I did the right thing....why does it feel the opposite. Mm with I question?

[Bobaker2014]

My ex ow and have had an off again on again affair for two years. Several d days. And falling back together in that time all which our spouses had found out.

What I don't understand about myself is how I panic. On turn begging my wife to stay. Every time I'm horrible to the ow. I treat her very poorly.

it's almost like when bs threatoningemy emotions go away for the other women....but it only takes a few weeks before she back in my head.

Sometimes I feel crazy!! I find myself going to places she goes to run into her. I watch her fb.

Anyone eluding that she has moved on hurts me...badly.

I constantly think about her...I look at her pictures ..other all I jave.

I'm really trying to do the right thing. However, after the terrible things I Saad to her she probably will never speak to me again

I can't make my mind stop. I really think I love her but I've told her that two times before then took it back. The hurt in face after she said "Dont you love me...you didnt mean it when i told you..i feel so dumb". And she cried i didnt console her just patted her on the back.

 

Wha r in the world should i do? Is this love?

[Hope Shimmers]

My ex ow and have had an off again on again affair for two years. Several d days. And falling back together in that time all which our spouses had found out.

What I don't understand about myself is how I panic. On turn begging my wife to stay. Every time I'm horrible to the ow. I treat her very poorly.

it's almost like when bs threatoningemy emotions go away for the other women....but it only takes a few weeks before she back in my head.

Sometimes I feel crazy!! I find myself going to places she goes to run into her. I watch her fb.

Anyone eluding that she has moved on hurts me...badly.

I constantly think about her...I look at her pictures ..other all I jave.

I'm really trying to do the right thing. However, after the terrible things I Saad to her she probably will never speak to me again

I can't make my mind stop. I really think I love her but I've told her that two times before then took it back. The hurt in face after she said "Dont you love me...you didnt mean it when i told you..i feel so dumb". And she cried i didnt console her just patted her on the back.

 

Wha r in the world should i do? Is this love?

 

No, it's not love. And what you should do is to LEAVE the OW ALONE now that you have thrown her under the bus to be destroyed. You have already hurt her enough. Take it from me - I was her once.

 

Focus on your wife, the one you chose NOT to throw under the bus when things got tough for you. You made your decision, now live with it.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[Popsicle]

No, it's not love. And what you should do is to LEAVE the OW ALONE now that you have thrown her under the bus to be destroyed. You have already hurt her enough. Take it from me - I was her once.

 

Focus on your wife, the one you chose NOT to throw under the bus when things got tough for you. You made your decision, now live with it.

 

This X a thousand.

[MayP]

Let her go will you?

Don't tell her you love her if you don't intend to see it through. Love is not just a passing feeling.

As cliché as it sounds, Don't make a woman fall for you if you don't intend to catch her... It really hurts on that side.

[easilyused]

Leave her alone, trust me on this!!! If you went back to her she would take you back I am almost certain of it, but if you care about her even a little bit leave it alone because what you don't realize is that you are slowly destroying her and everything that she is. You don't love her you are just bored with your life and are addicted to the thrill of the forbidden, and if you love your wife at all don't keep doing this to her cause she will find out again. Leave your wife if you are not happy, be a man and just leave before you cause so much damage to both these poor women it can't be repaired. I'm sorry if I am sounding harsh, but the reality of it is you don't deserve either one of them.

[Quiet Storm]

You need to get yourself straight before you can be a good partner to anyone.

 

You claim to love your OW & wife, but your actions towards both of them are very unloving.

 

Love isn't just a "feeling". It is genuinely caring about that person's well being, and having their best interests at heart. It's not just "she makes me feel so good", it's "I want the best for her, even if I'm not it". The love you describe seems very self serving- it's about you, not them.

 

Your actions reflect whatever feeling that you are having at the moment, which is very confusing and damaging to those that love you. You need to learn how to manage your feelings & your reactions to those feelings.

 

Your inability to decide, your unstable emotions, the panic, feeling crazy, your inconsistent actions... all of that shows that you need serious help (counseling). Emotionally healthy adults control their actions, have insight into their own behavior, and are capable of coping with their problems in a healthy way. Your own issues are hurting those that you claim to love. You need to take responsibility & get the help you need. Leave the OW alone. It's not fair to keeping dragging her into your messed up life.

[Tbisb74]

*Jekyll* and Hyde. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

[Lady2163]

Interesting to read the other side of the equation.

 

You've hurt your OW, deeply, you know that. You can't make it better if you just offer her crumbs. You can't help.

 

You need to comitt to either your wife or your OW. I mean, REALLY commit. If you find you can't do that with either of them, you need to consider divorce and find out what makes you happy.

 

And what makes you tick....counseling can help determine what it is you really want.

 

It does get easier.