update on the psychotic homewrecker

[Raena]

So... he really did make her move out. She's gone back to her home state and is busy blabbing on twitter about how she's going on this date and that date with this hot guy and that hot guy.

 

I know she's gone because he invited me into the house to do an inspection. Guns were locked up safely, still no bed for our son (not AS big of a deal) and all of her stuff was gone. My son stayed for the weekend with him and had a great time. He came home soooo happy. He told me that his father told him that he got rid of her because she was rude to Mommy and that just isn't cool and he was very happy about it. My son told me that he didn't like her or her kids and that it was much nicer to spend time alone with Daddy.

 

Things seemed to be going well up until today. He and I were getting along ok, he came to a dr's appt for our son, texted me periodically being cool with me, video chatted for a half hour with our son this past weekend and it really seemed like things were going to be better. It's only been 2 weeks though and I had a feeling that it wouldn't last. I saw the crap she was writing on twitter and I knew she was writing it just to hurt him.... and apparently it worked.

 

Today he texted me begging me to go to the court house and cancel the custody hearing. Apparently he believes that I'm just being a jerk and refuses to do this after he got "rid of her" for me. That's what he told me, over and over again (today)... that the only reason he made her leave was because he didn't want to have to go to court and he knew he would have to with the way she was behaving. (that I would force it because of her) and that now he doesn't know why he bothered since I'm taking him to court anyway.

 

He's trying to manipulate me into canceling this court hearing. I asked him what he was afraid of... he already has two custody/visitation/child support cases with two other women... he's been through this before.... what's he so afraid of? I think he's afraid that he will have to pay more child support or something, I don't really know. But he really upset me today with all of this nonsense. It's like he's trying to guilt me about it all. "look what I did for you, I dumped her for you and now you are going to take me to court anyway, I may as well just bring her back?" That isn't what he said exactly, but it's what came across with it all.

 

I TOLD you all that I had a feeling this was all just a ploy... that he probably told her to go home for a few months until court settled down and then he'd bring her back after he got me to do what he wanted. Either that or he's seeing that she's dating others and its eating him up and wants her back. She already used this same ploy on him twice now and it's worked both times. Who knows what the real story is on that, but GAH!! Really? He's an idiot if he thinks I'm NOT going to see this through. I'd be an idiot if I didn't.

 

This whole situation is just plain craziness. Every time I think things are going to get better, he throws ANOTHER monkey wrench into the mix.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

So... he really did make her move out. She's gone back to her home state and is busy blabbing on twitter about how she's going on this date and that date with this hot guy and that hot guy.

 

I know she's gone because he invited me into the house to do an inspection. Guns were locked up safely, still no bed for our son (not AS big of a deal) and all of her stuff was gone. My son stayed for the weekend with him and had a great time. He came home soooo happy. He told me that his father told him that he got rid of her because she was rude to Mommy and that just isn't cool and he was very happy about it. My son told me that he didn't like her or her kids and that it was much nicer to spend time alone with Daddy.

 

Things seemed to be going well up until today. He and I were getting along ok, he came to a dr's appt for our son, texted me periodically being cool with me, video chatted for a half hour with our son this past weekend and it really seemed like things were going to be better. It's only been 2 weeks though and I had a feeling that it wouldn't last. I saw the crap she was writing on twitter and I knew she was writing it just to hurt him.... and apparently it worked.

 

Today he texted me begging me to go to the court house and cancel the custody hearing. Apparently he believes that I'm just being a jerk and refuses to do this after he got "rid of her" for me. That's what he told me, over and over again (today)... that the only reason he made her leave was because he didn't want to have to go to court and he knew he would have to with the way she was behaving. (that I would force it because of her) and that now he doesn't know why he bothered since I'm taking him to court anyway.

