update on the psychotic homewrecker

[hoping2heal]

Oh.my.Gawd

 

You seem like a lovely person, and therefore - while I'm very sorry about the affair - I cannot help but rejoice that you can be rid of that absolute moron.

 

I mean your ex must be one the most stupid people I have ever read about on here, that he would leave YOU for THAT. She sounds like the definition of an utter **** horrible human being.

 

And your ex wants to hit that? Oh my gawd. My vagina would literally dry up and slam shut if his penis ever even tried to come near it, while clothed because I'd be so turned off by what a stupid person he is.

[Raena]

Oh.my.Gawd

 

You seem like a lovely person, and therefore - while I'm very sorry about the affair - I cannot help but rejoice that you can be rid of that absolute moron.

 

I mean your ex must be one the most stupid people I have ever read about on here, that he would leave YOU for THAT. She sounds like the definition of an utter **** horrible human being.

 

And your ex wants to hit that? Oh my gawd. My vagina would literally dry up and slam shut if his penis ever even tried to come near it, while clothed because I'd be so turned off by what a stupid person he is.

 

I spit my coffee out when I read your last paragraph. Thanks for the laugh!

 

The sat part is.... I was with this idiot for 11 years. So that makes me a complete moron too for being with him that long and putting up with his crap. I'm very glad I'm done with being with him too. I wish I could be done with all this drama that goes along with having to co-parent with him too.

[Raena]

Stop texting him. Stop giving him any power over you. Stop telling him what he should and shouldn't do. Take his ass to court. There is NO need for you to get Into a text war with him. That fuels the fire.

 

Let him sink himself. Do not send your son there until you have a court order. You can have it written in the order that unless they are married, he cannot have his playmate there overnight while your son is there.

 

Time to start protecting your son. Stop looking at her twitter. Don't waste your time on this trash. Fight for your son, through the courts.

 

Good luck.

 

I could try to ask for the bolded portion above but she actually lives with him. I'm pretty sure that I can't ask for her to leave her home just because I don't want her around my child. I'd have to have some very specific reason for asking this... not liking who she is and how she treats me isn't good enough.

[No Limit]

Just hang in there. Court should be able to do something... I hope.

[whichwayisup]

I spit my coffee out when I read your last paragraph. Thanks for the laugh!

 

The sat part is.... I was with this idiot for 11 years. So that makes me a complete moron too for being with him that long and putting up with his crap. I'm very glad I'm done with being with him too. I wish I could be done with all this drama that goes along with having to co-parent with him too.

 

That part made me laugh too! Very funny!

 

Look, your ex has changed. He never acted like that while you two were together right? This nutcase OW/girlfriend has brought the worst out in him. He wasn't like that with you...

 

I hope in the near future you two can co parent without all the bullcrap and drama too!

[hoping2heal]

I spit my coffee out when I read your last paragraph. Thanks for the laugh!

 

The sat part is.... I was with this idiot for 11 years. So that makes me a complete moron too for being with him that long and putting up with his crap. I'm very glad I'm done with being with him too. I wish I could be done with all this drama that goes along with having to co-parent with him too.

 

I understand but you couldn't have seen this coming!

 

I think his looney tune throws such a fit because you're better than her and she knows it and she is probably quite insecure over you.

 

The next time looney tune thinks she's cute I'll just remind you that my 2 year old neice can throw the same type of tantrum (sans the vulgar language). Well, hopefully now you can use this example in the future for why absolutely under no circumstances is cruella crazy pants allowed anywhere near you at kiddo pick ups/drop offs.

[peaksandvalleys]

I haven't updated on my situation in a long while....

 

So today was very tough for me.

 

My ex (who cheated) has been wanting to see our son more often this summer and I've allowed it to happen because my son really wants to see his father too.

 

I've had my reservations and concerns, but I've addressed the major issues and ignored the petty small stuff.

 

Today however didn't go so well.

