Have you ever encountered someone that has sworn off relationships?

[RoxStar]

Have you ever encountered someone that has completely sworn off relationships? What does that mean? My best friend is currently seeing someone that says its not a relationship and that he is never going to be in another relationship. He is divorced so I can see maybe he is bitter but he doesnt recognize what they have as a relationship. He says never ever again will he have a relationship. What does that mean???

[alphamale]

Originally posted by RoxStar

He says never ever again will he have a relationship. What does that mean???

 

any time one interacts with another organism some type of relationship is established. even if it is just the mailman.

 

ROXSTAR, this person is full of shyt.

[EC]

I have met guys that have sworn off relationships. Either because they have been hurt or for whatever reason. They would have girl "friends" and FWBs and swear to never have a relationship again.

 

And always they all of a sudden meet the perfect girl and they are dying to have a relationship. Or they get tired of the meaningless sex they are having and they all of a sudden crave a relationship.

[tiki]

Every person I've ever encountered that said that, later went against it.

[RoxStar]

I think she needs to have a conversation with you. I have told her that even though he refuses to recognize this as some form of relationship - it is. The problem is she is bending over backwards for this guy and he is treating her like crap. She says its his drug problem that makes him this way and he just goes out to get high...

 

 

 

Oh and Eternally... He has said he doesnt want to get hurt but he is doing the hurting to my best friend now!

[LucreziaBorgia]

There's a guy I used to work with who by choice hasn't been on a date or pursued a woman in nearly 15 years. Women have pursued him, but he shuts them down every time. He apparently had a really, really horrible relationship with the girl he was engaged to and decided that relationships simply weren't worth it after it was all over.

[EC]

Some people go through that. SOme guys give their all to have a girl go and cheat on them or something. Its really hard for guys and their ego.

 

I would tell him to remember everything he went through and how it felt to be treated like that and that your best friend feels that way now.

 

But also your best friend needs to realiz that if hes not ready no matter how far back she bends he won't commit untill hes ready. The more she tries to convince him the farther away she will push him.

 

And if he has a drug problem and all he wants to do is get high then they are not on the same level so why is she bending for him anyways?

[MassiveAtom]

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd

Or they get tired of the meaningless sex they are having and they all of a sudden crave a relationship.

 

I wanna have some meaningless sex!

 

I have said to myself on occasion that I'll NEVER be in another romantic relationship. But I know I will, because I enjoy them so. I keep the door ajar, just in case she tries to sneak in. I'm letting her know that there IS a way in, you just have to be careful.

 

I'm not actively seeking ANY form of ANYTHING right now. I'm jaded, bitter, smarting, and generally disillusioned with the whole thing. BUT that'll change.

 

I've never met someone whos HAS sworn off romantic relationships though. I think that's kinda sad.

[EC]

But I know I will, because I enjoy them so. I keep the door ajar, just in case she tries to sneak in. I'm letting her know that there IS a way in, you just have to be careful.

 

Exactly what I mean. Guys swear relationships off and become "players" or whatever and act macho and bitter , yet I dont care how bitter they are, some are secretly wanting a girl. A girl to hold, and have and to call their own.

 

letting her know that there IS a way in, you just have to be careful

 

Some guys are mean and swear them off and close the door, but they leave the door unlocked and I think some of them think the girl that can get through the door and find a way in is worth it. But they will swear relationships off until they find the girl with the key.

[Butterfly28]

I have a good long-time friend who is like that. She dated someone for 5 years and broke up with them and hasn't been in a relationship since. That was 10 years ago. She's only 32! However, there are many reasons why she does this. She just puts on a "FRONT"...and I'll explain why.

 

1) She's gained ALOT of weight over the last while. She really has "let herself go". Doesn't seem to want to do anything to improve herself. She has become very miserable at times. I assume because she feels a low self-esteem, she doesn't feel attractive, and has developed an "I-don't-care" attitude.

 

2) She's very negative and bitter towards someone else's "relationship findings/fortunes". She swears up and down that she doesn't "NEED" a relationship because she sees how "others have been treated" and doesn't want to go through the same. Understandable in SOME SENSE, but why be affected by OTHERS? That doesn't mean it will happen to YOU!

 

3) She still looks at other men, and tries to go for the ones that aren't of her "calibur" so-to-speak. She goes for the "model" or "hunk" type men who unfortunately don't "look her way" because of her appearance. She tends to sound very jealous once she realizes that their focus is being shifted to one of her "skinny" more "attractive" friends.

 

I SOMETIMES pity her, but then I realize, she's done this to HERSELF. I think EVERYONE deserves happiness in a relationship, and I always pray every day she will find this happiness. However, she really does need to adjust her attitude and get out of that "rut" she's in if she ever wants to find love. She isn't going out and trying to meet ppl. I wish she would try.

 

So - this is why I feel she's "sworn off" relationships. Because of her low self-esteem, and her outlook on life.

 

It's quite sad, really.

[MassiveAtom]

I think some of them think the girl that can get through the door and find a way in is worth it. But they will swear relationships off until they find the girl with the key.

 

Pretty much sounds about right, but these fellas may be expecting too much.

 

but if only I was in Toronto!

[EC]

It is so sad. I have a male friend who is gorgeous, and has sworn off relationships. and all he does is go clubbing and he has like 5 girls and wont commit to any of them. He hates on my relationship and says there is no such thing as true love.

 

But one drunken night he actually opened up to me and cried his heart out. He does want a girl and a relationship but he is so scared of rejection and caring for someone and not getting anything in return. As soon as he gets close to a girl or sees a girl getting close to him he runs away. All because of fear. Its so sad.