 

He's trying to manipulate me into canceling this court hearing. I asked him what he was afraid of... he already has two custody/visitation/child support cases with two other women... he's been through this before.... what's he so afraid of? I think he's afraid that he will have to pay more child support or something, I don't really know. But he really upset me today with all of this nonsense. It's like he's trying to guilt me about it all. "look what I did for you, I dumped her for you and now you are going to take me to court anyway, I may as well just bring her back?" That isn't what he said exactly, but it's what came across with it all.

 

I TOLD you all that I had a feeling this was all just a ploy... that he probably told her to go home for a few months until court settled down and then he'd bring her back after he got me to do what he wanted. Either that or he's seeing that she's dating others and its eating him up and wants her back. She already used this same ploy on him twice now and it's worked both times. Who knows what the real story is on that, but GAH!! Really? He's an idiot if he thinks I'm NOT going to see this through. I'd be an idiot if I didn't.

 

This whole situation is just plain craziness. Every time I think things are going to get better, he throws ANOTHER monkey wrench into the mix.

 

I hope you'll learn to trust your instincts because it seems you have been spot on all along! No doubt she left believing she was coming back! I'm sure his fear revolves around you declaring that neither of you will have live ins or overnights with any person you're not married to while in the presence of your child. Which is what you need to fight for! I understand that you see improvements but you need to make darn sure he will have his own bed and room.

 

One thing that has bothered me about your posts is your son's desire to be with his dad regardless the circumstances. What I've seen growing up personally is that boys, first born especially, suffer more in divorces. They always want and strive for dad's attention. I've seen it in my own friends who are now a half century old and KNOW full well but continue to take care of and enable their no good fathers. Going to court is the best way to protect your son so that you can freely let him visit. I wish you luck!

[Raena]

I hope you'll learn to trust your instincts because it seems you have been spot on all along! No doubt she left believing she was coming back! I'm sure his fear revolves around you declaring that neither of you will have live ins or overnights with any person you're not married to while in the presence of your child. Which is what you need to fight for! I understand that you see improvements but you need to make darn sure he will have his own bed and room.

 

One thing that has bothered me about your posts is your son's desire to be with his dad regardless the circumstances. What I've seen growing up personally is that boys, first born especially, suffer more in divorces. They always want and strive for dad's attention. I've seen it in my own friends who are now a half century old and KNOW full well but continue to take care of and enable their no good fathers. Going to court is the best way to protect your son so that you can freely let him visit. I wish you luck!

 

Thanks, I'm probably going to need all the luck I can get.

 

My son is still pretty young and very innocent. He just knows that he loves his father and that's all. It was so nice to see him happy... happy that she was gone and he could have fun with his dad, happy that his father and I were getting along and acting like "friends". Kids are so resilient, they really are. He's handled all of this a lot better than I have. I keep my cool in front of him though, so he's watching me and doing what I'm doing.

 

You are right though... my gut instincts have ALWAYS been right about him. I DO need to pay attention to it and follow through on what's best... and I will do exactly that.

[BetrayedH]

You're doing fine. Keep it up.

 

And yeah, it's craziness. Just make sure you don't buy into it being normal. For a brief time, I bought into the crazy. It was like, it you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Stupid idea. For the sake of your son (and yourself), be the ONE person who always has their head on straight. So far, you're doing remarkably well in a situation that was far worse than my own (which is remarkable, in and of itself).

[Raena]

You're doing fine. Keep it up.

 

And yeah, it's craziness. Just make sure you don't buy into it being normal. For a brief time, I bought into the crazy. It was like, it you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Stupid idea. For the sake of your son (and yourself), be the ONE person who always has their head on straight. So far, you're doing remarkably well in a situation that was far worse than my own (which is remarkable, in and of itself).

 

I think I DID buy into it being normal... for a very long time. It wasn't until I got out of the relationship, took a step back and really looked at the whole situation that I realized exactly how screwed up everything was the entire time I knew him. It didn't seem like that when we were together. I thought I was happy.

