Getting over the fear of cheating

[Jadedbyluv]

When it comes to dating, my biggest fear is being cheated on. Not only have I been cheated on but I've been the other woman (found out later on). My ex was the biggest culprit and once we were finished, he told me that there were dozens of women he cheated on me with. It was very painful. I know I am an amazing woman with a lot to offer any man, but that fear still lingers that I just won't be good enough. Has anybody struggled with this? How do you get over this fear?

[No Limit]

Truth be told, I developed that fear for a short while after registering here.

 

You can't change other people, don't even try that route because it doesn't happen. But you can become more picky with the people you choose to be in your life, and that counts for both friends and partners. And whenever someone proves or shows you they can't be trusted, degrade them to acquaintances, if you keep them at all.

 

Also, take your time, get to know each other etc. Men who are interested in more than sex will wait for a while to get to that.

 

And if you ever get cheated on again -- personally, I've come to the point where I think I might be sad for a day or two, but eventually shrug it off. These people aren't worth it anyway.

[PegNosePete]

What do you mean you won't be good enough??

 

Cheating has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with the cheater! If a guy (or woman) is going to cheat then it doesn't matter how good or not you are. It is all on THEM, not you. It is THEIR personality/morality defect and no indication of whether or not you're "good enough". Why would you want to be good enough for a cheating douchebag anyway?

 

The only way to avoid (or rather to reduce the chances of) being cheated on, is to choose your partner wisely. Get to know someone's personality and morality before getting too involved. Go by proven track record, both in past relationships, how they handle (real or hypothetical) situations, and other ethical issues. But remember you're looking for goodness in THEM, not yourself!

[HereNorThere]

What do you mean you won't be good enough??

 

Cheating has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with the cheater! If a guy (or woman) is going to cheat then it doesn't matter how good or not you are. It is all on THEM, not you. It is THEIR personality/morality defect and no indication of whether or not you're "good enough". Why would you want to be good enough for a cheating douchebag anyway?

 

The only way to avoid (or rather to reduce the chances of) being cheated on, is to choose your partner wisely. Get to know someone's personality and morality before getting too involved. Go by proven track record, both in past relationships, how they handle (real or hypothetical) situations, and other ethical issues. But remember you're looking for goodness in THEM, not yourself!

 

 

I'm going to second this only because I've seen people cheat waaay down. They'll have a perfect life, perfect wife, etc. but they want that rush. I had a friend who had his dream girl. Smart, sexy, best he's ever had girl and still cheated on her with a HUGE, not so great chick. Why? He has a risk taking personality. He gets bored and cheats. Simple.

[Jadedbyluv]

I'm going to second this only because I've seen people cheat waaay down. They'll have a perfect life, perfect wife, etc. but they want that rush. I had a friend who had his dream girl. Smart, sexy, best he's ever had girl and still cheated on her with a HUGE, not so great chick. Why? He has a risk taking personality. He gets bored and cheats. Simple.

 

When my ex cheated on me, it really hit me hard. It destroyed my self worth. I took his actions to represent what I thought I was really worth. I felt like I was just not good enough.

 

I've come along away since then. But I still have that negativity from time to time. I know I have a lot of amazing qualities and the right guy won't hurt me.