[MassiveAtom]

It really sucks what emotional hurt can do to guys. AND women!

 

I wish we'd all just be more careful with each other.

[EC]

I wish we'd all just be more careful with each other.

 

Amen!

 

I think it all comes down to finding that right person. I mean if I based everything on my previous guys I wouldve sworn off relationships and I wouldve never been as happy with my current bf as I am now.

 

As I have written in previous posts. People come into your life for a reason. It doesn't work you learn from it and move on. Sure it hurts and sure you'll cry but I mean maybe you were just supposed to learn from them and then something else will come for you you know?

 

Thats why people that swear off relationships I try and tell them not to but in a way its the best thing for them sometimes because they learn a lot about themselves being alone. They learn a lot about other people and when they do meet that person its so much better.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by RoxStar

I think she needs to have a conversation with you. I have told her that even though he refuses to recognize this as some form of relationship - it is. The problem is she is bending over backwards for this guy and he is treating her like crap. She says its his drug problem that makes him this way and he just goes out to get high...

 

ahh yes, ROXSTAR....just another example of a female running after the "unattainable" bad boy drug addict who won't commit. I see it all the time.

 

This is a text book case. And the irony here is that once this dude gives in and admits he is in a real relationship with her there is a good possibility that her interest in him will start to wane.

[RoxStar]

I have said to myself on occasion that I'll NEVER be in another romantic relationship. But I know I will, because I enjoy them so. I keep the door ajar, just in case she tries to sneak in. I'm letting her know that there IS a way in, you just have to be careful.

 

 

MASSIVEATOM...

 

What did you do to keep the door ajar? I am not trying to be mean by asking this but that seems like playing games? No? Just wondering - not judging at all.\

 

___________________________________________

 

They are not at all on the same page but it is a relationship nonetheless. The drugs are a big problem in their relationship but I have heard of people swearing off relationships and falling back into a relationship because they were just knocked off their feet.

[RoxStar]

Alpha you are too much...

 

Although I would bet that her affections wont fade if he takes up more of an interest all of a sudden. The drugs are a big part of the problem. He blows her off all the time to get high. His wife cheated on him and they are getting a divorce. He and my best friend dont really have sex often but he tells her he loves her all the time but will never have a relationship. I dont get it. Its hard trying to give her advice on this... God I hope she doesnt know about the LS because she would die if she saw her story on the net.

[MassiveAtom]

Originally posted by RoxStar

MASSIVEATOM...

 

What did you do to keep the door ajar? I am not trying to be mean by asking this but that seems like playing games? No? Just wondering - not judging at all.

 

Oh no worries about me misunderstanding curiosity as judgement.Even if you were being judgemental, no prob. Judge away!

 

I've never EVER understood what "playing games" meant. Maybe I'm a dumba$$. Could you clarify?

 

Essentially what I'm saying is Yeah, the door could've easily slammed shut and I would've sworn off romantic relationships. But at the last second, I stuck my foot in the way so the door wouldn't close. I left my shoe there too.

 

what made me do that?

 

One word.

 

Loveshack.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by RoxStar

but he tells her he loves her all the time but will never have a relationship. I dont get it. Its hard trying to give her advice on this...

 

this is the oldest trick in the book, ROXSTAR. The best way to ignite the flames of passion in a woman is to tell her you love her but keep her at arm's length. But she must have at least some hope of getting the guy at the end.

 

I just ended an on-again/off-again relationship in Nov that lasted 3.5 years. And I was doing exactly what this dude was doing (minus the drugs).

 

She most likely is a commitmentphobe herself otherwise she would not be with this dude. Remember, ROXSTAR, we seek out people that meet our needs in some way.

[EC]

She most likely is a commitmentphobe herself otherwise she would not be with this dude. Remember, ROXSTAR, we seek out people that meet our needs in some way.

I have to agree with you there. The same reason I like LDRS. I like the relationship but I like having my space at the same time. But I know this.

If shes in this"not really a relationship" Then either she like the fact they have something but it won't go further..or shes the "angel" type that thinks they can "change" a man.

[RoxStar]

My best friend is actually divorced and wants to remarry... wants to marry this guy actually. I dont know if committment phobe is the thing here. I guess people that say they will never have a relationship again all do it for various reasons. One of his reasons are his kids. He said he doesnt ever want to have to introduce his kids to someone - he might have been stoned when he said that to her... who knows. I take issue with her just accepting his behavior overall. I have tried to tell her as nicely as possible that this cat is doing her wrong. He is a drug addict and she thinks she can change him. He maybe committment phobic but I think she would give this idiot the sun, the moon, the stars and whatever else is left over!

 

It just frustrates me that she is putting up with this. This has been going on for several months and she and I keep having the same conversation when he blows her off to get high. Well we were talking today and she tells me he will never get into another relationship at all - ever.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by RoxStar

I take issue with her just accepting his behavior overall. I have tried to tell her as nicely as possible that this cat is doing her wrong. He is a drug addict and she thinks she can change him. He maybe committment phobic but I think she would give this idiot the sun, the moon, the stars and whatever else is left over!

 

women operate off their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS and not logic. There is nothing you can do or say to convince her otherwise. She's gotta find out for herself. Actually, the more you hound her about this guy the more attached she will get to him. So say little or nothing to her.....or dissolve the friendship if you can't take it anymore.

 

We all get a little crazy and lose our objectivity when love is in the air.

[LittleMiss]

yeah I have and he's the father of my son.