 

It helps to talk to other people who are normal and sane and see it for what it is (as normal and sane as anyone can be anyway). I can't tell you how many friends of mine have come out of the woodwork now that they know he's gone from my life for good and told me that they were SO happy for me. It's not too often you see people celebrating a break up, but several of them have done exactly that. Even joked about throwing me a party for finally getting rid of him. Yeah, yeah, I know... sometimes friends will say that kind of stuff just to make the person feel better but in this case... no... they were saying it because it was true! They wouldn't come around because of him and I wouldn't introduce him to new friends because I was ashamed of the way he behaved around other people. He's like two different people. At home, alone, he was sweet, kind, considerate, empathetic blah, blah, blah... but around my friends or co-workers or family, he'd turn into this raving lunatic making a complete ass out of himself or me or both of us. It was hard to juggle the two personalities and I could never understand why he acted like that other than I think he really wanted to keep me isolated. (classic abusive stance)

 

Anyway, thanks for listening and responding and making me feel like I'm doing something right. Sometimes I get so frustrated with this whole situation. It's really a drag to constantly have to deal with negativity and drama. It helps to come here and vent when it's happening just to help get my head on straight about what's really going on here and what steps I should take next.

[whichwayisup]

Take him to court! These few weeks of happier times with your son doesn't excuse his shi.tty behaviour in the past.

 

He is manipulating you and I'm so glad you see this.

[Raena]

Take him to court! These few weeks of happier times with your son doesn't excuse his shi.tty behaviour in the past.

 

He is manipulating you and I'm so glad you see this.

 

Yep! I can't cancel this anyway, even if I wanted to, which I don't.

[scatterd]

I am sorry you had to go through this. This woman is totally out of control she is obviously insecure with her relationship.As far as what I know arguing is front of a child is considered child abuse. If you wanted to you could take him to court for full custody. I would let him know that it is considered abuse and you will absolutely not put up with her nor her mean children. Sounds like your ex traded you in for a unstable woman. He may live with her and put up with this but you do not have to. I hope this is the end of this crap for you and your child. Big Hugs

[No Limit]

She won't be gone for long. I don't know what attracts your ex to that trash - although seeing that she's having her own children without a real partner by her side, she must be as good in bed as she is bad in using protection - but whatever is going on in his tiny meek brain should never affect your son.

[Raena]

She won't be gone for long. I don't know what attracts your ex to that trash - although seeing that she's having her own children without a real partner by her side, she must be as good in bed as she is bad in using protection - but whatever is going on in his tiny meek brain should never affect your son.

 

That's what I keep thinking... he's dumped her COUNTLESS times... before I found out about her and kicked him out and afterwards as well. Since he and I split up, they have broken up and gotten back together more times that I can even count. I know for sure of at least 3 or 4 times in the last 10 months. Just because he sent her away again, doesn't mean he isn't working on bringing her back again.

[BetrayedH]

That's what I keep thinking... he's dumped her COUNTLESS times... before I found out about her and kicked him out and afterwards as well. Since he and I split up, they have broken up and gotten back together more times that I can even count. I know for sure of at least 3 or 4 times in the last 10 months. Just because he sent her away again, doesn't mean he isn't working on bringing her back again.

 

Yep, so don't let their continuing nonsense interfere with what you know needs to be done - court mandated guidelines around visitation/custody and support.

[Lula Belle]

Keep your visit to the courthouse.

 

Nothing but supervised visitation from here on out until such time as he has a court order otherwise.

 

No messages to either of them. Next time then you can respond that if he wants time with his child, it is at a place and time of your choosing and you'll be there the entire time. If the OW ever shows her face, even that comes to an end.

 

Raena, I agree with this. Her behavior is not normal and neither is his. Don't let your child go over there. Get the tapes from Walmart if there are some. Protect your child. If you can, move. Change your number. Require any communication regarding your child to go through email where it can be logged. Enough is enough.