update on the psychotic homewrecker

[Raena]

I haven't updated on my situation in a long while....

 

So today was very tough for me.

 

My ex (who cheated) has been wanting to see our son more often this summer and I've allowed it to happen because my son really wants to see his father too.

 

I've had my reservations and concerns, but I've addressed the major issues and ignored the petty small stuff.

 

Today however didn't go so well.

 

Part of our agreement was that he was not to bring the woman he cheated on me with (and is living with) to the transfer of our child. We meet in a public parking lot and it's only supposed to be us and our child. That way we avoid any drama. His hobo has steadily been running her mouth on Twitter still. It's been almost 9 months since he and I split up but she still feels the need to be nasty to me, about me and rub my face in the fact that they are together and how good he is to her two kids while he ignores his own child. (he's actually only seen him a couple of times in the past few months)

 

I don't care about any of that really. It doesn't bother me like it used to but it does concern me somewhat because it shows that she is obsessively thinking about me and hating me (and I have no idea why because I've done nothing to her).

 

At any rate, today we go to do the transfer. My ex texts me about an hour beforehand telling me that he's bringing her and her 2 kids along with him because they have errands to run and he doesn't want to have to go all the way home and then back out.

 

I sent him several texts telling him that I didn't feel comfortable with it, that I don't want a dramatic scene in front of our child and that I don't trust her to behave appropriately. I said that we could either meet in the parking lot of the police station or he could park way back in the parking lot with her and walk our child to the store and I'd meet him at the door. I figured if he did that, then I wouldn't have to see her and he could go on and do his thing with her afterwards without any drama. He fussed at me about how it has nothing to do with me and I need to stop being so dramatic. How ironic considering what happened... He lied and said that he doesn't have any stores near his home. He does... many of them within 10 minutes as he lives right outside the city.

 

I show up to the store and park in front of the door. I could see him walking with our son. My son pulls my door open and gives me a big hug. His father starts yelling at him to get in the car. He then tells him he'll see him Friday (not something I agreed to as he hadn't even talked to me about it) and starts walking away. I go to close the door and I hear some female screaming and yelling. I look... it's Hobo. He had parked the truck pretty close to the front door. She's screaming and yelling at me "You f*cking WHORE! F*ck YOU bitch" and a bunch of other stuff that I couldn't hear. I look at my ex and he says "don't worry about that, I'll take care of it". I said to him "And THIS is why I told you NOT to bring her, do NOT EVER bring her here with you again!" She continues ranting and raving. Meanwhile, my son is taking forEVER to get into the car and shut the door. I'm telling him to hurry up and shut the door but he's too busy listening to what she's saying. He finally gets in and my ex drives right past my car... with his hobo hanging out the window sticking her middle finger up at me, calling me a fat old lady and a stupid f*cking whore. c*nt... you name it, the names were flying out of her mouth. I do recall her at one point saying she was going to kick my arse too.

 

Now mind you... her kids were in the truck with them. One is 7 and the other is 12. She's 27. My ex and I are both in our 40s. I didn't say a word. I couldn't... my son was sitting right there.

 

I waited until they pulled away and moved to a parking spot. I had to sit there for a little while because I was shaking like a leaf I was so mad! How dare she call ME a whore when she's the one who was sleeping with my man for a year and a half behind my back. A little ironic I'd say.

 

So I send him a text asking him if he's happy now... she caused a dramatic scene in front of everyone coming out of walmart... real classy considering she did this all in front of the kids.

 

He writes back and apologizes for her behavior and said that he's kicking her out and making her leave. He said that he told her that if she made a scene, he'd be done with her... that she must have wanted to leave because she made a scene anyway.

 

I don't believe him for a second. I mean how stupid does he think I am? I asked him not to bring her, he did anyway. I asked him to park far away and walk our son to the door, he parks close by. Instead of driving the opposite direction down the aisle out of the parking lot, he makes a point of driving past me with her screaming and yelling at me.

