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Husband cheating...maybe

SamSam68

By SamSam68,
in Infidelity

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stillafool

stillafool

Posted
Posted
I'm pretty certain I don't want to keep him. And yes, trickle truth is what he is doing. Damage control, minimization.

 

So sorry this is happening to you. For what it's worth I think you have released the steam from their affair. Now that he knows you know about it and have left the house you can bet his mind is off of her and on you and your son and what he's losing. If you do decide to reconcile make sure he feels the pain first.

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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WhichWayIsUp and 2Sunny have given you some really good advice: Get back in the house and lawyer-up ASAP.

 

Very important to start figuring out your options from a legal standpoint and you need to be in the marital home so that he can't claim you abandoned your rights there.

 

Best of luck, Sam! We are here for you...

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SamSam68

SamSam68

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WhichWayIsUp and 2Sunny have given you some really good advice: Get back in the house and lawyer-up ASAP.

 

Very important to start figuring out your options from a legal standpoint and you need to be in the marital home so that he can't claim you abandoned your rights there.

 

Best of luck, Sam! We are here for you...

 

 

 

Yeah, my mother is with me. I'm back at home. H is working very late tonight. No surprise. I'm not talking to him. I can't talk to him without yelling right now. Not sure this is good for my son.

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Lostinlife4now

Lostinlife4now

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Oh Sam......

 

BREATHE.....

 

As a BS and a fOW.....they both SUCK!!!!!!

 

But I must say...you are doing really well! Good For You!

 

"This too shall Pass".

 

and KEEP POSTING HERE.......

 

we are all here to help!

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thekid36

thekid36

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Posted (edited)
Last night was h@ll. Today is h@ll. I don't think I can stay with my H. He is disgusting to me.

 

 

Got the keys to his car while he was showering, went into his locked car and went through his briefcase looking for the hotel receipt I saw 2 nights ago. Guess what? I found a hand written letter, and yes, from N. Discussing their feelings for each other and referencing when they saw each other...nothing about specific sex or anything, but deep emotional stuff.

 

 

I brought the letter inside. When he emerges from his hour long shower I asked him if there was anything he wanted to confess. He acted nervous but denied all. I showed him the letter. His initial response was that of anger that I went through his brief case where there is confidential client information. I left the letter on his table and went to the guest room. About an hour later he came up and said he wanted to talk. He admits to an emotional affair, although he refused to use the word affair. Called it an emotional connection. Denies anything physical. Denies plans for anything physical. Claims N is the driver of the EA, that she is highly needful after her abusive marriage ended. I told him to f* off, that I didn't believe him.

 

 

I am going to stay at my mother's with my son for a few days. I absolutely KNOW from the letter that it is a physical affair. And yes, I took a photo of it with my phone which is decent enough that I can read it.

 

 

It makes me sick that he couldn't confess without being backed into a corner and even then, I think I have the very "light" version of what is going on.

 

 

First of all, we unfortunately have to go through h@ll sometimes. So as to get where we deserve and need to be. You deserve more and need not be with someone who cannot be honest and up front about the simplest things. No matter how involved this connection is.

 

 

Second, emotional cheating is showing attention to someone else. Usually behind the back of your partner. You consider this as cheating. Some may not necessarily think this is true. Many people (such as myself) will without a doubt agree with you.

 

 

There are certain things you just know about your person. He should have been so much more aware of what your reaction would be with him talking to someone else about certain intimate and personal things. Whether he wanted to talk with her or not. You are his partner and thus should be a priority. This fact alone should have basically made him not even had any contact with her in the first place.

 

 

Then, the fact of him acting all nervous all of a sudden when directly confronted says an awful lot. Whether or not you have all the actual proof needed. I am both amazed and apalled that he had the audacity to try turning the anger back on you. Then, that he had the nerve to blame the emotional connection on her. As if he is simply an innocent bystander.

 

 

Chances are pretty certain that this is much more involved than he would care to admit. There are too many changes within his behavior. Too many questions that do not have an answer. Why would he have even been nervous if there was nothing at all to hide? He seems to be dismissing your thoughts and trying to make you feel guilty for simply seeking the full truth. The challenges which await you within a short period of time will be outweighed by happiness and peace later on.

Edited by thekid36
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BetrayedH

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted
Confronting him will do nothing but frustrate you. He will not admit what he is doing and he'll continue to blame you and make you think you're crazy (the gas lighting) so just stop. Don't say a word to him about any of this anymore.

 

Rely on your family and good friends for support and please DO go talk to a lawyer, protect yourself. By doing this it's showing him you are done. Stay silent and only speak to him about necessary things.

 

Yep. If it hasn't been mentioned somewhere in the previous 11 pages, it's time for you to use 'the 180.' If you can't find it, someone here will link it for you. It will help you to detach and show that you've got firm boundaries about what behaviors you'll accept.

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Steen719

Steen719

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When do you plan to get the VAR from the car? Will your brother listen to it first (you know...so you don't kill your H)?

 

You are doing great SamSam. It is so, so hard. No matter how all this goes, remember that you will feel better in the future. I used to hold on to that for dear life. I would think if I could just feel a little better, I would be so grateful - and then it happened and while it was very difficult, I did start to recover.

 

I'm glad your mom is there. Keep your chin up.

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2sunny

2sunny

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I do think you need to be at the house so you can monitor what he's doing and get info you need - like tax returns and bank/ credit card statements to take to an atty.

 

Also to determine if you can work this out with him or if you need to file for divorce.

 

If you have anything of value - like jewelry etc - have your Mom take it to her house for now.

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merrmeade

merrmeade

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Well, there's plenty you can do just with your scruples hadn't gotten in the way before because you've lost some time that he'll make use of.

 

Whatever you have joint access to go for it and print records - bank? phone? credit cards? That will tell you a lot. He's not that smart and records are records. Just be prepared, honey, it may be a LOT worse than you've imagined and the "Have you been drinking" gas lighting is a bad sign. Bad.

 

His computer and email would be really great. Do that first if you can.

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