Why not me?

[Ben]

I'm a 30 year old guy and my problem is I have never been in a serious relationship. I'm not afraid of commitment, it's really because I have never met anyone to get serious with.

 

I have always had trouble getting dates. I usually get turned down by women who don't know me, such as if I ask someone who I just met to go out, the answer is usually no. For the ones who know me already, they would usually go out with me as friends. And I think most of my female friends enjoy going out with me, but only as friends. They usually tell me I'm a really nice person and probably wouldn't do anyone wrong, but they don't want anything romantic. In fact, in the past I have always had more female friends than guy friends.

 

So, I think it's not my personality that women don't like about me. My guess is I don't look mature enough because I look more like someone in his early 20s. I was told before by different people that I have a very young looking face, and I'm a small person, 5'5". But in reality, I'm actually very mature, have goals, and know what I want to achieve in my life. When it comes to dating, I just don't have much luck.

 

This is really bothering me and making me depressed. I see many people out there who don't even have to try and they are getting dates and some even in really good relationships. And sometimes I see women are in relationships where the guys treat them poorly, and I would say to myself if I was with anyone of them, I know I wouldn't treat them like that.

 

I realize sometimes this is about fate but I don't want to sit around and not do anything about it either.

 

Anyone care to comment on my problem?

[cass]

Hi Ben

 

Don't get too down about this. As you said women find you interesting to be friends. You obviously have some very good qualities that women enjoy being with you like this. I don't think it's the fact that you don't look mature enough. There are lots of women out there who like younger men anyway.

 

I don't know how you approach women when you ask them out. You said when you just meet women they say no - maybe you are rushing things and are too keen.

 

You sound confident actually and as you said you know what you want and have goals - that can be a turn on to women. I have found loads of men very attractive in my life and they are usually the ones that aren't particularly good looking but have talent and/or are confident - that is a real turn on.

 

I'm sure you will meet someone soon, especially when you least expect to - they are the relationships that sometimes turn out to be serious - when you are not actively looking and wondering about it.

 

Hope I've been of some help - ask me more if you wish and I'll try and help further.

[Ed]

Resign yourself to the idea that you are and will be happy being alone and living alone as far as romantic relationships go. Focus on building strong and long-lasting friendships with both males and females.

 

This will change your attitude about life and relationships. It will also change peoples perception of you and, likely, make you more attractive to others.

 

It's very ironic that, sometimes, in order get what you want most, you have to decide that it's not really that important to living a happy life.

[Tony T]

If you have problems with women accepting dates from you, why not try a matching service, dating service or one of the dating websites on the Internet?

 

All the women at those places are looking for dates. Then, the matching helps find someone you are compatible with, who has the same interests and physical qualities you are attracted to. You still may have to date a number of introductions before you there is a mutually satisfying match...but you won't get so much rejection, especially at a dating service.

 

If you want to use the Internet, just use a good search engine to find dating or matching services or go to www.match.com Also, the good search engines like Netscape and Lycos have their own matching services.

 

With the existence of the Internet, there is no reason why any human being alive should be alone if they take the initiative to do the work.

[livingjewel]

Cass,

 

I agree with Tony. I met a wonderful man in September off an internet dating site. There are many out there. Try match.com or americansingles.com As in real life, meeting on the internet isn't "instant". You will no doubt receive replies from many women until you find one you really click with.

 

It took me close to 3 months (not long), but I found a gem. There are many wonderful people out there...and you WILL eventually find a lady who will love what you have to offer. But you're going to have to put some effort into the quest....

 

livingjewel

I'm a 30 year old guy and my problem is I have never been in a serious relationship. I'm not afraid of commitment, it's really because I have never met anyone to get serious with. I have always had trouble getting dates. I usually get turned down by women who don't know me, such as if I ask someone who I just met to go out, the answer is usually no. For the ones who know me already, they would usually go out with me as friends. And I think most of my female friends enjoy going out with me, but only as friends. They usually tell me I'm a really nice person and probably wouldn't do anyone wrong, but they don't want anything romantic. In fact, in the past I have always had more female friends than guy friends. So, I think it's not my personality that women don't like about me. My guess is I don't look mature enough because I look more like someone in his early 20s. I was told before by different people that I have a very young looking face, and I'm a small person, 5'5". But in reality, I'm actually very mature, have goals, and know what I want to achieve in my life. When it comes to dating, I just don't have much luck. This is really bothering me and making me depressed. I see many people out there who don't even have to try and they are getting dates and some even in really good relationships. And sometimes I see women are in relationships where the guys treat them poorly, and I would say to myself if I was with anyone of them, I know I wouldn't treat them like that. I realize sometimes this is about fate but I don't want to sit around and not do anything about it either. Anyone care to comment on my problem?