 

On top of all of that, my son tells me that her youngest punched him, kicked him several times including in the groin (and I just found out that he needs to see a urologist due to some issues in that area, the last thing he needs is to get kicked there), scratched him, choked him, cussed at him and called him names all weekend and all his father did was tell him that he was going to have to fight his own battles because he wasn't going to step in and save him every time. This is what he told our 7 year old child.

 

I filed the paperwork to go to court back in May and I still haven't heard anything so I'm going to go to the courthouse tomorrow and find out what's going on... what's the delay. It's been almost 2 months and they haven't even set a court date yet.

 

I'm tired of this drama and I had a feeling this was coming. I just knew it. My stomach was in knots the whole way there. I kept deep breathing and tried to put a smile on my face and just get through it.

 

So yeah... all those OW out there who seem to think that it's perfectly ok to break up a family and start a relationship with the man after the split... all I can say is... don't act like this whack job. She made a complete fool out of herself today. I really wish I had caught it on video tape but I'm not sure there was much I could do about it anyway. Don't believe all the stories about how the BS is such a crazy person... more likely than not, it isn't true and you are setting yourself up to look like this moron did today. Who knows what crap he's been feeding her about me. All I know is, I did nothing wrong and I don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm pretty sure he set this all up to happen and I don't know why. Why in the world would he want our child to hear his mother being called every name in the book? And then to lie to me about how he's going to dump her afterwards... I don't care about his relationship with her... I just want our child to be happy.

 

Anyone with words of advice on what I should do now?

[Davey L]

If I were your husband I would be embarrassed and annoyed by this other woman's behaviour, and if it were an ongoing thing I would be thinking about getting rid of her.

 

 

Chances are, he will soon dump her.

[whichwayisup]

Document everything. It's too bad you didn't have a tape recorder or video tape her during her crazy rant.

 

I really don't understand your ex and why he puts up with this woman, she sounds totally jealous and insecure which is why she's reacting and acting out towards you.

 

Take him to court, get full custody and get your son away from him. If he wants to visit his son he can do so without her and he can come to your house. What your son is being exposed to is really bad and unhealthy. To see a woman yell like that and lose it (in front of her own two kids as well) is damaging to him and IS dramatic, stuff he doesn't and shouldn't have to deal with.

[Raena]

Davey... I suspect that he LIKES the drama. I mean why else would he bring her with him and park so close and drive her past me. He KNEW she'd act like that and he let it happen instead of taking measures to protect me and our son from that kind of abuse.

 

I think he was just pretending to be sorry when he really wasn't... he probably planned it all out with her just to embarrass and humiliate me.

[JS84]

I was just about to say he had to have known that was going to happen.

[Raena]

Document everything. It's too bad you didn't have a tape recorder or video tape her during her crazy rant.

 

I really don't understand your ex and why he puts up with this woman, she sounds totally jealous and insecure which is why she's reacting and acting out towards you.

 

Take him to court, get full custody and get your son away from him. If he wants to visit his son he can do so without her and he can come to your house. What your son is being exposed to is really bad and unhealthy. To see a woman yell like that and lose it (in front of her own two kids as well) is damaging to him and IS dramatic, stuff he doesn't and shouldn't have to deal with.

 

I agree with you...she's insecure. It's been 9 months, she shouldn't still feel the need to rant and rave at me, nor should she feel the need to run off at the mouth on twitter still either.

 

I also agree that it is very unhealthy for my son to have to deal with this stuff... not just her freaking out and screaming at me but her kids bullying him as well. He came home very angry and using words he doesn't normally use. They are setting a very bad example for him and I hate it.

 

I seriously thought about going to the police about this incident but I'm not sure there is much they can do. Walmart may have it on video, but probably not audio and even so... what are they going to arrest her for... being stupid? Without video evidence, it's my word against hers and last time I checked... verbal abuse isn't a crime. At best they could document it in case of future incidents? Maybe? I don't really know.

[daisydook]

Anyone with words of advice on what I should do now?

 

I like this because of how strong you have been for your son, not because I like the situation you are in.

 

You have been rock solid! You should be proud of that. I walked away from my ex the day I met his girlfriend. I told them to have one another, and to get the hell away from me. I was "blessed" with a decent OW. I asked to meet with her the morning after I saw her I love you text to my fiance, called her and told her who I was and why I was calling. I told her I needed to sit down with her now and that it could not wait another day. She agreed. She didn't know about me either though. I do know she was smart enough to walk away when he threw her under the bus and told me she meant nothing. He also had been begging me for a year after I left to come "home." I think he gave up on her as soon as I found out about her and even when I wouldnt come back, he didnt get back together with her. I dont know whose doing that is. I dont care, frankly.

 

I would be very angry in this situation. Your ex sounds like a selfish ass.

 

I mean, "Hey so, I am going to go and bang a young chick with two kids (one of which she had at 15!!!) who is a ****ing maniac, leave you for her, even though I am in my 40s, and anywhere from 15-20 years older than this Hobo and we have a 7 year old together, and I am just going to dump her for being a maniac 9 months later......." He threw you away for this? He is also willing to expose your son to all of this. It really is disgusting behaviour, and I really have no advice. I would try to limit his contact altogether if possible, until she is gone. Her children are abusive to your son and hurting him. She is just down right abusive altogether. I would not want my son around that, and you have every right to not want him near her, let alone having her come to pick him up. Someone has to protect him, and it seems like the only person concerned here is you.

 

Ugh... I don't understand people. All to cheat on you, then to only be with this twat waffle for 9 months. Rational thinking, Sir. You gave up your world for her?!?!?! I do not understand some people who do these things. He thought the grass would be greener, I see.

 

I have no advice because I have no children and I was never married to my ex. I ran like hell. I hate your ex for you at this very moment, and had to tell you that. :|

[Raena]

I like this because of how strong you have been for your son, not because I like the situation you are in.

 

You have been rock solid! You should be proud of that. I walked away from my ex the day I met his girlfriend. I told them to have one another, and to get the hell away from me. I was "blessed" with a decent OW. I asked to meet with her the morning after I saw her I love you text to my fiance, called her and told her who I was and why I was calling. I told her I needed to sit down with her now and that it could not wait another day. She agreed. She didn't know about me either though. I do know she was smart enough to walk away when he threw her under the bus and told me she meant nothing. He also had been begging me for a year after I left to come "home." I think he gave up on her as soon as I found out about her and even when I wouldnt come back, he didnt get back together with her. I dont know whose doing that is. I dont care, frankly.

 

I would be very angry in this situation. Your ex sounds like a selfish ass.

 

I mean, "Hey so, I am going to go and bang a young chick with two kids (one of which she had at 15!!!) who is a ****ing maniac, leave you for her, even though I am in my 40s, and anywhere from 15-20 years older than this Hobo and we have a 7 year old together, and I am just going to dump her for being a maniac 9 months later......." He threw you away for this? He is also willing to expose your son to all of this. It really is disgusting behaviour, and I really have no advice. I would try to limit his contact altogether if possible, until she is gone. Her children are abusive to your son and hurting him. She is just down right abusive altogether. I would not want my son around that, and you have every right to not want him near her, let alone having her come to pick him up. Someone has to protect him, and it seems like the only person concerned here is you.

 

Ugh... I don't understand people. All to cheat on you, then to only be with this twat waffle for 9 months. Rational thinking, Sir. You gave up your world for her?!?!?! I do not understand some people who do these things. He thought the grass would be greener, I see.

 

I have no advice because I have no children and I was never married to my ex. I ran like hell. I hate your ex for you at this very moment, and had to tell you that. :|

 

There are so many things you said that just nailed it.... I too have been thinking that if he was going to cheat... at least make it with someone who is worthwhile going to. She isn't and he knows it. She's a crazy lunatic and he seems to enjoy it.

 

I highlighted some of the things that stood out to me. Particularly "twat waffle" Thanks for the laugh!

 

The other stuff too... that's all what I've been thinking to myself. His father is nuts, Hobo is nuts, the kids are nuts. The whole situation is nuts. It would make a heck of a Jerry Springer episode though.

[Smilecharmer]

Raena's I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Did you know your ex was crazy when you two met? Were there red flags for his idiocy? Or did it just come with the crazy OW?

I agree with the above poster about getting your kids away from this situation. Go to court and see if you can get sole custody because their house sounds unsafe for your child. Take out a restraining order on her too because she was verbally abusive in front of your child and also in front of hers.

Good luck, and I hope you never have to see her or deal with her again.

[waterwoman]

Report the assault on your child to the police. Just to get it recorded. I don't know how the law works where you are but here, if a child is proved to be in danger from parental contact,the courts can ban unsupervoised contact and allow only supervised contact allowed for a period of time.

 

You are right to ignore her craziness - she doesn't have to matter to you at all - all that matters is that your child is safe.

[Raena]

I can't sleep. I've been up all night stressing out about all of this. I don't know what to do other than to deny my child the opportunity to see his father. I know it's the right thing to do but it's going to hurt him. He doesn't like her kids or her, but he loves his father and he likes seeing him.

 

I'm pretty sure he lied about dumping her. That was just to placate me about it all. I'm sure he was really just hamming it up laughing about it with her afterwards about how funny he thought it was that she went off on me. I figure if he really did dump her... she'd be running her mouth about it online but she's been quiet and I can see where they both posted new pictures to their fb accounts this evening long after he stated that she will be leaving. That doesn't seem like behavior of someone who just got dumped.

 

I'd like to have a restraining order to keep her away from me because this is all way too much stress for me to deal with. I should have to listen to that crap from her... EVER.

 

Do I go to the police and say "she called me names and threatened me in front of my child?". I have a feeling they'd tell me there isn't anything I can do.

 

I so want to text him and tell him all sorts of things. I've written probably 10 texts to him that I then deleted and didn't send. I keep telling myself I should just let it go but I've been doing that for months and the stress is killing me.

 

I want to say to him...

"I just want you to know that he will not be coming back there again. You have created this toxic environment that is abusive and unhealthy and I don't think he should be in it. As long as she is there and a part of your life, this will continue to be a stressful situation. I don't like that you allow her children to bully our child, that you have loaded guns in the house that are not locked up, that you have no bed for him and he's forced to sleep with her children until they pee the bed and then he's forced to sleep on the couch or that you encourage her to verbally abuse me online and to my face in front of our child. You created this situation and I'm sure you'll try to blame me for it just like you blame me for every thing else but I'm not sending him back there until you fix these problems."

 

OR

 

"So are you going to get her out of that house or am I going to be forced to go file for a restraining order against her? Your choice..."

 

OR... a million other nasty snarky comments about what an ass he is and how he shouldn't be allowed to corrupt our sweet child... because he is. My son is angry and mouthier than he's ever been before after being with his Dad.

 

Ugh. I'm just stressed out! I can't believe she had the nerve to attack me like that for no reason whatsoever.

[Raena]

Raena's I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Did you know your ex was crazy when you two met? Were there red flags for his idiocy? Or did it just come with the crazy OW?

I agree with the above poster about getting your kids away from this situation. Go to court and see if you can get sole custody because their house sounds unsafe for your child. Take out a restraining order on her too because she was verbally abusive in front of your child and also in front of hers.

Good luck, and I hope you never have to see her or deal with her again.

 

Yes, there were signs early on in our relationship. All those problems seemed to disappear about 6 years ago when he quit drinking and doing drugs. He was a different person afterwards. So yeah, he's always been a sociopath... that's the tough thing about dealing with sociopaths... they are very good at convincing you that it's ALL YOUR FAULT. In his case, he was very good at convincing me that it was because of the addictions... but he has no excuse for allowing any of this to happen now.

[chelsea2011]

Raena, go to the court house and report this incident pronto. The courts do not think nicely of this type of behavior in a divorce. The only way to stop him is to put legal boundaries in place to protect your child. The courts can force supervised visits and counseling. My exH pulled crap on me and I went right to the courthouse and filed a report and got a hearing that same day and a RO was issued immediately. I didn't need video tapes or voice recorded evidence...they took my word. The law is on your side. Use it to protect you and your son!

 

Be glad this POS is out of your life. What a couple of scumbags they are. Eww!

Edited July 28, 2014 by chelsea2011

[Goodbye]

I haven't updated on my situation in a long while....

 

So today was very tough for me.

 

My ex (who cheated) has been wanting to see our son more often this summer and I've allowed it to happen because my son really wants to see his father too.

 

I've had my reservations and concerns, but I've addressed the major issues and ignored the petty small stuff.

 

Today however didn't go so well.

 

Part of our agreement was that he was not to bring the woman he cheated on me with (and is living with) to the transfer of our child. We meet in a public parking lot and it's only supposed to be us and our child. That way we avoid any drama. His hobo has steadily been running her mouth on Twitter still. It's been almost 9 months since he and I split up but she still feels the need to be nasty to me, about me and rub my face in the fact that they are together and how good he is to her two kids while he ignores his own child. (he's actually only seen him a couple of times in the past few months)

 

I don't care about any of that really. It doesn't bother me like it used to but it does concern me somewhat because it shows that she is obsessively thinking about me and hating me (and I have no idea why because I've done nothing to her).

 

At any rate, today we go to do the transfer. My ex texts me about an hour beforehand telling me that he's bringing her and her 2 kids along with him because they have errands to run and he doesn't want to have to go all the way home and then back out.

 

I sent him several texts telling him that I didn't feel comfortable with it, that I don't want a dramatic scene in front of our child and that I don't trust her to behave appropriately. I said that we could either meet in the parking lot of the police station or he could park way back in the parking lot with her and walk our child to the store and I'd meet him at the door. I figured if he did that, then I wouldn't have to see her and he could go on and do his thing with her afterwards without any drama. He fussed at me about how it has nothing to do with me and I need to stop being so dramatic. How ironic considering what happened... He lied and said that he doesn't have any stores near his home. He does... many of them within 10 minutes as he lives right outside the city.

 

I show up to the store and park in front of the door. I could see him walking with our son. My son pulls my door open and gives me a big hug. His father starts yelling at him to get in the car. He then tells him he'll see him Friday (not something I agreed to as he hadn't even talked to me about it) and starts walking away. I go to close the door and I hear some female screaming and yelling. I look... it's Hobo. He had parked the truck pretty close to the front door. She's screaming and yelling at me "You f*cking WHORE! F*ck YOU bitch" and a bunch of other stuff that I couldn't hear. I look at my ex and he says "don't worry about that, I'll take care of it". I said to him "And THIS is why I told you NOT to bring her, do NOT EVER bring her here with you again!" She continues ranting and raving. Meanwhile, my son is taking forEVER to get into the car and shut the door. I'm telling him to hurry up and shut the door but he's too busy listening to what she's saying. He finally gets in and my ex drives right past my car... with his hobo hanging out the window sticking her middle finger up at me, calling me a fat old lady and a stupid f*cking whore. c*nt... you name it, the names were flying out of her mouth. I do recall her at one point saying she was going to kick my arse too.

 

Now mind you... her kids were in the truck with them. One is 7 and the other is 12. She's 27. My ex and I are both in our 40s. I didn't say a word. I couldn't... my son was sitting right there.

 

I waited until they pulled away and moved to a parking spot. I had to sit there for a little while because I was shaking like a leaf I was so mad! How dare she call ME a whore when she's the one who was sleeping with my man for a year and a half behind my back. A little ironic I'd say.

 

So I send him a text asking him if he's happy now... she caused a dramatic scene in front of everyone coming out of walmart... real classy considering she did this all in front of the kids.

 

He writes back and apologizes for her behavior and said that he's kicking her out and making her leave. He said that he told her that if she made a scene, he'd be done with her... that she must have wanted to leave because she made a scene anyway.

 

I don't believe him for a second. I mean how stupid does he think I am? I asked him not to bring her, he did anyway. I asked him to park far away and walk our son to the door, he parks close by. Instead of driving the opposite direction down the aisle out of the parking lot, he makes a point of driving past me with her screaming and yelling at me.

 

On top of all of that, my son tells me that her youngest punched him, kicked him several times including in the groin (and I just found out that he needs to see a urologist due to some issues in that area, the last thing he needs is to get kicked there), scratched him, choked him, cussed at him and called him names all weekend and all his father did was tell him that he was going to have to fight his own battles because he wasn't going to step in and save him every time. This is what he told our 7 year old child.

 

I filed the paperwork to go to court back in May and I still haven't heard anything so I'm going to go to the courthouse tomorrow and find out what's going on... what's the delay. It's been almost 2 months and they haven't even set a court date yet.

 

I'm tired of this drama and I had a feeling this was coming. I just knew it. My stomach was in knots the whole way there. I kept deep breathing and tried to put a smile on my face and just get through it.

 

So yeah... all those OW out there who seem to think that it's perfectly ok to break up a family and start a relationship with the man after the split... all I can say is... don't act like this whack job. She made a complete fool out of herself today. I really wish I had caught it on video tape but I'm not sure there was much I could do about it anyway. Don't believe all the stories about how the BS is such a crazy person... more likely than not, it isn't true and you are setting yourself up to look like this moron did today. Who knows what crap he's been feeding her about me. All I know is, I did nothing wrong and I don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm pretty sure he set this all up to happen and I don't know why. Why in the world would he want our child to hear his mother being called every name in the book? And then to lie to me about how he's going to dump her afterwards... I don't care about his relationship with her... I just want our child to be happy.

 

Anyone with words of advice on what I should do now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you have a custody/parenting plan through the court? Even if you aren't divorced yet, you should. I had one before my exH and I separated and we have it written in our plan that we are to consult each other before introducing ANY significant others to the children. It is also in the plan that if we disagree on how to handle significant others, we must see our family therapist together to discuss the plan. It is a court order. My exH didn't love this plan when he wanted his gf to move in, but it provided a structure of how to handle things incase they got ugly on either side. If he (or I) want to change the way we've agreed to do things, we must take it before the judge...and that involves lawyers, expense and time...gives one pause for thought to decide if the significant other really should be involved.

[No Limit]

I don't care about your ex and his temporary mattress. OP, I trust that this is the last time you've let your son go to him, right? He doesn't have anyone to protect him but you. At the part where your ex yells at him to get in the car you should have kicked him in the groin and get your son out of there.

 

Really sad that women like that b!tch are allowed to have kids. Obviously they're following the ideal of her mother, and I'm betting a hundred bucks that she's encouraging them to hurt your son to hurt you as well.

[cozycottagelg]

I seriously can't even imagine swearing at another mother in front of my kids. Or acting like that. What a trashy piece of work she is. Your husband ought to be ashamed of himself.

[BetrayedH]

Keep your visit to the courthouse.

 

Nothing but supervised visitation from here on out until such time as he has a court order otherwise.

 

No messages to either of them. Next time then you can respond that if he wants time with his child, it is at a place and time of your choosing and you'll be there the entire time. If the OW ever shows her face, even that comes to an end.

[goodyblue]

She sounds like a despicable human being. I'm sorry that you and your son have to go through this. I hope that you find an answer soon. Your ex should be ashamed of himself for hurting his son this way. Document everything, that stuff matters in court. Hang in there and take care of your boy.

[Spark1111]

Next time, and a good attorney would pray for a next time, call the police and then start shooting video on your phone!

 

Show them when they arrive. Tell them what your son told you about the abuse at the hands of her child. Encourage the police to speak with your child. tell your son to answer the officer's questions. Do not say a word while he does so.

 

You have to start a paper, video, twitter file....to bring to court.

 

Your husband LOVES the drama and will say anything to fuel it.

