RoseMadder Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 It's been a few months since I posted on here regarding my dad and his behaviour, basically he is a serial cheat and alcoholic who abandoned his family and ended his 30+ Yr marriage by texting me (his daughter) and then disappeared. My (adult) brothers still live in the family home as they're both in full time education, I live over the road and have had to take on the running of both houses as six weeks ago the stress of everything got too much and my mom had a series of heart attacks. My dad has finally admitted his involvement with the OW and is spending all of his time with her, they're already living together. My mom has gone no contact with him on the advice of her dr, she can't deal with the stress his mind games cause, he is the most manipulative person I've ever met. I'm now the only one who has contact with him and am the go between trying to get him to take care of his responsibilities (which he doesn't want to do). I'm really struggling with my dads behaviour. It's like we're nothing to him. He's making no effort whatsoever, for example it was my brothers bdays over the weekend, he said he can't afford a gift for them (he earns v. good money) and was going to write them both a letter explaining why. Birthdays came and they both got a jokey card with "happy birthday, have a great day, love dad" written in them. It's the minimum effort he could possibly have made. He promised he'd call them but he didn't, I'm so disappointed for them. I'm starting to think that all the stuff he does to hurt us (cancels meetings last minute, never calling my brothers etc..) is to try and get my mom to contact him. While she's in NC he can't manipulate her directly so he does whatever he can to hurt us hoping that will make her contact him. What I don't understand is why? Why does he want to talk to mom? He's got what he wants, he's living with the OW, he's paying the minimum he needs to to mom, he goes out drinking every day, so why does he keep hurting us? I'm so tired of all this, I'm constantly on edge waiting for the next "thing" to happen, when he calls my heart races and I feel so sick, sometimes I'm trembling so much I can barely answer the phone. I wish I never had to speak to him again, if it wasn't for mom needing financial support from him I'd tell him to f**k off and leave us be! How can a father care so little about his children? If we want to see him we have to go to him and he gives us an hour! It takes longer to travel there and back! Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 All your father cares about is himself right now. He might be trying to manipulate your mother by being ****ty to you kids. Or he might just be ****ty because that's who he is. My advice is to stop trying to figure him out. It's maddening trying to make sense of illogical people. Give your mom and brothers all your emotional energy and give your father none. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseMadder Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 All your father cares about is himself right now. He might be trying to manipulate your mother by being ****ty to you kids. Or he might just be ****ty because that's who he is. My advice is to stop trying to figure him out. It's maddening trying to make sense of illogical people. Give your mom and brothers all your emotional energy and give your father none. Thank you for such a quick reply. I think you're right, it's driving me mad trying to figure out why he behaves the way he behaves. I think I'm going to have to cut contact with him myself, if/when he starts behaving how I need him to then maybe we could have a relationship. It's nothing but a detriment as things currently stand. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Your father sounds like quite the Narcissist! Al the way up to the serial cheating! Here's the deal, they NEED someone to control and manipulate. With you all out of the picture, guess who will end up receiving it sooner than later??? Yep, new girlfriend! It might take some time but it'll get there. His bad behavior is about HIM, not the kids, not your mother. It's very wise that your mother is in NC. You are probably right that he is trying to suck her back in to her role as his whipping boy. Your mom really needs an attorney, who can handle the financial side as well as start the divorce post haste. All communications would go through the attorney which would help you as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseMadder Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Your father sounds like quite the Narcissist! Al the way up to the serial cheating! Here's the deal, they NEED someone to control and manipulate. With you all out of the picture, guess who will end up receiving it sooner than later??? Yep, new girlfriend! It might take some time but it'll get there. His bad behavior is about HIM, not the kids, not your mother. It's very wise that your mother is in NC. You are probably right that he is trying to suck her back in to her role as his whipping boy. Your mom really needs an attorney, who can handle the financial side as well as start the divorce post haste. All communications would go through the attorney which would help you as well. He really is a text book narcissist and what you say about him starting this crap in his new relationship is already happening. My H works with them both and my dad try's to drag him into his game, the problem is that she's seeing the s**t my dad does to people he says he loves and I think it freaks her out. Moms got a good lawyer but due to the heart attack she's been out of action for the last six weeks, she's feeling stronger now and we're going to see the lawyer next week. I've got to cut him off, I've just got off the phone with him and when I criticised his behaviour over my brothers birthdays and said he caused the problem and it was up to him to fix it he told me that it wasn't his fault he left but mine because I stressed him out when i was in a flare up!! I've got quite a serious medical condition and that's why he left mom? What!? It was like being punched in the guts. I can't take it any more. He even said that had mom been on her own he probably wouldn't have left. He says the most painful thing he can to try and turn me into the bad guy, I mean WTF! Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 There is only one way to win an argument with a N and that's not to have it in the first place! I hope you are able to just stay away from him! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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