I'm tracking my husband's work email. Am I right to be suspicious of this one girl?

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, he won't email her! I take his phone!

 

There won't be any confrontation before the vacation, the kids come first. The only question I see right now is whether those other women know... And yes, she's the only young one and by far the prettiest, only pretty one, I met her once.

 

Women are always reading between the lines. If they don't already suspect, they probably will soon if this behaviour/interaction continues.

[insert_name]

So far we haven't heard anything of the OPs contribution to all this, apart from that his phone is confiscated, their kids come first and that she is adept at spying...the OP also does not exactly come across as devastated by these supposed signs of cheating, more triumphant at her ingenuity with each sordid detail that gets exposed....like what he had for lunch.

 

No offence to the OP, but I suspect there are two sides to this story. I've seen wives who confiscate phones and put the kids before the husband in action, that sort of behaviour usually indicates a very shrewish wife and a hen-pecked husband at the end of his tether.

[Keke1]

This story has gotten absolutely ridiculous. You gone take his phone away like he is your young child. Only now it's not because work it's so he won't communicate with her. Lol I guarantee you this won't stop him. Your "spy" is also part of the problem. What grade are we in again?

[Thruster]

Jane:

 

guessing (only my guess) over reacting on a guys side (look at it)

womens - side - -you would think cut our nuts off

 

 

as men - -we want to flirt - get attention (all the time)

If someone will listen - email - text - send back a carrier pigeon

we wil try to get a smile - a wink or a laugh from a lady

 

Now if he walks in the door with this girl under his arm

Then you can get out the hedge clippers

 

yes -- we are from Mars and you ladies took them dang ship away and left us there

[Jane0501]

Thank you all for your input. I may have been too hard on me, he was just telling a homely girl at work that I didn't make dinner and "My wife doesn't love me, she didn't make anything...". Long story. Yes, I do plan to confront him once we return, but I don't know if his behavior warrants confrontation. He may be rejecting her.

 

 

In new emails, they're going back and forth about a candidate and my husband wants her to let them loose, she says it makes her sad because it's like watching sports and being sad for the losing team. He writes "Send her away now, mercy rule". She says "Oh, heartless, Benito!" (She had given him a nickname!)*

 

After work, he writes back "Ouch..." and she writes this email saying she was just joking, explaining what she wanted to do and then that one day she hoped to be like him and say more with fewer words...

 

Then he writes back "It is an art that my dad taught me."

 

Now, he's an executive, she's just an associate!! Am I right that he's getting too personal? The other day, he was badmouthing me to her.

 

Is this concerning? That he replied at all and with something personal?

[Jane0501]

I honestly can't figure out if he's giving her too much attention or rejecting her!

[Jane0501]

I just heard back from the older lady and just this morning, she was standing by his office door and they were talking... She said that twice she tried to walk away and he kept saying more to get her to come back and keep talking!

 

I know some of you are against my spy, but it really helps with information... Then I can make an informed decision...

[CarrieT]

 

Now, he's an executive, she's just an associate!! Am I right that he's getting too personal? The other day, he was badmouthing me to her.

 

Is this concerning? That he replied at all and with something personal?

 

I think you are over-reacting. Their statuses within the company makes no difference in who interacts with whom - sometimes these relationships just develop, regardless of who does what.

 

People share personal stuff with co-workers. It just happens. Now the bad-mouthing? THAT is what you should be investigating; why and what does he have about you to bad-mouth?

 

There are obvious issues but I don't think you are going about it the right way with the spying. You need to have an open, honest, and frank discussion with your husband if you want a successful marriage.

[batgirl]

 

Now, he's an executive, she's just an associate!! Am I right that he's getting too personal? The other day, he was badmouthing me to her.

 

Is this concerning? That he replied at all and with something personal?

 

I don't think their positions in the company have anything to do with this and you need to let it go. I'm a middle manager and my best work friend is an IT associate. Doesn't mean a damn thing other than we get along.

 

I can't believe that any adult would put up with another taking their phone away. You're behaving like a nagging mother instead of his wife and I guarantee if something is going on, he'll find a way to circumvent you anyway.

 

You have crossed a line with your spying, almost like it has become an obsession to prove he is doing something wrong instead of tools to use to confront with the purpose of repairing or ending your marriage. Let your spy off the hook, stop accessing his email, and talk to him like an adult. You're acting like a child and when/if you do confront him all of this terrible, stupid behavior makes you seem like a nut.