 

But this is so damaging to your child.

 

You are the mother lady. Do not allow it. You need proof. Start gathering it.

 

Today.

 

I am not sure what you are waiting for.....

 

Seriously.

[Raena]

Ok so I made tons of phone calls today, got sent in circles and nothing came out of it...

 

I called the sheriffs dept in his town to talk to the guy who helped me out the last time we had an issue... he wasn't there but the guy who answered told me to call family court and see if I can get it put into the court order and ask for an order of protection and to find out why it's taking so long to get a court date

 

Family court said I can't do anything about it there because she isn't related to me or my son, said that I'd have a court date issued within a week and told me to call the city court to ask for an OOP.

 

I call city court, they tell me there's nothing I can do because it didn't happen in this county, it happened in another county... to call the police dept there and file a complaint, that I can't ask for an OOP without an arrest warrant issued on her

 

I call the police dept there to ask if I should come in and file a complaint... they said yes.

 

I send my son over to my mom's and drive all the way up to the police station... only for him to tell me that I have to go to family court.

 

The officer also told me that there isn't anything I can do about the things she said to me, that verbal assault doesn't exist and the law that made it illegal to harass others was disbanded 2 months ago. He basically told me that she can do whatever she wants and there is nothing I can do about it. She can harass me on fb, text message, phone calls and face to face... as long as she does not hit me, she can say and do whatever she wants because the menacing harassment law no longer exists. He told me that I should have it put in the court order that we exchange our child at the state police barracks, but that I can't ask for her to not be there when this occurs. He wasn't very helpful at all.

 

I left the police station in tears. This woman can say and do whatever she wants and I can't do a thing about it.

 

On a positive note, my ex is completely unaware that this is the case and is freaking out begging me not to go to the cops, that he's making her leave, that she's leaving on Sunday, that he begged her not to say anything to me but she did it anyway and he's making her leave. I still don't believe him... AT ALL... but it did make me laugh to see him squirming trying to beg me not to go after her or him. I seriously doubt she's leaving and even if she does, it doesn't solve the problem. He'll just bring her back and she'll start her crap all over again with me.

 

I also know that I'll have a court date set by next week but it seems that it won't make too much of a difference. I can't ask for her to not be around when we exchange our child. My hands are tied all around and I'm just so exhausted from dealing with all of this.

 

What is wrong with that girl anyway? Honestly, if someone was to be upset in this situation and acting like a loon, you'd think it would be me, not her, right?

[Spark1111]

Ok so I made tons of phone calls today, got sent in circles and nothing came out of it...

 

I called the sheriffs dept in his town to talk to the guy who helped me out the last time we had an issue... he wasn't there but the guy who answered told me to call family court and see if I can get it put into the court order and ask for an order of protection and to find out why it's taking so long to get a court date

 

Family court said I can't do anything about it there because she isn't related to me or my son, said that I'd have a court date issued within a week and told me to call the city court to ask for an OOP.

 

I call city court, they tell me there's nothing I can do because it didn't happen in this county, it happened in another county... to call the police dept there and file a complaint, that I can't ask for an OOP without an arrest warrant issued on her

 

I call the police dept there to ask if I should come in and file a complaint... they said yes.

 

I send my son over to my mom's and drive all the way up to the police station... only for him to tell me that I have to go to family court.

 

The officer also told me that there isn't anything I can do about the things she said to me, that verbal assault doesn't exist and the law that made it illegal to harass others was disbanded 2 months ago. He basically told me that she can do whatever she wants and there is nothing I can do about it. She can harass me on fb, text message, phone calls and face to face... as long as she does not hit me, she can say and do whatever she wants because the menacing harassment law no longer exists. He told me that I should have it put in the court order that we exchange our child at the state police barracks, but that I can't ask for her to not be there when this occurs. He wasn't very helpful at all.

 

I left the police station in tears. This woman can say and do whatever she wants and I can't do a thing about it.

