SpiralOut Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 (edited) I've held myself back socially over the past couple years while I worked on my issues. I haven't been able to trust anyone, at least not easily, and haven't been able to open up very much to newer friends. I've been making myself go to meetup groups and I've attempted volunteering and all sorts of things like that, mostly because I knew that I needed to. I enjoyed myself usually, but felt distant from most of the people I've met. The events I went to felt like chores. It was just something I had to do. Nine times out of ten, I would have much preferred to hole up in my apartment and do other stuff. Now this weird feeling is coming over me. When Saturday night comes, I actually sort of want to go out. Or I'll be out shopping, or biking, or whatever, and I'll wish that I had someone with me. I never used to feel that way. I belong to a women's group where the others seem to like me, and so far I like everyone I've met in it. I'm slowly becoming casual friends with a couple of the girls. I actually get excited at the idea of meeting up with them again. I am one of the more active members. I wouldn't call myself popular exactly, but I seem to be well-liked. I don't just fade into the background like I normally do. I help plan things and people know that and they recognize me. This is a weird feeling for me. I guess I'm posting this because I'm a little freaked out. I've felt for so long that I can't do this and why would anyone like me. Those feelings are still hanging around, yet my circumstances contradict it. I had a number of friends in highschool, and a regular small group I spent all of my time with. Then there was this gap between now and then where I didn't feel like myself. I feel as though things are going back to "normal" now, except that "normal" doesn't feel normal anymore. Sometimes when others say something good about me, or act interested in me, I become uncomfortable. I don't want them to see that I'm not used to that sort of positive attention but the truth is that I'm not. I spent many years in an extremely negative mind-frame, with friends who weren't really friends. I had to work really hard to pull myself out of the worst of it. This is weird for me. Does anyone know what I mean? Edited July 27, 2014 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts