i hate myself as much as i hate life (just ventng)

[tobeover]

This is, i think, something that i have never told you. I honestly hate myself for being a ****. I try my best to make other people happy. But i might as well stop trying.

 

I have this horrible feeling that i will do something atrocious in the future. As pre punishment, i have quit taking my ocd meds cold turkey, and have decided to binge on them occasionally.

 

When i die, i want to die in such a way as to maximize the happiness of other people, while minimizing my own peace. i came to the realization that, as further punishment, i should be extreme in my self deprecation.

 

On the one hand, i feel a good release by typing this msg out. Otoh, i know that i really should just shut it. I guess i am a pretty conflicted person.

[d0nnivain]

Do not go off your meds without telling your doctor. Talk to whoever prescribed them for you about what you are feeling.

 

Your death will bring sadness to others, not happiness. If you want others to be happy, live a productive life that brings you joy. Start trying to please yourself.