 

On a positive note, my ex is completely unaware that this is the case and is freaking out begging me not to go to the cops, that he's making her leave, that she's leaving on Sunday, that he begged her not to say anything to me but she did it anyway and he's making her leave. I still don't believe him... AT ALL... but it did make me laugh to see him squirming trying to beg me not to go after her or him. I seriously doubt she's leaving and even if she does, it doesn't solve the problem. He'll just bring her back and she'll start her crap all over again with me.

 

I also know that I'll have a court date set by next week but it seems that it won't make too much of a difference. I can't ask for her to not be around when we exchange our child. My hands are tied all around and I'm just so exhausted from dealing with all of this.

 

What is wrong with that girl anyway? Honestly, if someone was to be upset in this situation and acting like a loon, you'd think it would be me, not her, right?

 

They don't know any of this so DON'T tell them.

 

If they find out differently, tell them that is not what you were told.

 

Yes, lie.

 

And you can find an attorney to sue for anything. You can also ask for your son to have a family court attorney to protect him from this nonsense. Threaten it all, if need be.

 

If that child punches and bullies him all weekend, you will press charges against that child. Threaten that.

 

If your xH does not keep your child safe in that environment, then you will NEVER allow visitation again until he can afford to go to court and sue you for it. Threaten that.

[pteromom]

 

Anyone with words of advice on what I should do now?

 

 

Talk to your child about what happened. You don't have to throw hobo or your ex under the bus, but it is ok to talk about how inappropriate that was, how it made you feel, and that it is always important to be kind to people.

 

Beyond that, see your attorney and tell him what happened.

 

Keep your ex guessing what you are thinking and what you want to do. Don't give him ANYTHING that will offer him relief.

 

Next time you go to meet your ex, prepare to record anything that happens if she is there. And go to your attorney again.

 

Keep talking to your child - encourage him to talk to you too. Don't ever put him into a situation where he feels that being open with you will cause him issues with his dad. You WANT that honest communication.

 

As far as what is wrong with her - she's probably crazy. It may be that your ex compares her to you and she hates you for that, or it may just be that she is crazy. But that doesn't really matter. Kudos to him for getting what he deserves.

 

But too bad that you and your child have to be dragged into it.

[SolG]

Hi Raena

 

So sorry you are going through this :-(

 

You could try calling Child Protection Services just for advice on what legally constitutes child abuse, and how your circumstances may apply. You can also perhaps speak to them about whether a full Custody Eval may be appropriate for your divorce proceedings and how they are initiated in your jurisdiction.

 

Custody Evals are generally undertaken by a mental health professional who evaluates all parties involved--which includes both parents and ALL parties in their homes, and of course the child themselves--to arrive at a recommendation to the court on what type of arrangement is in the best interests of the child.

 

Have a read of this: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/courts/chaptersix.cfm

Edited July 29, 2014 by SolG

[Raena]

Hi Raena

 

So sorry you are going through this :-(

 

You could try calling Child Protection Services just for advice on what legally constitutes child abuse, and how your circumstances may apply. You can also perhaps speak to them about whether a full Custody Eval may be appropriate for your divorce proceedings and how they are initiated in your jurisdiction.

 

Custody Evals are generally undertaken by a mental health professional who evaluates all parties involved--which includes both parents and ALL parties in their homes, and of course the child themselves--to arrive at a recommendation to the court on what type of arrangement is in the best interests of the child.

 

Have a read of this: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/courts/chaptersix.cfm

 

Thanks, I'll take a look.

[ja123]

Hi Raena,

 

 

I don't have any advice from what has already been given, but I wanted to say that I'm really rooting for you!!!

 

 

It was so upsetting to read your story. I don't know how you managed to keep your cool when Hobo was yelling obscenities. I take my hat off to you. You handled yourself with dignity in front of your child. Good for you!

 

 

It's amazing that you can still recognize the bizarre humour in that it's a nutty situation with nutty people fit for a Jerry Springer episode.

 

 

You rock!

 

 

Keep going. Take vitamins. Keep your strength for the fight ahead.

 

 

Sending good energy your way!!!