONS.

 

Alpha, you crack me up... only thing lacking is the blue print of how it all went down.

 

I'd cheat if the girl was named Cookie Puss. How could anyone ever resist?

 

Cookie Monster's coming to town...

[SweetBabyJ]

Nope never have and never will...don't think i could live with the guilt. I would probably end up telling on myself!

[reservoirdog1]

Never have (despite opportunities), and never will. I've been on the receiving end of that devastation and wouldn't inflict that on another person. For many reasons, not least of which is that karma is a bitch. Nobody learned that lesson a harder way than my ex-wife.

[ashley83]

Originally posted by alphamale

i had been married for 1 yr and it was going down the tubes. anyways, my boss asked me to go to washington d.c. for a week long database class and i stayed at a real nice hotel.

 

ended up hooking up with this woman in my class from across the country and on last nite there we go drunk and f***ed, basically a ONS.

 

i felt a bit guilty but it was fleeting cause I knew my marriage was a nitemare. my ex-wife never found out and i never told her.

 

i filed for divorce maybe a yr and a half after this incident. only time i ever messed around on someone but i must be honest and say i'd probably do it again.

 

ew, you must have hated your wife

[Natural Cat]

I did over 10 years ago. Ended it and never told. Never again.

Originally posted by reservoirdog1...karma is a bitch

 

MW did last year; she got caught.

Originally posted by WHATINTHE... I have before but i got caught. Damn condom wrapper!

[Guilty as Charged]

I did last night, it really hurts. I dont know what made me do it.. something bad which is in all of us. My priority now is to be a better person and live my life as I should. I'm a good person who always helps others - just sometimes I can be really stupid. I cant tell her as she wouldnt want me anymore and it would hurt her more than it hurts me. I dont mind paying for what I did through karma coming back on me, I just dont want her to have to suffer for my mistakes.

 

In an ideal world we should all be honest and take the consequences, the people we hurt have a right to know what we have done. I'm trying to find another way out though, not through cowardice but through not accepting defeat and accepting that i'll never be perfect and just trying to live with myself as I try to be a better person.

 

 

G.

[AbsoluteZero]

G...

 

I think you should tell her b/c in the end if she ever does find out it would hurt her more. If you tell her at least there might be a possibility of her trusting you again b/c you did come clean about it.

 

K.