 

Part of our agreement was that he was not to bring the woman he cheated on me with (and is living with) to the transfer of our child. We meet in a public parking lot and it's only supposed to be us and our child. That way we avoid any drama. His hobo has steadily been running her mouth on Twitter still. It's been almost 9 months since he and I split up but she still feels the need to be nasty to me, about me and rub my face in the fact that they are together and how good he is to her two kids while he ignores his own child. (he's actually only seen him a couple of times in the past few months)

 

I don't care about any of that really. It doesn't bother me like it used to but it does concern me somewhat because it shows that she is obsessively thinking about me and hating me (and I have no idea why because I've done nothing to her).

 

At any rate, today we go to do the transfer. My ex texts me about an hour beforehand telling me that he's bringing her and her 2 kids along with him because they have errands to run and he doesn't want to have to go all the way home and then back out.

 

I sent him several texts telling him that I didn't feel comfortable with it, that I don't want a dramatic scene in front of our child and that I don't trust her to behave appropriately. I said that we could either meet in the parking lot of the police station or he could park way back in the parking lot with her and walk our child to the store and I'd meet him at the door. I figured if he did that, then I wouldn't have to see her and he could go on and do his thing with her afterwards without any drama. He fussed at me about how it has nothing to do with me and I need to stop being so dramatic. How ironic considering what happened... He lied and said that he doesn't have any stores near his home. He does... many of them within 10 minutes as he lives right outside the city.

 

I show up to the store and park in front of the door. I could see him walking with our son. My son pulls my door open and gives me a big hug. His father starts yelling at him to get in the car. He then tells him he'll see him Friday (not something I agreed to as he hadn't even talked to me about it) and starts walking away. I go to close the door and I hear some female screaming and yelling. I look... it's Hobo. He had parked the truck pretty close to the front door. She's screaming and yelling at me "You f*cking WHORE! F*ck YOU bitch" and a bunch of other stuff that I couldn't hear. I look at my ex and he says "don't worry about that, I'll take care of it". I said to him "And THIS is why I told you NOT to bring her, do NOT EVER bring her here with you again!" She continues ranting and raving. Meanwhile, my son is taking forEVER to get into the car and shut the door. I'm telling him to hurry up and shut the door but he's too busy listening to what she's saying. He finally gets in and my ex drives right past my car... with his hobo hanging out the window sticking her middle finger up at me, calling me a fat old lady and a stupid f*cking whore. c*nt... you name it, the names were flying out of her mouth. I do recall her at one point saying she was going to kick my arse too.

 

Now mind you... her kids were in the truck with them. One is 7 and the other is 12. She's 27. My ex and I are both in our 40s. I didn't say a word. I couldn't... my son was sitting right there.

 

I waited until they pulled away and moved to a parking spot. I had to sit there for a little while because I was shaking like a leaf I was so mad! How dare she call ME a whore when she's the one who was sleeping with my man for a year and a half behind my back. A little ironic I'd say.

 

So I send him a text asking him if he's happy now... she caused a dramatic scene in front of everyone coming out of walmart... real classy considering she did this all in front of the kids.

 

He writes back and apologizes for her behavior and said that he's kicking her out and making her leave. He said that he told her that if she made a scene, he'd be done with her... that she must have wanted to leave because she made a scene anyway.

 

I don't believe him for a second. I mean how stupid does he think I am? I asked him not to bring her, he did anyway. I asked him to park far away and walk our son to the door, he parks close by. Instead of driving the opposite direction down the aisle out of the parking lot, he makes a point of driving past me with her screaming and yelling at me.

 

On top of all of that, my son tells me that her youngest punched him, kicked him several times including in the groin (and I just found out that he needs to see a urologist due to some issues in that area, the last thing he needs is to get kicked there), scratched him, choked him, cussed at him and called him names all weekend and all his father did was tell him that he was going to have to fight his own battles because he wasn't going to step in and save him every time. This is what he told our 7 year old child.

 

I filed the paperwork to go to court back in May and I still haven't heard anything so I'm going to go to the courthouse tomorrow and find out what's going on... what's the delay. It's been almost 2 months and they haven't even set a court date yet.

 

I'm tired of this drama and I had a feeling this was coming. I just knew it. My stomach was in knots the whole way there. I kept deep breathing and tried to put a smile on my face and just get through it.

 

So yeah... all those OW out there who seem to think that it's perfectly ok to break up a family and start a relationship with the man after the split... all I can say is... don't act like this whack job. She made a complete fool out of herself today. I really wish I had caught it on video tape but I'm not sure there was much I could do about it anyway. Don't believe all the stories about how the BS is such a crazy person... more likely than not, it isn't true and you are setting yourself up to look like this moron did today. Who knows what crap he's been feeding her about me. All I know is, I did nothing wrong and I don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm pretty sure he set this all up to happen and I don't know why. Why in the world would he want our child to hear his mother being called every name in the book? And then to lie to me about how he's going to dump her afterwards... I don't care about his relationship with her... I just want our child to be happy.

 

Anyone with words of advice on what I should do now?

 

I keep up with your story. I am sorry you are dealing with this person. I cannot imagine having to deal with the AP in my situation around my children had they been younger and things worked out the way she and my ex wanted them too. I think it would have been too much for me to handle. I do hope things get better for you and your young one soon. Maybe a bus will lose control and she is in the cross walk. Seriously, you are such a classy lady.

[Raena]

I keep up with your story. I am sorry you are dealing with this person. I cannot imagine having to deal with the AP in my situation around my children had they been younger and things worked out the way she and my ex wanted them too. I think it would have been too much for me to handle. I do hope things get better for you and your young one soon. Maybe a bus will lose control and she is in the cross walk. Seriously, you are such a classy lady.

 

Thanks PnV... I keep an eye on what's going on with you too. Seems like we both started dealing with this kind of stuff at the same time, although our stories aren't similar. Much love to ya, hope you are doing well!

[Raena]

I really do appreciate all the responses on here. It helps, it really does. It makes me realize that I'm not the only one who see's the insanity of it all. I just wish I had better news to share instead of always some kind of drama.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hope, I suspect that there is a difference between going through family court due to divorce than there is when the parents were never married. The entire approach is different.

 

While I agree with you that there is nothing his father could do to me if I said no, he can't go there... that is only temporary and as divorceddad said...it wouldn't look well for me in court when we do finally go.

 

The police officer I spoke to said the same thing divorceddad did... I have no say in who will be at the exchanges. The best I can ask for is that the exchange take place at a police station. I can't say who is allowed there and who isn't.

 

It seems so easy doesn't it? I should just cut him off and say Hell NO! But the reality of the situation is much more complicated than that. Yes, he walked away... but if he asks to see him and I refuse that makes me look like a jealous vindictive ex.

 

It's insanity if you ask me. I mean this dip**** destroyed an 11 year relationship for some hobo half his age with no job, no hs diploma, does drugs, 2 kids, no money, no aspirations other than to be a pain in my ass, no class.... basically a white trash whore (and yes, I see her as a whore, she saw him and saw dollar signs and he pays for everything for her). He then proceeded to completely ignore his child, alienate me, encourage her to harass me, pay more attention to her kids than his own and generally act like a complete moron... but I'm the idiot because I'm supposedly the jealous ex who sees the truth of this situation. If I say ANYTHING negative about him or her that makes me look like I'm jealous. Really? I'm not jealous, I'm mad as hell and just speaking the truth about what is really happening. How DARE he do this to his innocent child... How DARE he blame me for his inability to keep his pecker in his pants and be faithful?

 

I'm so worn out these days that I'm tired ALL the time and almost numb to the craziness.

 

Oh... and Hope... yes, there is a part of me that is hurting. I don't want to ever be with him again but yes, he hurt me... to the core. Ripped my heart out and shredded it. So yeah, that's going to come across in my posts. It's better than it was though. I don't cry myself to sleep at night anymore and I'm getting out more and enjoying life. It still feels like he stole something from me. I don't know what it is or how to get it back, but it's gone, whatever it is.

 

In my province we can ask for police assistance in custody cases.

As in: you can request "police assistance" be added to a court order dealing with child custody.

If the co-parent violates the time limit or terms of the custody agreement, then the police get called in and they return the kid.

[Raena]

Well, I got the court date... it's not until September 22. That's a full 4 months from when I filled out the paperwork. My goodness, who knew it would take so darn long?

 

My ex called and texted me... that's how I knew the summons was in the mailbox. He said... "Are you kidding me? You are taking me to court? Lmao ok So this is how you want to play the game?"

 

He thinks it's a freaking game! What an idiot!

 

I told him that I wasn't too happy about it either, that I never expected us to end up in these shoes, but that he can thank his psycho gf because if it wasn't for her constant harassment, stupidity, crazy behavior and her threatening me saying that he was going to take me to court months ago, I wouldn't have done it. (The truth is, I was going to have to file anyway because it NEEDS to be done.) If we were married, it would have been part of the divorce. Honestly, the real truth is, if he hadn't dipped his wick in crazyland while we were together, we wouldn't be in these shoes at all.

 

So then he goes on to beg me to "make it go away", that "she's leaving"

 

One of my friends told me that he even went so far as to delete her off his friends list on fb and change his profile picture so that she isn't in it with him. All this, just to make it look like they broke up. I don't believe it for a second. Not one single solitary second. He's done this whole "deleting and blocking on fb" with her at least 10 times since he and I split up. That psycho he is with would be all over twitter ranting and raving if he actually kicked her out. She isn't. She's posting snotty **** directed at me, but not a word about them splitting up... so yeah... he's full of crap.

 

I ended the rather short texting conversation with him by saying that I can't make it go away, but that if we can sit down and come up with a parenting plan that we both agree on, it will go better in court.

 

No response from him and not a word from him since.

 

I guess he'd rather let the courts decide. I have a feeling he won't be too happy with what they tell him.

 

Just out of curiosity, I went and used a child support calculator with all of our information... he's paying me about half of what he could end up having to pay me. THAT'S the ONLY reason why he's so worried about court. He KNOWS that they could very easily make him pay me much more. I don't personally care about that... I'm ok with what he's been giving me... but I can see why he'd be worried. Of course, he's not worried about custody or visitation... he's only worried about how it will effect his pocket. Can't support his gf, her two kids and the 3 kids he has with 3 different women on his salary.

[BetrayedH]

Yay for September 22nd!

 

Document, document, document. You have a great head on your shoulders, Raena. Get organized and stay cool as a cucumber and I'd bet this is all going to go your way.

[goodyblue]

BH is right on this. Document EVERYTHING. I know all those little things, you think they won't matter, but they WILL.

 

Hang in there.

[Raena]

Ladyluck.. right now, the least of my worries is what he's paying in child support. I'll worry about that after I get this custody/visitation situation straightened out. Honestly, I think it's supposed to be taken care of in court as well, but I might have to actually petition for that separately. I don't know all the ins and outs just yet. Trust me, if the judge says he should be paying more, I'm not going to turn it down. It just isn't high priority for me at the moment.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yay for September 22nd!

 

Document, document, document. You have a great head on your shoulders, Raena. Get organized and stay cool as a cucumber and I'd bet this is all going to go your way.

 

BH. I love the new avatar!

[Raena]

So, he says he has asked her to leave. He sent me several texts explaining it all. In one of them, he tells me that he told her that if she disrespected me again he was going to end it.

 

I didn't believe it. I'm still not sure what to think. I seriously doubt that she is gone just because she screamed at me. I mean, really, she's been disrespecting me left and right for over a year online... just not to my face like that.

 

Then she posted this on twitter...

 

"Note to self, never steal a man from a woman again! Oh and make sure him and baby mom have BEEN separated for a while:)"

 

Does it sound like she's finally realized what she has done? Well, not to me anyway, it certainly isn't an apology. But it is admitting to the fact that she deliberately broke up my family to satisfy her own needs.

 

I have this sneaking suspicion that they are both putting on this show just to convince me that she's gone so that things will go better in court. He's that devious. What do you all think?

[whichwayisup]

Do a screen picture of that tweet. Document it all!

 

No way is it over. They are doing this to save his ass in court on Sept 22.

[Raena]

Do a screen picture of that tweet. Document it all!

 

No way is it over. They are doing this to save his ass in court on Sept 22.

 

Yep, that's exactly what I was thinking. He lies so much and has lied to me so many times about his relationship with her. There's no way he's all of a sudden cool with me and ditching her... all because of one incident.

 

He lies so much he even believes his own lies. It's disgusting.

[BetrayedH]

When someone has broken trust, it takes a lot to regain. In particular, what I look for are "consistent actions over time."

 

Your ex has shown a lot of consistent actions over time but they're the kind of actions that destroy trust, not rebuild it. What you have here are their words, and only one time. I wouldn't trust that AT ALL. Time after time, they've shown you who they are.

 

The more likely scenario is the one WWIU painted - that they are just doing damage control to placate you and the court. Don't fall for it. And bring documentation of all of the other "consistent actions over time" so that the court doesn't fall for it either.

 

All your ex gets is supervised visitation at a place and time of your choosing until the court decides otherwise. And even in that scenario, I would wait for your ex to make the request; it doesn't appear that he even bothers to do that very often.

[jnel921]

I had issues in my first M as you did with my XH's lover who had three daughters of her own from 3 different men.

 

There was a time where she showed up at a meeting we were supposed to have about some money he was to give me. I asked why she was there and all of sudden she was screaming and cursing at me.

 

I am not the screaming or yelling type. As soon as this woman started yelling at me I socked her then picked her up by the shirt and threw her into a wall. She charged at me an my XH was trying to keep me from beating her a$$ any further. The girl was on the floor, she was still yelling an cursing and didn't dare come any closer.

 

After that I filed an order of protection against her because of the violence she exhibited and did not want my kids exposed to that.

 

You may want to consider having another party do the transfers. That's what I did. My XH had to pick up my kids from my sister and because of the order of protection his visitation was reduced to 3 hours ever two weeks. This went on until they finally broke up a year later.

 

Its a shame, but the last thing you need is your son to bear witness to that kind of behavior. Its a shame they your XH can't see how this will affect your son.

 

The greatest thing you can for him is show him that you have some kind of love and respect for each other. But this should also include the people you decide to move forward with in your lives.

 

I hope it gets better and please stay away from the social media!

[Raena]

The thing is... what I'm going to ask for in court is going to get asked for regardless of whether she is there or not. He just doesn't realize it. It makes no difference if she is part of the picture or not.

 

- meet at the police station for transfer, or he has to get him from the babysitter on friday and bring him back to the babysitter on monday morning

 

- guns locked up and secured

 

- my son has his own room there with a bed

 

- first babysitter rights... meaning if his father has him for the weekend and has to work, he has to send him home to me rather than leave him alone with whatever woman he is with.

 

Well, actually, I guess it does make a difference. If she isn't in the picture then the first and the last will be moot points and not necessary but I'm going to ask for them anyway.

 

At this point, if she really is gone, I'm not going to tell him no he can't see his child. He hasn't asked though.

 

He is however coming to a dr appt with us tomorrow. Our son has to see a specialist and may need surgery so this is important.

 

I really, truly, honestly wish that he has gotten her out of his life. This will go so much smoother without all that drama around. I have no idea how I'll ever really know if she's gone or not until I send my son there and he comes home telling me she's gone. Unless I do a visit there and make sure her things are gone?

 

Maybe I'm being too lenient, but I really do want my son to have a healthy relationship with his father and I don't want to be the reason why they don't. I don't want to stand in the way if there is no reason to...

 

Foolish me wants to believe that he actually does care about his son.

 

This is what I'm thinking and feeling... I'm hoping that someday we'll be able to co-parent without a lot of drama. That whomever he is dating in the future is actually decent to me. She doesn't have to like me, she just needs to be respectful of me and not act like a psycho. That he and I will be able to get along without fighting every single second. That our son sees that he has the love of both his parents and that we don't "hate" each other. Maybe I'm just idealistic, but I really, really, really want it to work out.

[jnel921]

My XH has something in common with yours. He is a compulsive liar. Not only does he lie, but he believes his own lies. So no matter what you tell your son, he may tell him something different to paint a rosier picture of his own.

 

Thankfully when my kids got older they realized who their dad was and who he was not. They saw through many of his lies. He has disappointed them over the years and have witnessed him lie and cheat on his second wife whom they did care for deeply at one point.

 

You cant change people like that. Having him around you and your son is not going to evoke any sparks that will bring him back to his senses. You are better off never laying eyes on him again.

 

There are many ways to handle you son without having to see each other. Consider them. You need to focus on fixing yourself and not get too caught up on what's going on in his life.

 

I know it It's tough to have to deal with the ex, especially if you still feel some kind of way towards him. Luckily I am so over and done with my XH and my kids are old enough where I don't ever have to deal with him and they make their own arrangements. If I never saw him again...I really couldn't care less.

[BetrayedH]

The thing is... what I'm going to ask for in court is going to get asked for regardless of whether she is there or not. He just doesn't realize it. It makes no difference if she is part of the picture or not.

 

- meet at the police station for transfer, or he has to get him from the babysitter on friday and bring him back to the babysitter on monday morning

 

- guns locked up and secured

 

- my son has his own room there with a bed

 

- first babysitter rights... meaning if his father has him for the weekend and has to work, he has to send him home to me rather than leave him alone with whatever woman he is with.

 

Well, actually, I guess it does make a difference. If she isn't in the picture then the first and the last will be moot points and not necessary but I'm going to ask for them anyway.

 

At this point, if she really is gone, I'm not going to tell him no he can't see his child. He hasn't asked though.

 

He is however coming to a dr appt with us tomorrow. Our son has to see a specialist and may need surgery so this is important.

 

I really, truly, honestly wish that he has gotten her out of his life. This will go so much smoother without all that drama around. I have no idea how I'll ever really know if she's gone or not until I send my son there and he comes home telling me she's gone. Unless I do a visit there and make sure her things are gone?

 

Maybe I'm being too lenient, but I really do want my son to have a healthy relationship with his father and I don't want to be the reason why they don't. I don't want to stand in the way if there is no reason to...

 

Foolish me wants to believe that he actually does care about his son.

 

This is what I'm thinking and feeling... I'm hoping that someday we'll be able to co-parent without a lot of drama. That whomever he is dating in the future is actually decent to me. She doesn't have to like me, she just needs to be respectful of me and not act like a psycho. That he and I will be able to get along without fighting every single second. That our son sees that he has the love of both his parents and that we don't "hate" each other. Maybe I'm just idealistic, but I really, really, really want it to work out.

 

I really love the point-of-view you have here but as someone who went through a gawd-awful mediation with a gawd-awful person, I can't help but think that yes, you're being too lenient and too idealistic.

 

I think you should present all of the information to the court and let the court decide what is in the best interests of the child. It may end up being visitation, rather than custody. And that may be best. And frankly, if the utopian view of co-parenting that you've got doesn't happen then it won't have been you that stood in the way but your ex's own actions. Personally, I think your actions may be noble but the environment (crazy OW, physical harm, no bed, loaded weapons) can do much more harm than good. No judgment of you...Just my $.02

[Raena]

I really love the point-of-view you have here but as someone who went through a gawd-awful mediation with a gawd-awful person, I can't help but think that yes, you're being too lenient and too idealistic.

 

I think you should present all of the information to the court and let the court decide what is in the best interests of the child. It may end up being visitation, rather than custody. And that may be best. And frankly, if the utopian view of co-parenting that you've got doesn't happen then it won't have been you that stood in the way but your ex's own actions. Personally, I think your actions may be noble but the environment (crazy OW, physical harm, no bed, loaded weapons) can do much more harm than good. No judgment of you...Just my $.02

 

It will all come out in the wash... as they say...

 

My son does have his own lawyer... and that lawyer is going to want to see both homes, talk to both parents and with our son. I have a friend in the business and she tells me that this particular person is really good at her job... that if there is cause for concern, she will bring it up too.

 

I have a feeling that all of the issues that you mentioned (they concern me too) will come to light in court. If they don't, I'll be sure to mention it.

[No Limit]

I wonder if American courts would ever go to the point as to use private investigators. One hour watching your exes' b!tch and they'd probably tell the judge that they'd smuggle your son out of the country rather than leaving him at her mercy and her offspring's.