[Jane0501]

Another thought... The fact that he even felt the need to tell her he couldn't communicate with her during our vacation! Huge red flag! He didn't do that with anyone else. She didn't even ask, but he felt the need to say that he had no choice, and the reason he wouldn't talk to her... was me and my controlling ways!

 

Now I'm interested in seeing if he will try to contact her while we're away, or buy her something like he bought me.

[serial muse]

OP, did you ask this spy to get involved or did she volunteer?

[Jane0501]

I asked her. This is someone I've known for over 20 years, about to retire, a lot of life experience and has my best interest at heart.

 

I would really like some feedback on my last post, if possible...

[batgirl]

Another thought... The fact that he even felt the need to tell her he couldn't communicate with her during our vacation! Huge red flag! He didn't do that with anyone else. She didn't even ask, but he felt the need to say that he had no choice, and the reason he wouldn't talk to her... was me and my controlling ways!

 

Now I'm interested in seeing if he will try to contact her while we're away, or buy her something like he bought me.

 

Not to make light of his potential infidelity because I don't think any types of affairs are ever okay, but you do seem controlling. Taking his phone away, hacking his work email, having a coworker spy on him.

 

This just gets more and more ridiculous.

[CarrieT]

and the reason he wouldn't talk to her... was me and my controlling ways!

Well, it is true - isn't it?

 

In some ways, I feel you may be contributing to driving him away...

 

Now I'm interested in seeing if he will try to contact her while we're away, or buy her something like he bought me.

I still am not sure why you are waiting to see things like this. To what end?

[ExpatInItaly]

How exactly do you plan to explain the evidence you've gathered? Are you going to tell him you hacked into his email? Recruited a co-worker in his family's company to spy? I hope you understand the position you've put her in, too.

 

And if you think confiscating his phone is going to prevent further inappropriate behaviour, think again. They'll resume when he gets back. Not really a grand step in fighting this, to be honest.

[insert_name]

It went past the point of ridiculousness long ago, OP should just go all in now by secretly getting a tracking beacon inserted in the phone and then letting him have him have it for the holiday. Then do all that triangulating frequency stuff you see on 24 to see whether he's messaging her.

[Elle1975]

2014.. internet, email, facebook, skype, etc.. if he wants to contact her, he can.

 

I am not sure why you don't sit down with him and fess up.

[Jane0501]

I highly doubt that he will contact her. Plus, the more I think about it, the less concerning it seems. Lete repeat one of my earlier posts:

 

"In new emails, they're going back and forth about a candidate and my husband wants her to let them loose, she says it makes her sad because it's like watching sports and being sad for the losing team. He writes "Send her away now, mercy rule". She says "Oh, heartless, Benito!" (She had given him a nickname!)*

 

After work, he writes back "Ouch..." and she writes this email saying she was just joking, explaining what she wanted to do and then that one day she hoped to be like him and say more with fewer words...

 

Then he writes back "It is an art that my dad taught me."

 

 

Now, couldn't it be that he is brushing her off by saying this? Or is the fact that he replied at all, with something personal, mean that he's engaging her?

[batgirl]

I highly doubt that he will contact her. Plus, the more I think about it, the less concerning it seems. Lete repeat one of my earlier posts:

 

"In new emails, they're going back and forth about a candidate and my husband wants her to let them loose, she says it makes her sad because it's like watching sports and being sad for the losing team. He writes "Send her away now, mercy rule". She says "Oh, heartless, Benito!" (She had given him a nickname!)*

 

After work, he writes back "Ouch..." and she writes this email saying she was just joking, explaining what she wanted to do and then that one day she hoped to be like him and say more with fewer words...

 

Then he writes back "It is an art that my dad taught me."

 

 

Now, couldn't it be that he is brushing her off by saying this? Or is the fact that he replied at all, with something personal, mean that he's engaging her?

 

At this point, I don't think anyone can provide any additional advice. You've heard the opinions and now you've got to decide if you're going to confront him or let it go.

 

It appears to me that you are getting some sort of sick pleasure from spying on him, and over analyzing every single shred of information you get. At this point, I'm going to venture a guess and say that you are doing just as much harm to your marriage as his potential infidelity would/is.

 

Good luck.

[Fondue]

I read two and a half pages of this thread so bear with me if what I say already has been said. I apologize if it it has.

 

Do you think, by any chance at all, your behavior could be contributing to this developing connection with his coworker?

 

Be honest with yourself. You told us that you take his phone away from him when you're on vacation. You treat him like a child in that manner. Is there anything else you do in your married life with him that also makes him feel small, childish, etc.?

 

I have a feeling you do. You probably also question him about things, probably nag about some things that may bother you (or hint + build accusations) regarding other issues in your married life. Hell, you might even through little passive aggressive comments that suggest he is up to no good. This probably occurs and you might not even realize it.

 

But that sort of behavior would lead him to cheat on you even quicker. Look into your relationship and see if any of what I am saying is true. I'm sure there is some truth there. People don't just cheat to cheat, people do so because they're unsatisfied with something.

 

Also, snooping on his work emails? Having a "spy?" Ewww. If I was ever in his situation, regardless of whether or not I was being bad, and I found out this was happening to me, I'd end that relationship regardless. That's just... Low.

[letmoc]

This sounds like another poster who had a crush on her boss, but is writing the situation from the "wife's point of view. All of the stories are the same. Secret spy who hears every conversation during the day between the two of them without either one noticing? But I could be wrong.

[serial muse]

This sounds like another poster who had a crush on her boss, but is writing the situation from the "wife's point of view. All of the stories are the same. Secret spy who hears every conversation during the day between the two of them without either one noticing? But I could be wrong.

 

Interesting, indeed. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/481260-co-worker-bought-me-drink-am-i-being-too-hopeful-i-m-into-him-6.html#post5793796

 

Also this:

 

"In new emails, they're going back and forth about a candidate and my husband wants her to let them loose, she says it makes her sad because it's like watching sports and being sad for the losing team. He writes "Send her away now, mercy rule". She says "Oh, heartless, Benito!" (She had given him a nickname!)*

 

and

 

Wow, I don't even know where to start... So much has happened!! We are definitely flirting now... After his last comment, which by the way WAS flirtatious ( have you people never role-played during sex?? That's what he was alluding to!), I replied by telling him that I was glad Mussolini was gone and he wasn't scolding me - that Mussolini was the nickname I had for him (he's Italian) in my head and now I'd have to come up with a new one. So on Sunday morning he writes me back and makes a joke... On Monday we're talking in my office and he brings it up again, so it's our little joke now.

 

Oh, OP.

 

This is actually worrisome. You seem obsessed with this guy and he's clearly still married.

 

What's going on with you? You said something in that other thread about a breakup somehow fueling all this. What happened to you?

Edited July 31, 2014 by serial muse

[CarrieT]

Wow, great detective work, Serial Muse!

 

I think we have a winner here!

 

:laugh:

[2sunny]

I honestly can't figure out if he's giving her too much attention or rejecting her!

 

He's offering others personal and private information that makes you look bad!

 

That is not nice of him!

 

Very mean of him actually, if he is unhappy about things like whether or not you've made dinner - he should ONLY speak to you about that!

[MoreCoffee]

I'm sorry Al Gore kicked your ass in grade school.

 

(No, I'm really not)

 

Here is how Liberal thinking works (only makes sense to those with agendas or are brainwashed):

 

Evidence of inappropriate behavior:

-Her buying him a gift

-Him emailing her when with you ON VACATION

-Him complaining about you to her

-The Wine

-The praising

-Offering to Cook for her – WHY ISNT HE COOKING FOR YOU?

-Him kissing her butt in the meeting

 

Evidence of appropriate behavior:

-Faith

-Hope

 

Evidence Bush took away our rights:

-Patriot Act (allows surveillance on targets who a judge declares after viewing evidence is a terrorist)

 

Evidence Obama took away our rights:

-NDAA (National Defense Authorization Act - president can now declare US citizen as enemy combatant - loses 4th and 5th amendment rights)

-Closed Boston after bombings (loss of every right - martial law)

-Obamacare (forcing you to pay for and get health care - unconstitutional - violates 1st amendment)

-Trying to take away guns (Sandy Hook shooting using it as propoganda - violates 2nd amendment)

 

"Husband has done nothing wrong"

 

"Bush sucks."

 

Someone else said 2 wrongs don't make a right. I agree, Bush AND Obama were wrong. But no liberals will admit that. You AND your husband are BOTH wrong. But you committed a necessary evil BASED on his behavior. So it i justified. Cause and effect people THATS LIFE. If your husband wasn't flirting with young women, you wouldn't have to monitor him.

 

So what are these hope-mongers solutions for you? GET DIVORCED! The easy way out, which is the liberal way. Not, stay in it, try to fix it...like I already said, HE MAY NOT HAVE ANY BAD INTENTIONS! But he is STILL WRONG for creating a bad situation and overstepping healthy releationship boundries.